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Heroes Community > Tavern of the Rising Sun > Thread: The Ultimate Male's Guide To Overcoming Cybergeekdom
Thread: The Ultimate Male's Guide To Overcoming Cybergeekdom This thread is 31 pages long: 1 2 3 4 5 ... 10 20 ... 27 28 29 30 31 · «PREV / NEXT»
TheUltimateM...
TheUltimateMale


Promising
Known Hero
Male Escort
posted July 09, 2004 09:48 PM bonus applied.

Your Prayers Have Been Answered

As I am a man of my word, I have once again returned in hopes of emancipating all you Cyberslaves from your virtual reality prisons.  For the moment, I am going to overlook the stereotypical and ungrateful remarks made by MmmVaseline and Smellfious.  I guess they grew weary of sniffing, bottling, and categorizing their own farts, at least for the time being.  Anyway, as I promised, here is some priceless knowledge that all you Cybergeeks need to absorb and implement if you plan on finding a female companion that does not require pixels, a hand pump, or a vivid imagination in order to exist.

This post will be your guide the next time that you dare venture outside of your fantasy worlds in order to interface with reality, but more importantly, to interact with females.  After reading this, you will be able to leave your abysmal database dungeons with a feeling of confidence, as you will be armed with the necessary information to help you score with a real and breathing female (who is hopefully not related to you).

So before I commence to today’s lesson, I need your undivided attention.  With that being said…

Ladies please initiate flood protect on those panties in case you find yourself fantasizing about me.
Male Cybergeeks please disable that firewall that prohibits you from listening to an alpha male and the voice of reason.
Male Cybergeeks Pretending To Be Female Cybersnows please engage your pop-up blockers so you don’t work yourself into a fervor thinking that this post will help you become that superheroine you always wanted to be…and for goodness sake, take off those leotards!

Without any further adieu, here is…      

The Ultimate Male's Guide To Picking-Up Women: How To Answer Every Question Right (Cybergeek Edition)

Are you new around here?
Correct Response:  I am not new around here.  I have been a bit busy as of late.  Since I had some downtime, I decided to take a break, relax, and have some fun.  My name is (your real name here, not DarkWizard2000).  Nice to meet you.
Incorrect Response: No, I am not new around here, but this is the first time I have left my house in three weeks.  Since I got fired from Billy’s Big Burger last month for burning the fries, I couldn’t pay my cable bill, so I lost my Internet connection.  How about we go back to your place so I can check my sixteen email accounts?      

Have we met before?
Correct Response: No, I don’t believe that we have met before.  My name is (your real name here, not Legolas420).  
Incorrect Response: Yes, we met back in 6th Grade when you and your friends caught me in the girls’ locker room  trying to steal your underwear.  You then proceeded to kick my a** and tell everyone how much of a pervert I was.  I have thought about that incident every… single…miserable…day of my ruined life up until now.  I am so thankful to have finally found you after all these years.  Would you like to go for a walk?

I like your shirt.  Where did you get it?
Correct Response: Thanks a lot.  After my last trip to the mall, this shirt just happened to catch my eye.  I have a few more like it at home.
Incorrect Response: I got this shirt for free at Game Stop after waiting in line seventeen hours for an advance copy of Everquest II.  I have about 36 other video game t-shirts like this at home, but I have worn this particular shirt for a week now, since it is my favorite.   Hey, would you like to join my Everquest guild?

Those retro shoes are totally cool!  Where did you find them?
Correct Response: I got them as a gift from this girl that I have known for a very long time.  I am glad you like them.
Incorrect Response: My mom bought them for me, along with some underwear and socks.  Would you like to see my new Yu-Gi-Oh pajamas she just got me?  They even have footies!

Can I buy you a drink?
Correct Response: That would be great, as long as you allow me to get the next round.
Incorrect Response: Wow!  You are the first real female to offer to buy me a drink!  Laurana515, my ex-Cybergirlfriend, used to buy me drinks all the time at The Tavern of the Dark Elf.  Unfortunately, I caught her cheating on me with SturmLongblade in the Secret Lovers of Krynn chat room.  If you ever run into her online, please don’t tell her I talked to you, alright?

Are you here by yourself?
Correct Response: Yes.  My friends are all out of town so I decided to go this one alone.  How about you?
Incorrect Response: Unfortunately, all my fellow Warhammer guild members decided to go to Warhammer Fantasy and 40k this weekend and left me here alone.  Once I become a certified Dungeon Master, I will make them all pay dearly for not inviting me, mark my words!  

What do you do for a living?
Correct Response: I am a supervisor in an organization of about 3000 members, where I get to make crucial decisions and try to influence the behavior of others.
Incorrect Response: I am a Heroes Community Moderator.

Do you have a particular fantasy?  Please tell me about it.
Correct Response: Of course I do.  It involves spending a wonderful evening with an intelligent and beautiful woman in a very exotic location far away from here.  We can talk about the details if you like, but I would rather hear about your fantasy first.  
Incorrect Response: My fantasy is to have Seven Of Nine from Star Trek take me prisoner aboard the Voyager.  Once there, she requires my assistance to help her disconnect from the Borg collective mind through the neutralization of the upper-spinal column neurotransceiver and by performing all types of self-indulging, hedonistic, and erotic sexual acts.  The best part is that she makes me do everything twice, so that she can create a back-up file of everything to store in her Borg memory banks that have not yet been removed.   Would you like to join us?

You remind me of a movie star, but I can’t figure out just whom you look like.  Has anyone ever told you this before?
Correct Response: I have been told this a few times before, but I believe it is because I have a friendly face.  Someone one told me that I have Mel Gibson’s eyes, but I really don’t see it.  What do you think?
Incorrect Response: Yes, everyone refers to me as Smeagol as a result of my striking resemblance to Gollum from the Lord of the Rings movie.  Would you like to see my impersonation?  Come here and give me some tongue, my preciossssssssssssss…

Would you like to go back to my place?
Correct Response: I am ready whenever you are.
Incorrect Response: Maybe another time.  You see, there is an online meeting taking place tonight where former members of the 3DO Company will be discussing future plans for the Heroes of Might and Magic series.  I can’t miss that!  Maybe you would like to sit in the mIRC meeting room with me?

Would you like to hang out with me again sometime?
Correct Response: Definitely!  I had a wonderful time!  Let me get your phone number, and I will give you mine.  I am free next Friday or Saturday night.  Which night would be better for you?
Incorrect Response: I have to check to see when my next Fraternal Order of  Fantasy Role-Players are having their next event.  There is also the World Series of Magic the Gathering being held here in Seattle shortly, so I need to practice my skills and get the Fifth Dawn expansion set of cards in order to qualify.  Life just doesn’t get any better than this!

END

So there you have it.  If you take some time to read and memorize the correct answers to the above questions, then you are guaranteed to increase the odds of making that special connection with the next real female who decides to interact with you.  Remember, you have to leave the house for this to work, since chances are that Matilda the UPS lady has a very busy schedule.  While you are reading and digesting this priceless advice this weekend, please do not IM me with any personal questions or hypothetical situations, as I will be unavailable.  Inga the flight attendant (along with her two friends, Elisabet and Sybilla) from Swedish Air are going to be in town for the weekend, and I will be their entertainment while they are here.  The life of a male escort can be rough at times, but it beats being a Cyberwanker any day of the week.  

Stay tuned for my post early next week titled Showdown With The High School Bully:  A Page From Every Cybergeek’s History, but until then…

____________
Don't hate me because I am beautiful.

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gorman
gorman


Promising
Legendary Hero
Been around since before 2003
posted July 09, 2004 10:23 PM

I have an interesting predicament for you UM - Ultimate Male... What if a woman's interested in cybergeeks? You never know...it could happen...
____________
When all else fails... Take notes.... ALL the time... ESPECIALLY when playing D&D.... or Pokemon in my case

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Lord_Woock
Lord_Woock


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Daddy Cool with a $90 smile
posted July 09, 2004 10:28 PM

*tries hard not to laugh*

Um... Hey, thanks, you... really, really, really helped me. You, like, saved me from wasting my entire life in front of this gray box with the screen. I followed your guide and now I've got my very own personal harem! Show me where, and I'll build you a temple!

*bursts out laughing*

NOT!
____________
Yolk and God bless.
---
My buddy's doing a webcomic and would certainly appreciate it if you checked it out!

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mvassilev
mvassilev


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
posted July 09, 2004 10:54 PM

TheUltimateMale: Ungrateful? I think not. You are the one who is ungrateful, refusing my offer of teaching you how to be worthy of existing.




Everyone else: Please ignore him if you want to remain worthy of existing.
____________
Eccentric Opinion

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TheUltimateM...
TheUltimateMale


Promising
Known Hero
Male Escort
posted July 09, 2004 10:55 PM

Quote:
I have an interesting predicament for you UM - Ultimate Male... What if a woman's interested in cybergeeks? You never know...it could happen...
The chances of that ever happenening are about as likely as The Children's Television Network nominating Michael Jackson as their spokesperson.  Wait, I almost forgot, I must use an analogy that you Cybergeeks will understand.  I've got it.  The chances of that ever happening are about as likely as that Cyberfool Aculias making a logical, cohesive post with no grammatical or spelling mistakes.  Basically, it's not ever going to happen.  Sorry.
____________
Don't hate me because I am beautiful.

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Lord_Woock
Lord_Woock


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Daddy Cool with a $90 smile
posted July 09, 2004 10:57 PM

Actually, I've seen at least one of his posts fitting the description. If you don't believe me, why not dig through those six stars' worth of posting
____________
Yolk and God bless.
---
My buddy's doing a webcomic and would certainly appreciate it if you checked it out!

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mvassilev
mvassilev


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
posted July 09, 2004 10:58 PM

Michael Jackson? I think we all know what (not who) he is.
I understand your good intentions, TheUltimateMale, only you treat us like children instead of cybergeeks. You don't know how to treat cybergeeks. I'll teach you.

If you are a Cybergeek:
Immediatly suggest joining an RP.

If you are not a Cybergeek:
Bow to them, say "My lord/lady, I am not worthy!", run away screaming, and become a cybergeek.
____________
Eccentric Opinion

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gorman
gorman


Promising
Legendary Hero
Been around since before 2003
posted July 09, 2004 11:04 PM

Quote:
Quote:
I have an interesting predicament for you UM - Ultimate Male... What if a woman's interested in cybergeeks? You never know...it could happen...
The chances of that ever happenening are about as likely as The Children's Television Network nominating Michael Jackson as their spokesperson.  Wait, I almost forgot, I must use an analogy that you Cybergeeks will understand.  I've got it.  The chances of that ever happening are about as likely as that Cyberfool Aculias making a logical, cohesive post with no grammatical or spelling mistakes.  Basically, it's not ever going to happen.  Sorry.


So by proclaiming that all here are cybergeeks and you're our "savior" and not a cybergeek, why r u still here?  You apparently are as much a cybergeek as Mvass or Woock and if you say that a woman falling for a cybergeek will never happen...well...I guess your just sh** outta luck too
____________
When all else fails... Take notes.... ALL the time... ESPECIALLY when playing D&D.... or Pokemon in my case

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Shai-Hulud
Shai-Hulud


Known Hero
Sicomor
posted July 10, 2004 12:06 AM
Edited By: Shai-Hulud on 9 Jul 2004

UltimateMale

I was like wanted how many answers would I would have responded yes... Well just 1-2. The ideea is what you consider to be a cybergeek... Someone who stays like 24/7 in front of a screen just playing and chatting.. or you get to put in it those who do progreamming repair hardware and all the rest. You get to see pshychos too. But every sowrd has 2 cuting parts: So if we would take it by your model and forget computers, I can give you something else. Where would we be today if not for those crazy passionate people to stay in front of a thing and try to discover something. Let me give you a weird example. Japan. 17th century. Japan had to choose between defeating their pride and accepting gunpowder weapons or repulsing every aspect of exterior influence.Well after many verbal fights beetween the members of the same clan, even, some of the clans accepted gunpowder even if that meant the distruction of the Samurai and their tradition in the art of war.The other clans followed. Ridiculosly or not it seems to me that mankind faces the same problem now. If mankind decides accepting computers and their power it will be sure that all tradition will be destroyed. Will build robots to do every task and we will just have to sit in front of the computer to make others and direct the ones we have. Realtionships between people from great distances will become normal and less and less time will be avaible. Seeing the planet problems( relating ecology), all planet beauties will vanish and all that will be left will be the inside gardens of our homes... So believe it or not, computers and thuir fanatics will succeed and mankind ways of living will change. Know why I'm sure of that? The same example. Every samurai thought that they can't be abolished simple beacuse they will have to defend the Lands of the Gods. Well it wasn't the case.
Quote:
With the fall of Osaka Castle in 1615, the Tokugawa's last potential rival was eliminated, and relative peace prevailed in Japan for about 250 years. As a result, the importance of martial skills declined, and most samurai became bureaucrats, teachers or artists.
-->http://www.japan-guide.com/e/e2127.html

Well.. I see the case here too. We wont be needing human work... so we will have to do something. Since not all people are born artists.. then the only thing that will be left for our pleasure will be that stupid machine called COMPUTER- ALLMIGHTY GOD OF POSSESION. So it seems to me that your efeorts are useless and one man against mankind... really makes no difference. So even if ypur struggle let's say really convinces some people... It will be useless. You will have to make a monastery or something as it is now in Japan. Some buddhists remained faithfull to the old way of style even now they prepare their monks in the old Zen way.. automutilation beeing seens as a form for reaching Nirvana, the peace state of our mind.

Quote:
Many people in Japan today consider themselves Shintoist and Buddhist, in spite of alienation from specific Buddhist temples and Shinto shrines associated with their family.  According to a 1996 report, about 194,000,000 Japanese are members of both religions, about 54% more than the total population of Japan.  Apparent by these numbers, Shinto and Buddhism are not in conflict with each other but exist peacefully together.  What is not seen by these numbers, is the number of regular worshipers and attendees.  A majority of the people go to shrines and temples only for annual events and rituals.  Some examples of annual attendances would be the first shrine or temple visit in the new year (hatsumode), and a visit to the family grave during the Bon Festival.  Some rituals that are observed are those that involve the different stages of a person's life, like a newborn's first shrine visit (miyamairi), the Shichi-go-san Festival shrine visit for 3 & 5 year old boys and for 3 & 7year old girls, a Shinto wedding ceremony and a Buddhist funeral.

- -    http://www.asianinfo.org/asianinfo/japan/religion.htm#RELIGION IN JAPAN TODAY

That means our style of life now will become something for the rare occassion.

So... In conclusion. Your struggle is usseless( that as I see it), so if you won't see, or even your children won't, what I'm saying here your grandchildren will experience this as something normal...

Best regards,
Shai-Hulud... Future Shogun of The Cybergeeks


Edit: Believe me this has took my imagination far away (even if I believe everything I said) and nothing here except those quotes are not copied or even inspired from any source other than my simple imagination

____________
~~~Azzy~~~

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Sir_Stiven
Sir_Stiven


Honorable
Legendary Hero
banned
posted July 10, 2004 12:22 AM

rofl

you got a good game going there...

what im interested in knowing though is how you learned all those "bad answers"... learning by doing?

on a side not, if that post wasnt quality you will never find one...except if you look at some of my posts then

give him a QP for the thread and the last post.

and no.

If i want something said i do it under my real and only account.

Though i see a certain resemblance, give him alittle more attitude and directness and he is close.

As said...good going there, let me know if you wanna be a padawan of mine

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Asmodean
Asmodean


Responsible
Supreme Hero
Heroine at the weekend.
posted July 10, 2004 01:56 AM

Quote:
What do you do for a living?
Correct Response: I am a supervisor in an organization of about 3000 members, where I get to make crucial decisions and try to influence the behavior of others.
Incorrect Response: I am a Heroes Community Moderator.


He deserves a QP for that alone

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mvassilev
mvassilev


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
posted July 10, 2004 04:02 AM

More like a -QP.


HC rules. Accept it, TheUltimateMale, or suffer being banned. Your efforts are useless and undesirable. Here's an idea: go escort your women full-time, we cybergeeks can manage.
____________
Eccentric Opinion

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gorman
gorman


Promising
Legendary Hero
Been around since before 2003
posted July 10, 2004 04:04 AM

Whoa whoa whoa Mvass, calm down bud. He's just jokin around
____________
When all else fails... Take notes.... ALL the time... ESPECIALLY when playing D&D.... or Pokemon in my case

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Asmodean
Asmodean


Responsible
Supreme Hero
Heroine at the weekend.
posted July 10, 2004 04:05 AM

Yeah, but this is the only kind of woman he attracts

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gorman
gorman


Promising
Legendary Hero
Been around since before 2003
posted July 10, 2004 04:17 AM

Asmodean...I have just lost all respect in you... that's SICK!! Where'd you find that garbage anyway? lol
____________
When all else fails... Take notes.... ALL the time... ESPECIALLY when playing D&D.... or Pokemon in my case

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pandora
pandora


Honorable
Legendary Hero
The Chosen One
posted July 10, 2004 05:00 AM

I dunno what it is about this thread but it keeps me coming back.. geeks - er guys.. listen up! he's good LOL

incidentally, i dunno what's funnier, the thread - or that some people are getting mad about it LOL

mods, where are the stars?

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Shai-Hulud
Shai-Hulud


Known Hero
Sicomor
posted July 10, 2004 05:10 AM

Well... he is not so good if he doesn't do a proper tossing for me too. I also want a good nickname not that Shy-HuDude. That's crap... so don't like that nickname.

I tried to get his attetion, but he simply refuses to give Caesar what's for Caesar. Also I wrote large posts, but noooooo.... He sees all other guys with tiny posts. I'm so mad. Since I have been writing around he only replied once... Not fair.  
____________
~~~Azzy~~~

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Dingo
Dingo


Responsible
Legendary Hero
God of Dark SPAM
posted July 10, 2004 05:11 AM

Asmodean, Give That Beast A Bra!
____________
The Above Post/Thread/Idea Is CopyRighted by, The Dingo Corp.

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Celfious
Celfious


Promising
Legendary Hero
Regular
posted July 10, 2004 06:58 AM

funny thing is, it isnt the first thought that its X rated stuff..
____________
A plant can thrive with one leaf.

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Lith-Maethor
Lith-Maethor


Honorable
Legendary Hero
paid in Coin and Cleavage
posted July 10, 2004 07:21 AM

far far away from here....

Quote:
I dunno what it is about this thread but it keeps me coming back.. geeks - er guys.. listen up! he's good LOL

incidentally, i dunno what's funnier, the thread - or that some people are getting mad about it LOL

mods, where are the stars?


...sorry, i am too busy laughing my ports off...

010111001101101010101010101---
____________
You are suffering from delusions of adequacy.

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