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| Thread: Heroes VI in a nutshell | |
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Sligneris
Supreme Hero
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posted July 04, 2015 01:20 AM |
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Heroes VI in a nutshell
So, I believe that many of you are familiar with Heroes V in a nutshell, which is basically a parody of Heroes V dialogue. Inspired a bit by those guys, I wrote a similar scribble on the first mission of Heroes VI Haven campaign. Now, it's an old project, and I don't plan much on continuing it, but I guess it doesn't hurt to show what I had thus far. Enjoy!
HAVEN CAMPAIGN
1. Something is Rotten
Slava:
Emperor Liam, these accusations are ridiculous!
Liam:
Accusations? I didn't hear any accusations...
Gerhart:
This cutscene takes place after the first missions of Sanctuary and Stronghold campaigns, in which I raped and imprisoned Slava's daughter, because I'm an snow a misogynic snow.
Liam:
Well, it's not like anyone would really play these missions in chronological order on their first time.
Slava:
You raped my daughter?
Gerhart:
Kinda.
Slava:
While being married with her?
Gerhart:
Yes.
Slava:
You snow.
Anastasya:
I can solve all your problems!
Slava:
Anastasya, what did I tell you about offering older men to rape you?
Anastasya:
I won't listen to you anymore, dad! <stabs Slava with a dagger>
Slava:
<dies, scene is cut>
Liam:
Huh... Looks like our reactions to witnessing Slava's death aren't too important.
Gerhart:
Pretty much.
Gerhart:
By the way, how did that girl bring a dagger into the imperial throne room?
Liam:
Beats me. Probably for the same reason you guys are holding swords.
Gerhart:
Security here kinda sucks.
Liam:
Believe me, it does.
Gerhart:
Wanna play poker?
Liam:
Sounds cool.
Anton:
My father was killed, as you were shown by now. Now I'm in charge of this place, and it's a good thing that there aren't any voices that tell me to screw it over!
Voices:
Find the faceless.
Anton:
Jorgen, I hear voices again.
Jorgen:
Don't listen to the voices.
Anton:
I'LL LISTEN TO THE VOICES.
<slaughters half of his duchy>
Jorgen:
Oh dear.
Anton:
<continues to slaughter his duchy>
Jorgen:
Anton, you must stop.
Anton:
No! The voices tell me I should never stop! Faceless are abominations! They divide! My duchy should be cleansed from any form of math!
Jorgen:
Oh, faceless? I'm one of these. Now that I think of it, I probably could have told you as much before you did all that snow.
Anton:
Good point. What should I do now?
Jorgen:
Don't know. It would be awkward if you killed me now, wouldn't it?
Anton:
Letting you go would be awkward too.
Jorgen:
Let's just put me in a dungeon I guess. So that Anastasya can free me in her campaign later.
Anton:
Dungeon, hm? Good idea... Wait, what did you say?
Jorgen:
Nothing!
PS: Now, some words got automatically censored, but misogynistic snow actually has a nice ring to it~ 
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Genyaarikado
Bad-mannered
Supreme Hero
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posted July 04, 2015 02:22 AM |
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I think that the pre battle black screen bug is a more befitting resume
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Stevie
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted July 04, 2015 02:26 AM |
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Edited by Stevie at 13:29, 04 Jul 2015.
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Genyaarikado
Bad-mannered
Supreme Hero
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posted July 04, 2015 02:29 AM |
- penalty applied by OmegaDestroyer on 04 Jul 2015. |
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by all means, go ahead smeagol.
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OmegaDestroyer
Hero of Order
Fox or Chicken?
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posted July 04, 2015 06:00 AM |
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I warned you about insulting other members, Genya. You have earned yourself a week off.
Actually, scratch that. You didn't seem to appreciate my earlier threat and I don't think a week will accomplish anything. Hopefully a month will be enough time for you to learn to be civil towards other members.
____________
The giant has awakened
You drink my blood and drown
Wrath and raving I will not stop
You'll never take me down
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kiryu133
Responsible
Legendary Hero
Highly illogical
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posted July 04, 2015 11:06 AM |
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Not sure H6 is a good subject for this  H5 worked since the writing was so hilariously bad just highlighting it made it funny. H6 writing is just sort of... bland. It's not really bad enough.
Do continue though, This first one wasn't that funny (once again, the h5 worked by simply showing how bad it was) as you're just sort of saying what's happening instead of highlighting the writing.
It'd be nice to see where you go from here so carry on  
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Sligneris
Supreme Hero
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posted July 04, 2015 09:11 PM |
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Nah, I'd have to go through Heroes 6 plot again to add anything to that and... not really feeling up to it.
I can't do funny anyway, actually. Just shared some old stuff, rest is history.
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