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Cat
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Gonna Get Dirrty...
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posted July 07, 2002 10:36 PM |
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Guide To Management
How to be a manager, based on some of the boneheads I have hand the joy of working with. Post of authority are easy to handle when you know just what is expected of you. Observe:-
1) Attempt to make everything as difficult as possible for your staff. Things must also be unpleasant. If your staff appear capable of conducting their job efficiantly, you must make their lives harder but imposing new and impossible rules. For instance.. move the bins outside when it is wet. any staff going to the bins wil not only have to walk further, but will be soked. There is added amusement in this if you a) lock the gate and b) enforce this rule when small girls who cannot lift the bins are attempting to dispose of their rubbish bags.
2) Never answer a tannoy. If somebody tannoys you, immediately wander around every department of the store doing nothing in particular, except the department which wishes to speak with you.
3) If a department is understaffed and cannot function, refuse them any more staff, or ayny extra hours done by their current staff. This is very important.
4) If a staff member actully manages to corner you with a task that urgently needs your attention, agree to carry the task out immediately, and then forget aout it and do nothing for 18 months. After this period, ask that staff member why said task was not brought to your attention.
5) Do nothing whatsoever when in store. Instead, take endless teabreaks and break electrical equipment.
6) Set unreachable targets for every department. If these targets ae reached, promise a reward. If by some cruel twist of fate, the deparment is able to reach it's target, do not produce the reward.
7) Adopt an extreamly haughty attitude and claim you could do all the jobs with one hand behind your back. If at any point you are force into doing some actual work, and your ineptness is shown, immediately file for a transfer.
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 Diwethaf Gloau Sylw y Gymreag
http://aozos.com/phpBB2/index.php
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RedSoxFan3
Admirable
Legendary Hero
Fan of Red Sox
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posted July 07, 2002 11:46 PM |
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Yes we already know you hate your job. 
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Go Red Sox!
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andiangelsla...
Disgraceful
Famous Hero
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posted July 07, 2002 11:48 PM |
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we also know for sure that redsoxtosser is a post-hunter and spammer...increasing his flood protection time would help this place a lot
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Darion
Promising
Famous Hero
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posted July 08, 2002 01:15 AM |
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Hehee.. Yes, Cat, that brings back memories from working in fast food. Our manager came up with many inventive and crazy ways to keep us occupied such as scrubbing the walls and the ceiling, organizing thousands of ketchup packets and digging and sorting trash.
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Sir_Elric
Responsible
Famous Hero
Having a bad hair day.
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posted July 08, 2002 06:34 AM |
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Try using IM!
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Neverwinter Nights - "City of Melnibone"
Direct connect - ausnwn2.dyndns.org:5121
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RedSoxFan3
Admirable
Legendary Hero
Fan of Red Sox
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posted July 09, 2002 04:56 AM |
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8.) Tell your employee that his/her idea is stupid and incorrect and then go with your own idea. 2 months later, after your idea caused many problems, you then decide to go with your employee's idea and give him/her no credit at all.
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Go Red Sox!
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nightshiver
Hired Hero
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posted July 09, 2002 09:51 AM |
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I am uncertain what this comment contributes to the debate Andi but i guess your in a similar position....
Quote:
we also know for sure that redsoxtosser is a post-hunter and spammer...increasing his flood protection time would help this place a lot
any way on to the topic mmmmmmm well Cat not happy at work huh
It seems your comments reflect a position based on your obsevations of middle management functionality..
Middle Managers are generally promoted thru a company and come from being ppl who were once regraded as technically skilled or competent in a particular field. However this in no way enables them with the skills required to manage an organisation or staff.
Middle managers are constantly caught between the demands of Senior executives and the demands of staff
Good Managers are facilitators, Organisers and empower people to achieve... However there are some people, staff who are just downright destructive.
Senior management function is not to do at all but is primarily taking a helicopter view of the organisation and direct descisions based on strategic positioning.
With regard to rubbish bins etc and work routines and standards these should be clearly defined in Policy documents on standards relating to work practices which maintain OH&S, and Health standards.
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splexx
Known Hero
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posted July 09, 2002 05:42 PM |
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Edited By: splexx on 9 Jul 2002
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As a senior manager in the customer service industry with approx. 20 employees reporting directly to me, all i can say is "know of what you speak"!
A manager's job often appears to be easy to his/her subordinates. But it's the behind the scenes crapola that most employees don't see or know about. You have to be part psychic, counselor, friend, boss, mediator,,etc.
You not only have to deal with your own life, but the lives of all who work for you. For an employee's personal problems ultimately affect their job performance.
Then there are the constant headaches of dealing with your own boss(yes, managers have bosses too), customer complaints, scheduling, ordering, inventories, theft, tardiness, hiring, firing, the list goes on and on.
Not to mention if you're having a really bad day, it's difficult not to take it out on employees. That's when experience becomes integral in dealing with such situations.
It is a tough job to keep a large business operating smoothly on a daily basis.
Granted, I have seen my share of a@@holes, who somehow managed to reach a position of power. But they very rarely remain successful.
Some days it's a job I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, other times it can be very rewarding.
So the next time the boss ticks you off, take into account what he has to deal with.
But if your boss is they type to always have his head up his arse,,,,then QUIT!!
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Azif..
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bort
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Discarded foreskin of morality
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posted July 09, 2002 07:16 PM |
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How did I completely miss a Cat-Rant? They're the spice that makes life worth living. Anway, to add:
9) When in doubt - Condescend!
Senior year of high school I worked in an architect's office. It was a small firm, so it was big-daddy-boss-man, the various draftsmen and assorted artists, the office manager and me. The office manager was great, no complaints about her, but big-daddy-boss-man was another story. For in house blueprinting, we had an old diazo copier that reeked of the ammonia used in developing (it's hard to explain how these things worked, suffice to say they were pains in the old arse). It was kept in a former walk in closet. Anyway, Jojo the clown faced boss had forgotten to have some plans sent out to the copier where they could have been done on a digital copier (digital copiers the size of blueprints are pretty expensive). So he decided that I could just do them in house. Now, this antiquated machine that we had was slow, prone to error and gave really crappy copies that were really only suited to use for scratch. This didn't stop him from informing me (in the voice you use when talking to a 4 year old):
"Now Bort... I need 2 good... clean... copies of this... okay?" the "..." represents the lengthy pause to that I could digest big, complicated words like "good"
Actually, it's a good thing he told me, because I normally went for crappy copies with snow all over them.
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Cat
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Gonna Get Dirrty...
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posted July 09, 2002 10:38 PM |
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Edited By: Cat on 9 Jul 2002
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Hehehehe, thanx Bort.. I'm sure I will have more saved up by the end of the summer. My immediate boss is the female dog from hell lol. She does not like any staff she feels may usurp her tenuous position. As our department is so small, this rests on a girl called Jayne and myself, the only staff there who were in place before her.
She also knows that before she transfered, I was offered the job she has now, but couldn't take it as I was off to uni. They asked me, and she had to beg for it. Then they asked Jayne lol. So she hates us.
I have only made two errors in the entire time I have worked there.. Jayne has only made around that number also. The other staff are prone to error, however. Yet, this is a normal day.
Leo has incorrectly ordered the wrong stock. However, our "boss" says that is okay. Jayne and I are trying to sort out the draws and do an order, as well as cover he counter and sort and code stock. My "boss" is sitting on her backside, on a stool, chatting to her friend (I'm amazed she has one). We will call my "boss" Debbie.
Debbie:- (to us) Stop standing around doing nothing, go and do (instert pointless task here).
Me:- Would you like us to do that before all this or after?
Debbie:- You are both so lazy (puts her feet up on desk)
Jayne:- (goes purple) Right... well, I'd like my lunch at 12.30 if that is okay
(NB:- we work 9hour shifts, with 8 hours payed. 12.30 in this context would be four hours in)
Debbie:- No, you have to take it at 11am because I want my lunch at 12.
Me:- But I'm next for lunch.
Debbie:- Look madam, shut up.
the result is, as well as doing masses of work, we also have to starve as well. Debbie, instead of taking an hours lunch, takes around 2hours and says she had to queue at the bank. If Jayne or I are 10 seconds late to return, we are yelled at.
The best thing is, Debbie is not a qualifyed "boss", she is boss by default as she is the only full time staff memeber. Jayne and I have sat the relevant courses and exams. She has not. She hates this, as she thinks all women have the same Machiavelli approach to life as her.
As soon as i can, I am leaving and NEVER GOING BACK.
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Diwethaf Gloau Sylw y Gymreag
http://aozos.com/phpBB2/index.php
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RedSoxFan3
Admirable
Legendary Hero
Fan of Red Sox
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posted July 10, 2002 12:00 AM |
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Once you have the opportunity to leave, you should tell Debbie's boss about her behavior. This way at least when you leave, the other employees won't have to suffer. Maybe you might decide to stay if they hire another manager to replace her. You never know what will happen.
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Go Red Sox!
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