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Heroes Community > Tavern of the Rising Sun > Thread: In the beginning (Microsoft Version)
Thread: In the beginning (Microsoft Version)
ShadowLord
ShadowLord


Promising
Famous Hero
of Dope
posted February 18, 2002 07:19 PM

In the beginning (Microsoft Version)

For all microsoft hatez (or somewhat like me) out there. Here's a cool script!


In the beginning there was the computer. And God said


c:>Let there be light!


Enter user id.


c:>God


Enter password.


c:>Omniscient


Password incorrect. Try again.


c:>Omnipotent


Password incorrect. Try again.


c:>Technocrat


And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.


c:>Let there be light!


Unrecognizable command. Try again.


c:>Create light


Done


c:>Run heaven and earth


And God created Day and Night. And God saw there were 0 errors.


And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.


And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Monday, March 2.


c:>Let there be firmament in the midst of water and light


Unrecognizable command. Try again.


c:>Create firmament


Done.


c:>Run firmament


And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors.


And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Monday, March 2.


And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3.


c:>Let the waters under heaven be gathered together unto one place and let the dry land appear and


Too many characters in specification string. Try again.


c:>Create dry_land


Done.


c:>Run firmament


And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors.


And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3.


And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4.


c:>Create lights in the firmament to divide the day from the night


Unspecified type. Try again.


c:>Create sun_moon_stars


Done


c:>Run sun_moon_stars


And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors.


And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4.


And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Thursday, March 5.


c:>Create fish


Done


c:>Create fowl


Done


c:>Run fish, fowl


And God created the great sea monsters and every living creature that creepeth wherewith the waters swarmed after its kind and every winged fowl after its kind. And God saw there were 0 errors.


And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Thursday, March 5.


And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Friday, March 6.


c:>Create cattle


Done


c:>Create creepy_things


Done


c:>Now let us make man in our image


Unspecified type. Try again.


c:>Create man


Done


c:>Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the fowl of the air and over every living thing that creepeth upon the earth


Too many command operands. Try again.


c:>Run multiplication


Execution terminated. 6 errors.


c:>Insert breath


Done


c:>Run multiplication


Execution terminated. 5 errors.


c:>Move man to Garden of Eden


File Garden of Eden does not exist.


c:>Create Garden.edn


Done


c:>Move man to Garden.edn


Done


c:>Run multiplication


Execution terminated. 4 errors.


c:>Copy woman from man


Done


c:>Run multiplication


Execution terminated. 2 errors.


c:>Create desire


Done


c:>Run multiplication


And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn


Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.


c:>Create freewill


Done


c:>Run freewill


And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn


Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.


c:>Undo desire


Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.


c:>Destroy freewill


Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.


Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.


c:>Help


Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.


Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.


Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.


c:>Create tree_of_knowledge


And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn


Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.


c:>Create good, evil


Done


c:>Activate evil


And God saw he had created shame.


Warning system error in sector E95. Man and woman not in Garden.edn. 1 errors.


c:>Scan Garden.edn for man, woman


Search failed.


c:>Delete shame


Shame cannot be deleted once evil has been activated.


c:>Destroy freewill


Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.


Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.


c:>Stop


Unrecognizable command. Try again


c:>Break


c:>Break


c:>Break


ATTENTION ALL USERS *** ATTENTION ALL USERS: COMPUTER GOING DOWN FOR REGULAR DAY OF MAINTENANCE AND REST IN FIVE MINUTES. PLEASE LOG OFF.


c:>Create new world


You have exceeded your allocated file space. You must destroy old files before new ones can be created.


c:>Destroy earth


Destroy earth: Please confirm.


c:>Destroy earth confirmed


COMPUTER DOWN *** COMPUTER DOWN. SERVICES WILL RESUME SUNDAY, MARCH 8 AT 6:00 AM. YOU MUST SIGN OFF NOW.


And God logged off at 11:59:59 PM, Friday, March 6.




____________
Do I need DRUGS when I have HEROES?

Heroes == Good

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Lith-Maethor
Lith-Maethor


Honorable
Legendary Hero
paid in Coin and Cleavage
posted February 19, 2002 12:51 PM

kewl :)

but one objection... it is not "Micro$oft version" it is "computer geek version"
____________
You are suffering from delusions of adequacy.

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Lord_Echo
Lord_Echo


Famous Hero
Ranger of the good
posted February 19, 2002 02:29 PM

LMFAO!
that was really cool maby it really was that way god made earth maby we should send him heroes 4  
____________


Don`t be simple, be complx-

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ShadowLord
ShadowLord


Promising
Famous Hero
of Dope
posted February 21, 2002 08:41 PM

Quote:
but one objection... it is not "Micro$oft version" it is "computer geek version"


I guess, but it's MS-DOS!
____________
Do I need DRUGS when I have HEROES?

Heroes == Good

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IYY
IYY


Responsible
Supreme Hero
REDACTED
posted November 05, 2002 04:05 AM

LOL... All non geeks don't know what they are missing!

And yeah, I wouldn't call it microsoft because most other programs would produce similar errors.

I like this one:

1) I am thy DOS, thou shall have no OS before me, unless Bill Gates gets a cut of the profits therefrom.

2)Thy DOS is a character based, single user, single tasking, standalone operating system. Thou shall not attempt to make DOS network, multitask, or display a graphical user interface, for that would be a gross hack .

3)Thy hard disk shall never have more than 1024 sectors. You don't need that much space anyway.

4)Thy application program and data shall all fit in 640K of RAM. After all, it's ten times what you had on a CP/M machine. Keep holy this 640K of RAM, and clutter it not with device drivers, memory managers, or other things that might make thy computer useful.

5) Thou shall use the one true slash character to separate thy directory path. Thou shall learn and love this character, even though it appears on no typewriter keyboard, and is unfamiliar. Standardization on where that character is located on a computer keyboard is right out .

6) Thou shall edit and shuffle the sacred lines of CONFIG.SYS and AUTOEXEC.BAT until DOS functions adequately for the likes of you. Giving up in disgust is not allowed.

7)Know in thy heart that DOS shall always maintain backward compatibility to the holy 2.0 version, blindly ignoring opportunities to become compatible with things created in the latter half of this century. But you can still run WordStar 1.0

8) Improve thy memory, for thou shall be required to remember that JD031792.LTR is the letter that you wrote to Jane Doe three years ago regarding the tax deductible contribution that you made to her organization. The IRS Auditor shall be impressed by thy memory as he stands over you demanding proof .

9) Pick carefully the names of thy directories, for renaming them shall be mighty difficult. While you're at it, don't try to relocate branches of the directory tree, either.

10) Learn well the Vulcan Nerve Pinch (ctrl-alt-del) for it shall be thy saviour on many an occasion. Believe in thy heart that everyone reboots their OS to solve problems that shouldn't occur in the first place.

This one I found in http://www.cs.bgu.ac.il/~omri/Humor/index.html , where I find all my geek jokes

I also love this little page about stupid hillbillies using computers (true stories, or so they say): http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/
____________

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tuapui
tuapui


Famous Hero
Poetic Psycho Baby BlackDragon
posted November 05, 2002 01:46 PM

Pray for customer support. As in, literally. Think about it.
____________
<<<Hy
peractive Do not touch.
Highly Psychotically Poetic.

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