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| Thread: Sex or murder on TV. What is worse? |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 3 4 5 · «PREV / NEXT» |
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Consis
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posted July 03, 2004 06:14 AM |
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Edited By: Consis on 4 Jul 2004
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This Thread Is Useless(sounds like a Mormon church service)
SaphireRavyn,
The issue was sex or murder on tv. What sort of rant was that about your kids? To tell you the truth, I'm worried for your sanity. You seem to think that by creating some sort of in-house dictatorship you can keep those kids on the right path? I think not.
The best way to raise those kids is to show them the consequences for their actions. Educate them, don't sit there and order them around like they're your inferior soldiers. I can't believe what I heard. Talking about knowing where they are at all times and such nonsense. That's impossible, get your head out of your arse. You can never truly be sure what those kids are doing. As their legal guardian the most you can do is educate them. Teach them what happens when they decide to be promiscuous, violent, and/or do drugs.
Trust me that tight hold you're keeping on them will only lead them to be proactive in breaking away from it. It's the whole reason behind the statistics that Vesuvius gave. He's right. The more you tighten your grip on those kids, the more you're going to see them rebel and do the exact opposite. Education is the only way to combat bad decisions. Even the highly educated make mistakes, but at the very least they learn from them.
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Aculias
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Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
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posted July 03, 2004 06:45 AM |
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Well thier both bad in thier own way because 90% of the time they dont explain how dangerous it can be.
Murders can change the views of a person about how cruel this world can be.
Every day many people get murdered & kids dont need to worry about that yet.
Sex can be just as bad,it dont show the dangers in sex if you watch it in a young age, you may miss the diseases etc.
Kids dont need to worry about sex either yet, they dont need to worry about stress at all because thier not old enough to worry about all that stuff yet even tho same bastard parents force them to have stress with adult stuff.
If they are shown any of these on tv & I wouldnt recondmend it yet.
You as a parent need to explain to them what it is all about.
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Dreaming of a Better World
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Shai-Hulud
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Sicomor
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posted July 03, 2004 12:12 PM |
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Hey...Consis.. That was really funny  Now really I'm not beein ironic...
Well related to what you said I can give you a simple example.. At school we had a terroist teacher () and cuaght I guy with a sex manual and started saying to all ohters bot to ever come with such materials at school. The next day...like half of the school had the book and those who hadn't read it already they read it at school
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~~~Azzy~~~
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Consis
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posted July 04, 2004 09:02 PM |
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Edited By: Consis on 4 Jul 2004
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In Addition,
SaphireRavyn,
I can't stop thinking about your earlier post. I really think this is why we have so many wayward youths these days. I'm not saying that you don't care, I'm simply saying that the sentiment is directed(rather incorrectly) toward total control.
I am so infuriated to hear that you would actually ground(american slang; form of punishment used to take away certain freedoms and/or priviledges) a child for not getting better grades in school. That is the most incorrect signal to send a young growing mind. It's as if you, as the parent, are telling the teenager, adolescent, etc. that they will be punished for not achieving a certain level of scholastic academia. How utterly incorrect a signal to send them! In my 29 years being in existence, I have always thought encouragement to be the best means of guidance. To try and strike fear in their hearts to force them to get better grades is off kilter.
I sincerely hope you reconsider your policies with the child that you say you have punished for not achieving better grades.
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Roses Are RedAnd So Am I
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Romana
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Thx :D
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posted July 04, 2004 10:29 PM |
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Edited By: Romana on 4 Jul 2004
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Quote:
am so infuriated to hear that you would actually ground(american slang; form of punishment used to take away certain freedoms and/or priviledges) a child for not getting better grades in school. That is the most incorrect signal to send a young growing mind.
C'mon Consis..you must be joking. The most incorrect signal would be bashing the teens head in or something like that.
All parents are different and grounding to me doesn't sound like severe punishment. Besides you don't know Sapphire's kids so you can't really judge about it either 
As for sex or murder on tv. Well i kinda like the system we have here in the Netherlands that prior to the programm in question warning is given about if the programm contains sex, violence or whatever.
The rest is up to the parents really, since they know their children best..
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Aculias
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posted July 04, 2004 10:53 PM |
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Maybe you should baby sit your kids when they go to school or play outside because shes right,kids parents raise thier kids diferently & are different & your kids 100% of the time will pick up & learn from them as well.
Maybe it is right if parents can show them why certain slangs are wrong like swear words.
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Consis
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posted July 05, 2004 12:10 AM |
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Edited By: Consis on 4 Jul 2004
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Huh?
Um, if bashing a child's head in for not getting good grades in school is an incorrect signal in your country then I wouldn't want to visit. Here in america it's called a crime when you abuse your children. And that sort of thing is a disgusting technique used by adults who can't handle people of their own size.
Telling me that I don't know her kids seems to ignore that my entire response was based on what she wrote. I don't know those children but I do know that punishment for an unsatisfactory report card is not the way to go about education and, furthermore, learning how to become a better person.
I have three kids. There are many things I don't let them watch on t.v. and many more things I don't let them watch when I play my computer games. Some of the material, I simply don't want them exposed to yet. My oldest is five years old. No doubt, there will come a time when they may be interested in viewing some harsh programs or games. I'm not going to restrict them from the material. I'm going to try and approach them with logic. I'll tell them my own opinion and how I think those sorts of things can influence a person's emotions. I must always remember that I must be willing to listen to their own opinions. Talking about it all is the best way to go about it, I think, whereas placing demands and restrictions might lead to a catastrophic all out rebellion. Independence of the child must be respected. They have private space just as we adults do. You can't simply force your way into a person's life, no matter how much you love them.
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Aculias
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posted July 05, 2004 02:16 AM |
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Dang straight you need to get on your kids case if they get bad grades.
Schools very important in life & your kids need the education.
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Dreaming of a Better World
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Shai-Hulud
Known Hero
Sicomor
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posted July 05, 2004 10:27 AM |
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Consis...
You have your opinions about life and how you are teaching your kids to approache different matters. In my case... Well I don't see a different way of teaching my future childs how to be other then my father's one. Well you live in USA. You have for different things another approach. Well I live in Romania... And the only thing I was taught was something about religion( orthodoxism) and that's well for me.So from all this even if I ended up beeing some very weird( don't know for sure what). But logiccaly taking this it worked very well( even if that including when I failed to much having me hit--> but now I see that was for the better). Now I'm 17. From 7-14 I was allowed to go even in the next town(even if I never went there) but at 8-9 I had to be home. Now that I'm 17 they I'm allowed to leave home at 10 (even if I do it rarely). So in my case I don't see your point. If you were so interested in reading all this thread you also have seen my situation. You see in Romania and almost all east european countries, it dowsn't matter you are mental unstable( that if you aren't a psuco), it matters what you end up proffesionnaly if you have criminal record or something else like this.
Same for my brother's( i like have 2 brother's who are grownups now... actully one of them is getting married in august, works at a local TV and so on the other is at university studying English and German).
So in conclusion, everyone has his method which works or not. You seems to have a problem here with this. In your opinion Sapphyre is making big mistakes. Totally wrong. Because I asked several off my best friends if they would have liked to have my parents or any other parents instead of their present ones. They all said no. The final goal is to make your child love you. It doesn't matter how( but it's important to be love not fear).If you reached this goal then you can be sure that your children will do everything you suggest them( that means also making them have good grades and so on)... Maybe you will say that I don't know what is really going on becuase I'm a child afterall. But this is totally wrong. My position gives me an advantge over you as a parent...and a grownup...
Looking foward for your reply
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~~~Azzy~~~
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Gandalfs_Girl
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Champion Ice Cream Eater
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posted July 05, 2004 10:50 AM |
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Quote:
Dang straight you need to get on your kids case if they get bad grades.
Schools very important in life & your kids need the education.
Speakin as a teenager just finished school i aint sure bout this comment.
Yeh ok i agree we need our education but GvB (my dad) used to shout at me, give me lectures everytime i put a step out of place in my work and i can tell u that did not make me bttr. It put me off. If a pupils attitude towards their work isnt strong and they aint gettin "support" not anger towards them they are gonna do nuthin. Gettin "on or case" is crap cos we only gonna think SHUDDUP and try and **** our parents off more.
If they show encouragement and try to help us with our homework or whateva wen we ask for it (if they are ever there) then that wud help more dont ye think?
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Aculias
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posted July 05, 2004 11:59 AM |
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you will understand when you get older.
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Gandalfs_Girl
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posted July 05, 2004 12:05 PM |
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if i dont understand wen im the one who's bein affected and lectured - wen will i understand? wen im ruining my own kids education?
oh and use sumthin new acu its gettin old mr maturity.
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Hritik
Adventuring Hero
Weekly viewer
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posted July 05, 2004 12:10 PM |
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Porn on tv is bad. My country is full of perverts who like to watch porn, then it influences them to go out and commit rape. Imho, violence on tv is not suitable for ppl aged 12 and below, but porn, affects all these youths and then the rape cases increases, thus shouldn't be suitable for youths under 18. Besides, any sex scenes are cut out from the movies in my country, but violence are censored less.
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Consis
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posted July 05, 2004 05:03 PM |
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Edited By: Consis on 5 Jul 2004
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Shai-Hulud,
Quote:
that means also making them have good grades and so on
I disagree. You can't make your kids get good grades. Forcing them to learn is counterproductive in my opinion.
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Roses Are RedAnd So Am I
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Shai-Hulud
Known Hero
Sicomor
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posted July 05, 2004 06:10 PM |
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Quote:
Quote:
that means also making them have good grades and so on
I disagree. You can't make your kids get good grades. Forcing them to learn is counterproductive in my opinion.
You seem to get my message wrong...The words before this is something like suggesting... That means you don't force kids so that they could have good grades. You suggest them that learning is good( explain the reason...the fact they love you gives you an enormous advantage) and so you have a good child( we are talking about normal ones with an IQ above 90, said to be the boundry between normal persons and those with problems... and you don't have to remind me about the IQ thing when you got that stupid score...Believe me if that was true, you wouldn't had those understandable posts ( not saying that they have to be good... simple understandable). Also I'm absolutely sure, that you wouldn't have reached that kind of job like parachumedic or what was it )
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~~~Azzy~~~
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SapphireRavyn
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posted July 05, 2004 09:59 PM |
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Consis, now I understand why people treat you the way they do at times.
My point, which you completely missed, was that if we as parents take an active role in the lives of our children and teach them right from wrong then they won't be as negatively impacted by the things they see and hear on TV. If they know that what they see is not the "right" way, then they will be less likely to imitate it. More importantly, if the home atmosphere is one where they can ask questions about what they see on TV, then they are going to learn quite a bit more.
For the record, I don't order them around. I have rules, but they are not strict rules. Actually pretty much the only 2 rules I have is that they 1) let me know where they are at and who they are with and 2) that they come home at curfew. There are many reasons for the first rule. One being, I actually care and take an interest in their lives, two, I want to be able to find them if there is an emergency (both of their grandparents are in questionable health, and my husband is in the guard and there is always the possibility he could get called up with litte warning) and three, if we need to go somewhere or do something I want to be able to let them know. As for educating them about what happens when you get into drugs and alcohol, did you miss the part I wrote about their parents and why they live with me?!? They know what the consequences are, they've lived with them first hand. I stated that I knew where they were and what they were doing. NOT that I TOLD them where to go and what to do. I am NOT dictating their lives, just taking an active role. I do NOT scream at them or control them. I provide them with a caring and loving home where they can come to and ask questions about anything they have questions about. My nephew and I have discussed just about everything. NOT because I made him (you can't MAKE a child talk to you) but because he feels comfortable talking to me. I tell him what possible consequences can be depending on what choices he makes, but I don't tell him what to choose, unless it's something life threatening.
I also think you missed the part where I explained that they were pretty much wayward youths BEFORE they came to live with me but have gotten into very little trouble SINCE living with me. As a matter of fact they were given choices about where to live and both CHOSE to stay with me, because I have given them the best / most loving home. So I must be doing something right, don't ya think?
As for me grounding her for her grades. I gave perhaps an incorrect impression. I did not ground her because she is unintelligent and not ABLE to achieve better grades. I grounded her because she was not TRYING. If she does not have the time in her schedule to complete and turn in her homework, then she does not have time to be out running around, or competing in sports. If she had been doing her work and giving it her best and still not achieving high grades, that would have been acceptable. I would not hold her to a standard that she is not capable of achieving.
And for the record, I do encourage her. I help her with her homework EVERY day. I am a certified school teacher and I use my education very much to her benefit. If she has any questions I drop whatever I am doing to help her. Sometimes we spend HOURS working on homework. This is part of the reason I get frustrated. She is VERY smart and I know it, but sometimes she just gets it in her head to not do things, and her grades suffer. Or she "forgets" to do things until the night before they are due, or the day they are due. But I do not just stand around and scream and yell at her and tell her she's stupid or something. I take the time to explain to her that I love her and I want her to get more out of life then her parents did and in order for her to do that, she needs to get a good education. OH, and by grounding her I basically mean that I pulled her out of athletics and did not let her go out during the week. She was still allowed time with her friends on Friday and Saturday nights and Sunday afternoon if her homework was done. There were always exceptions to the rules too (like a home ballgame, some special event, etc.). It's not like she didn't see the light of day except for school for the whole school year.
I may be somewhat strict but you know what a lot of their friends like to come over here, you know why? Because I care enough to take an interest in what they do. A lot of the kids parents don't have a clue or care what their kids are doing. And they therefore do not take any time to teach their kids much of anything.
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It's not who wins or losses that matters, it's how you play the game. Honor before all else!
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SapphireRavyn
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posted July 05, 2004 10:11 PM |
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Quote:
Yeh ok i agree we need our education but GvB (my dad) used to shout at me, give me lectures everytime i put a step out of place in my work and i can tell u that did not make me bttr. It put me off. If a pupils attitude towards their work isnt strong and they aint gettin "support" not anger towards them they are gonna do nuthin. Gettin "on or case" is crap cos we only gonna think SHUDDUP and try and **** our parents off more.
If they show encouragement and try to help us with our homework or whateva wen we ask for it (if they are ever there) then that wud help more dont ye think?
This is exactly my point GG. I do not "get on her case" or yell or lecture her. I simply made the decision that if she didn't have time to complete her homework, then she didn't have time to be out running around or competing in sports. If she had been completing her homework and was still getting poor grades, that would have been different, but was not the case. She "didn't have time" to get things done, so I made sure she had the time. I encourage her all the time and have told her repeatedly that she can do anything she sets her mind to. She is a strong, intelligent young woman and when she gets a little older and decides what she wants out of life I want her to be able to achieve it. I also help her with her homework. I have an advantage because I only teach part time as a substitute. The rest of the time I am home and able to help her. I know all of her teachers and can get lots of insight from them if she is struggling with something I can't directly help her with. I also noticed that you said, "if they are ever there" This is EXACTLY my point. Many kids parents are not there for them and do not take an active role in their kids lives. I am there for them ANY TIME THEY NEED ME, all they have to do is ask, and they know it. And yes, you are right GG, it has helped them. You are definitely onto something here! And you know what, so am I. Thank you for giving a teens point of view.
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It's not who wins or losses that matters, it's how you play the game. Honor before all else!
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Consis
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Of Ruby
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posted July 05, 2004 11:21 PM |
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Edited By: Consis on 8 Jul 2004
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SaphireRavyn,
It sounds like you have it all figured out. Don't let me get your feathers ruffled. Apparently you now know why those toh'ers are complete jerks to me. Fine. Good for you. I'm glad you got that figured out.
All this nonsense about me not listening to your post because I didn't respond to a large majority of what you said. I didn't because I agreed with it. But hey, apparently I missed the part about how you take an active role in your kid's lives. My point was to combat a sociallly inept common occurrence where parents think that they can rule their kid's lives by being too involved. That's my disagreement. It's not missing your point. What it is, is a contradiction to your agressive hands-on approach to dictating all of their actions.
And another thing, don't bother throwing that sympathy story about the kid's parents being drug addicts.....because you're talking to one of those kids right now. Funny how life works eh? You make it sound like those kids deserve some kind of special treatment for having grown up in that environment. Nobody ever gave me nothing. Nobody came to my rescue when my mother had me pinned up against a wall with garden sheers threatening to kill me, while my younger brother pleaded for my life. It's great that you want to play hero for them, you want some kind of an award or something? There are other people who make the sacrifices just like you do. If you check the suicide thread you'll notice PrivateHudson is just as much a hero as you are but you don't see him ranting about it looking for approval. He simply did what he had to do because it needed to be done and he was in a position to do something about it, no bragging, searching for sympathy votes, ranting, etc. To me that's the right way to go about it. I think you have the wrong attitude.
I think it's great that you took those kids in and changed their lives for the better. Now is you opportunity to make a lasting impression. One that will leave them to look favorably upon furthering their education. the first part of their lives is tough enough, as I'm sure you know. College is the continuing result of a good upbringing. Because if you screw it up by sticking your nose in their private space then they'll reject it outright.
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Roses Are RedAnd So Am I
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bjorn190
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posted July 05, 2004 11:28 PM |
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I think it might be important to be a good role model to your children, and give them support and love. However, be careful about restricting their freedom. There is an incredibly strong human mechanism to rebel against that kind of oppression. Even if it is the parent oppressing the child, even though your intentions are good, the result is likely be bad.
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Aculias
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posted July 05, 2004 11:42 PM |
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Theres no contradictions in this cases of parenting COnsis.
It's hard.
Ravyns right tho, if they cant listen & they still cant do good on thier grades then try some different approaches like grounding them or taking activities away or try anythang.
Gandolf Girl I know how you feel I was there I didnt graduate from highschool.
I wish I did but some circumstances happened.
Stay in college, work on what you told me about what you want to be & stick with it.
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Dreaming of a Better World
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