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| Thread: In the beginning (Microsoft Version) | |
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ShadowLord
Promising
Famous Hero
of Dope
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posted February 18, 2002 07:19 PM |
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In the beginning (Microsoft Version)
For all microsoft hatez (or somewhat like me) out there. Here's a cool script! 
In the beginning there was the computer. And God said
c:>Let there be light!
Enter user id.
c:>God
Enter password.
c:>Omniscient
Password incorrect. Try again.
c:>Omnipotent
Password incorrect. Try again.
c:>Technocrat
And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.
c:>Let there be light!
Unrecognizable command. Try again.
c:>Create light
Done
c:>Run heaven and earth
And God created Day and Night. And God saw there were 0 errors.
And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Sunday, March 1.
And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Monday, March 2.
c:>Let there be firmament in the midst of water and light
Unrecognizable command. Try again.
c:>Create firmament
Done.
c:>Run firmament
And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors.
And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Monday, March 2.
And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3.
c:>Let the waters under heaven be gathered together unto one place and let the dry land appear and
Too many characters in specification string. Try again.
c:>Create dry_land
Done.
c:>Run firmament
And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors.
And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Tuesday, March 3.
And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4.
c:>Create lights in the firmament to divide the day from the night
Unspecified type. Try again.
c:>Create sun_moon_stars
Done
c:>Run sun_moon_stars
And God divided the waters. And God saw there were 0 errors.
And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Wednesday, March 4.
And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Thursday, March 5.
c:>Create fish
Done
c:>Create fowl
Done
c:>Run fish, fowl
And God created the great sea monsters and every living creature that creepeth wherewith the waters swarmed after its kind and every winged fowl after its kind. And God saw there were 0 errors.
And God logged off at 12:02:00 AM, Thursday, March 5.
And God logged on at 12:01:00 AM, Friday, March 6.
c:>Create cattle
Done
c:>Create creepy_things
Done
c:>Now let us make man in our image
Unspecified type. Try again.
c:>Create man
Done
c:>Be fruitful and multiply and replenish the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the fowl of the air and over every living thing that creepeth upon the earth
Too many command operands. Try again.
c:>Run multiplication
Execution terminated. 6 errors.
c:>Insert breath
Done
c:>Run multiplication
Execution terminated. 5 errors.
c:>Move man to Garden of Eden
File Garden of Eden does not exist.
c:>Create Garden.edn
Done
c:>Move man to Garden.edn
Done
c:>Run multiplication
Execution terminated. 4 errors.
c:>Copy woman from man
Done
c:>Run multiplication
Execution terminated. 2 errors.
c:>Create desire
Done
c:>Run multiplication
And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn
Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
c:>Create freewill
Done
c:>Run freewill
And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn
Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
c:>Undo desire
Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.
c:>Destroy freewill
Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
c:>Help
Desire cannot be undone once freewill is created.
Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
c:>Create tree_of_knowledge
And God saw man and woman being fruitful and multiplying in Garden.edn
Warning: No time limit on this run. 1 errors.
c:>Create good, evil
Done
c:>Activate evil
And God saw he had created shame.
Warning system error in sector E95. Man and woman not in Garden.edn. 1 errors.
c:>Scan Garden.edn for man, woman
Search failed.
c:>Delete shame
Shame cannot be deleted once evil has been activated.
c:>Destroy freewill
Freewill is an inaccessible file and cannot be destroyed.
Enter replacement, cancel, or ask for help.
c:>Stop
Unrecognizable command. Try again
c:>Break
c:>Break
c:>Break
ATTENTION ALL USERS *** ATTENTION ALL USERS: COMPUTER GOING DOWN FOR REGULAR DAY OF MAINTENANCE AND REST IN FIVE MINUTES. PLEASE LOG OFF.
c:>Create new world
You have exceeded your allocated file space. You must destroy old files before new ones can be created.
c:>Destroy earth
Destroy earth: Please confirm.
c:>Destroy earth confirmed
COMPUTER DOWN *** COMPUTER DOWN. SERVICES WILL RESUME SUNDAY, MARCH 8 AT 6:00 AM. YOU MUST SIGN OFF NOW.
And God logged off at 11:59:59 PM, Friday, March 6.
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Do I need DRUGS when I have HEROES?
Heroes == Good
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Lith-Maethor
Honorable
Legendary Hero
paid in Coin and Cleavage
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posted February 19, 2002 12:51 PM |
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kewl :)
but one objection... it is not "Micro$oft version" it is "computer geek version"
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You are suffering from delusions of adequacy.
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Lord_Echo
Famous Hero
Ranger of the good
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posted February 19, 2002 02:29 PM |
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LMFAO!
that was really cool maby it really was that way god made earth maby we should send him heroes 4 
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Don`t be simple, be complx-
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ShadowLord
Promising
Famous Hero
of Dope
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posted February 21, 2002 08:41 PM |
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Quote:
but one objection... it is not "Micro$oft version" it is "computer geek version"
I guess, but it's MS-DOS! 
____________
Do I need DRUGS when I have HEROES?
Heroes == Good
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IYY
Responsible
Supreme Hero
REDACTED
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posted November 05, 2002 04:05 AM |
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LOL... All non geeks don't know what they are missing!
And yeah, I wouldn't call it microsoft because most other programs would produce similar errors.
I like this one:
1) I am thy DOS, thou shall have no OS before me, unless Bill Gates gets a cut of the profits therefrom.
2)Thy DOS is a character based, single user, single tasking, standalone operating system. Thou shall not attempt to make DOS network, multitask, or display a graphical user interface, for that would be a gross hack .
3)Thy hard disk shall never have more than 1024 sectors. You don't need that much space anyway.
4)Thy application program and data shall all fit in 640K of RAM. After all, it's ten times what you had on a CP/M machine. Keep holy this 640K of RAM, and clutter it not with device drivers, memory managers, or other things that might make thy computer useful.
5) Thou shall use the one true slash character to separate thy directory path. Thou shall learn and love this character, even though it appears on no typewriter keyboard, and is unfamiliar. Standardization on where that character is located on a computer keyboard is right out .
6) Thou shall edit and shuffle the sacred lines of CONFIG.SYS and AUTOEXEC.BAT until DOS functions adequately for the likes of you. Giving up in disgust is not allowed.
7)Know in thy heart that DOS shall always maintain backward compatibility to the holy 2.0 version, blindly ignoring opportunities to become compatible with things created in the latter half of this century. But you can still run WordStar 1.0
8) Improve thy memory, for thou shall be required to remember that JD031792.LTR is the letter that you wrote to Jane Doe three years ago regarding the tax deductible contribution that you made to her organization. The IRS Auditor shall be impressed by thy memory as he stands over you demanding proof .
9) Pick carefully the names of thy directories, for renaming them shall be mighty difficult. While you're at it, don't try to relocate branches of the directory tree, either.
10) Learn well the Vulcan Nerve Pinch (ctrl-alt-del) for it shall be thy saviour on many an occasion. Believe in thy heart that everyone reboots their OS to solve problems that shouldn't occur in the first place.
This one I found in http://www.cs.bgu.ac.il/~omri/Humor/index.html , where I find all my geek jokes 
I also love this little page about stupid hillbillies using computers (true stories, or so they say): http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/
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tuapui
Famous Hero
Poetic Psycho Baby BlackDragon
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posted November 05, 2002 01:46 PM |
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Pray for customer support. As in, literally. Think about it.
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 <<<Hy
peractive Do not touch.
Highly Psychotically Poetic.
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