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| Thread: My problem with some people. | |
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bixie
Promising
Legendary Hero
my common sense is tingling!
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posted January 31, 2011 11:30 PM |
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My problem with some people.
Ok, a little context so that people might understand.
I don't feel hatred to anyone mentioned here. Even if I should, I can't bring myself to hate them or to do anything spiteful towards them because I will feel like less of a person for it. It's my own problem with being on the receiving end of spite in the past, and I don't want to hurt the people in question.
also, even though I'm having such grief with this society, I don't want to leave it as I genuinely enjoy most peoples company. I've had some of my favourite times at university there, and I feel that it's still a place I can know and understand people.
I am in an Anime society, where we sit down and watch cartoons in the dark for great justice. It's a place were a wanton geekery is encouraged, and it's a great place to hang out. However, I have been walking on eggshells ever since September, and there are a number of reasons why.
Firstly, I broke up with my girlfriend over the summer. More accurately, she broke up with me, and to date, she hasn't given a reason why. after 7 months of going out, seeing her again at the society meet up was bound to bring up sore memories. but I bit my tongue and it seems we both have gotten over it. that is one problem dealt with...
however, more sprung up. the societies secretary is best friends with my Ex, and assumed that it was something I've done that caused the break up. She was having some very bad relationship issues over the summer, and I feel that a lot of her grief has gotten dumped onto me. so now, the second most important member of the society hates me.
then, I find out the President also hates me, for a slight I barely remember, and has basically told me, and I quote:
Quote:
I don't care if I'm the bad guy in this, as long as I can hurt you.
and has been out to make me his personal snow for the past semester.
This is not the worst part, however, the worst part is that the two in question hate each other. The secretary hates the president as she was going to run for it the office, but the current president was basically handed it by the previous one rather than go through elections. the President hates the secretary as she is constantly criticising him over his actions and his choices (though to be fair, pushing through series that are soft core pornography by using very dirty tactics is not how you run a democratic society.) It's tearing the society apart, separating it along all manner of different boundaries.
I don't know what I should do. I mean, I don't want to upset two people who already hate me because I might be able to salvage one or both of their friendships. Similarly, I'm worried that the society, a club that I've enjoyed for the two solid years, will collapse by next year if something isn't done.
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Love, Laugh, Learn, Live.
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JoonasTo
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
What if Elvin was female?
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posted February 01, 2011 12:26 AM |
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Simple, become the president and hit it with the secretary!
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DON'T BE A NOOB, JOIN A.D.V.E.N.T.U.R.E.
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ohforfsake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted February 01, 2011 12:30 AM |
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Sorry about my confusion, but how can these people exactly hurt you?
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bixie
Promising
Legendary Hero
my common sense is tingling!
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posted February 01, 2011 09:51 AM |
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naturally, it's more emotional bruising more than anything else, hurting my ego saying that everything I know about is wrong and much of the stuff I care about doesn't matter. but they are playing up whenever we but heads as the bigot (I.E me) against the deviant (I.E them). the secretary is a lesbian and the president is a student from norway, so they can play up the fact that I'm white, british, straight male and use it to my disadvantage.
however, there is a very real threat of bodily. Both of them know strong, able-bodied and very aggressive individuals who could conceivably hurt me in more physical manner. Said individuals have already threatened me for perceived slights already, so it's not that hard.
I suppose this is just me being paranoid about it, but... well, I don't want to be the societies buttmonkey, a joke to be laughed at by the two in charge.
more than anything, I wanted to create this thread to share experiences of tough times emotionally with people who hated you for reasons you don't quite understand.
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Love, Laugh, Learn, Live.
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kookastar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
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posted February 01, 2011 12:28 PM |
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_cK_cIydHY
man it sounds like you are having a tough time. i'm not saying to ditch these people if you really care about them, but maybe it's time to start investing in a different social circle. years will go by and maybe you can rebuild after that (with the old gang).
Don't take it to heart though, we all think you are awesome here so you can't be too bad.  Just concentrate on your own adventures - maybe think of something you've always wanted to do and start working towards that. If you become happy and get into a positive space you will attract positive people and who knows where that will lead 
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Elvin
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Endless Revival
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posted February 01, 2011 02:30 PM |
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If you really care about the people there, reach out to them, share your concerns, see if they are willing to back you up. If not then they are not worth it and you are just being nostalgic about the good times you had. Either way things rarely last long around that age, relationships as well as friendships can be oh so fragile. Don't take that as a pessimistic comment, it just happens. If you see that you have something to fight for go for it but don't try to play alone in a social game.
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H5 is still alive and kicking, join us in the Duel Map discord server!
Map also hosted on Moddb
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VokialBG
Honorable
Legendary Hero
First in line
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posted February 01, 2011 07:03 PM |
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Edited by VokialBG at 19:04, 01 Feb 2011.
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Why you keep having business with them?
You said that they can hurt you only emotionally, and you do not depend on them anyhow.
Why you do not leave if you don't need them and if you feel uncomfortable. You do not have to do something that hurt you, right? If they hurt you, just find other people. And if you can't go in anime club, go in... *something you like* club.
Anyway I feel sorry about you.
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OmegaDestroyer
Hero of Order
Fox or Chicken?
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posted February 01, 2011 07:45 PM |
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You know what you should do? !@#$ it and !@#$ them. You don't need that kind of immature crap. There are plenty of more friends to be made out there and I'm sure you could find more people to watch anime with.
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shyranis
Promising
Supreme Hero
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posted February 02, 2011 08:55 AM |
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Either ignore them and don't let them bother you or ditch them. You don't need any extra emotional baggage. They're not worth caring about.
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Youtube has terminated my account without reason.
Please express why it should be reinstated on
Twitter.
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The_Gootch
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Kneel Before Me Sons of HC!!
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posted February 04, 2011 10:03 AM |
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So ah, were you looking to vent or are you interested in advice?
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bixie
Promising
Legendary Hero
my common sense is tingling!
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posted February 04, 2011 11:20 AM |
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bit of both, though the latter more than the former.
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Love, Laugh, Learn, Live.
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Aya
Tavern Dweller
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posted February 26, 2011 03:13 PM |
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I don't know if you are still in need of advice - anyhow I'll say a few things about myself.
I had always wanted friends, always - and always dreamt of some kind of gang that is consisted by best friends. Anyway, during my years of junior high through highschool I did infact have a group like that. But the thing was... a lot of snow happend. I rarely spoke my emotions, for I thought(and learned...) that if I do something I will lose all my friends. Sounds stupid, I know. An irrational thing perhaps, but for me it was some sort of reality. Anyway, I wanted to be friends with anyone so I accepted to take the role of the person that everyone makes fun of to time to time. I was called horrible names by my friends, and I didn't show any emotion to the surface because of that fear they may all think I'm horrible and leave me. I was called ugly(a devestating thing for a 13-15 year old girl), stupid, lonely, and ugly again by my "best" friends, the only people I would hang out with during recess.
Now.. I don't want to hold a grudge, for anyone, but I can't help them. I'm now 18 and a bit mad at those specific people. I left school at the age of 17 to persue what I really wanted which was basically "to do what I want and act like who I really am" and leaving school was one of those strong desires.
Then, I completely forgot about all those kids. I don't know why, it was very natrual... and very good for me. After a while one of them called, ironically the one I thought disliked me the most as he gave me a lot of unnescary crap that still follows me to this day. I think he said that he missed me, and everyone is wondering why I haven't contacted them and stuff.. asked me if something happend that I don't talk to them or something. I was really surprised and replied by saying no. I didn't contact them at all come to think of it, I stayed away... and it wasn't by purpose if you know what I mean.
Anyway, all this big rambling ends in my personal conclusion that I rather be alone than with people I feel are giving me crap. It was my mistake at that age to not stand up for myself, although I did for time to time, my "friends" respected me more as I matured, and subtly demanded respect. I remember before I left school we really grew apart, I guess I didn't need their company at the end?
Some weeks ago I ended a big relationship in my life. A girl I was best friends with since the 4'th grade, she depended on me more than anyone in this world, we went through a lot and our relationship has even resorted to very bad actions. I decided to cut it off. It's hard, but it's for the best. Especially for me.. Friends are a soft spot. Right now I enjoy the few awesome friends I have
And I KNOW there is a group where I will belong. I know I'm gonna find the people I would enjoy greatly being with - and they'll feel the same about me.
So same goes for you.. I advise you taking a break with people who make you exhausted, see how that goes. It's better being alone than to have lame friends.
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ohforfsake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted February 27, 2011 06:40 PM |
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Quote:
Now.. I don't want to hold a grudge, for anyone, but I can't help them.
I think that's the right approach and I think I understand how hard it can be.
As I went into the middle state of junior school, my classmates started to bully me quite a bit. I don't remember the details, which I think is quite nice to be honest. It was as well my "best" friend who led the bullying and we really had a long history back.
As of such, I could for a long time not forgive him. When I finally were free from their claws, I ignored their calls, knowing no more did I have to meet up for a daily beating if I had in any way not done what they wanted or if they just felt like it.
I should much earlier, probably, have changed to another class, and I got the opportunity. Not because of the bullying, I would never admit to it, no because of job opportunities.
I got the choice and I refused moving, because at the time I was madly in love with this girl.
Now, I don't hold a grudge. For me, it's the past, and it doesn't matter anymore.
Yet for some years after the events, I did hold a grudge and I was still very very afraid of these people.
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phoenixreborn
Promising
Legendary Hero
Unicorn
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posted March 01, 2011 04:19 AM |
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You are seriously feeling physically threatened? And what stops you from just getting out and avoiding these people altogether? Why should you care what happens to their inter-relationships?
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Bask in the light of my glorious shining unicorn.
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