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Heroes Community > Tavern of the Rising Sun > Thread: The Ultimate Male's Guide To Overcoming Cybergeekdom
Thread: The Ultimate Male's Guide To Overcoming Cybergeekdom This thread is 31 pages long: 1 2 3 4 5 ... 10 20 ... 27 28 29 30 31 · NEXT»
TheUltimateM...
TheUltimateMale


Promising
Known Hero
Male Escort
posted July 06, 2004 06:39 AM

The Ultimate Male's Guide To Overcoming Cybergeekdom

First and foremost, there is something that you all must come to accept before reading any further.  That which you must come to accept is the following:

If you have found your way to this corner of the Internet and you are reading this post, then you are a indeed a CYBERGEEK.

Now, some of you will try to convince yourselves otherwise, but that is expected, since denial is a the most prevalent indicator of the disease that currently afflicts you.  Alas, my little keyboard commandos, there is still help for you, as The Ultimate Male is going to provide you a pathway for leaving your pathetic worlds of Cybergeekdom in hopes of rejoining the rest of civilization in what many people like to refer to as reality.  

I know, I know.  You do not believe that I can help you?  You think that there is nothing that can be done to salvage your insignificant virtual existence?  Doubt no more, for it is with extreme confidence that I tell you  I can change your way of life if you are willing to follow my simple instructions.  

Just think about it for a moment.  What are your plans for overcoming Cybergeekdom?  Let me guess.  You are waiting for Haggard to appear at your front door to take you away from those cruel Muggles, so you can develop your hidden talents at Hogwarts School of Magic?  Or perhaps you are still playing Starfighter in hopes of becoming that savvy dogfighting space pilot who leads the rag-tag rebel forces to interplanetary victory?  The chances of those ever happening are, let's just say for argument's sake, ZERO.  However, if you pay close attention to my posts in this self-help thread, then you will drastically improve your chances of making the successful transition from Cybergeek to Superfreak in a relatively short period of time.    

Honesty is the most important factor in making this transition, since it is imperative that you be honest with yourself at all times when following my advice and applying my techniques.  To demonstrate my sincerity, I will be honest with you and share a little known secret about myself. The Ultimate Male was once a Cybergeek just like you.  Yes, yes, it is true.  It is something that I am not proud to admit, but who better to help you lose your geekness than someone who has been in your incredibly out-of-style shoes, right?  I will help you learn from your mistakes, but because I have been there myself, I can also help you to avoid making the same mistakes that I did.  Together, we can venture out from beyond your monitor and take those first steps back into the real world.

Just a few sidenotes before I end this introductory post:

Ladies: Please stop IMing me so much.  I understand that males such as myself do not inhabit these parts very often, but please try to control yourselves.  Once I have completed my instruction here, I will be more than happy to respond to all of your flattering IMs.  As far as requests for photos of The Ultimate Male, I will be posting before and after pics of myself here shortly to show you that my system does indeed produce unbelievable results.  So please just keep your panties on for the time being, as good things will come to those who wait.

Male Cybergeeks: At the moment, I am a little to busy to deal with you on an individual case-by-case basis.  My recommendation to you is to follow my general instructions as closely as possible.  This advice is totally free and an opportunity that you should not pass up.  So instead of wasting precious time listening to your Star Trek audiotapes trying to learn Klingon or attempting to decipher the ancient runes on the doorway to the underground dwarf kingdom of Moria, I recommend you focus 100% on what you will learn here.

Male Cybergeeks Pretending To Be Female Cybersnows: I will not, I repeat, I will not dress you up like Catwoman, tie you up with Wonder Woman's Golden Lasso, and force you to confess your love for me!  You really need help, perhaps even more help than I can possibly provide you.  So go take a cold shower, put on some normal clothing, stand in front of a mirror and repeat the following one hundred times: "I am not a superheroine, my name is (your real name here)."

Everyone, I truly look forward to our journey, along with its many trials and tribulations.  Coming soon...The Ultimate Male's Guide To Picking-Up Women: How To Answer Every Question Right (Cybergeek Edition).  Stay tuned and remember...
____________
Don't hate me because I am beautiful.

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Lith-Maethor
Lith-Maethor


Honorable
Legendary Hero
paid in Coin and Cleavage
posted July 06, 2004 08:11 AM

first question in mind...

why would anyone in their right mind would want to be less of a Geek?
____________
Dreams of Darkness nWoD IRC Chronicle, set in Edinburgh

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doomnezeu
doomnezeu


Supreme Hero
Miaumiaumiau
posted July 06, 2004 08:15 AM

starting a contest:
guess who is behind the clone. Mi first guess woud be sir stiven
____________

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Lord_Woock
Lord_Woock


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Daddy Cool with a $90 smile
posted July 06, 2004 11:46 AM

If not for the length of that post, I'd say it was Gorman.
____________
Yolk and God bless.
---
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Trogdor
Trogdor


Legendary Hero
Words in a custom title
posted July 06, 2004 11:57 AM

No it is not Gorman.
____________
"Through the power of the dollar you can communicate with the dead." - Artu

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Lord_Woock
Lord_Woock


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Daddy Cool with a $90 smile
posted July 06, 2004 12:01 PM

I know. Gorman wouldn't post anything that long. Maybe it's Gootch?
____________
Yolk and God bless.
---
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Asmodean
Asmodean


Responsible
Supreme Hero
Heroine at the weekend.
posted July 06, 2004 12:40 PM

I'd say Stiven too.
It has that certain arrogance () about it.
____________

To err is human, to arr is pirate.

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Shai-Hulud
Shai-Hulud


Known Hero
Sicomor
posted July 06, 2004 01:08 PM

Or maybe he is a she! His post are like only related to women and likes to make fun of us boys... But we must admiy... (s)he really has an unique style among us.

Yeah, right! And I'm Elisabeth the IIIrd...
____________
~~~Azzy~~~

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TheUltimateM...
TheUltimateMale


Promising
Known Hero
Male Escort
posted July 06, 2004 01:33 PM
Edited By: TheUltimateMale on 6 Jul 2004

Need I Say More?

It has been less than six hours since I created this self-help topic, and we already have four classic examples of CYBERGEEKS making their presence known here.  Please allow me to quickly analyze these poor souls to prove to you that not only can I identify Cybergeeks at a moment's notice, but I can also lead these disillusioned creatures back to reality.  Here we go:

Wimp-PlayThor wrote:
Quote:
why would anyone in their right mind would want to be less of a Geek?
This individual may be beyond help.  He has truly embraced the Cybergeek lifestyle, as he believes that living in a fantasy world is not only acceptable, but it is also quite wonderful.  I can also see that he has achieved what you virtual keyboard warriors call Moderator status.  This doubly reinforces the fact that it will be difficult to help save this individual, as he has become what you would probably call a Champion of the Cybergeek Lifestyle.  In spite of those deeply entrenched Cybergeek characteristics, it is possible for The Ultimate Male to save this individual, but only if he has a lot of support.  The worst thing that could happen to this individual is to have someone very close to him, such as his best friend or family member, encourage his Cybergeek lifestyle.  All hope may be lost then.

DorkNezeu wrote:
Quote:
starting a contest: guess who is behind the clone AND OMG this dude has three posts and one qp??
This typical Cybergeek is so bored with real life, that he has nothing better to do with his time than start a "Can You Guess Who I Am?"contest.  In addition to this, not only does he have a difficult time facing reality, but he also displays disbelief in the fact that I have already received what your community refers to as a quality point with only three posts.  Perhaps if one of his posts exceeded more that three lines (Cool Naked Chicks! signature not included), then perhaps someday he could take his first step in the transition from Cybergeek to Superfreak by progressing from Mindless Cybergeek to Thinking Cybergeek, the latter of which has a very good chance of being salvaged.

Lord_Kook wrote:
Quote:
If not for the length of that post, I'd say it was Gorman.
All you have to do is look at this guy's picture, signature, and number of stars under his name to verify the severity of his Cybergeek affliction.  Also, any individual who places computer programming language in their signature is a prime candidate for The Ultimate Male to help save them.  Let's look past the obvious signs (picture, signature, and stars) for a moment and further investigate this creature.  His knowledge of your Cybergeek community is so vast, that he can actually identify his fellow mighty mouse clickers by the lenght of their posts!  It is going to be difficult for this individual to relinquish his hard-fought role as a model Cybergeek, as he has surrounded himself with many stars which act as a protective barrier from the harshness of reality.  However, I will not lose hope in my attempts to remove him from his fantasy world.

TrogDorf wrote:
Quote:
No it is not Gorman
Although he exhibits similar signs to DorkNezeu and Lord_Kook (such as becoming helplessly involved in a "Can You Guess Who I Am?"contest and being able to identify fellow Cybergeeks by their posts),  I am positive that I can save this individual.  A Cybergeek of few words (and even less thought), it will be less difficult for me to mold his thought patterns in order to draw him back to reality.  However, there is still much work to be done in order to resuce this lost soul, but as always, The Ultimate Male will prevail!

As you can see from my above analyzations, I know what I am talking about.  I will provide the advice and techniques, all you Cybergeeks have to do is listen and apply.  It is that simple.

So until we meet again...        
____________
Don't hate me because I am beautiful.

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Lord_Woock
Lord_Woock


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Daddy Cool with a $90 smile
posted July 06, 2004 01:48 PM

You made me laugh so hard, that I decided to change my custom status just for you
____________
Yolk and God bless.
---
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Shai-Hulud
Shai-Hulud


Known Hero
Sicomor
posted July 06, 2004 01:52 PM

Well... How much inspiration...

But wait a minute... It seems that his inspiration went off at my name and Asmondean... What happaned?Or I'm I right.

It seems that... Our therapist needs a therapist... Or should we give you a non-sense jokes manual?

Have only ine thing to say! Looking forward for your reply.


Please MODs, not that I sustain this, but I would surely like to hear out this guy.
____________
~~~Azzy~~~

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Lord_Woock
Lord_Woock


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Daddy Cool with a $90 smile
posted July 06, 2004 02:02 PM

I must admit that I am deeply impressed by TheUltimateMale's heroic efforts of converting a cybergeek army to the only rightful side - however, TheUltimateMale's chances of successfully reaching his ambitious goals are abysmal, because, as the ancient philosopher Whatshisname said, "Nec hercules contra plures".
____________
Yolk and God bless.
---
My buddy's doing a webcomic and would certainly appreciate it if you checked it out!

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Asmodean
Asmodean


Responsible
Supreme Hero
Heroine at the weekend.
posted July 06, 2004 02:05 PM

Nope.
What it means is that I'm not a cybergeek, obviously.
Not sure about you though.

Of course the Ultimate male may be fooling himself into thinking that he's "helping" cybergeeks to come out of their 'shame spiral' or whatever pop psychology terms he wants to throw at us.

But I'd take a closer look at that first post of his:
Quote:
If you have found your way to this corner of the Internet and you are reading this post, then you are a indeed a CYBERGEEK.


Well obviously we have some funy stiff going on here right from the start. As Mr. 'Ultimate Whatever' too, has found his way to this corner of the internet.

Quote:
Now, some of you will try to convince yourselves otherwise, but that is expected, since denial is a the most prevalent indicator of the disease that currently afflicts you.


Okay. now I think we're getting somewhere here. Bear with me.....

Quote:
Honesty is the most important factor in making this transition, since it is imperative that you be honest with yourself at all times when following my advice and applying my techniques. To demonstrate my sincerity, I will be honest with you and share a little known secret about myself. The Ultimate Male was once a Cybergeek just like you.


A-hah! I knew it!
Gentlemen, please pay no more heed to the ramblings of this tosser. It's obvious that he has some major problems going on there.

Now, Mr Ultimate Annoyance.

I would like to help you!
Tell me what's wrong.
Did you once belong to another forum, and they ran you out of town beacuse your such a n00b?
Or was it this girl you liked, who told you to choose between your internet or her?
I'm guessing you chose her and are pretty bitter about it.
But that's no reason to bash the rest of us.

Breathe in and out slowly with me, and repeat these words.
'I am a good person'.
Even if they're a lie, just repeat them.

You said it yourself, honesty is the best way.
Now come on, don't be shy and admit it. No-one here will make you feel bad, I promise.
Say it.
'I am a cyber-geek'
You know you want to, you know you'll feel so much better once you say it.
Lashing out at others around you because they're just like you.

There now. Don't you feel better?
____________

To err is human, to arr is pirate.

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TheUltimateM...
TheUltimateMale


Promising
Known Hero
Male Escort
posted July 06, 2004 03:12 PM
Edited By: TheUltimateMale on 6 Jul 2004

A Few More Notes

As I am currently engrossed in composing The Ultimate Male's Guide To Picking-Up Women: How To Answer Every Question Right (Cybergeek Edition) for the benefit of you Cybergeeks, I will be unable to participate in your mindless tossing and spamming (which I must add are two of the more prevalent symptoms of Cybergeekdom) at the present time.  However, I will take a brief moment to address some of your Cyberdribble as I have a few minutes until my next lonely woman in need of a male escort arrives here at my place.

Shy-HuDude: I can save you.  All you have to do is believe in yourself and heed my advice.  Do not listen to the childish attempts at humor or the failing attempts to discredit me from your Cyberbuddies.  As for me not addressing you in my last post, that is the result of you Cybergeeks being able to type 60 words-per-minute (45 wpm one-handed from lots of porn surfing).  In the short amount of time it took my to compose my last post, three of you were able to spew your mindless Cyberbanter into my serious self-help thread.  Take it easy, please.

Spasmodean: Another role-model Cybergeek, much along the lines of Lord_Kook, minus the sense of humor and ability to accept the fact he is a True Cybergeek.  As you can see, Lord_Kook has taken the initial steps to recovery, as he has progressed past the denial stage and acknowledged his current state by changing his custom status to Ultimate Cybergeek.  Congratulation, Lord_Kook, I applaud your efforts!  Now, as for Spasmodean, this individual is a very aggressive Cybergeek who is in extreme denial.  Regardless, I can still save him.  All he must do is understand that this thread is about being honest, not only with yourself, but with others as well.  Also, he must learn to be more introspective vice being more focused on others.  If this deranged individual would put half of the energy he uses trying to be funny into utilizing my methods and techniques, then he will surely find the real world once again (assuming he was there once before).  He could end up being a tough nut to crack, however, if you ask any of my numerous female companions, The Ultimate Male has one HUGE nutcracker.

So, Gentlegeeks, continue to spam and toss if you must, but if you can reach beyond this pettiness, then I can turn you into that Superfreak that every female fantasizes about.   Now I must go, as my morning appointment and her Booty In Need Of Duty has just arrived.  Until next time...
____________
Don't hate me because I am beautiful.

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doomnezeu
doomnezeu


Supreme Hero
Miaumiaumiau
posted July 06, 2004 03:26 PM

this stuff cracks me up. it really does. Ultimate male should open a mission somewere in africa and preach the word of the ultimate manhood.
____________

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Lord_Woock
Lord_Woock


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Daddy Cool with a $90 smile
posted July 06, 2004 04:10 PM

First steps to recovery? What the hell are you babbling about?

If you try to convert a geek, there is only one possible outcome - becoming a geek yourself!
____________
Yolk and God bless.
---
My buddy's doing a webcomic and would certainly appreciate it if you checked it out!

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Shai-Hulud
Shai-Hulud


Known Hero
Sicomor
posted July 06, 2004 04:25 PM
Edited By: Shai-Hulud on 6 Jul 2004

Asmodean... I think you are on your way ro solve a mistery... Keep it up... As many psychologists recommend you must put the patient in front of his worst fears so that he will be able to confunt them...
Now... Playmate Male lay back and tell us: " How do you feel?"

*hey... i think i remember that episode of Dexter's Laboratory when he was in his sister body and when theteacher asked "how do you feel?" he said:"Dee Dee ****, Dee Dee ****..." Great times indeed*

Are you ok? Do you understand what I'm saying? If yes, do something( hint: smash your head up to the wall.). If no, do nothing we will understand you and we will
try to help you recover your mental state...

Now... You see I very admit also that I'm a
cybergeek... By the way... You should post in the self-criticism thread... With real stuff you almighty god... of non-sense... Ohh... By the way, you seem to be having the real problem. Either you are so well got
in to this, beeing the worst cybergeek, or maybe you are a girl from that thing with porno. Get a life..

http://www.quizilla.com/users/Nowxentor/quizzes/Are%20you%20CRAZY%20and%20OBSSESED%20with%20the%20NET%3F/
please take this test and be with us very calm and sincerely tell us your result...

I for example got : Good and healthy crazed. it's so very interesting, all the stuff out there! you might wanna tone it down tho.......

Looking forward for your reply!

____________
~~~Azzy~~~

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mvassilev
mvassilev


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
posted July 07, 2004 03:09 AM
Edited By: mvassilev on 2 Jul 2005

Nonsense. I would rather dress up in a chicken suit rather than stop being a cybergeek. TheUltimateMale is a cybersqueak, he even admits it himself. Cybersqueaks are an annoyng subspecies of a cybergeek, but unlike most cybergeeks, they are refusing to believe their genus. They claim to be cool. Now, that would be retarded, even if it were true. IF YOU THINK YOU ARE COOL, SAY THIS TO YOURSELF. "I AM A DUMB IDIOT. BEING COOL IS FOR DUMB IDIOTS. I WILL DIE IF I DON'T BECOME A CYBERGEEK." People who lie about being cool are even worse, because: 1- They think "cool" is a good thing, and 2- They are liars. So, Mr. Cybersqueak, your services are not required, however, mine are. Mr. TheUltimateDumbCoolPerson, say this to yourself. "I am a cybergeek. I will not try to convert people to RL. I am a cybergeek, and a bad one at that. I must get 9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 QPs and 9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999 posts. Only then can I die happy."


On a different note, I do think this is Sir_Steven.
____________
Eccentric Opinion

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gorman
gorman


Promising
Supreme Hero
Been around since before 2003
posted July 07, 2004 03:45 AM

Quote:
If not for the length of that post, I'd say it was Gorman.


First time looking at this thread...
As for you Woockardo, keep me out of it! I'm 100% innocent and shall always be. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have business to attend to
____________
When all else fails... read the instruction booklet!

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Lith-Maethor
Lith-Maethor


Honorable
Legendary Hero
paid in Coin and Cleavage
posted July 07, 2004 04:26 AM

i know...

and i am a geek, not a cybergeek
____________
Dreams of Darkness nWoD IRC Chronicle, set in Edinburgh

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