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Heroes Community > Tavern of the Rising Sun > Thread: The Ultimate Male's Guide To Overcoming Cybergeekdom
Thread: The Ultimate Male's Guide To Overcoming Cybergeekdom This thread is 31 pages long: 1 2 3 4 5 ... 10 20 ... 27 28 29 30 31 · «PREV / NEXT»
TheUltimateM...
TheUltimateMale


Promising
Known Hero
Male Escort
posted July 14, 2004 05:32 PM

Quote:
What if the school bully is a cybergeek?
That could only happen at a Virtual school, Random Cybergeek Fire God.  Nice custom status, by the way.
____________
Don't hate me because I am beautiful.

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Shai-Hulud
Shai-Hulud


Known Hero
Sicomor
posted July 14, 2004 09:33 PM

He he he.. Ultimate... Now talking serious, that was really fun and I have to admit that you have that thing called talent... but it stops when you are trying to talk serious things.. Keep up the good work.. Someday maybe you'll end up Seinfeld's disciple

P.S. This was not ironical, it were just real facts.
____________
~~~Azzy~~~

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doomnezeu
doomnezeu


Supreme Hero
Miaumiaumiau
posted July 15, 2004 01:24 PM

this tread is the best so far. Congrats to UltimateFemale for it.
____________

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RedSoxFan3
RedSoxFan3


Admirable
Legendary Hero
Fan of Red Sox
posted July 16, 2004 11:43 PM

The Cameleon:

This guy roams from group to group, since he can blend in with pretty much any crowd he wishes. Unfortunately his lack of confidence and second-guessing leaves him to flee to Cybergeekdom. He's too smart for his own good.

Strength: 15
Intelligence: 18 (+50% chance to blend in with geeks)
Wisdom: 3 (+90% chance to think himself out of a sure thing)
Dexterity: 16 (+50% chance to blend in with jocks)
Constitution: 10
Charisma: 16 (+50% chance to blend in)

Basic Equipment:

Breastplate of Melody - (Random Radio Station T-Shirt +10% chance to blend in)
Helm of Bandwagon Icon - (Hometown Sports Team Hat - +1 charisma)

Abilities: Smile - (50% chance to turn neutral or potential foe into friend. Increases with Charisma)
____________
Go Red Sox!

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Peacemaker
Peacemaker


Honorable
Supreme Hero
Peacemaker = double entendre
posted July 19, 2004 07:16 AM

For the women reading this thread

In RL, he actually portends to be a cream-of-the-crop gentleman, wooing unsustpecting female cypod geeks into innocent-looking restaurants where alcoholic beverages are served.

Posing himself as having some stiff type fancy drink before him (which is really ice tea with grenadine in it), he then entices them to drink themselves silly while all the time nodding eagerly at their half-baked life stories and laughing encouragingly at their stale jokes.

To those of us unsuspecting female cypod geek-types who have heretofore been lured into his net, he then proceeds to woo us with his immense RL good looks, sensitivity, intelligence, charm, smile, and irresistable sense of humor, until we find ourselves half-drunk in the car with him, showing him our "etchings."

I'll leave the rest of it to your vivid but at times uninspired imaginations, my fellow cybergeeks, both male and female.

Trust me, I know.  I've been there with The Ultimate Male.

The moral to the story is:

You cannot really have that kind of experience until you venture out into real life and find out who it is you've been talking to.

Be careful, my friends.  Use your good sense.  Find The Ultimate Gentleman.

I know for a fact, they're out there!

Okay now Ultimate Male, Blow me out of the water!!!!!  I DARE YOU!!!


____________
I have menopause and a handgun.  Any questions?

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TheUltimateM...
TheUltimateMale


Promising
Known Hero
Male Escort
posted July 19, 2004 08:32 AM
Edited By: TheUltimateMale on 19 Jul 2004

Cybergeek Makeovers

OK.  I am aware that some of you Cybergeeks have difficulty learning, as a result of your short attention spans (along with some other short things as well).  So, The Ultimate Male has decided to go ahead and post a few pictures in hopes of you better understanding how I can salvage your hereto insignificant existences.  I have gone ahead and posted some Makeover Photos that show the transformation that you will undergo if you have the patience, understanding, and desire to follow my priceless advice.  Basically, I can help you go from CyberWimp to SuperPimp in a mere 6 weeks!
Looks below for the results that you can achieve by simply applying my techniques and believing in yourselves for once in your pathetic lives.

Before and After #1
"Drop the stick o' joy, become the ladies' toy!"  


Before and After #2
"Take a break from writing code, and make the ladies panties explode!"



As you can see from the above photos, if you follow my system, it will work for you!  Instead of trying to score with female Cyberdorks like these two below...




...you can end up taking two females like these home with you instead.



By the way, if you do happen to run into the two hotties above, please let the blonde (Anastasia) know that I would like what-is-left-of-my-jeans back when she comes to visit me again.  

Until we meet again, Cybergoobers, try to pull yourselves away from your monitors every now-and-then, and remember...
   
____________
Don't hate me because I am beautiful.

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Lith-Maethor
Lith-Maethor


Honorable
Legendary Hero
paid in Coin and Cleavage
posted July 19, 2004 09:52 AM

smart move...

Quote:
...you can end up taking two females like these home with you instead.



...Until we meet again, Cybergoobers, try to pull yourselves away from your monitors every now-and-then, and remember...


keep posting pics like that and we will ALL run away from the monitor as fast as possible...
____________
You are suffering from delusions of adequacy.

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RedSoxFan3
RedSoxFan3


Admirable
Legendary Hero
Fan of Red Sox
posted July 19, 2004 10:21 AM

Hey the Cyberdork on the right was pretty good. I think better than that skanky blonde on the left in the bottom picture. Plus I think those are fake. The left one (our left) looks larger than her right one.

I'm beginning to doubt the UltimateMale. His taste in women is a bit worrying. If the UltimateMale is really the player he acts like he is, than why would he go after a skank?
____________
Go Red Sox!

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mvassilev
mvassilev


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
posted July 19, 2004 02:43 PM
Edited By: mvassilev on 20 Jul 2004

Quote:
CyberWimp to SuperPimp



BAH! Pimps are bad people.
____________
Eccentric Opinion

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Sir_Stiven
Sir_Stiven


Honorable
Legendary Hero
banned
posted July 19, 2004 05:45 PM

cool, that blonde reminds me of someone i know

she has alittle better dress sense though

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RedSoxFan3
RedSoxFan3


Admirable
Legendary Hero
Fan of Red Sox
posted July 19, 2004 10:10 PM

I'm considering a third QP for Ultimate Male in this thread.
____________
Go Red Sox!

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gorman
gorman


Promising
Legendary Hero
Been around since before 2003
posted July 19, 2004 11:02 PM
Edited By: RedSoxFan3 on 20 Jul 2004

Quote:
Quote:
CyberWimp to SuperPimp



BAH! Pimps are bad people.


I object to that remark! I am not a bad person! Is it my fault if women come to me to take care of them? No! If I'm going to support them they gotta chip in some how! I just...help them get on their feet so to speak. So I'm a very GOOD person! Not a bad one! Oh, by the way UM, you still owe me $20,000 for Anastasia and Rebecca! I'll find you yet ya little *^&@$!!!!!!!
____________
When all else fails... Take notes.... ALL the time... ESPECIALLY when playing D&D.... or Pokemon in my case

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RedSoxFan3
RedSoxFan3


Admirable
Legendary Hero
Fan of Red Sox
posted July 20, 2004 10:57 AM

The Chameleon has been updated. Now offered with several different Kits as well as some new artifacts.


The Chameleon:

This guy roams from group to group, since he can blend in with pretty much any crowd he wishes. Unfortunately his lack of confidence and second-guessing leaves him to flee to Cybergeekdom. He's too smart for his own good.


Strength: 15
Intelligence: 18 (+50% chance to blend in with geeks)
Wisdom: 3 (+90% chance to think himself out of a sure thing)
Dexterity: 16 (+50% chance to blend in with jocks)
Constitution: 10
Charisma: 16 (+50% chance to blend in)


Basic Equipment:

Breastplate of Melody - (Random Radio Station T-Shirt +10% chance to blend in)
Helm of Bandwagon Icon - (Hometown Sports Team Hat - +1 charisma)


Minor Artifacts:

Cloak of False Strength - (Leather Jacket - +1 Charisma, +10% chance to blend in with chicks)
Ring of Reputation - (State Champs Ring - +1 Charisma, +1 Dexterity)


Major Artifacts:

Boots of Generic Travel – (Honda Civic, +10 movement, 10% chance to instantly kill enemy increases for slow targets, may cause if equipped while drunk)


Abilities:

Smile - (50% chance to turn neutral or potential foe into friend. Increases with Charisma)



Kit Descriptions:

The Conversationalist: This character class come equipped with numerous nearly pre-programmed conversations that will gain acceptance with just about any crowd.

Here are the crowds:

Jocks – This ranges from memorizing statistics records and recent events.
Drugs – Simply puts on glazed over look and says, “I’m so ****ing stoned right now.” Also knows the latest drug lingo.

Drama – Acts melodramatically. Carries a hacky sack.

Boring Kids – Comes with several memorized dry humor jokes and an annoying laugh.

Goth – Clip on nose ring, eyebrow ring. Memorized numerous methods of committing suicide.

Geeks – This need really nothing as the Chameleon is thought of as being semi-cool in geek world. This means that he is cool enough to be thought of as someone that would make the geeks look cool, but he isn’t so cool that he is the enemy.

Fellow Chameleons – Strangely Chameleons do not connect with their own kind. They simply avoid each other making sure they are never labeled. Becoming labeled would ruin years crowd surfing destroying the fragile protective barrier from being chastised by any particular group.


More Kits for the Chameleon will be available soon. The conversationalist is now offered from your local DM.
____________
Go Red Sox!

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TheUltimateM...
TheUltimateMale


Promising
Known Hero
Male Escort
posted July 22, 2004 12:25 AM
Edited By: TheUltimateMale on 22 Jul 2004

Cybergeek Progress Reports

As with any type of self-help or training program, an individual should always track their progress (or lack thereof).  As your Mentor and Idol, I have gone ahead and taken the time to create a rating system and progress reports to help evaluate your performances thus far in your quests to Overcome Cybergeekdom..

I will explain the rating system before I report your progress (see below).  

CYBERGEEK RATING SYSTEM AND PROGRESS REPORT

Objective:
Your goal is to reach 20 points, at which time your will be liberated from your Cyberslavery and deemed worthy by yours truly, The Ultimate Male, to re-renter that place I have been referring to called Reality.  

Rating System:
The rating system is a numerical scale that is calculated by accumulating Performance Indicators Monitoring Progress points, or PIMP points for short.

PIMP Points:
Individuals will accumulate (or lose) PIMP points through a variety of actions.  Some posts or actions seen as promising by me, The Ultimate Male, will be rewarded with PIMP points added to your base scores.  Likewise, posts or actions deemed typical of Cybergeeks will have points deducted from your scores.  Your goal is to climb your way out of Cybergeekdom by amassing 20 points or more and thus deemed fit to rejoin Civilization (and no, that is not Sid Meier’s Civilization either).

All Cybergeeks begin with a base score of 10 PIMP points.
Cybergeek Champions (i.e. Moderators) begin with a base score of 5 PIMP points, as there is much work to be done on these disillusioned individuals.  The entire rating scale is listed below to help identify, categorize, and rate your current status, along with a short description of the types of individual in each category.


Cybergeek Progress Report Rating Scale

20     Rating:  Pimp (or Madame)    Congratulations!  You have earned your freedom from Cybergeekdom and can now freely venture back to the real world.  You have the necessary skills and tools to function as an independent entity aside from your computer and/or the Internet.

19     Rating:  CyberPimp (or CyberMadame)   When you hear the word ‘protection’, the words ‘condoms’ and ‘birth control’ come to mind more often than ‘anti-virus software’.

18     Rating:  Promising CyberPimp   The thrill of meeting a real person has spurred your curiosity enough to begin perusing the online personal ads or join a dating service such as Match.com.

17     Rating:  Aspiring CyberPimp   When people ask you what you want to be when you grow up, your response includes ‘doctor’, lawyer’, or ‘teacher’ instead of ‘video game playtester.’

16     Rating:  Hopeful CyberPimp   You are actually leaving your house more times in one day than the number of times you check your email.

15     Rating:  CyberRomeo   You have run out of family members whose deaths you can fake in order to finish a Heroes map or online game, so you vow not to call out from work this day forward.

14     Rating:  CyberPunk   When you are having a real conversation and something funny is said, the letters LOL don’t come to mind as often as they once did.

13     Rating:  CyberFool   Telemarketers no longer annoy as much when they call, as you somewhat enjoy hearing a real person’s voice every now-and-then.

12     Rating:  CyberNerd   Your mom no longer has to Instant Message you to let you know that dinner is ready.

11     Rating:  CyberDork   Just the other day the following message popped-up on your web browser…”You have reached the end of the Internet”

10     Rating:  CyberGeek (typical)   You were not sure if The Day After Tomorrow was current news or a Hollywood movie, as it had been quite some time since you left your house or saw the sun.

09     Rating:  CyberGeek Footman   You have upgraded your computer more times in the last year than you have upgraded your wardrobe in your entire lifetime.

08     Rating:  CyberGeek Soldier   You have networked your house or apartment so that you have access to the Internet at all times, to include a monitor on your nightstand and a laptop in the bathroom.

07     Rating:  CyberGeek Warrior   You insist that your friends and family refer to you as your online persona at all times.

06     Rating:  CyberGeek Crusader   Your HC post count is higher than the total number of phone calls made or letters received (excluding email) in your lifetime.

05     Rating:  CyberGeek Champion   Your life is so boring that you have decided to take on the additional responsibilities of moderating an online message board, while things such a eating, sleeping, and a social life no longer carry as much importance as they once did.

04     Rating:  CyberGeek Hero   When HC is down for more than 10 minutes, you began having feelings of despair and hopelessness that the Apocalypse has begun and your world may be coming to an end.

03     Rating:  CyberGeek Overlord   You take pride in the fact that your legs no longer fall asleep after sitting in front of the monitor for 8 hours straight, as you see this as a sign of strength and a distinct advantage over your ‘weaker’ Everquest of massive-multiplayer computer buddies.

02     Rating:  CyberGeek Titan  You’re virtual friends know more intimate details about you than your parents, partner, or family physician.

01     Rating:  CyberGeek God   You have donated blood plasma in order to pay for your Internet connection or web server fees.

00     Rating:  Ultimate CyberGeek  You receive Instant Messages from CyberGeeks you have never met that read “Master, please show me the path to virtual enlightenment and teach me the ways of the CyberJedi.”.  You do not find this strange, yet instead, this makes you feel quite powerful.


Progress Reports:
I will release your Progress Reports from time-to-time so that you know how well (or how pathetic) your progress has been.   The first one should be coming out at the end of this week, hopefully Friday.  If you are wondering if you will be receiving a progress report or not, then I can answer this question for you right now.  If you have posted anywhere within this outstanding and priceless self-help thread, then the answer is YES, you will indeed be receiving a progress report. I know that you all just can’t wait!

Until then, CyberGeeks, keep studying my advice and techniques, but try to go out and get some fresh air for once, and remember...
____________
Don't hate me because I am beautiful.

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Shai-Hulud
Shai-Hulud


Known Hero
Sicomor
posted July 22, 2004 12:35 AM
Edited By: Shai-Hulud on 21 Jul 2004

Okay... I'll be starting this...
On monday I'll be going to Sighisoara Rock Festival, get real rock, get 10 beers in a row... Drink with 20 other guys and girls. Also get myself a girlfriend( for real). Nature included too.And most of all. NO COMPUTERS!!!! How many points do I get?

ROCK TO LIVE, LIVE TO ROCK!!!

Hey I have a proposition.. You should make a category in which the best of the best will be joining and will have the possibility to start your crusade agiant cybergeekdom.
____________
~~~Azzy~~~

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Dingo
Dingo


Responsible
Legendary Hero
God of Dark SPAM
posted July 22, 2004 12:39 AM

Quote:
Okay... I'll be starting this...
On monday I'll be going to Sighisoara Rock Festival, get real rock, get 10 beers in a row... Drink with 20 other guys and girls. Also get myself a girlfriend( for real). Nature included too.And most of all. NO COMPUTERS!!!! How many points do I get?



I think you should get -5 points, for lying.
____________
The Above Post/Thread/Idea Is CopyRighted by, The Dingo Corp.

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Shai-Hulud
Shai-Hulud


Known Hero
Sicomor
posted July 22, 2004 12:43 AM

Ha ha ha.. You wish boy. I'll be seeing heaven for 3 days!!! So back off... You'll problably have to get a little older to do that.. See ya all romanians there!!!
____________
~~~Azzy~~~

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Asmodean
Asmodean


Responsible
Supreme Hero
Heroine at the weekend.
posted July 22, 2004 12:52 AM

Quote:
CyberGeek Hero When HC is down for more than 10 minutes, you began having feelings of despair and hopelessness that the Apocalypse has begun and your world may be coming to an end.


Remember the big crash and we lost all those posts! That was terrible!
____________

To err is human, to arr is pirate.

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Lich_King
Lich_King


Honorable
Supreme Hero
posted July 22, 2004 01:15 AM
Edited By: Lich_King on 21 Jul 2004

Quote:
Ha ha ha.. You wish boy. I'll be seeing heaven for 3 days!!! So back off... You'll problably have to get a little older to do that..  See ya all romanians there!!!


I think he should get -10 for "wannabe"...
____________

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Shai-Hulud
Shai-Hulud


Known Hero
Sicomor
posted July 22, 2004 01:27 AM

Lich-King.. I'm begging to like so much cheese... that I'll say I like CHEESE!!!

WOW!!! I believe you 2 are so suprised because you are actually one of those 0 points guys.. So you can't see the possibility that a traitor can be arounf you, without your Jedi powers alert you... Well.... It is true..


____________
~~~Azzy~~~

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