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Heroes Community > Tavern of the Rising Sun > Thread: Collapse and Wake
Thread: Collapse and Wake
GenieLord
GenieLord


Honorable
Legendary Hero
posted August 12, 2008 04:26 PM
Edited by GenieLord at 20:12, 12 Aug 2008.

Collapse and Wake

I started writing it as a reply to Put the Knife Down, but it came out so different, the writing and the style, that I decided to make a whole new story out of it. There's no need to read the previous story to understand. It's sad, hard to read, and touching subjects I didn't refer to last time. Enjoy and feedback me.



I heard someone knocking on the door. It was a late afternoon. Through the balcony I could see the sun, which was nearly touching the pacific ocean. I went slowly, stretching myself, and opened the door.
"Good evening, Ron" the person who was standing there said to me.
I was shocked. I couldn't find the words.
After some moments of silent, I asked: "Did you escape?" I was frightened. I looked back like I was fearing someone could see us.
"No" he said, peacefully.
"They gave you a break?"
"No"
"So how you..."
"Good behavior. The punishment was shortened to 10 years."
I took a calm breath and hugged him.
Until then, I had never seen my dad out of jail. I reminded myself that I've never seen my mom since then, too.
We sat at the living room.
"San Fransisco, uh?" he said, amused. You hated this city when you were kid."
"Things have changed" I said, giving him an empty answer.
Greg went from the bedroom to the kitchen. He didn't even notice the guest. But dad sure noticed him, and noticed that he was wearing only underpants. He seemed surprised, and looked at the five-colours flag through the window. He seemed to be making a conclusion.
"Are you...?" he asked.
"What, gay? Yes."

Another situation came into my mind:
"My name is Ron" I said to the crowd "I'm 24 from San Fransisco and I'm gay". Everyone in the room said together "We love you, Ron."
Then, when I was sitting in a circle with people whom I almost didn't know, it was so easy. They accepted me immediately.

But dad seemed frozen. Scared.
"For how long?" he asked. He seemed to be struggling the words.
"Forever, dad."
Dad started breathing more heavily, until his breath stopped. He became red, froze, and then collapsed.
Everything happened so fast. "Greg! Call an ambulance!"

I was sitting on the corridor, outside of the surgery room.
The doctor came out of the room. Greg and I immediately stood up.
"Sit down, please" the doctor said to us.
We ignored it.
"Heart attack. It was a rough one." the doctor said.
"Paul! Paul!" a female voice called to me. Before I noticed that it was her, Lucy hugged me strongly and started crying. Her tears made my shoulders wet, but I didn't care. I knew I can't leave her. We were hugging for a few minutes, and she was crying and crying.
"How a thing like that happened to dad?" she asked "After all, he's too young for that!"
I felt even worse. "It's all my fault" I said.
"Why?" asked Lucy.
"He got the heart attack right after I told him..."
"He didn't know? You have never told him before?"
"Lucy, he was in jail! For murdering our mother! How was I supposed to tell him that before!"
"You're 24, for God sake, you've had some options to do that!"

Loud beeping sound cut our argument.
A second doctor came out of the surgery room, took off her plastic gloves and said what we feared the most: "He didn't make it."

I was alone at the bathroom. A bottle of something alcoholic was on the floor, next to me. I opened the drawer where we keep the medications. I choose one pack of pain relievers. There were about 20 or 30 pills inside it. I took them with the alcohol.
Everything became darker and darker. I felt I'm going to collapse. I lied down, feeling how everything becomes more and more blurry.
"No! What are you doing?" Greg shouted "Ron?"

I felt a strong slap.
"Wake up, you idiot." a female voice said. It sound like the speaker is about to cry. I kept my eyes shut.
"You selfish idiot. I've already lost my mother and my father, and I'm not going to lose my brother, too."
I felt a tear dropping on me.
I was in a comfortable bed. There were sounds of hospital around me.
I opened my eyes. Lucy was above me. "Thank god!" she said. I knew I wouldn't lose you, too."
"You've already lose me that summer. 10 years ago." I said, watching the tears dropping from her eyes.
____________

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Lexxan
Lexxan


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Unimpressed by your logic
posted August 12, 2008 04:48 PM

Yay! The Saga goes on!!

And it is as good as Put the knife down

Gadi strikes again!
____________
Coincidence? I think not!!!!

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GenieLord
GenieLord


Honorable
Legendary Hero
posted August 12, 2008 04:57 PM

Thank you so much, Lex.
____________

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Lord_Evil
Lord_Evil


Famous Hero
Evil lolcat
posted August 12, 2008 05:05 PM

I was more expecting that he will brake out of prison...
____________

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TheDeath
TheDeath


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
with serious business
posted August 12, 2008 05:07 PM

See? It's good to have you back GL!

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mvassilev
mvassilev


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
posted August 12, 2008 05:13 PM

GL, what gave you the inspiration for this story?
____________
Eccentric Opinion

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GenieLord
GenieLord


Honorable
Legendary Hero
posted August 12, 2008 05:22 PM

Quote:
I was more expecting that he will brake out of prison...

I wanted to keep it as realistic as possible.

Quote:
See? It's good to have you back GL!

LOL

Quote:
GL, what gave you the inspiration for this story?

When I usually write things, I don't look for an inspiration. I simply write and write, and see if what I got is good enough.
____________

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Asheera
Asheera


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Elite Assassin
posted August 12, 2008 05:28 PM

Excellent story GL! And sad as well...
____________

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GenieLord
GenieLord


Honorable
Legendary Hero
posted August 12, 2008 05:32 PM

Quote:
Excellent story GL! And sad as well...

Hehe, I'm aware of that.
The previous stories are sad, too. That's a part of the style.
____________

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Asheera
Asheera


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Elite Assassin
posted August 12, 2008 05:34 PM

Actually I like sad stories

Hmm, yes, I'm not a fan of "happy-endings"
____________

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GenieLord
GenieLord


Honorable
Legendary Hero
posted August 12, 2008 05:43 PM

Great, then.

The problem is that most of the people do prefer good and happy ending. If I write a continuance, I won't have the heart to make it end sadly.
____________

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Asheera
Asheera


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Elite Assassin
posted August 12, 2008 05:46 PM

I don't mind, I never said I don't like happy endings, only that I'm not a "fan" of them (thus, I also like sad endings)
____________

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william
william


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
posted August 13, 2008 11:51 AM

I found the story too be quite good and well written. You could very well be a professional author if you keep this up.

and I'm really impressed that you can write this well considering your native language is not English. Well done.
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~

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Lexxan
Lexxan


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Unimpressed by your logic
posted August 13, 2008 11:52 AM

Only One thing I'd like to know, Gadi: Why make a new thread?
____________
Coincidence? I think not!!!!

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GenieLord
GenieLord


Honorable
Legendary Hero
posted August 13, 2008 12:10 PM

Quote:
and I'm really impressed that you can write this well considering your native language is not English. Well done.

Hehe, thanks. And it was much easier this time, considering that the Firefox which I'm using has a spelling checker.

Quote:
Only One thing I'd like to know, Gadi: Why make a new thread?
Two different threads for two different stories.
____________

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