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| Thread: My Racist Uncle |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 · NEXT» |
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DagothGares
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
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posted October 24, 2011 11:54 PM |
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My Racist Uncle
My racist uncle
I'm very embarrassed about my uncle. He's a racist, you see. It sort of worries me, really. You can't sit at the table with him for two minutes or he starts going at it and we can't have dinner with the entire family or the more politically inclined family members start to fight with him and the children start to cry. It's really horrible, but he's your uncle, you know? You can't just forget about him, In our family we don't agree with him and we know what party he votes for, but despite that I don't think you can just forget about him. You're probably thinking right now: “Everyone has a racist uncle.” and “It can't be that bad.” but it really is that bad. I have a letter he sent to his party a while ago. I asked for a copy at the time, since I was interested in his ideas. I know, I'm kind of ashamed about that, but everyone has had stupid political views at one time or another, right?
Well, anyway, this is the letter:
“Dear Mr. Wellens,
I'm very glad to see that your party is finally gaining some popularity and managed to conquer some parliamentary seats, Mr. Wellens. From the start I was a big follower, you know and I write this to say that I'm glad that finally someone acknowledges these problems that no one else dares speak up about. To be frank, I'm tired of it. I can't stand it any more and I know everyone else agrees with me and that is why we need you and your party. Every day the same darned thing, you know? I'm eating breakfast with my wife and kid and suddenly two punks come storming in my house on horseback, chop off a hand, eat our food, rape my wife and they're off again on their war chariot that they probably haven't even paid for with their own money.
I call the police, but they don't even want to know. Last day, in fact, there was one of those big Scythian war chariots in front of my porch and they were busy eating my neighbour’s food and raping his wife and I, the good-natured citizen, have to sand by and watch? And this happens almost every day. Those war chariots of theirs, built for the steppes, ruin our roads and leave plenty a good citizen mangled on the street.
Do you think that's all right? I don't think that's all right. It makes me mad as hell, it does and the law stands by and watches. Sure, if your home is burned down, the supplies eaten and your children taken, then they might send someone to get a feel for the situation, maybe, but they won't risk a thing, oh no. They're all scared and the government wouldn't dare undertake action, because it isn't politically correct to “pursue” Scythians. Yeah, that's what they say.
I'm also not allowed to call them Scythians any more. That's just ridiculous. “They're the people of the Saka Rauka, a proud and noble people from the steppes and they don't want to be called by that Greek discriminatory term,” is what they tell me. As if I give a crap. They come to our homes, shoot everyone dead and burn everything down. They're Scythians. There's nothing politically incorrect about calling those people Scythians.
You know as well as I do that this has nothing to do with cultural identity. This is just plain violence. Take this morning. I go outside to tell that scum in front of my porch what for. So I shout something like: “Get the hell outta here, Scyth-scum!” and they of course not a single word of Dutch, They reply in their weird language and point to their horses and gesture with their arms and that is it. Of course they continue the way they always act. What's stopping them? Damn Scythians, raping our food, eating our wives. And the government gives them money. That's the worst part of it. Our king gives weak excuses like: “The Scythian army stands head and shoulders above ours and the only way to guarantee our nation's continued existence is to pay tribute to their leader.” Yeah, sure, fine, but that doesn't take away the fact we're giving money that doesn't speak our language and forces upon us their habits. And some basterds have the gall to claim that this people has been in economic, demographic and dynastic crisis for over two millennia.
Nothing could be further from the truth of course and you know it. You also must know what it feels like to talk to people who just don't want to hear or see, while all they have to do is open their eyes to see the plumes of smoke that spread over our lands like the plague. They say: “But, Jos, you know that it's just the Jazyges and that other Scythians aren't like that.” But I've never seen a Scythian stop another Scythian or heard them say: “We are entirely in disagreement with our nation's policy.” I'm not racist. I even have some Proto-Slavic and Ostrogothic friends. My great grandfather even has some Phoenician roots, but I think this Scythian business is pushing too far on our tolerance. That and all those people who want to protect someone else's cultural identity to a preposterous level.
And there's another thing they share with the Sarmatians: why do their virgins have to decapitate a non-Scythian in order to get married? Yeah, sure, they can do whatever in their own lands, but I think we should take measures against it in our own lands, at least. Recently, I saw one of my old buddies from school dangling from a horse's flank owned by one of those Scythian virgins on my way to the office. That girl had some heads hanging there, you know. Oh, well, you can't even imply some thing's wrong with that or that we shouldn't give them amnesty or citizenship an suddenly you're the second coming of Adolf Hitler. They shout: “You can't possibly demand they be sent back to the violent and terrible place they're coming from?” And I actually do. Let them become peaceful first and develop a sedentary lifestyle maybe develop a plough, before we allow them citizenship.
I'm sorry, I'm ranting again, while that's completely unnecessary here. I'm sorry, but I'm just so excited that I finally can talk to someone who sees eye to eye. I'm writing so you know not everyone thinks you're evil and to tell you you're fighting the good fight. Again, I wish you all the luck in the world and progress to your party so we can have some political dialogue again.
Sincerest regards,
Jos Van Tilborg”
I know, and the worst thing is that he's become a party member and everyone in our family refuses to talk to him. He used to be really funny, especially when he still had his right hand, you know.
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If you have any more questions, go to Dagoth Cares.
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Adrius
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Stand and fight!
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posted October 25, 2011 12:30 AM |
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I'm just gonna pretend I'm smart enough to understand this.
*touches beard and nods philosophically*
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gnomes2169
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Duke of the Glade
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posted October 25, 2011 12:36 AM |
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Indeed.
*Rubs stubble and enthusiastically nods*
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Yeah in the 18th century, two inventions suggested a method of measurement. One won and the other stayed in America.
-Ghost destroying Fred
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted October 25, 2011 12:54 AM |
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I thought you were gonna stop posting that kind of crap, Forf?
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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meroe
Supreme Hero
Basically Smurfette
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posted October 25, 2011 01:21 AM |
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Well I'd say your uncle very much has a sense of humor, if that letter is anything to go by.
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Meroe is definetely out, sweet
as she sounds sometimes, she'd
definetely castrate you with a
rusted razror and forcefeed
your genitals to you in a
blink of an eye - Kipshasz
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ohforfsake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted October 25, 2011 11:12 AM |
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Are you trying to be funny, silly willy? Forgive me for not laughing then.
Else, drop your disrespectful act and pull your head out of my butt cause it'll do a lot better on your shoulders. Then you might actually (re-)read the quoted letter and get the blatantly obvious reference. Geesh man, geesh.
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Tsar-Ivor
Promising
Legendary Hero
Scourge of God
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posted October 25, 2011 11:29 AM |
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Is your uncle making a reference to 'what was what' back in the 'old'days'? Or your folk are getting harassed by morons who ride schythed chariots in public  .
Ooooor I'm the fool for not realising that the letter is a joke and your uncle is a humorous chap who entertains the dinner table with his passionate views.
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"No laughs were had. There is only shame and sadness." Jenny
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xerox
Promising
Undefeatable Hero
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posted October 25, 2011 11:38 AM |
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Even by Xerox standards your uncle seems a bit to closely-minded and he would not be invited to the anti-segregation party here.
I am strongly against immigration and I have A LOT of arguments prepare to back me up on that but I do not complain about pillaging chariot riders. 
Plus I automatically asume that you all remember the time when the pizza delivery guy was MOST LIKELY going to rape me. IT SCARRED MY SOUL!
____________
Over himself, over his own
body and
mind, the individual is
sovereign.
- John Stuart Mill
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted October 25, 2011 03:08 PM |
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Forf, it wasn't the mention of it that was stupid, it was this bit:
"Have you informed your uncle that if the rapist yell surprise just before initiating the intercourse, it technically isn't a rape? ". What's that about?
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~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted October 25, 2011 03:10 PM |
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I have many racist friends. They literally have 0 contact with Blacks, Arabs and Jews, but all I can hear is Blacks this, Jews this, Arabs that. Pretty annoying.
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted October 25, 2011 04:58 PM |
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Well that kind of thing isn't funny.
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~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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Salamandre
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Wog refugee
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posted October 25, 2011 05:01 PM |
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I am an immigrant but can't say I won't rejoice if some of the 10 millions Arabs were sent back to their native home. One can dream.
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Era II mods and utilities
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Lexxan
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Unimpressed by your logic
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posted October 25, 2011 05:18 PM |
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I absolutely love that Dagoth was so careful to edit out the party's name the letter was sent to, and use code language like "Scythians", yet at the same time completely neglected to edit our his Uncle's real name, lol.
Also, why should we care?
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Coincidence? I think not!!!!
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted October 25, 2011 06:05 PM |
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Quote:
You aren't funny.
I may not be the funniest guy ever but I never make rape jokes and unfunny sexual jokes. Cheers mate.  Oh and good comeback by the way. 10 year old much?
As for you, Dagoth, I know what it's like to have racist people in my life. Obviously not the same situation as yours but it's still not nice.
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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OhforfSake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted October 25, 2011 06:19 PM |
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Hey, I'm just writing what you wrote to me. Absolute statement absolutely sucks, don't they? Think about that next time you want to judge people based on taste and in the proces, step on everyone who's otherwise having a decent time.
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted October 25, 2011 06:36 PM |
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Yeah alright mate. Let's get back on topic eh?
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~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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DagothGares
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
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posted October 27, 2011 12:41 AM |
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Quote:
I have many racist friends. They literally have 0 contact with Blacks, Arabs and Jews, but all I can hear is Blacks this, Jews this, Arabs that. Pretty annoying.
All my friends in Belgium are immigrant or half-immigrant and my sister is LBGT and has three kids. I must be living the nightmare of some boring people.
Anyway, Lexxan, I don't have an uncle. I originally didn't want to explain the joke but I wish none of you would've gotten so serious in such a weird thread I started by posting an imaginary letter from my imaginary uncle (really, Lex, you think I'd have an uncle called Jos?) about a tribe of people that hasn't existed ever since they were taken over by Sauromatian tribes 2250 years ago.
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If you have any more questions, go to Dagoth Cares.
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted October 27, 2011 12:52 AM |
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You mean this isn't a sober analysis of one of the main problems facing Belgium? I feel so betrayed.
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Eccentric Opinion
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted October 28, 2011 09:55 AM |
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well, I thought it was either a joke, or your uncle fled from a psychiatric hospital
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Gibblets
Adventuring Hero
Spontaneously Coherent Typist
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posted October 28, 2011 10:27 AM |
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It's clearly an over the top letter that has some well placed jokes in it, that could even be considered the story of someone living in second/third world conditions. Some might even call it a humourous story.
It's not surprising that once anything about rape/racism/abortion/dick jokes appears there'll always be two ppl arguing about it. So here comes the third person, I work in a University where there are a lot of exchange students. It's a great thing to see social groups where no one is the same race. Just being judged on the content of their character instead of their melanin concentrations.
Not to mention that the foreign ones are usually more polite, and I've found their perspectives to be very revealing about the worlds they come from. Which in turn allows us all to see what is good and what is bad about your society(which ever you belong to). I come from Canada and if not for the hard working immigrants that came here(European countries) we couldn't have accompished this much. I'll bet that it's just as good for this country to accept those who want a 'better' life for themselves. As long as ppl who want to work hard and contribute continue to come here the country will be in good stead.
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