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| Thread: Online relationships: why? |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 · NEXT» |
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Gimmickless
Promising
Known Hero
Cannon Maker
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posted June 23, 2002 02:52 PM |
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Poll Question:
Online relationships: why?
I've got a non-HOMM friend I've been chatting with regularly since November. She and I are REALLY close. Close enough to the point where if she and were even only in the same state, lust would be an understatement as to what we'd be trying to reach. Unfortunately for me, she admits as to being too shy to see me. I still talk with her (and more), but there's that nagging in the back of my mind that we can't even meet for a cup of coffee, let alone what else I'd like to do.
Because of this, I've been questioning the worth of online relationships (boyfriend and girlfriend type). To those who have personal experience, or just have strong opinions about this, why do you (or don't you) have them yourselves? Lith, Milena, I'm looking at you two first and foremost. *wink*
My reply will be coming later...
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Oldtimer
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Please leave a message after..
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posted June 23, 2002 07:26 PM |
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People online are annonymous and realatively untreatening. And many of them are just playing games. They could be married or in a committed relationship and are using the online person for some kind of fantasy. Or they could be ugly of horrifically fat but online they look like Cindy Crawford. So most online relationship should really stay there unless you just meet online and both parties want to meet up in real life. But then you have to be careful because alot of people who want to meet up are dangerous perverts or grifters.
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<PLEASE DO NOT WAKE THE OLD MAN!>
"Zzzz...Zzzz...Zzzz..."
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Lith-Maethor
Honorable
Legendary Hero
paid in Coin and Cleavage
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posted June 23, 2002 09:18 PM |
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just a thought...
when you talk to someone online you get to see their real self... even if they are acting... there is always a part that is true... even more than their RL self... this is what i saw in Milena and decided to go on with something I considered stupid and meaningless till then...
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You are suffering from delusions of adequacy.
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RMS
Responsible
Legendary Hero
-ing yummy foods
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posted June 23, 2002 09:25 PM |
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...never trust women, online or in real life...they're dangerous.
...while you're at it, stay away from men too. Many of them are pretty dangerous as well.
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This space for rent.
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RainBow
Known Hero
Supreme Flirt & Cyber Gypsy
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posted June 24, 2002 02:41 AM |
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LoL yes we are all just cyber fruit cakes (except me)lol
I think its a great place to make friendships and I'm sure there has been many a romantic spark started online that has turned into a happy RL relationship. However if u come here desperately seeking love online then be warned you may get your heart broken....although I agree alot of your true self can come across in wriitten words for those who lack confidence or are shy often they take on a different personality online so in RL can be a bit disappointing....
And I know I know looks arent everything,but physical attraction is important so although you may attract to their mind...will you atttract to their body?  ....
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If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
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RMS
Responsible
Legendary Hero
-ing yummy foods
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posted June 24, 2002 02:57 AM |
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I hate to say it, but although #1 on my agenda is a stunning personality and a bright mind, with a friendly smile...but I don't know if I can stand living with someone really ugly for the rest of my life.
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This space for rent.
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RainBow
Known Hero
Supreme Flirt & Cyber Gypsy
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posted June 24, 2002 03:20 AM |
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LOL yes it could make mornings more difficult....
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If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
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Sir_Elric
Responsible
Famous Hero
Having a bad hair day.
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posted June 24, 2002 03:30 AM |
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Lets face it the person on the other end of the chat box who you think is some sweet 18 year old blonde haired blue eyed Swedish goddess is more likely to be a 45 year old, 200 pound hairy backed truck driver from Turkey named Manuel, who likes to swing lol!
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Neverwinter Nights - "City of Melnibone"
Direct connect - ausnwn2.dyndns.org:5121
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RainBow
Known Hero
Supreme Flirt & Cyber Gypsy
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posted June 24, 2002 03:57 AM |
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LOL yeh I think I met them
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If you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.
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Aculias
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
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posted June 24, 2002 06:32 AM |
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Well i'll tell you some stories lol.
One of my good friends decided ta look online & she was talking to him & they talked he came down from east state, we live in Cali.
After they met thet was it love at first sight.
He moved down here & weded.
Now my ex she chatted online & met thy most charmin guy in thy world.
Talked alot & was a really good guy so we thought.
He came down for a visit & bad mouthed her & tried ta rape her.
You see you can say 7 be whatever you want ta be online & we will never know because we really dont know ya.
SOmeone can say they are a beautifl Rocket Scientist but really ugly Bus Boy/Girl.
Point is it's a real gamble & some people are really fake even though it seems like a dream come true.
Everyone expects a little somethang from a partner that they never mention to you like looks,money etc.
I used ta do it too but I gave up I just cant really talk to women for they are really mean.
See what I am saying Gimmickles even in thy news before there were murders etc.
Like this femALE, SHE CHARMED PEOPLE & THEY VISIT HER BIT NEVER MAKE IT OUT ALIVE.
damn caps LOL
So a gamble some take sometimes it's good sometimes not.
You can tell if they are keeping it rl or not.
Good luck Gimmickles I seen alot of good relationships online & alot of heartbreakes
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Dreaming of a Better World
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Milena
Responsible
Supreme Hero
in supreme disgrace
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posted June 24, 2002 08:42 AM |
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*summoned by Gimmick*
Learnt that you summoned me and flew my heart out on my way to here. :-P
I'm not really going to reply to your question. But I will tell you a few things.
I have a very serious problem with finding a BF in RL. Things just don't work there. However, online, guys are falling for me and I'm falling for guys. That remained a mystery for me for over an year. I finally came to realize the truth... we, guys who meet here, are unique people iwth unique interests and unique needs. We here are among people of "our kind". What is the chance to meet another one just like you? I in 10,000,000? 1 in 100,000,000? I guess something close to that. And when we see our other half of self, a soul who lives, yeah, over there, in the far part of the Earth, we can't help falling in love because we have the feeling this is the right person for us.
I have some expanded knowledge on online relationships due to my experience (which is a bit bigger than you know) and observations on other people's relationships. In my time online I have counted something like 40 couples. Only 4 of these were successful as in the couple got married in RL. But that's another topic of discussion.
Online relationships are tough. Everyone can tell you they are dangerous too. I wouldn't doubt that but they are dangerous if you mess up with the wrong people. When you talk online to your beloved every day for several hours a day and share with him everything that troubles you, excites you and is important to you, you get to know him. Behind the RP mask there's usually a person who seeks attention and affection just like you.
As for your situation, Gimmick, I'm afraid I won't say things you'd like. People who have deep romantic feelings for the other are just not "shy" to meet. I think she doesn't feel a true inner urge to seek for you. I don't know your situation but it's highly possible she's involved with someone else in RL or that she's afraid her feelings are not as strong as yours. Or she might be afraid that once she sees you, she will fall in love with you. Some people are scared to fall in love.
If it's fear that you would so sth bad to her, well, better for both of you is not to meet. It figures she doesn't trust you enough to feel at ease in your presense. Or worse, she doesn't trust you that you're a safe person. Not speaking too good for her attitude, is it? :-(
It also depends if she lives in your city (or even state). if she's even outside your country... hm, just try to forget it. The closest she lives, the higher chances you have to meet her and start a RL relationship. But if she's to meet you, she has to learn to trust you before that.
You have to think deeply and find out how strong you feel for her. But even if you meet and you do fall in love with her and she's not within the state or the country... you have 1 in 20 chance to have a relationship with her.
I can't tell you what to do. It's neither in my competense, nor in my will to do so. You have to decide for yourself. Just allow me several questions... what are your topics? Are you able to freely and without shame talk about, say, politics, religion, sex? If she's "shy" as you say, you'd have to first coax her into talking about this freely with you. If she can't, she would never want to meet you.
Good luck.
P.S. If you wonder how my meeting with Lith went. Well, I was *dreaming* of meeting him and I guess he felt just the same so when he arrived I felt really at ease around him. There wasn't a thing I couldn't discuss with him online and same was in RL. :-) We have a great time together....
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Rune
Hired Hero
Sad
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posted June 24, 2002 12:02 PM |
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Online relationships, eh? Well, been there myself...
I think the reason I found someone online was that I was (and still am) too shy to ever actually try for anything in RL... add to that that I hate going to parties and so on.
So it's easier for me to get close to someone online.
Also, I think it's true that you get to see more of the -real- person than you would perhaps get to see in RL. People tend to be more open and honest online than in RL, for some odd reason.
That being said, it wasn't as perfect as I thought, and what's happened after I broke up has made me seriously doubt if the girl inquestion ever really cared for me... so maybe this wasn't a solution after all.
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Love is just a loser's game... - Sko/Torp
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Milena
Responsible
Supreme Hero
in supreme disgrace
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posted June 24, 2002 12:28 PM |
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Hiyo, Rune
Haven't talked to you in a lot of time, though I saw that you're one day from 100. ;-)
I never really learnt what drove Cyra and you apart. I don't think you'd love telling me, however, so I don't ask.
I think there's a passanger for every train... or was it the other way round? I hope you'll find your girl some day. People shouldn't live alone.
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Rune
Hired Hero
Sad
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posted June 24, 2002 12:31 PM |
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Hi Milena, good to talk to you again, it's been a while again.
I wouldn't mind telling you, but not in public, okay?
I hope you're right, that I'll find someone, but I'm not so sure... not that there will not be other girls I am attracted to, but I don't see myself trusting someone in that way again...
____________
Love is just a loser's game... - Sko/Torp
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Milena
Responsible
Supreme Hero
in supreme disgrace
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posted June 24, 2002 03:08 PM |
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I can always c-mail you my addie
but I'm just not sure you'd like to touch that old wound. It's easy to say but try to get over it and make the best of it.
I have thought the same. And yet, I still hope. :-)
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Rune
Hired Hero
Sad
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posted June 24, 2002 03:12 PM |
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Sure, do that... or email me, it's in my profile in the Comm, too...
*laughs softly* Don't worry about that - it could not possibly get any worse in any case.
I'm glad you still hope... I hope for you it'll work out some day.
I have given up, though.
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Love is just a loser's game... - Sko/Torp
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Milena
Responsible
Supreme Hero
in supreme disgrace
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posted June 24, 2002 03:19 PM |
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Don't be silly, boy
are you a 80-year-old guy with Parkinson? You're young and a nice person. :-)
Why don't you try joining a local website for Internet friendship? A girl can always pop up and what happens next depends on you. :-)
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Sir_Elric
Responsible
Famous Hero
Having a bad hair day.
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posted June 24, 2002 03:20 PM |
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Quote:
...never trust women, online or in real life...they're dangerous.
...while you're at it, stay away from men too. Many of them are pretty dangerous as well.
So what does that leave?
I think I will trust my fiance, without trust what do you have?
____________
Neverwinter Nights - "City of Melnibone"
Direct connect - ausnwn2.dyndns.org:5121
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Rune
Hired Hero
Sad
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posted June 24, 2002 03:23 PM |
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So what does that leave?
I think I will trust my fiance, without trust what do you have?
Nothing. Exactly my point.
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Love is just a loser's game... - Sko/Torp
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Gimmickless
Promising
Known Hero
Cannon Maker
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posted June 24, 2002 05:01 PM |
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First off, I'd like to thank everyone for saying their opinions and experiences so far.
As I think more about not just between the two of us, but the concept itself, I think an online relationship is just *different*. So it's an obvious observation. Not everything I think of transcends truth. The more experience I get talking with people online and in real life is that I find it can be just as easy to talk to someone as typing. However, typing only allows thought to go from one person to another. And it's much easier to concentrate on a thought than to take in the whole package of a person. The sound of their voice, the body language, and even the general physical appearance that flavors the meaning of each thought...all these senses coming in at the same time, and sometimes we make decisions that we might normally not do because of how striking the person's eyes are or their accent.
Where online relationships differ, obviously, is that there isn't that kind of physical connection. Even webcams can't replace a handshake or a kiss. But I've found it's quicker to share thoughts and feelings by keyboard than in real life. I don't think about the consequences of what I say as much when I'm typing into a window.
I may be in the prime of my youth, but I'm not too young to know I won't stay that way. I already have thoughts of settling down with a high school sweetheart, but I also would like to "play the field", for lack of a better term. Every woman I have been with so far has a piece of my heart, and each of them, I think, knows it. I know I'm emotional enough to project something as simple as affection. I only hope that I find someone who I can share my mind with as well as my body. Balance must be kept. 
Wow, that was long... I guess that in short, I don't like online relationships as much as face-to-face, but online ones pop up so much quicker than RL that it serves a different purpose to keep your mind active. I hope whoever was able to wade through all that found something that they could use. 
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Lyricist's Lounge Champion Wanna test your skills?
Johnny The Ball:... too long to display...
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