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Heroes Community > Other Side of the Monitor > Thread: The OSM Survival Guide
Thread: The OSM Survival Guide This thread is 2 pages long: 1 2 · NEXT»
baklava
baklava


Honorable
Legendary Hero
Mostly harmless
posted November 24, 2008 12:09 PM bonus applied by pandora on 24 Nov 2008.
Edited by baklava at 12:11, 24 Nov 2008.

The OSM Survival Guide

Dedicated to the Swingjugend for no apparent reason except that I like them

The following text was written in order to increase the survivability of new generations of posters, and introduce them to the strange hierarchy and foodchains in the strange, complicated place that is the OSM. It contains the most important (or, at least, all I could remember) issues and tips on prolonging your and your threads' life in here.

Introduction

The OSM is many things, and it's hard to define it as a simple subforum. A Chernobylian national park, a constant war-induced wasteland, an Orwellian antiutopia, a plane of Hell... Great skill and, I won't lie, luck is required in order to survive its ever-shifting threads and the creatures which lurk within them. The remaining human posters have retreated into small enclaves, or are trying to survive on their own, but there's fewer and fewer of them. And I'm one of them, I think. I hope.
I belong to the middle generation of posters, right between the Times of Sense (an ancient, nigh forgotten period of 2001-2005), and the birth of the spamming hosts of 2007-2008, which many see as a sign of the Herocalypse, the end of HC as we know it. But let us slow down. Too many such informations might be harmful for the mind.
Be that as it may, in my first months of membership, I was dwelling in the Altar of Wishes, a place much like the Fallout Vaults - life seemed lovely, resembling quality, sense and beautiful ideas. However, my restless spirit couldn't hold me there for long, and I decided to come out and seek my fortune in the outside world of the Discussion Boards, certain that it was a place of wondrous adventure and joyful community. How great was my confusion when I came out of the safety of the Altar and saw the post-apocalyptic world outside it...
After a few weeks, though, despite all the chaos and wars, I have soon made my home somewhere right outside the Tavern of the Rising Sun, a small bastion of relative sanity, right between the devilishly grinning Newcomer's Inn and the grim, inhospitable Volcanic Wastelands. Then began my exploration of the darkest, most deceiving and dangerous place of them all - the OSM.

How does the OSM function?

It doesn't. I mean, it does, in its strange, deformed way, but that's far from what it was supposed to be. There are written reports of it functioning well a long time ago, but they are usually discarded as mere legends. Its once noble cause somehow degenerated into an unequaled psychic ability to drag living souls to it, to populate, discuss and feed it, for the OSM has a hive mind, a spirit of chaos and evil unbeknownst to man. Those few who do try to comprehend it end up as its mindless slaves, serving and feeding it for an eternity in an endless struggle against their fellow kin. The feeling of slaying in the name of the bloodthirsty Monitor Spirit is something I have felt, and something I shall never be able to forget. It fills the body and mind with a dark sense of pleasure and reward which one hardly shakes off. I have managed to do that, somehow, but it was at the cost of a part of my soul forever trapped in the dungeons of the OSM, still occasionally posting there for the glory of the Monitor Spirit. It is an extremely hard path to walk the Other Side and avoid the tentacles of madness, but if you have the strength and mindpower, it is possible.

What kind of creatures populate it?

This is a hard question, for it takes months, even years, to explore all the species inhabiting the OSM, but I have gathered such information throughout my travels.
Namely, there are five main species at the OSM: the Titans, the Postslingers, the Mutants, the Moderators and the Death&Mvass.
I shall try to briefly describe each of them.

The Titans: Ancient posters, dating back to the earliest days of HC, according to their written accounts (ultraclever wordplay). Some are long gone, buried deep in the anals of myth and legend (such as Svarog or Private Hudson), but some still appear to haunt HC once in a while, though rarely and, even rare...li...er (grammar fail, mental note: remind the editor to fix it) to post at the OSM. However, when they do post, they usually leave a trace of sense, thought and rationality, without even quoting anyone, and that severely hurts the corrupted Monitor Spirit, which then manipulates all the other creatures to stand against a Titan in order to drive it away, until the Titan finally decides he won't waste any more time there and goes to work. It's a sort of a defensive mechanism.
Oldtimers as they are, most Titans are married and have jobs, kids and other things which probably made them leave HC and join the legend in the first place. The few Titans which emerge here and there are the only evidence that the Times of Sense actually happened, and weren't just a myth or a folk tale. Notable Titans include Vlaad, Binabik, Consis, Lord_Woock and others.

The Moderators:
The moderating tandem I like to call Pangelito, comprised of Pandora (the Blue Lady) and Angelito (the... uhm... Not-Blue Dude). These two ancient personalities would certainly fall under the "Titans" cathegory if their paths weren't ones of modship, but now they stand as eternal, powerful and occasionally grumpy sentinels of the OSM. They are quite astonishingly proficient in the "good cop - bad cop" routine, but they rarely use it, except when threatened. They are the final remnants of what the OSM used to be, and as such, only their moderating powers prevent them from being devoured and utterly destroyed by the wild, slavering posts and flamewars which the servants of the Monitor Spirit occasionally send their way.

The Mutants:
These things are the vile Monitor Spirit given form. Incarnations of trollship, chaos and dark spam, the creatures I call Mutants occasionally appear and wreak havoc across the OSM in waves of endless fury and senselessness. Both the real world and the internet appear to have been a major influence when the Mutants were spawned - they know how to use spam more than anyone else, and they follow their wicked versions of the worst possible human ideals. From fanatical crusading catholics, to Hungarian antisemite emos (preaching about orcs with tanks), to raging anti-theist gender-challenged homosexuals, one must wonder what are we doing on the same planet with these people. Ironically, in my experience, the Mutants, if you are able to get past their initial childish provocations, are quite a fun and harmless lot, and it is almost a pity that they seem to have completely disappeared recently (except for Killa_Bee, whom I didn't really understand or pay attention to, and who lasted only for a short while). Should you ever encounter one of these, try not to spam, but make fun of them all you want since they probably won't get your puns.

The Death & MVass:
Legendary monsters in their own right, these two slumbering beasts loom over every thread in the OSM, and countless outside it, lurking and waiting for the perfect opportunity to hop in and claim a discussion for themselves. It is common knowledge that they constantly battle each other, but it is as of yet unknown why. Certainly, they disagree, about everything, but the strange thing is that even when they do have something they both agree with, when one mentions it the other will automatically take the opposite stance, no matter what his views on the matter are. It is extremely complicated, and dangerous, as to be caught in their crossfire is one of the greatest risks one might expose himself to. I have personally battled both of them many times, but to no avail. They need no rest, food or air, they're huge posting machines, just rigged to explode and continue their endless struggle. Some historians say that they were once just like you and me, ordinary posters, but then the OSM took their souls and bound them to forever battle and keep the Monitor Spirit well fed to further its evil schemes.
Only a strong poster will survive a discussion with these creatures, and even he will have to give up after a while. No matter how strong or rational your overall argument is, they will quote your posts to pieces and then take those pieces out one by one. They'll quote every word separately if they have to. And if you respond in kind, the OSM devours you - I tried it once, like I said at some earlier point in the text - and the scars on my psyche are still visible.
There is only one advice about encountering The Death & MVass. Before you post anything, first check the entire thread for their presence. If their battle is ongoing, remember what you were going to say and wait for them to move on somewhere else before you post it. If they hadn't been there yet, or have already seemingly finished their discussion there, feel free to post, but be careful: When one of them posts something (even one short sentence), and the other one quotes that one sentence, run. Run before it explodes. Sometimes, your survival will depend on your ability to recognize when to bail.

The Postslingers:
That's us. Gunslingers of the OSM. Ordinary posters, exploring and scavenging the pits of the OSM, adventuring and occasionally participating in a discussion, we like a good argument at the OSM and a pint of beer at the Tavern of the Rising Sun. We walk the thin line dividing realities, not getting chained to any subforum, trying not to spam too much
but not being overly goody-two-shoes either. We're eking out our existence, fighting against the influence of the Monitor Spirit, communicating, joking, chilling. We realize that's the only healthy way to go through the OSM, and we're doing it. Some are more skilled than the others, but we're all the same lot of ragged, mid-class OSM adventurers.
Oh and we all have big penises.
Prominent postslingers include me (yay), Azagal (a jolly fun guy), TA (k), Antipaladin (the dyslexic sexual hero), Corribus (this one is tough, I think I fought him once and barely got out of it alive), Aculias (he never really made enough sense to be a Titan), occasionally Violent_Flower (she's probably the exception about the big penis part) and others.

This covers the first few chapters of the Survival Guide. If need be, I shall update it and add more content in order to save more posters from being shattered by the dangerous forces of the Monitor Spirit. If you need any advice, post your questions here, I will try to answer them the best I can. Lives are at stake.

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Lexxan
Lexxan


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Unimpressed by your logic
posted November 24, 2008 12:09 PM
Edited by Lexxan at 12:10, 24 Nov 2008.

after giving it a quick read, I raise my thumb and press the "Seal of Approval" button
____________
Coincidence? I think not!!!!

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baklava
baklava


Honorable
Legendary Hero
Mostly harmless
posted November 24, 2008 12:10 PM

Whoa, Lex, you read it in 10 seconds
____________
"Let me tell you what the blues
is. When you ain't got no
money,
you got the blues."
Howlin Wolf

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Lexxan
Lexxan


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Unimpressed by your logic
posted November 24, 2008 12:11 PM
Edited by Lexxan at 12:12, 24 Nov 2008.

Quote:
Whoa, Lex, you read it in 10 seconds

I only read the "Mvass and Death" part, and that settles it imo ^^

BTW:
Quote:
Oh and we all have big penises.


That one made me LMAO
____________
Coincidence? I think not!!!!

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Azagal
Azagal


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Smooth Snake
posted November 24, 2008 12:11 PM
Edited by Azagal at 12:28, 24 Nov 2008.

OWNED!! AHAHAHAHAAA! (@Baks comment incase that wasn't clear)

EDIT:
I must say Bak I am impressed (not sure wether that's the right word maybe more something like happy-content-proudish (don't ask me why proud though)?).
The text is in your style (which makes it all the more enjoyable to read no matter wether you understand it or not) but you make some very accurate points. Heehe that was nice.


Oh and yeah I'd probably had a bit more praise for you but this is all you get for calling me "a jolly fun guy" the big penis part is a given of course.
____________
"All I can see is what's in front of me. And all I can do is keep moving forward" - The Heir Wielder of Names, Seeker of Thrones, King of Swords, Breaker of Infinities, Wheel Smashing Lord

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baklava
baklava


Honorable
Legendary Hero
Mostly harmless
posted November 24, 2008 12:49 PM

Well, if you're offended, I can always change it to jolly fun old chap
Thanks for the happy-content-proudish stuff.
____________
"Let me tell you what the blues
is. When you ain't got no
money,
you got the blues."
Howlin Wolf

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william
william


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
posted November 24, 2008 12:51 PM

Just did a quick read of it myself and it's great. Good work.
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~

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Moonlith
Moonlith


Bad-mannered
Supreme Hero
If all else fails, use Fiyah!
posted November 24, 2008 01:15 PM

You should become a writer
____________

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TheDeath
TheDeath


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
with serious business
posted November 24, 2008 01:25 PM

That made me realize I'm wasting my time.


____________
The above post is subject to SIRIOUSness.
No jokes were harmed during the making of this signature.

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pandora
pandora


Honorable
Legendary Hero
The Chosen One
posted November 24, 2008 01:29 PM

lol, awesome stuff

QP applied! (that makes me the good cop  
____________
"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."

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angelito
angelito


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
proud father of a princess
posted November 24, 2008 01:50 PM
Edited by angelito at 13:51, 24 Nov 2008.

Quote:
lol, awesome stuff

QP applied! (that makes me the good cop  
I already tried to apply the shiny star an hour ago, but recieved "bad request" message as usual when being at work..


P.S.: But you're still the good cop (be a good cop and do NOT touch my doughnuts!)
____________
Better judged by 12 than carried by 6.

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pandora
pandora


Honorable
Legendary Hero
The Chosen One
posted November 24, 2008 02:21 PM

Are you sure it was the bad request error, and not the "bad cop" error?

And you know I don't touch the donuts, MightyMage always licks the tops of each one to find his favorite, you knew that didn't you?

Thats why I made the switch to soup
____________
"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."

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Asheera
Asheera


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Elite Assassin
posted November 24, 2008 02:23 PM

LOL awesome thread
____________

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mvassilev
mvassilev


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
posted November 24, 2008 03:28 PM

Quote:
Legendary monsters in their own right, these two slumbering beasts loom over every thread in the OSM, and countless outside it, lurking and waiting for the perfect opportunity to hop in and claim a discussion for themselves. It is common knowledge that they constantly battle each other, but it is as of yet unknown why. Certainly, they disagree, about everything, but the strange thing is that even when they do have something they both agree with, when one mentions it the other will automatically take the opposite stance, no matter what his views on the matter are. It is extremely complicated, and dangerous, as to be caught in their crossfire is one of the greatest risks one might expose himself to. I have personally battled both of them many times, but to no avail. They need no rest, food or air, they're huge posting machines, just rigged to explode and continue their endless struggle. Some historians say that they were once just like you and me, ordinary posters, but then the OSM took their souls and bound them to forever battle and keep the Monitor Spirit well fed to further its evil schemes.
lolololol!
Wow. Definitely QP-worthy stuff. And true, too.
But why isn't Asheera included anywhere?
____________
Eccentric Opinion

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baklava
baklava


Honorable
Legendary Hero
Mostly harmless
posted November 24, 2008 03:45 PM

Ashie isn't really an OSM poster. She's more the tavern-wasteland type of girl.
Actually she belongs to an entire subspecie of fierce predators known as Starhunters, divided into the red (Spammeria Qualitorum) and the yellow (Spammeria Ultimus) subspecies. The red Starhunters are those who will try to hunt and devour QPs in any way possible, since it is the main source of their substenance. They are said to even worship a demigod named in the scriptures as RSF. The yellows, well, aren't so picky. They enjoy an occasional QP or peanut, yes, but they mostly feed on any posts they make, making a spiderweb of sorts, which brings them much required attention in a steady stream, so they can grow and evolve further, until the Undefeatable status beyond which they are said to implode.

Please, do not hesitate to ask further.
____________
"Let me tell you what the blues
is. When you ain't got no
money,
you got the blues."
Howlin Wolf

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Asheera
Asheera


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Elite Assassin
posted November 24, 2008 04:10 PM

Quote:
But why isn't Asheera included anywhere?
Because I gave up in OSM a long time ago? (I mean, serious debates)

Actually I kinda agree with Binabik's rant in that Federal Reserve thread.
Quote:
And for the record. I was in the process of writing a lengthy post for this thread. But, as seems typical these days, the thread has turned into a quote war argument with people whipping out posts in rapid fire succession. Can there truly be much thought put into those posts???

And as is also typical these days, I take a look at the thread and see that anything I may have been writing is now totally out of date. OMG, I actually took time to think about what I was writing while others were obviously typing just as fast as their little fingers can move.....

And IMO, THAT is one of the main reason the Other Side has been ruined. And also one of the main reason I rarely post any more. It just seems that every time I spend my time writing, it just gets the big red "No Longer Pertinent" stamped on it and ends up in the bit bucket.

Screw it, What's a couple hours of my time wasted anyway!!!

Oh well, have fun arguing guys.
You see, some people (you know who ) just post too much in pretty much every thread. My guess is that every time they see a new post they jump over to comment just like that, without even putting some thinking into their posts.


[silly_suggestion]

Maybe there should be a limit of 3-4 posts per page OR per day for a specific user (meaning that you're limited to 3-4 posts per page, but the next day you can post again since this means that it wasn't much activity in that thread anyway) so that there would be no more quote wars between two people resulting in making others discouraged and they just barely post.

But this may be silly and it was just a suggestion anyway.

[/silly_suggestion]
____________

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TheDeath
TheDeath


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
with serious business
posted November 24, 2008 04:19 PM
Edited by TheDeath at 16:19, 24 Nov 2008.

Quote:
You see, some people (you know who ) just post too much in pretty much every thread. My guess is that every time they see a new post they jump over to comment just like that, without even putting some thinking into their posts.
There isn't much to think though because most of us already have 'stuff' that we have in our minds and want to write down, unless it's a thread that requires a lot of thinking

Quote wars are very 'tempting' because usually people who post ALWAYS add something that is not a direct relationship to the subject -- and as such they somehow "imply" that is related. So naturally you have to split up the two in quotes, well at least it's tempting to do so.

For example, if someone says "America is an angel. [arguments]. Look at Nazi Germany. [some more arguments for America]".

And obviously the statement "Look at Nazi Germany" is not only not related and contains a lot of prejudice (let's say about Europe) but it just has no place to be there. If the next poster just posts counter-arguments for America, it is as if the part with Nazis was on the point, and the counter arguments don't represent "you used prejudice so your thinking is flawed" but rather "America is not such an angel and [arguments]" where it is as if the poster agrees with the prejudice but wants to show that America is not much good either.

When it is false. If people wouldn't add all kinds of claims in the middle of their arguments which usually are not related this wouldn't be a problem, well at least not SUCH a big problem.

Unfortunately we all do that, hence quote wars. And if you would take a look at other forums you would notice it's not a "HC OSM thing"

maybe you need to peek out more than just the Tavern
____________
The above post is subject to SIRIOUSness.
No jokes were harmed during the making of this signature.

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Doomforge
Doomforge


Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
posted November 24, 2008 04:19 PM

lol.

but why do I always get left behind


____________
We reached to the stars and everything is now ours

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Moonlith
Moonlith


Bad-mannered
Supreme Hero
If all else fails, use Fiyah!
posted November 25, 2008 12:06 AM

Quote:
You see, some people (you know who ) just post too much in pretty much every thread. My guess is that every time they see a new post they jump over to comment just like that, without even putting some thinking into their posts.


That doesn't stop him from posting though? It's not a chat like IRL. In forums, you can actually read back to previous posts. There is nothing wrong with posting in reaction to a post made 9 posts back. That's how forums work. I don't agree with Binabik's critique.
____________

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Shai-Hulud
Shai-Hulud


Known Hero
Sicomor
posted November 25, 2008 01:21 AM

I lurk around my old playgrounds ( Tavern/ VW / OSM ) once every couple of months trying to find something to laugh about/to. This has got to be the best in a very long while ( does it also speaks the truth ? o_0 ).

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