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Did you invent "Baklava financing"(which i have no idea what it means)

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Will you support my program to create sentient bloated peanuts that dare us to eat them?

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[
So I would propose a bill making it mandatory for the following ages to be armed with the following weapons:
Ages 0-4: hunting knives
Ages 5-10: handguns
Ages 11-16: rifles
Ages 17-25: missile launchers
Ages 26-35: armored vehicles
Ages 36-45: cannons and artillery
Ages 46-55: jet fighters
Ages 56 onward: nuclear missiles (this must be limited of course. Only 17 nuclear missiles allowed per person.)

I will update the main post with further information on our political movement.

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Is there a certain age by which you must have already used said weapon?

I mean, it's a waste if they just sit in the cupboard all the time.

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This is boring, the public wants more explosive stuff like TNT and mines and more heavy war machines like tanks.

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Is there a certain age by which you must have already used said weapon?

I mean, it's a waste if they just sit in the cupboard all the time.

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well baklava as the advisor of insulting world take over schemes that will obviously fail i suggest taking out the coffee supply to take out people who vote against you.

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Baklava i have a question.
If we would vote for you what would you do diffrent.
i would not vote for you if we don't get any information what you would change

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Is there a certain age by which you must have already used said weapon?

I mean, it's a waste if they just sit in the cupboard all the time.

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You didn't get it.
I said "a bill making it mandatory for the following ages to be armed with the following weapons". Meaning you MUST have the weapon according to your age. If you cannot afford one, the state will give one to you (though probably an older model).

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The word USED was highlighted for a reason! Now don't drift away and answer the damn question!!!

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March 23, 1995

Private Musings of a Very Evil Being:

Ha ha ha ha ha. I have surpassed myself with this plot. It is the plot to end all plots, the masterstroke of evil genius, the triumphant harbinger of an everlasting era of human doom, destruction, and despair.

My plan has already been set in motion with the proposal of a new, even more stressful grading system at MIT. My goons are currently threatening to reengineer the MIT bureaucrats if they do not implement this grading system. Student opinion will be disregarded by the administration as usual. Heh heh heh. I have no doubt which grading system will be used next year.

Ha ha ha. I have also arranged for federal funding to MIT to be cut to almost nothing, with the help of my able cohort Tadpole Grinch. MIT will be forced to make dramatic budget cuts.

Now -- ha ha -- ARAMARK's contract is up for review this year, and based on its current popularity, is unlikely to be renewed. I have anticipated this development and have done extensive studies of rats from around the Institute. It turns out that to these rats, no other food can compare to ARAMARK food. When ARAMARK does not return next year, the poor beasts will go insane. Ha ha ha ha ha. I have secretly acquired a large stock of ARAMARK food. As the sole supplier of this rat manna, my every wish will be the rats' command.

So how does this all fit together to form a world's ruin? Ha ha. I have noted that Ben Bitdiddle, the graduate student in charge of the MIT particle accelerator, is a fanatic. He insists on taking 200 units of Course 6 classes every term -- and he must get an A in every single class. The alternative is unthinkable. Unfortunately, poor Ben is not superhuman, and usually has to stretch himself to the limit to get the A's, staying up for months on end and barely coming in above the borderline in many cases.

Therefore, under the new grading system, Ben will get at least one A-. It is inevitable. When the grades come in, he will be exhausted from staying up so many months and won't be thinking very clearly. His fuzzy thinking and his fanaticism will induce him to throw himself into the Charles. Ha ha ha. This unfortunate incident will leave the MIT particle accelerator without adequate supervision.

Before the suicide, my rat slaves will have been preparing for the event by gnawing through the particle accelerator's internal wiring. They will do a lot of damage, but not enough to be noticed by the experimenters using the accelerator, who will think their strange results indicate the presence of a quirk or some other new type of subatomic particle. Routine inspections of the wiring would detect the actual problem, but with the severe budget cuts, MIT will simply not have the money to pay for these inspections. Ha ha ha.

After Ben has diddled his bits, I will have my rats complete the job -- and then I will set my secret agent in motion. Birdbrain Duckworth-Fowler IV is a Harvard student who has harbored a bitter grudge against MIT ever since he was rejected by MIT four years ago. He will be more than happy to get even by following my written instructions with regards to the particle accelerator. He *thinks* he will only be destroying it. But he doesn't know about the rats...

What will actually happen is that the particle accelerator will explode in a blaze of atomic hellfire, ending all life within a twenty-mile radius. Ha ha ha ha ha. Twenty miles will be sufficient to take out the MIT students and faculty, and therefore all of the truly smart people in the world. No human then left alive will have the brainpower to find a counter to my vicious hordes of evil, which shall descent upon the earth like a wolf upon the fold.

I will laugh in glee as human resistance is crushed! I shall chortle with mirth as I torture Sunday school teachers! I shall howl with delight as my reign of terror casts a pall over the planet, commencing the Age of Eternal Darkness!!!

(Long pause)

Only they can stop me.

(Pause)

(Snarling) And I know just what to do about them.

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Revealed -- Canada's evil plot to take over the world
Since the end of the Cold War, we Americans have lived under the snug blanket of complacency which being a superpower provides. We outspent the so-called "evil empire" of the Soviets into submission, for which I most warmly and humbly thank President Reagan's astrologer. The Europeans, despite occasional attempts to show independence, are as good as U.S. satellites. Even our economic rivals, the Japanese, have fallen upon hard times. China does not yet appear ready to take its place as a global superpower, so we have nothing to worry about, right?  

Wrong. One major threat stands in the way of American world dominance, and unless we figure out away to defeat this menace, we may wake up one day as residents of the eleventh province.

The menace of which I speak is our neighbor to the north -- Canada.


I know, it seems implausible, but unless steps are taken to combat the real "evil empire," your children may pledge allegiance to a leaf, listen to Bryan Adams and say "eh" three times a sentence.


I know what you're thinking. "The Canadians!?!" I'm sure that you have already come up with multiple reasons why the Canadians could not take over the United States. Not enough people, not enough military technology, Québec, the list could go on all day. However, that's just part of their nefarious plot.


The Canadians, at first glance, seem to be good neighbors, if a bit strange. They let us play hockey with them, they wave us right through at customs, they even make sure their dollar is weak so that we can go on shopping sprees there. Sure, some of them speak French, and they get uppity about who gets how much salmon from the Pacific, but on the whole, they're better neighbors than Mexico, so we think.


But the Mexicans don't have designs on taking over the United States. You see, this "good neighbor" crap is just an act. They want us to think that they are happy, friendly people who sing and dance while drinking Molson all day. That way, when the invasion day (C-Day) arrives, we'll be so surprised that we'll be helpless.


Children in Canada are taught of the weakness of America and the strength of Canada from birth. Every time a midget league hockey player shoots a puck into a net, it is celebrated as a blow into the side of the Great Satan (that's us). Any discussion with a Canadian invariably leads to recollecting the War of 1812, where they (although still a British colony) burned down the White House. When they go up to the Northlands to hunt, they're not hunting game, they're trying to bag an American tourist.


"On my most recent journey to the evil empire, I, disguised as a Canadian, learned about this plot, and I now reveal it to an American audience for the first time."
You still don't believe me, do you? "Sure, they may want to take over America, but they don't have the firepower or manpower to do it," you say. Well, that is not the case. Up in the Northwest Territories, in what we Americans still naïvely believe is only tundra and an occasional Inuit, are hidden labs, where a new generation of "Super-Canadians" are being created. These "Super-Canadians," the results of years of genetic engineering, take advantage of the traditional Canadian strengths (drinking and hockey) and add to these military training, a 92 m.p.h. two-seam fastball, and above all, an undying hatred of Americans. These millions of trained warriors can, on a moments notice, strike a death-blow to the heart of American society by crossing the world's longest undefended border and wreaking havoc on the American populace.

"OK, so they have the manpower," you admit. "But we'll just find them and hunt them down like the miserable dogs that they are." If it were only that easy. You see, Canadians are masters of disguise. They are trained to be able to pass as Americans so that they can serve as spies. And this spying is taking place to an alarming degree. From music (Alanis Morrisette, Barenaked Ladies), to movies and television (Mike Myers, Dan Akyroyd), to even baseball (Larry Walker), Canadians have infiltrated the cultural machine of America. Who gives us the news everyday? Peter Jennings, a Canadian. A perfect set-up to provide propaganda to us while we are being invaded.


So, how can we avoid becoming the eleventh province? Nuclear annihilation won't work; 80% of their population lives within 100 miles of the U.S.-Canada border, so we'd wipe out a lot of important states while inflicting only minimal harm on New Jersey. Cultural assimilation has proved futile; Canadians have somehow managed to continue thinking of themselves as Canadians instead of nicer, cleaner Americans. So what are we left with? I propose that we defeat them the only way we have left: economically. One day next week (I'm free Wednesday), every American citizen should make a shopping trip to Canada. This will tie up the infrastructure, while allowing the Canadians to see all Americans up close. While the occasional New Yorker may be only mildly offensive to the average Ontarian, the family from South Carolina who honestly believes that Strom Thurmond still has a functioning brain may be too much for a Canadian to take. By showing Canada how the Province of South Ontario (i.e. The United States) would only ruin it by being loud, dirty, obnoxious, and just plain stupid, I believe that Canadians, in one voice, would rise up and demand that their government cease all activities leading to the colonization of the U.S. And when that happens, the Canadians will be ripe to be made the 51st state. Sure, we'll have to translate "The Star-Spangled Banner" into French, but the U.S. hockey team will be unbeatable.

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