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| Thread: Stand-Up Night |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 3 · NEXT» |
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RedSoxFan3
Admirable
Legendary Hero
Fan of Red Sox
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posted March 27, 2004 06:45 AM |
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Stand-Up Night
Welcome to the brand new Comedy Night. Attention everyone! Come see members from HC give their own stand-up routines. Laugh at their funny jokes! Taunt the boring one's off the stage!
Calling all comedians of HC! This is your big chance to be the next big thing. Come give your stand-up routine today! Are you a tosser? Are you an outrageous spammer? Are you some boring QP hunter? Are you a mod? Are you the admin himself? We don't really give a **** who you are as long as you're funny! So get down here and tryout!
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Go Red Sox!
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LordZXZX
Famous Hero
Overfished
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posted March 27, 2004 06:48 AM |
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Sign me, the Blank Spammer up. Now what am I supposed to do?
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RedSoxFan3
Admirable
Legendary Hero
Fan of Red Sox
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posted March 27, 2004 06:52 AM |
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If you don't know what to do, then you'll never reach the stage. Get up there and tell some jokes. We'll know in a minute if you're any good or not. Get up there and tell some jokes.
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Go Red Sox!
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LordZXZX
Famous Hero
Overfished
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posted March 27, 2004 07:00 AM |
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There was a young man from South Bay,
Making fireworks one summer's day;
He dropped his cigar,
In the gunpowder jar,
That WAS the young man from South Bay.
A reckless young driver called Jake,
He made the most stupid mistake;
He drove through the wall,
And into a hall,
When he mixed up the gas and the brake!
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Dingo
Responsible
Legendary Hero
God of Dark SPAM
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posted March 27, 2004 07:05 AM |
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I didn't come here to listen to Poetry! I came here to laugh!
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The Above Post/Thread/Idea Is CopyRighted by, The Dingo Corp.
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RedSoxFan3
Admirable
Legendary Hero
Fan of Red Sox
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posted March 27, 2004 07:17 AM |
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We only tell our own jokes here, no copy pasted limericks off some website.
Hucks a few vegetables at LordZXZX.
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Go Red Sox!
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Dingo
Responsible
Legendary Hero
God of Dark SPAM
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posted March 27, 2004 07:27 AM |
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Stand Up Act
*Dingo walks up on the stage in a funny looking suit. He is nervous because this is his first comedy stand up.*
My story is about the...
OTHER SIDE OF THE MONTIOR
Have any of you been to the Other Side lately? I was there earlier looking at some posts. And I have to say, wow that place is boring. It’s more boring than listening to Stivens jokes. You would think that with very long posts it would be interesting but you are wrong. Everybody in the Other Side has no idea what going on. They are just writing long boring posts with words they looked up in the thesaurus. These guys aren’t what they seem to be, ask them what a thesaurus is. They will probably say, “A Thesaurus is a rare species that became extinct back in the Cretaceous period.” Ding! Ding! Ding! Be amazed by the Other Side’s knowledge. If you want to get enlightened go to the Monitor, not the Library. The Library is just full of angry MODs that can only say, “Case Closed.” You can only enjoy the Other Side if your part of the Other Side Gang. You all know the Gang; its got Wolfman, PH, Peacemaker and some more members. These guys always have secret messages going on. In the middle of one of their fascinating debates they will say something like, “you know what I’m talking about  .” I’m just sitting their thinking, “Do I care?” Of course I wouldn’t say this because they would through some insult like, “You Idiot!” Wow, you would think that these master debaters could get a better insult than that. Their insults are almost as bad as Stivens. Well if you don’t believe me, just go down to the Monitor and have a look for yourself. Thank you, you have been a great audience!
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The Above Post/Thread/Idea Is CopyRighted by, The Dingo Corp.
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this_other_guy
Famous Hero
{0_o} heh...
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posted March 27, 2004 07:32 AM |
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 *Get off the stage!!!*
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1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d
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Dingo
Responsible
Legendary Hero
God of Dark SPAM
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posted March 27, 2004 07:37 AM |
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Uh oh, Mad Middle Eastern people!
Is that a AK-47?
*Dingo runs away*
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The Above Post/Thread/Idea Is CopyRighted by, The Dingo Corp.
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Wolfman
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Insomniac
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posted March 27, 2004 07:33 PM |
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Here goes...
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A man was out of town on business. While sitting around his hotel he became bored. So he thought to himself, "Hmm, a beer would be really nice right now." So he began to wander the streets of the unfamiliar city, looking for a bar. And, after a few minutes he came across one. He casually went inside and took a seat at the bar. The bartender walks up and asks the man what he is drinking. Anxiously, the man says, "Bud Light please."
The bartender then asked what the name of his ***** was. The man looked at him with confusion and said, "What are you talking about? All I want is a Bud Light and, besides, I have no name for my *****."
The bartender, calming the man, said, "Look around, all you see is men. That is because this is a gay bar. And the tradition is, when you order a drink, you state the name of your *****. Then I'll serve you a drink."
The man, really thirsty for a beer, now says, "Fine. Give me couple of minutes to think, and I'll order when I come up with something."
So he is thinking about it for a couple of minutes and still can't come up with anything. So he decides to ask the guy next to him for an idea. The man states, in a feminine voice, "Well I call mine Timex, because it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin."
The man quickly turns away and asks another man to his right. That man states in a deep, gruff voice, "I call my Ford, because it is built ram tough. Have you driven a Ford lately?"
Again, the man quickly turns away. Then, suddenly he says, "Bartender, come here, I am ready to order."
The bartender says, "What'll ya have?"
The man says, "A Bud Light please."
The bartender asks, "What is the name of your *****?"
The man responds, "Secret... strong enough for a man but made for a woman."
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A Highway Patrolman waited outside a popular bar, hoping for a bust. At closing time everyone come out and he spotted his potential quarry. The man was so obviously inebriated that he could barely walk. He stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, looking for his car. After trying his keys on five other cars, he finally found his own vehicle. He sat in the car a good ten minutes, as the other patrons left. He turned his lights on, then off, wipers on, then off. He started to pull forward into the grass, then stopped. Finally, when he was the last car, he pulled out onto the road and started to drive away. The patrolman, waiting for this, turned on his lights and pulled the man over. He administered the breathalyzer test, and to his great surprise, the man blew a 0.00. The patrolman was dumbfounded. "This equipment must be broken!" he exclaimed. "I doubt it," said the man, "Tonight I am the designated decoy!"
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There was a German, an Italian and a Redneck on death row. The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: 1) to be shot 2) to be hung 3) to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death. So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Bang! He was immediately gone. Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap! He was dead as well. Then the Redneck said, "Give me the AIDS shot." They gave him the injection and the redneck fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy. Then the Redneck said, "Go ahead... give me another one!" So the guards did Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he was doubled over. Finally the warden said, "What's wrong with you?", to which the Redneck replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"
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I especially enjoy that last one 
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RedSoxFan3
Admirable
Legendary Hero
Fan of Red Sox
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posted March 27, 2004 07:57 PM |
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Looks like we have someone that might be the next big thing. Not bad for your first bit.
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Go Red Sox!
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LordZXZX
Famous Hero
Overfished
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posted March 27, 2004 11:45 PM |
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Quote:
We only tell our own jokes here, no copy pasted limericks off some website.
They weren't copy pasted! 
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Lord_Woock
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Daddy Cool with a $90 smile
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posted March 28, 2004 12:00 AM |
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Wolfman's first was though.
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Wolfman
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Insomniac
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posted March 28, 2004 12:42 AM |
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Yes they all were.
Corporate Dump
Plus, I don't think you can really do stand up on a message board. You need to hear, not just the joke, but how the comedian tells it.
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Sir_Stiven
Honorable
Legendary Hero
banned
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posted March 28, 2004 12:54 AM |
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wrong.
you just dont need to hear, you need to see it aswell for best perception. What seperates a good stand up comedian from a bad is the way he expresses himself when it comes to voice but also in particular his bodylanguage.
so there
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Lord_Woock
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Daddy Cool with a $90 smile
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posted March 28, 2004 01:15 AM |
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Okay, um, hi. This is the first time I'm doing this, so, um, don't throw too many um, vegetables at me, um... okay?
What did the atlantic say to the pacific?
Nothing, it just waved.
Haha, now that was a killer, wasn't it?
Okay, I'll just *dodges a tomato* go now...
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Dingo
Responsible
Legendary Hero
God of Dark SPAM
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posted March 28, 2004 04:58 AM |
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*Stands up and Claps for Woock's joke*
I thought it was good.
*Dodges a tomato*
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The Above Post/Thread/Idea Is CopyRighted by, The Dingo Corp.
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Dragon_Slayer
Honorable
Supreme Hero
toss toss toss
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posted March 28, 2004 07:38 AM |
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LMAO! Soxs i didnt think you would actually turn this into a thread! Why dont you give everyone a stand up RSF?
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LordZXZX
Famous Hero
Overfished
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posted March 28, 2004 12:37 PM |
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2nd attempt...
There was a 3 year old innocent kid, who was playing in the park one day. One day, he heard an older kid mention the word 'ass'.
So he asks:"Excuse me, what does ass mean?" The big kid replied: "Go back home and ask your mother." So he did.
His mother was shocked to hear him say that word. Embarassed by letting him know the meaning of the word, she replied: "Um...ass is another word for plate. But don't you go around using it, it's not nice!"
Again he was playing in the playground, when he heard somebody mention the word 'boobs'. He asked the person who said 'boobs' what it meant. That person replied: "Go back home and ask your mommy." Once again, the mother wasn't sure how to explain the word to him. She answered: "Err...'boobs' is another meaning for 'dress'. But don't use it, dress sounds nicer."
The next week, the boy was playing in the park again, when he heard a big kid say the word 'penis'. "What's a penis?" asked the boy. The bigger kid replied: "Ask your parents"
So he did. The mother by now was wondering WTH he learnt all these words. Unsure how to reply, she said:"A penis is another word for stick. But please don't use that word. It's not a nice word."
The next day, the boy's grandfather dropped by for a visit.
The boy let him in. Then, the grandfather asked the boy "What is your mother doing?" The boy went to check. His mother was in the kitchen washing dishes. "My mother is washing her ass." The grandfather was shocked, but thought that he was small and innocent, he didn't bother. After a while, he asked the boy what is his mother doing. Checking in the kitchen, the boy saw his mother ironing the clothes. So he answered: "My mother is ironing her boobs." Clearly shocked, the grandfather dropped his walking stick. The boy then said: "Grampa, you dropped your penis. Want me to get it for you?"
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Nimrod_The_D...
Known Hero
PoStEr Of BaBeS
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posted March 28, 2004 12:46 PM |
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ROFLMFAO
man!
that was awesome!!
*dances with joy*
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