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Heroes Community > Tavern of the Rising Sun > Thread: How to Deal with an Insecure Poster
Thread: How to Deal with an Insecure Poster
Khaelo
Khaelo


Honorable
Supreme Hero
Underwater
posted October 01, 2004 07:05 AM bonus applied.

How to Deal with an Insecure Poster

Do you know a fellow forum member who suffers from insecurity?  Does this person edit frequently?  Delete their posts?  Betray a self-depreciating attitude towards their input?  Fear not!  There is no need to tolerate such perfectionist behavior.  With just a three easy steps, you can solve this problem for good.

Step 1: The Label.  Whenever you spot uncertainty or passivity in the memberís posts, be sure to point it out.  Do so loudly, at length, and in a confrontational manner.  After all, the member may not be aware of their own insecurity, and it is up to you to correct that misperception.  Follow up this news flash by frequently reminding them that they are insecure.  It wouldn't do for this unfortunate poster to forget their anxieties.

Step 2: The Stick.  Offer unsolicited criticisms, advice, and psychological analyses freely.  There is nothing quite like confirming an insecure personís worst fear Ė being judged.  Donít be afraid to unleash your harshest opinions onto their hard-picked words.  If you lack for particular critiques, feel free to speculate about the poster's character and motives.  Make flagrant assumptions about their personal life.  If questioned on the source of your assessments, always attribute them to the posterís own words, whether or not you can provide exact quotes.  This not only makes you look insightful rather than inventive, it blames the other poster for your creative conclusions.  An insecure poster will always wonder what you will see in every word they say!  That will really throw them for a loop, especially if they happen to be shy and reserved to boot.

Step 3: The Carrot.  Once your poor perfectionist poster starts to hesitate under your critical eye, try enticing them to post more frequently.  Praise the quality of their posts while berating them for their insecurity.  Expound on the superior nature of their previous work while slamming them for not producing more.  Twice the pressure is twice the fun.  If this technique is skillfully combined with step 2, you can place your fellow member in the enviable position of damned if they do; damned if they donít.  They will feel required to post while simultaneously quaking before the superhuman standards you have set for them.  Watch them waver!

If you follow these steps faithfully, you can be sure that your fellow member will feel the full weight of their perfectionism.  Those annoying edited posts will become less and less frequent as the poster becomes more and more frustrated with your program.  In time, the irritating, insecure behaviors will vanish from your sight forever, along with the member responsible for them.  When that happens, consider yourself congratulated.  You have mastered the art of dealing with an insecure poster!



Nota Bene:  When I first wrote this, I was really mad.  Since then, the event has faded, and the anger has cooled, but the article stayed on my hard drive (where it went instead of HC for obvious reasons).  Considering it again, and softening it up a bit, I figured it could work as a humorous reminder of nice interpersonal behavior on forums, and maybe a bit of enlightenment.  
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TheUltimateM...
TheUltimateMale


Promising
Known Hero
Male Escort
posted October 01, 2004 07:40 AM

Did the ever-objective, even-handed, and consistently fair-but-firm Khaelo write the above post, or was this the work of an identity theft by The Ultimate Female?

Regardless and in all seriousness, I took your words to heart, and I, for one, understand the direction of your post.  All I have to add is every individual has their own intentions, and unless those intentions are made clear, one can never tell that individual's reasoning for their words or actions.

Respectfully,

TUM

p.s. - Since I can only believe I know the reasoning behind your ire and frustration, don't discount me for adding my two cents and please...
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Consis
Consis


Honorable
Legendary Hero
Of Ruby
posted October 01, 2004 03:10 PM

**** ***....................................

My only response is childishly retorting with, "it takes one to know one".
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pandora
pandora


Honorable
Legendary Hero
The Chosen One
posted October 01, 2004 04:05 PM

Consis, I'll assume that those asterisks are for some reason blocking the words "Nice Job", and clearly not intended to be a direct insult.

I think that this is a great post, and honestly don't just see one person here - I see quite a few, myself included.

If anyone else reading this thinks it may be about them, maybe its a good time to look at how you're treating other members - and what you can do to make that better

combining step 3 with step 2... pure genious! hehe

ps: Khaelo I'll be back later with more as to what you really meant in posting this, as well as my complete critique as to what I find really remarkable here - and of course I will highlight every part that sucks while I'm at it

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"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."

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Consis
Consis


Honorable
Legendary Hero
Of Ruby
posted October 01, 2004 05:35 PM
Edited By: Consis on 13 Oct 2004

You'll Be Deleting This I'm Sure

I clearly felt this was directed at me. I edit and delete past posts more than anyone in HC. Everyone knows this about me.

Let me assuredly and assertively make clear that my editing habits are not me being insecure with myself. I yearn to become a better writer and much more.

When I edit a post it may be because I have insulted someone and wish to amend my mistake for having been inconsiderate towards them. It may also be because I have made a grammar mistake.

When I delete a post it may be because I am protesting something such as the thread itself, the thread creator's stance on a particular issue, or an entire forum all together.

I've done this in protest to the rampant unregulated insulting nature of the ToH section of HC. I've done this in a Svarog thread in which he describes his interest in having sexual relations with young teenage girls. I've done this in the thread where I clearly and mistakenly insulted your friend Cat. Absolutely none of the times I've done this have I ever been insecure with myself. I know exactly why I've done what I've done for every single time I've edited or deleted something and I can furthermore explain every instance has been for the good of Heroes Community in my humble opinion.

I personally feel this thread is a reflection of its creator's own posting habits. I suggest you talk with Peacemaker also because she and I have both tried and tried to get Khaelo to recognize her habitual deletions and mass editorial black-outs are robbing the Heroes Community of her greatly valued opinions, insight, and contributive intellect. She can do what ever she wishes of course. Let this not be a thread to point towards me, rather it should remind Khaelo of the positive affections her friendly personality and jovial intellectual posts have so warmly inspired those of us who've had the priviledge of making her acquaintance.
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pandora
pandora


Honorable
Legendary Hero
The Chosen One
posted October 01, 2004 05:50 PM

I don't appreciate you saying that I'll be deleting your post, I don't believe in the censoring of ideas. I only delete posts that are spam.

I believe it is wrong to put words in someone else's mouth, so I am going to refrain from commenting on what is between you and Khaelo. I will say this however, I do not feel you are reading her words as they are meant. Maybe try to clear away your preconcieved notions, and read her post again.

As for members deleting their own posts, I would discourage it for the most part - as I feel that once something is posted it becomes a part of the community and no longer your own. However, if someone has posted something hurtful towards another in anger, and chooses to retract it I do not see that as being wrong.
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"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."

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Lord_Woock
Lord_Woock


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Daddy Cool with a $90 smile
posted October 01, 2004 05:52 PM

Quote:
I edit and delete past posts more than anyone in HC. Everyone knows this about me.
If spam fighting and such is included, than you just can't beat some of the sworded individuals
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Khaelo
Khaelo


Honorable
Supreme Hero
Underwater
posted October 01, 2004 09:45 PM

Oh boy.

I learned something new today.  Apparently, the word ďsarcasmĒ comes from an ancient Greek word meaning ďto tear flesh.Ē  I wish Iíd learned this before posting the above article.  Itís a vivid reminder of how dangerous sarcasm can be and how poorly it translates into plain written text.  In my family, sarcasm is bantered about casually and harmlessly, so I forget.
Quote:
it takes one to know one

This is not a childish remark.  It is the heart of the original post.  Iím an insecure poster, so I know what behaviors are most wounding to people like myself.  When confidence is fragile, it doesnít take much to break it.  Some people tend to engage in these behaviors without realizing how hurtful they can be.  I wanted to illustrate this in an amusing way.  Maybe someone would recognize what they were doing.  Maybe someone would think just a moment before doing it again.

If, however, it is not obvious that the post is meant to be inverted, that itís not to be taken at face value, then the whole point vanishes.  Thatís my fault, and I apologize if it wasnít clear.

If there's anything more to say, it will have to wait until I finish a paper due in two hours.  
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Svarog
Svarog


Honorable
Supreme Hero
statue-loving necrophiliac
posted October 02, 2004 03:35 AM

Quote:
I clearly felt this was directed at me.

lol, you're right consis. Only problem is the direction was actually opposite.

khaelo, very nice.
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Khaelo
Khaelo


Honorable
Supreme Hero
Underwater
posted October 02, 2004 04:24 AM
Edited By: Khaelo on 1 Oct 2004

ah...

Just to clarify some more:

If this were intended for a single individual, it would have either been sent privately or, more likely, never sent at all -- I don't pick fights.  The "someone" above is a general "someone" because there are multiple someones who could recieve it.  Consis can read himself in the original post (in whatever way), but it isn't out here publicly so it can be limited to him.  As Pandora says, anyone who sees themselves in the aggressive role should maybe take a closer look at their habits.  That's what it's here for.  
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The_Gootch
The_Gootch


Honorable
Supreme Hero
Kneel Before Me Sons of HC!!
posted October 02, 2004 03:57 PM

Hmmm, thought I was pretty good at this already.

Well, thanks Khaelo for the refresher.

Now it's time to go and use these skillz.

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Peacemaker
Peacemaker


Honorable
Supreme Hero
Peacemaker = double entendre
posted October 13, 2004 06:32 PM

OH NO

Boy, does this look familiar.....

Khaelo, your work is utterly brilliant.  Don't take being lambasted for your sophisticated and delightful expression of sarchasm as hard as I once did...

Consis, you are absolutely incorrect.  This thread is actually about me.  P.S. there is only one "m" in "amend."  But don't take it too hard.  I didn't know that myself until the first year in lawschool.
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bort
bort


Honorable
Supreme Hero
Discarded foreskin of morality
posted October 13, 2004 09:15 PM

Quote:
Boy, does this look familiar.....

Khaelo, your work is utterly brilliant.  Don't take being lambasted for your sophisticated and delightful expression of sarchasm as hard as I once did...

Consis, you are absolutely incorrect.  This thread is actually about me.  P.S. there is only one "m" in "amend."  But don't take it too hard.  I didn't know that myself until the first year in lawschool.


Peacemaker, the first rule about calling somebody out for a spelling error is to check your own spelling.  The word "sarcasm" does not have an "h" in it.
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Peacemaker
Peacemaker


Honorable
Supreme Hero
Peacemaker = double entendre
posted October 13, 2004 10:18 PM
Edited By: Peacemaker on 13 Oct 2004

ROFL!

Thanks, bort.  You're too kind.  I'm home-schooled in "sarcasm."

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pandora
pandora


Honorable
Legendary Hero
The Chosen One
posted January 15, 2005 02:40 PM

QP applied!

Tho I'd still prefer to be handing you donuts, not stars! *grumbles*

Ok ok, I'll stop Khaelo But great post, it finally has the decoration it deserves!
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"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."

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