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| Thread: I've had it with this political crisis! | |
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DagothGares
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
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posted April 08, 2011 11:54 PM |
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I've had it with this political crisis!
And the economic one, too.
The problem:
Okay, welcome in my world. I will show you the state of Belgium and my proposed solution for every problem it has, right now.
Okay, first of all, we still don't have a functioning government at the moment and with that in mind, let's get right to the heart of the matter: meet the cast.
Our current leaving prime minister, generally unlikeable figure, held responsible by many for the crisis that has arisen.
The king, only has ceremonial functions.
Head of the Flemish nationalist party, has most votes on his belt, this side of Belgium and thus is our representative.
Head of the Walloon socialist party, representative politician of the other side.
Evil man, Head of the fascist party, has a lot of votes each election.
Okay, noone really understands the crisis, but in short and sweet, as far as I reckon, it's basically an argument on whether certain regions should have French voting facilities and offices, because certain largely Dutch-speaking regions have a sudden increase in French speakers. Flemish nationalists are afraid of the French gaining more influence in Belgium and bla bla bla! This is total BS, but it's why we don't have a government.
Proposed solutions:
Operation: "Let's be more like Pre-Petrinic Russia":
This was actually a pretty popular suggestion, but beards will not settle political disputes.
Suggestion "Let's be more like the Byzantine Empire": A solution no one takes seriously, but I think it would be great if all the politicians were locked in the same room, until they come with a solution. If one party isn't satisfied with the solution, they're allowed to gouge out the eyes of their representatives.
The Fries Revolution: The hippie solution, essentially. It's like when people hold awareness concerts or anything ever done by U2. Organising enjoyable activities does not a political crisis avert or create world peace for that matter. Though, it's a great way of consuming and spending money, which, let's face it, is what my country is all about.
Sharia for Belgium: Okay, these guys are just insane, but they consider themselves the solution for the current problem as well. They are insane though. They recently made the news when a member of the nationalist party died of bowel cancer and their head figure decided to come on television and declare that this politician is burning in hell and that the ONE, TRUE religion (which is catholicism, in my mind) will prevail. This is unprecedented in Belgium. We don't have people and priests who say some people burn in hell, because their house would be set on fire by th politically correct crowd and me. Though, these guys get away with it, because I'm pretty sure they're like half of the mob in Belgium or at least enjoy their protection. They are also lead by the most stereotypical muslim I have ever seen.
My solution:
This is a map of Belgium with the most important area, Antwerp, encircled.
Now, basically, I want Antwerp to separate from the rest of Belgium. Away with the political crisis and the national debt, once and for all! Our mayor will act as an intermediate figure as we elect our emperor who will guide us in our path to total superiority, because the people from Antwerp are superior to the rest of the world, if you haven't been told, yet. We will install an enlightened, ruthless and intelligent autocrat who will crush any political quarrelling and does what needs to be done, whilst crucifying all extreme figureheads (which is actually doing what needs to be done), like this guy and this guy.
From Antwerp, we shall reconquer Belgium, we will destroy any resistance and create a new constitution which will assimilate all the Belgian peoples into one glorious Antwerp people, like the Frenh did a few hundred years ago. Our new language will be Antwerp, the only correct way to speak Dutch. We sever all ties with Holland and Suriname, because they don't speak real Dutch, much like the imperfect half of Flanders. People from East- and West-Flanders will need to be reeducated, like the people from Limburg, along with the walloons. Once we have one glorious language, we shall conquer and assimilate into one glorious Antwerp empire. Once we have only one language, we won't argue about irrelevant stuff like voting regions anymore. Simple. From there on, we start conquering the other West-Germanic regions, like Germany and England, because we're generally pretty awesome and they can come be awesome with us and, of course, learn our language. We shall conquer France, because they have oppressed the Antwerp people too long.The North-Germanic tribes will instantly join us, because they will recognise how awesome we are.
The end result should look like this:
Basically, this would solve all our problems.
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If you have any more questions, go to Dagoth Cares.
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VokialBG
Honorable
Legendary Hero
First in line
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posted April 09, 2011 11:03 AM |
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Edited by VokialBG at 11:53, 09 Apr 2011.
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Oh, no! A new Hitler is born!
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The problem with Bulgaria:
Bulgaria is the poorest country in EU and Europe (just after Moldavia). Also we are on the head place in all negative top lists. We are number one for poorest people, for heart diseases, for worst production, for less production, for most dirty water, for hugest unemployment and etc, We also have many gipsys that do not work and do crimes only.
Main characters:
The prime minister - He is ex fireman, I'm not joking! He was a freaking fireman  and personal bodyguard of Todor Jivkov - our communist dictator . He is also the bulgarian Chuck Norris, we have the same jokes about him.
the president - he is ex secret service agent during the communism He like to talk, anyway as just a president his functions are just nominal.
the finance minister - I swear, he looks exactly like Herr Flick form GESTAPO (if you remember that old series - "Allo, Allo"). No one really like him.
the csar - ex one, but he is still here and his hunger for power is strong again, he also want to rule half of the land of the state as private owner.
Ministry of the Interior official - before becomming one he was P.E. teacher.
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My solution:
Since all in the list are incompetent to solve any of the problems my solution is a to force them to accept new law called "Statute for transferring the whole territory and state power of Bulgaria to the People's Republic of China", or a "Statute for joining the United States of America as a U.S. State" or "Statute for joining Federal Republic of Germany". This way, they are going to rule us properly 
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Jabanoss
Promising
Legendary Hero
Property of Nightterror™
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posted April 09, 2011 11:15 AM |
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@Dagoth
Bring it on, I rather be ruled by Antwerp then by Bryssel. :/
Besides, seeing all the incompetent politicians in Sweden I rather by governed by a Belgian enlightened despot.
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"You turn me on Jaba"
- Meroe
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DagothGares
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
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posted April 09, 2011 11:23 AM |
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Random link to show I am playing on Antwerp nature, rather than making parallels with nazi-Germany.
Though, it may resemble a little of nazi-Germany, but I'd rather have it without all the gay exclusive nationalism.
Everyone can be an antwerp citizen!
And it seems Bulgaria sucks right, now, maybe we should annex it to bring Glorious Antwerp to the Big Eastern Parking Space.
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If you have any more questions, go to Dagoth Cares.
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted April 09, 2011 06:14 PM |
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I thought Xerox hacked Dagoth's profile 
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Duke_Falcon
Disgraceful
Supreme Hero
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posted April 09, 2011 06:38 PM |
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Dagoth!
Please annex Hungary to for the Antwerp Empire!
Our politicians are crazy nuts! Save us!
Please?
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Darkshadow
Legendary Hero
Cerise Princess
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posted April 09, 2011 07:56 PM |
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Quote:
*big post goes here*
Hmpf, fine. You will get to turn Russia into a parking-lot on the condition that you burn Stockholm to the ground
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JoonasTo
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
What if Elvin was female?
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posted April 09, 2011 08:41 PM |
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See how he wouldn't lay a finger on Finland. 
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DON'T BE A NOOB, JOIN A.D.V.E.N.T.U.R.E.
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted April 09, 2011 11:12 PM |
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JoonasTo
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
What if Elvin was female?
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posted April 09, 2011 11:13 PM |
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*sigh,
Mvass, I know you're an american but I expected better from you. Ethiopia is not shown on the map.
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DON'T BE A NOOB, JOIN A.D.V.E.N.T.U.R.E.
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DagothGares
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
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posted April 09, 2011 11:21 PM |
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*implying it's generally assumed that anything not shown on the map has been messed with in some way*
Also, generally, we people from Antwerp consider the rest of the world already like a huge parking lot. We would just reduce the area-that-is-a-huge-parking-lot by extending Antwerp.
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If you have any more questions, go to Dagoth Cares.
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JoonasTo
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
What if Elvin was female?
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posted April 09, 2011 11:31 PM |
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What are those pink spots? Your holiday inns?
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DON'T BE A NOOB, JOIN A.D.V.E.N.T.U.R.E.
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baklava
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Mostly harmless
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posted April 10, 2011 12:29 AM |
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Edited by baklava at 00:30, 10 Apr 2011.
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Well I think a great move for Serbia would be to break away from Kosovo and say that Kosovo is now, in fact, Serbia, and that we are Notserbia, whereas Serbia would keep all the Serbian national debt and Notserbia would start over with a whole lot less crap on its back.
Thank you Dagoth, for today you have inspired my national salvation.
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"Let me tell you what the blues
is. When you ain't got no
money,
you got the blues."
Howlin Wolf
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Corribus
Hero of Order
The Abyss Staring Back at You
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posted April 10, 2011 12:48 AM |
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What the hell happened to Europe? You guys once ruled the world. C'mon, guys. I know you can do it!!
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blizzardboy
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Nerf Herder
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posted April 10, 2011 01:05 AM |
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The Antwerp Empire is syrsly the wrong color. It should either be gray or brownish-red, depending on if you settle with fascism or communism. Ditch the yellow. You're not China or Japan. Everybody knows only Asian Empires can be yellow on a map.
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"Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us."
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baklava
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Mostly harmless
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posted April 10, 2011 03:20 AM |
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Oh and I think you missed this epic solution.
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"Let me tell you what the blues
is. When you ain't got no
money,
you got the blues."
Howlin Wolf
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