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Heroes Community > Other Side of the Monitor > Thread: LGTBAQ Support
Thread: LGTBAQ Support This thread is 2 pages long: 1 2 · NEXT»
gnomes2169
gnomes2169


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Duke of the Glade
posted July 09, 2013 08:48 AM bonus applied by Corribus on 17 Jul 2013.

LGTBAQ Support

My name is Nicholas Volm. I'm bisexual, I just told my parents, they are incredibly supportive and I am incredibly blessed... but That is not my story. This is.

I've always known I like guys. It's incredibly easy to figure out when you're, you know, surrounded by guys who have no sense of personal space... or decent clothing habits. I couldn't be obvious about my watching though, for obvious reasons, but... well... cute butts are cute, agreed? :smalltongue: Aaaaaanyway... Figuring out I legitimately liked girls too is what came as the surprise. It was a neighbor who helped me figure that out.

Most of my life I had no idea what to classify myself as. I didn't look up anything about sexuality because I honestly thought that everyone felt the same way and just married girls because... well... babies or something. I was sort of dumb, I admit. Fortunately, I my uncsoncious mind has some kind of survival instinct that kept such ideas relatively to myself, so I didn't make myself look like an idiot or get bullied during the school years where everyone is just about as dumb as I was* (*though they were dumb for different reasons).  When I finally realized (in highschool) that I was, well, pretty much wrong about how people are attracted to one another, I began trying to figure out just what the balls I was. It was at the end of my junior year that I not only figured it out, but finally admitted to myself that yes, I was bisexual.

My senior classmates were incredibly supportive, and my friends since then have been some of the most wonderful, caring people I could possibly have had. They accepted me as I was, and nothing, absolutely blissfully nothing changed about our relationships. Today also marks the point where I came out to my parents, and though my mother was confused they both accept and support me as they always have. (In fact, my mom's biggest complaint was that I told her while she was cooking and not, you know, at a time when she wasn't busy.) Some of them will be my life long friends, others are struggling with their own sexuality and coming out to their parents, and I honestly have no idea what to do or how to help them... But I'm doing what I can.

In my school, or at least my class, the Seniors were always, always wonderful human beings who would not put up with freshmen jerk offs who thought they could do whatever they wanted to anyone different. If I remember right, the class just before mine started the GLBTA Alliance in my school. In other words, my only real negative experiences from my sexuality have come from college and the internet. And one of those stories is what I need to share.

I have not told anyone this, not my friends, family or teachers, and even though I know this place is safe... this is my third time trying to type it out here. So yeah... a little nervous.

I was walking home from Anime club a few weeks after the whole strike down of the Minnesota DoM thing in the 2012 election. Obama was re-elected, I was happy to see that my state was becoming much less bigoted than it had been even in recent history and I had just watched one of the good animes that were being shown. I had walked in unseen and unannounced (I sat in the back because I was sort of late and didn't want to disturb anyone) and left when the last (and bad) anime started. I didn't even bother remembering its name.  I was alone, it was a bit cold out... and I lived in a dorm a few blocks away. Oh, and it was night. You can probably see where this is going.

I have no idea who they were or how many there were, but apparently they knew me well enough to know that I was bi. Maybe they had just heard me say it to someone, gotten boozed up, remembered my face and decided to take out their frustration on me. Maybe they just assumed. I have no idea... the result was the same though. The first hit was (I think) from a thrown bottle that hit me in the side of the head. Now, while I have taken enough blows to the head to no longer feel pain from them (literally, same with my arms), I still blacked out slightly and fell. The rest is a bit of a blur, with me just taking hits as I tried to figure out just what the hell was going on. What I do remember, though, was one particularly vicious kick that rolled me from my knees to my back, and their insults. "snow, snow, half-fag, snow", and other, more creative variants on that. But the word that hurt the most and that they repeated over and over was "snow".

I am not a snow. I am, in fact, still a virgin. I do not care if being bisexual "gives me more options" or some **** like that. I am exceedingly picky in who and what I want, and all the guys and girls who have caught my fancy can be counted on one hand. When I flirt, it is basically only as a joke and nothing more. A snow? No, I am no snow. And I never will be one.

This fact had obviously escaped the people who were playing drums on my chest, stomach and legs. Now, while the chest and stomach hurt, and they hurt as much as I assume they could without actually having something burst, my legs became agony. See, I have a condition much like the runners injury "shin splints". For those of you who were never part of a high-activity sport, shin splints is basically the creation of microfractures throughout your shin bones and is caused by repeated impact with the ground. It makes even the relatively low impact of walking around painful. I have a permanent version of this condition, and while I can deal with the normal pain... this was something new. Completely and totally new. Imagine someone hitting you with a crowbar on any point of your body that is just pure bone (like, say, your wrist). Now have them hit you as many times as they can in... whatever amount of time these guys beat on me. I don't think I could have moved if I had tried.

Everything stopped when one of them tried to kick me in the head, which I was protecting with my arms. As I mentioned before, my arms don't feel any pain, and I don't think I would have felt it even if they did, since my legs were screaming at me. I remember the words, "Dude, are you trying to kill him?" And then I coughed up some blood. Maybe they realized that it didn't matter if they kicked me in the head or not, they would kill me if they kept this up... and then someone was picking me up, slinging my arm over his shoulder and wiping off my face. And then I realized that they were talking.

"**** man, he's not doing well. This wasn't in the-"
"Shut up! snow got what-"
"Dude, give it a rest and get back in the ****ing house. Did you hear me?"
"**** you guys. ****ing fag lovers..."

After that it was silence. The man who was carrying me reeked of alcohol and sweat... And he carried me to the light under the dorm and dropped me. That's when it hit me the hardest, I think. he knew where I lived. This wasn't completely random, they had known me. And I probably knew them.

And I was terrified.

I don't know how I found the strength or will to get up and walk up to third floor, only that every step was made of pain, and that I just wanted to get back to my room and stay there for a month. I made a bit of a detour first though... they guy's bathroom. Apparently I had bit my tongue and swallowed some blood, and my body was having none of it. It was well after midnight when I finally dragged myself into bed... where I lay sleeping for almost the next day.

As I said, I did not tell this to anyone. It was cold out and the bruises were mostly on my upper body and legs, so I just hid them by wearing long clothes... which wasn't too odd since the weather was still bloody fricking cold. I developed a fever, so I pretended that I was just sick and used it as an excuse to avoid classes and my friends, and I tried to hide the pain from walking at all, which I already had practice in thanks to Cross Country. Remarkably, nothing was broken. I avoided the hospital, both because I had no transportation and because I was just flat out terrified to go anywhere besides my classes and nice, public places where I could be safe. To a degree, I still am. In my second semester of school I failed most of my classes because I just could not focus until right at the end... and by then it was honestly too lat to save my GPA, and I had missed the drop date by a good month. I just didn't see the point in trying, I guess.

I recovered physically after a few weeks, but that is not where this story ends.

You see, I had apparently tripped one of my attackers while everything was going on, and he cracked his head rather hard on the ground. He had gone to the hospital for it, a minor concussion and fracture being the final diagnosis. He still had bandages on and I was still in the yellowing stage of bruise recovery when he sought me out and told me this.

"I'm sorry. I'm so very sorry for what I did to you."

I did not know this kid. The only way I would be able to recognize him is if he wore the cast again and walked up to me directly and admitted fault once more. But he recognized me. And that was all he said, and then he looked at me to see what I would say or do.

To be honest, I wanted to grab him by the shirt, throw him against a wall and just scream at him. I wanted to tell him that he should be sorry. That I couldn't stand walking alone because of what he and his friends had done to me. I wanted to cave his head in with something blunt and fist shaped. I wanted him to know and feel what I felt. Looking back, from his face he already did. But I didn't do anything. I just stood there, trying not to cry while I figured out what I should do. And after a few minutes, I just walked away without saying a word.

Eight months later and a long time to recover... I know what I want to say. I don't know if it's possible for this stranger to be reading this or if he still regrets what he has done if he is... but I need to say this. Thank you. Thank you for coming forward, for telling me that you regretted what you had done. Thank you for showing me that you think that what you did was wrong, and that you were willing to try to make it right. Thank you for having the guts to come forward... and I forgive you. I cannot forgive the others, but you... You did something that I honestly don't think I could ever do if I had to. Even if I never see you again, I forgive you.

And, well, that's it, I guess. I don't know how people will react to this but... well... there it is. That's my story, and probably the worst thing that will happen in my life. I am better now, both physically and mentally, so you don't have to worry about me but... well... I needed to write this down. And now that I have... I don't think I can exactly move past it, but at least now it won't be looming in my mind constantly.


This is not a discussion thread. This is not a thread that is to be used for "Gay news" or any kind of accusation. This is not a thread that will be used for bashing.

This is a thread for people to feel safe and to tell their stories, without anyone telling them that they are wrong or defective or broken. This is a place to go if you have questions about yourself or others. This is a place to seek advice. And this is a place to be accepted.

If any of these core tenants are broken, then I will ask Cor to remove the offending posts immediately.

Now, for anyone wondering what the acronym stands for... here you go.

L: Lesbian (girls that are sexually attracted to girls, not guys)
G: Gay (Guys who like Guys and not Girls.
T: Trans-gender or Trans-sexual (People who believe that they are of a different gender than they were born as. Ex: Guy in a Girl's body, Girl in a Guy's body)
B: Bisexual (Like myself. Likes both guys and girls (to varying degrees))
A: Asexual/ Ally (Asexual people do not like some aspect of a romantic relationship, be it physical contact or every part implied when the word "romance" is said. Allies are people who are straight but still support their non-straight friends (... and get flack for it))
Q: Questioning (People who are so confused by what they are feeling that they do not know what their orientation is yet.)

These are the people that this thread it meant for. It is their stories and dreams and moods that should fill this thread. And that's all I should have to say about that.
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GunFred
GunFred


Supreme Hero
Sexy Manticore
posted July 09, 2013 10:26 AM

The world is a better place with more homosexuals...
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Minion
Minion


Legendary Hero
posted July 09, 2013 11:11 AM

Thanks for the story, it was a great read. Got me a bit worried in the middle.. Yes ignorance or peerpressure makes one do mistakes in life, glad that at least one of them knew that he did wrong. I must say I don't know what "snow" in this context means, dang language filter...

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NoobX
NoobX


Promising
Legendary Hero
~Knowledge is power~
posted July 09, 2013 11:59 AM

You're lucky you don't live in Serbia. Trust me, you'd be dead by now if you did.
Many gay guys get married just to avoid getting discovered by the others, and it really sucks. But, that's what you get for being different here :/

It seems to me that there is no clear way to solve this because there will always be the close-minded people who will try to bash you for being a member of the LGBTAQ population.
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Tsar-Ivor
Tsar-Ivor


Legendary Hero
Thunderlord of Nighon
posted July 09, 2013 02:13 PM
Edited by Tsar-Ivor at 14:19, 09 Jul 2013.

Good, more women for us. Last thing I need is your sexy looks to compete with.

Joke aside, I love myself, end of. I want to make myself happy. I am not attracted to women, men, kids or any other variation of human or animal that might arouse someone, I get my physical joy from the people around me, and I'm content.
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"Come rain or shine, all is mine".

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Hobbit
Hobbit


Supreme Hero
subiroK ot għicosutak
posted July 09, 2013 02:18 PM

Quote:
I am better now, both physically and mentally, so you don't have to worry about me

I'm glad you're better, but I think I will somehow worry about you anyway. In the middle of reading, your story reminded me of my experiences with some hooligans I was unfortunate to meet in my girlfriend's town... but I'm not sure if this is a good place for this story.

I'm also glad that there's someone on this forum apart from me who identifies himself as bisexual. You know, this warm feeling that you're not the only one.

Anyway, thanks for story, gnomes. And best wishes.
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Horn of the
Abyss on AcidCave

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bixie
bixie


Promising
Legendary Hero
my common sense is tingling!
posted July 09, 2013 02:48 PM

Wow, gnomes!

I'm glad you're ok, and that you're better now, but jesus, I'm glad that I've only experienced internal struggles (and the occasional cranky neighbour). My respect for having faced that and come out alive and my utmost respect for telling us this.
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Love, Laugh, Learn, Live.

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The_Polyglot
The_Polyglot


Promising
Supreme Hero
zombie
posted July 09, 2013 02:56 PM

First off, I can imagine how much guts it took to share this. You sir have balls of steel

Second off, I'm so happy that You survived and even recovered somewhat, that was a terrifying read! I want You to know that I accept You for who You are, and if You ever need someone to talk to, just for kicks, I will be there for You if You want.


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Screw interest, take initiative!
Anonymous

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gnomes2169
gnomes2169


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Duke of the Glade
posted July 09, 2013 03:08 PM
Edited by Corribus at 03:22, 10 Jul 2013.

Thanks guys... I really appreciate it.

@ Minion: I don't know if Cor will allow this for the sake of story context, but the word was *****.

@ Hobbit: Well if you don't think that this is a place for your story, you could always just send it in a PM if you feel like you need to get it out. I'm more than willing to listen.

MOD EDIT: Sadly, I don't feel right to make exceptions for this and that and the other.  Let's say it rhymes with bore and starts with the same two letters as 'what'.
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GunFred
GunFred


Supreme Hero
Sexy Manticore
posted July 09, 2013 03:14 PM

Quote:
I am not attracted to women, men, kids or any other variation of human or animal that might arouse someone, I get my physical joy from the people around me, and I'm content.

Sooo... incest, plants or dead objects?
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Adrius
Adrius


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Stand and fight!
posted July 09, 2013 03:19 PM

Great read, thanks for sharing. Respect.
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Minion
Minion


Legendary Hero
posted July 09, 2013 03:21 PM

Yes that was the logical one I thought of, but because it is such a weird slur for a guy I wasn't sure. I have never been beaten because I am gay, but funnily my straight friend was because he looked gay (he had dreadlocks for gods sake, lol). Some smart folk those guys were...

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gnomes2169
gnomes2169


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Duke of the Glade
posted July 09, 2013 03:31 PM

Quote:
Yes that was the logical one I thought of, but because it is such a weird slur for a guy I wasn't sure. I have never been beaten because I am gay, but funnily my straight friend was because he looked gay (he had dreadlocks for gods sake, lol). Some smart folk those guys were...

Wat? Wow guys... so dreads = gay now? Odd. I never heard of this.
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mvassilev
mvassilev


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
HC SUPPORTER
posted July 09, 2013 03:55 PM

I'm sorry this happened to you.
Why didn't you call the police?
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Eccentric Opinion

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gnomes2169
gnomes2169


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Duke of the Glade
posted July 09, 2013 04:25 PM

Shame, fear, not knowing who it was or why they did it... I don't know, any one of these or all of them. It wouldn't have helped even if I did call them, if I think about it rationally. So I just stayed silent... well, up until now, I guess.
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xerox
xerox


Promising
Undefeatable Hero
posted July 09, 2013 04:35 PM
Edited by xerox at 16:43, 09 Jul 2013.

The one period (two years) of my life where I was being actively bullied, I didn't really identify myself with any sexuality (this was right before puberty). I did end up having a hard time accepting being gay though. Maybe not so much because of my surroundings other than on a subconscious level (I'm lucky to have been born in a tolerant country) but because my dream was to have what I then perceived to be a normal life with girlfriend, children, pets, a house and all that.

Today, I feel comfortable with my sexuality and frequently joke with a straight friend about wanting to "Abolish women and clone men instead, so that I will get more options". What i'm having problems with is identifying with the whole rainbowish Pride-festival LGTBQ culture. It also annoys me that almost every single LGTBQ character in pop culture is a living stereotype. It's rarely blatantly obvious that a character is straght but when it comes to a gay character, that character's sexualty has to be slammed into your face constantly. There are some exceptions. Like the video game "The Last of Us" which has a gay side-character guy but his sexuality doesn't define him. All this tiresome special treatment has made me much more understandning and supportive of feminists opposing sexism.
____________
Over himself, over his own
body and
mind, the individual is
sovereign.
- John Stuart Mill

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gnomes2169
gnomes2169


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Duke of the Glade
posted July 09, 2013 04:56 PM

Xerox, I would suggest that you read the comic Questionable Content. It is wonderful and features characters that are gay, trans and bi as healthy, normal people, though they are not explicitly what the comic is about. (Just if you want an example of media that is actually rather good about this whole thing)

And I'm glad that your bullying experience is just based on kids being dicks normally to one another. And I'm glad that you can accept yourself for who you are and that you were able to move past that whole awkward, "Oh god why do I feel this way" phase.
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master_learn
master_learn


Legendary Hero
walking to the library
posted July 09, 2013 05:50 PM

If you allow me,gnomes,I would say that I really liked these comics you posted and I still like most of them.

I think the style is funny and I later understood that the main theme could be something different than the straight line of thought.
Should I say that the style is sophisticated?

I am straight,so to not offend you(as you wrote in your main post this is not a place for me to post)I won't post without your permission here.Just wanted to adress the comics.
And for final,I wish you to be yourself and to fulfil many of your wishes for the future!
Respect to you.
____________
"They made a Heroes V? "-OhforfSake

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gnomes2169
gnomes2169


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Duke of the Glade
posted July 09, 2013 07:51 PM

Master, remember the A in the acronym stands for Asexual and Allies, and allies are straight guys that just offer support/ comfort to people of different orientations than you. So you can post her, ML, just don't insult anyone, okay.
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Seraphim
Seraphim


Supreme Hero
Knowledge Reaper
posted July 11, 2013 02:12 AM
Edited by Seraphim at 02:17, 11 Jul 2013.

I cant find any words. I am just happy that you survived I really hope that any physical injuries have healed by now.You should still go to a doctor and check yourself for any fractures or inner bleeding. You cannot imagine what thrombosis can cause...

Mental injuries can be healed if you are around friends and people you love and maybe even go visit a psychologist if visions still haunt you.

As for your experience. I am glad that you have many supportive people.
Rule of the thumb, dont go alone during the night somewhere or to your home and as for the attackers. They really showed how pathetic they really are to gang on one person. In such a situation, not many things would help unfortunately.

The moron who apologised though was really cheeky and retarded. If I were you, I would have asked him for compensation or tell the names of the people who attacked you and then contact the police.
If that would not have worked, just do the same thing they did to you when they are out in the cold and drunk.
If you are living in a small city, it should be very easy to find out who they are unless they are from out of town.

Point is, they tried to kill you,yes kill you(Hitting somebody in the head means only they wanted to kill you), and you should be concerned because they could try doing the same thing again. Criminals gain courage after they do things repeatedly.

You dont want to be openly gay in Balkans, in case you visit it.
Just be glad that you did not die. The personal life seems to be a problem with some bigoted people,the world is full predatory people.

Do yourself a favor, go check yourself. You could have microfractures and thrombosis.

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