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Heroes Community > Tavern of the Rising Sun > Thread: The Ultimate Male's Guide To Overcoming Cybergeekdom
Thread: The Ultimate Male's Guide To Overcoming Cybergeekdom This thread is 31 pages long: 1 2 3 4 5 ... 10 20 ... 27 28 29 30 31 · «PREV / NEXT»
TheUltimateM...
TheUltimateMale


Promising
Known Hero
Male Escort
posted July 10, 2004 03:43 PM
Edited By: TheUltimateMale on 10 Jul 2004

A Few Minutes To Address The Cybergeek Masses

After a long night of entertaining Inga, Elisabet, and Sybilla (the Swedish fight attendents), it appears as if The Ultimate Male finally has a few free moments to respond to your predictable Cyberdenial and thoughtless Cyberdrivel.  I do not have much time, as I am expecting my three Swedish sleeping beauties to awaken any minute, ready for their breakfast-in-bed  consisiting of The Ultimate Male a la mode.  So lets get down to business right away...

Dork-Wookie spewed:
Quote:
If you don't believe me, why not dig through those six stars' worth of posting?
I have a better idea, Dork_Wookie.  Why don't you go dig through those quality-lacking six stars' worth of incomprehendable spam and tossing yourself, while I take your girlfriend out for a night on the town?  You can believe me when I tell you that I won't be showing her the size of my post count in order to impress her, if you know what I mean.  Once again, I must congratulate you on changing your custom status to Ultimate Cybergeek, as acceptance is the beginning stage of recovery.

MmmVaseline yelled:
Quote:
HC rules. Accept it, TheUltimateMale, or suffer being banned. Your efforts are useless and undesirable. Here's an idea: go escort your women full-time, we cybergeeks can manage.
This is what I would classify as an angry young Cybergeek, but alas, I cannot blame him for his anger.  You see, once MmmVaseline found out that the local sperm bank was paying $50 for each donation, he suddenly realized that he had let a million dollars slip right through the palm of his hands! Poor unfortunate soul! I would be angry as well.

As far as being banned, the only things that need to be banned around here are those glasses you are still wearing.  Not only are those frames ridiculously out-of-style, but those lenses are so thick, you can actually see the future when you look through them! However, I will not give up on this misguided fashion assassin in his time of need, as The Ultimate Male will be conducting Cybergeek Extreme Makeovers in the near future.  Hang in there, MmmVaseline, help is on the way!

Shai-Hulud the Qualuud wrote:
Quote:
blah, blah, blah...Japan. 17th century...yawn, yawn, yawn...Samurai and their tradition in the art of war...yadda, yadda, yadda...COMPUTER- ALLMIGHTY GOD OF POSSESION...hohum, hohum, hohum...automutilation beeing seens as a form for reaching Nirvana...zzz, zzz, zzz...Shai-Hulud... Future Shogun of The Cybergeeks.
Newsflash, Cybergeek Shogun...this is the 21st Century, not 17th Century Japan.  Unfortunately, guns and self-gratification rule our world, not swords and self-discipline, which is why the disease called Cybergeekdom is spreading like the plague.  There are very few of us left who understand that hard work, honor, and self-discipline are the keys to enlightenment, not copy-and-pasting information from skeptictal sources on the Internet.

Note to Shai-Hulud: Please do not think I am belittling the content of your post by my sarcastic quoting or that I did not read its contents in their entirety.  It was very insightful and thought-provoking.  Unfortunately, you know as well as I do that the majority of the Cyberdroids here can barely spell their way out of the 3rd grade and have attention spans smaller than their jock straps. You just happen to be a little more educated and have a little more patience that the average Cyberspammer, but you are still a Cybergeek in need of salvation nonetheless.  To demonstrate my sincerity in trying to help you, I have found some CyberSamurai language that you may better understand.

I must not fear [reality].
Fear [of reality] is the mind-killer.
Fear [of reality] is the little death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear [of reality].
I will permit [reality] to pass over me and through me.
And when [the fear of reality] is gone past me I will turn to see [its] path.
Where the fear [of reality] has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

END

So until our paths cross again, Cyberwarriors, try to find your senses of humor while losing your fears of reality.  Uh oh, it appears as if Inga, Elisabet, and Sybilla are beginning to stir.  Looks like its Round Two for You-Know-Who.  Remember...
____________
Don't hate me because I am beautiful.

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Lord_Woock
Lord_Woock


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Daddy Cool with a $90 smile
posted July 10, 2004 03:54 PM

Okay, so we are geeks. Old news. We all know that.

But claiming to be a super cool person by means of a modified Dune quote is what I call a meganerd.

Just go, no point in me wasting my precious time talking to a lousy git like you.
____________
Yolk and God bless.
---
My buddy's doing a webcomic and would certainly appreciate it if you checked it out!

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mvassilev
mvassilev


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
posted July 10, 2004 04:22 PM

Quote:
Not only are those frames ridiculously out-of-style, but those lenses are so thick, you can actually see the future when you look through them!


How did you guess? It's useful to see the future. I can and you can't. Therefore, I'm better than you.


Cybergeeks rule,
Mvassilev
____________
Eccentric Opinion

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Sir_Stiven
Sir_Stiven


Honorable
Legendary Hero
banned
posted July 10, 2004 04:43 PM

Quote:
After a long night of entertaining Inga, Elisabet, and Sybilla (the Swedish fight attendents), it appears as if The Ultimate Male finally has a few free moments to respond to your predictable Cyberdenial and thoughtless Cyberdrivel.  I do not have much time, as I am expecting my three Swedish sleeping beauties to awaken any minute, ready for their breakfast-in-bed  consisiting of The Ultimate Male a la mode.  

sorry to break this to you my padawan, but if you have  met 3 swedish girls called "Inga, Elisabet and Sybilla you better inspect them closely in the shower.. me thinks you can be up for a couple of suprises.. or 3 to be exact

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gorman
gorman


Promising
Legendary Hero
Been around since before 2003
posted July 10, 2004 05:00 PM

I agree Stiven. I believe a term of Swede on Weed would term correct in the case that he'd have to be on crack to do somethin like that
____________
When all else fails... Take notes.... ALL the time... ESPECIALLY when playing D&D.... or Pokemon in my case

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Shai-Hulud
Shai-Hulud


Known Hero
Sicomor
posted July 10, 2004 05:07 PM
Edited By: Shai-Hulud on 21 Jul 2004

Ultimate (Play)Mate...
Quote:

Shai-Hulud the Qualuud


After 5 minutes of searching the Internet, I find this weird word and it's meaning. It's a drug.
Quote:
Rohypnol isn't that great, from what I hear. Kinda like a strong valium or qualuud. But then, the only downers I like are painkillers.

But I simply do't get it. What's my connection with drugs? Then I remembered a slang term for cool--> qual and thinking that the ud goes from Hulud i figured it out: Shai-Hulud the Cool.  Even though, I'm completely diassaponted. You failed me again.

Quote:
Newsflash, Cybergeek Shogun...this is the 21st Century, not 17th Century Japan.

As  I said before.. completely dissapointed. It seems to me that this thing was written in a moment of fully lack of inspiration, only written only for the love of writing.

Quote:
Unfortunately, guns and self-gratification rule our world, not swords and self-discipline, which is why the disease called Cybergeekdom is spreading like the plague.  There are very few of us left who understand that hard work, honor, and self-discipline are the keys to enlightenment, not copy-and-pasting information from skeptictal sources on the Internet.


Well, sorry for you,(play)mate, but I believe that this site contains more history about Japan more than you would know if you lived there.

Quote:
I have found some CyberSamurai language that you may better understand.
I must not fear [reality].
Fear [of reality] is the mind-killer.
Fear [of reality] is the little death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear [of reality].
I will permit [reality] to pass over me and through me.
And when [the fear of reality] is gone past me I will turn to see [its] path.
Where the fear [of reality] has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.


Please!! You are disconsidering me. It seems that you got that from this and you are the one with copy paste from internet. Ha ha ha Welcome to my Cybergeek Empire
www.destinys-darlin.com/play/dune/

Good evening to the show Welcome to my Cybergeek Empire!!! Press the icon that's has that interesting sign of an E and write www.google.com and the write Shai-Hulud and start the copy+paste process.

I'm I wrong or you haven't even read a single page of Dune? It seems to me that you have no ideea that in Dune you won't find one single Samurai. Maybe you will find those cool soldiers that made Shadam's army.

Also you forget that passage( that's not on the site as I remember) that says you must Calm tourself by taking small breath of air (from reality, but not excessively much... you'll get a headache).

Note: I would surely like you to IM me to say just if you read the book beacuse it seems to me that you are traying to make fun of me without beeing prepared. Maybe you have your remarcable knowledege or do that process that some call it thinking, but you should know better that trying to fool somebody you really don't know without beeing prepared with his own knowledge can bring you down. So please the next time you try something like this read very, very much. I happen to be not only a cybeergeek, but a bookgeek to... and I have the advantge not to enjoy to much luxury making me a really interested person in reality. I also happen to be a fan and suporter of the above mentioned process called: THINKING and that has a near realative called PHILOSOPHY !!


Till we met again,
Hope you have a great time with your ladies,
  Your truly commander, Shai-Hulud



____________
~~~Azzy~~~

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dodongo
dodongo

Tavern Dweller
posted July 10, 2004 10:17 PM


Wow you read the Art Of War and the Shogun manual(see what i did there.?) this does not make you a great philosopher nor strategist..
By sitting around neglecting the real world you guys are letting life pass you by..wake up and smell the roses kiddos! take part in the normal social interactions that make the world go around..lose the pointy hats and your interest in walking alone!


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Shai-Hulud
Shai-Hulud


Known Hero
Sicomor
posted July 10, 2004 10:31 PM

Quote:

Wow you read the Art Of War and the Shogun manual(see what i did there.?) this does not make you a great philosopher nor strategist..

I have no idea what are you talking about, but I'll let you talk more
Quote:

wake up and smell the roses kiddos!


Yeah and let's start dancing naked around trees, holding our companions by our hands and sing the Happy Happy song
Quote:

take part in the normal social interactions that make the world go around..lose the pointy hats and your interest in walking alone!



Really don't see what is wrong in sitting all by yourself in grass and looking at the sky and ignore ant human existence, but if you say so... well, say it
____________
~~~Azzy~~~

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Vadskye91
Vadskye91


Promising
Supreme Hero
Back again
posted July 10, 2004 10:41 PM

Shai-HuludYou just make such good points he can't possibly face you.

Mvass-You're raving, man.  Settle down and just appreciate the joke.  This guy is funny!

UM-Rofl.  I like this!
____________
Knowledge is power...

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TheUltimateM...
TheUltimateMale


Promising
Known Hero
Male Escort
posted July 13, 2004 07:21 AM bonus applied.
Edited By: TheUltimateMale on 13 Jul 2004

The Story of Your Life - Part 1

Once again, The Ultimate Male has returned to you all as promised.  

Today’s lesson will be Part 1 to Showdown With The High School Bully: A Page From Every Cybergeek’s History, where I will set the stage to the story of your pathetic lives by defining the two major characters, you (the Cybergeek) and your arch-nemesis (the School Bully).  In order for you Cybergeeks to better comprehend this piece of literature, I have done you all a favor and translated it into your fantasy role playing language, which is a mixture of Dungeons & Dragons and Heroes of Might and Magic.  

Now before I weave this wondrous tale, let me get something straight.  I don’t need any of you Cyberwizards IMing me with comments such as “Your post is not in accordance with the 5th Edition AD&D Rules” or “That particular item should not be a relic because it is not powerful enough.”  Just try to use your imaginations for something useful for once, instead of trying to create a visual image of Lara Croft wearing only lipstick and her leg holster.  Ok?

Here we go…

CYBERGEEK (dorkus extremus)
Level 3 Illusionist

Strength: 3 (-60% picking-up heavy objects, -90% picking-up females)
Intelligence: 18 (+50% passing Calculus & Physics, +30% learn C++)
Wisdom: 8
Dexterity: 6 (-65% making school basketball team)
Constitution: 5 (+30% asthma infliction)
Charisma: 4 (-80% finding date for school dance or prom)

Hit Points: 10

Languages: Common, Elven, Klingon, Techie and Visual Basic

Basic Equipment
Spellbook Handheld Pocket Display Adapter (PDA) (note: Cybergeek Arch Magi will carry full-fledged, loaded Laptop)
Magic Wand PDA Stylus or Multi-Colored Hi-Liter
Discs of Throwing 10 pack CD-RWs
Elixir of Health Asthma inhaler

Minor Artifacts (common)
Shirt of the Samurai Japanese Anime T-Shirt (usually DragonballZ or Shinobi)
Cards of False Prophecy Magic the Gathering cards
Writs of Protection AD&D, Warhammer, and Everquest guildmember’s card

Major Artifacts (uncommon)
Necklace of Cybergeek Bliss Fake gold necklace with Dragon Claw holding Crystal Ball (Luck +1)
Hubble Telescopes of Seeing 1” thick, bottle looking eyeglasses (+50’ sight radius)
Bracers of Einsteinus Multi-function Calculator Wrist Watch (capable of storing Trigonometry equations and MP3s) (Intelligence +1)

Relics (rare)
Armor of Marvel Underoos Underwear (usually Spiderman or The Hulk) (AC +1)
Boots of the ‘90s Out-of-style shoes bought by mom at yard sale or discount store (Dexterity –1, +20% Hide in Shadows)

Spells
Summon Familiar When cast, up to 4 fellow guildmembers or fantasy roleplaying geeks will appear.  (10% chance that Dungeonmaster will also appear)
Stinking Cloud When cast, a stale, foul, and ominous odor 3’ in diameter surrounds the caster. (size of cloud increases for each day caster has not bathed or changed clothes)
Dragonbreath When cast, 40% chance of knocking out any individual within 2’ of caster’s mouth. (amount of time victims are rendered unconscious increases with amount of non-nutritious food and beverages consumed)

Special Abilities
Hide In Shadows As the typical Cybergeek usually weighs no more than 105 lbs. soaking wet and is usually quite unpopular, this skill gives the Cybergeek a 50% chance of going undetected and unnoticed (especially during school events and class photos)
Fear In Athletes This skill can only be used during periods of academic stress, such as final examinations or SATs.  Extremely rare usage, but very effective on Jocks with IQs less than 80.  


SCHOOL BULLY (jockus ectocockus)
Level 10 Barbarian

Strength: 16 (+40% lifting Cybergeeks by their underwear)
Intelligence: 5 (-75% passing 5th Grade Reading)
Wisdom: 8
Dexterity: 17 (+65% catching fleeing Cybergeek)
Constitution: 14
Charisma: 16 (+50% dating cheerleader)

Hit Points: 100

Language: Common (barely)

Basic Equipment
Elixir or Male Essence Travel Size Cologne
Potion of Morale Travel Size Hair Sculpting Gel
Rubber Rings of Protection 6-pack of Condoms (extra large)

Minor Artifacts (common)
Helm of Popularity Varsity Baseball Cap (+1 Charisma)

Major Artifacts (uncommon)
Surcoat of Alpha Male Designation Varsity Football Sweatshirt (Charisma +1, AC +1)
Belt of Hill Giant Strength Varsity Wrestling Team District Champs Belt (Strength +2)

Relics (rare)
Cloak of the Cromagnon Leather Bomber Jacket (+1 AC, +10% Cybergeek magic resistance)
Girdle of Priceless Protection Athletic Supporter with Extra Large Protective Cup (Charisma +1, AC +1, Luck +1, +40% chance of picking-up females)

Special Abilities
Lockerstuff Ability to stuff up to 2 Cybergeeks in any size wall locker.  (+20% chance during Physical Education class if Cybergeeks ever show up there)  
Whirlpool Ability to place Cybergeek’s head in toilet and flush (-1 morale to Cybergeeks, -3 morale if toilet was used immediately prior)
Superwedgie Ability to grab Cybergeek’s underwear, stretch it over their head, and hang on hook in locker room. (+50% chance of Cybergeek losing friends or being acknowledged by fellow Cybergeeks)

END

So there you have it.  I am sure you can all relate to the characters now.  I hope you enjoyed Part 1 of Showdown With The High School Bully: A Page From Every Cybergeek’s History.  Stay tuned for the second half where the eventual Showdown and Round By Round confrontation takes place.  Until we meet again, Cyberweenies, try to get out of the house a bit more and remember…

____________
Don't hate me because I am beautiful.

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Shai-Hulud
Shai-Hulud


Known Hero
Sicomor
posted July 13, 2004 09:15 AM

And if you got these 2 types of individuals.. I would have a question... Since you say that no way you are a cybergeek that means you are a school bully, right? Now the question!

Do you understand what I say?
Should I spell it for you or draw?

____________
~~~Azzy~~~

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Asmodean
Asmodean


Responsible
Supreme Hero
Heroine at the weekend.
posted July 13, 2004 01:02 PM
Edited By: Asmodean on 14 Jul 2004

Well remember that he was once a cybergeek blah blah etc.
So I'm guessing he had his share of wedgies.
In fact if he was this overweening in school he probably got everyone's share of wedgies.
This is one twisted and bitter individual.

Can't wait for part 2!!

Edit: +Qp applied to the D%D post.
____________

To err is human, to arr is pirate.

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Lord_Woock
Lord_Woock


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Daddy Cool with a $90 smile
posted July 13, 2004 09:43 PM

Don't bother posting this stuff here, ThePatheticSnail, write a book instead. I'll be the first to buy it. Oh wait, writing a book would mean that you're a retrogeek, because every uptodate coolguy knows that only dorks read books, let alone write them. Yeah. You should go make a sitcom. Yeah.
____________
Yolk and God bless.
---
My buddy's doing a webcomic and would certainly appreciate it if you checked it out!

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gorman
gorman


Promising
Legendary Hero
Been around since before 2003
posted July 14, 2004 01:17 AM

Hey UM! I think you may have forgotten a...er....class or w/e...this is one that would classify myself and some others

Stud (Extremelento Coolnicento)
Level 15 Shock Jock

Strength: 15 (everyone knows to just stay on this guys' good side)
Intelligence: 14 (45% chance of passing all classes w/out being the teacher's pet)
Wisdom: 10 (ya he's wise but he's no prophet!)
Dexterity: 17 (float's like a butterfly and stings like a bee, knocks in 3 pointers all game)
Charisma: 18 (everyone who see's him creams there pants cuz they either want to date him or be like him)

HP: 178

Languages: Common (who needs more?)

Equipment
Stylin clothes: The latest crave that everyone else wants +2 Charisma
Fine-tooth comb: To keep the hair do slick +1 Charisma

Artifacts
Moneybags: Whenever the Jock opens his bag for money there's always some there. Minimum amount: $10,000
Keys: They look ordinary but have the power to run almost any mechanical vehicle made

Abilities
KO: Gives the Jock the ability to knock out their opponent with one hit
Summon Lawyers: Anyone will be running when they see these guys comin!
Fighting Finese: From all the karate training your parents put you through...funny it was called self-defense training, not make-me-mad-and-watch-what-happens! training

NOW you're finished UM!
____________
When all else fails... Take notes.... ALL the time... ESPECIALLY when playing D&D.... or Pokemon in my case

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TheUltimateM...
TheUltimateMale


Promising
Known Hero
Male Escort
posted July 14, 2004 05:59 AM

Finally...

Somebody around these Cybergeek Breeding Grounds gets it.  Gorman, congratulations on your journey of ascension out of the depths of The Cybergeek Abyss.  I personally want to take this opportunity to give you the acknowledgement that you so rightly deserve.  Keep up the good work and positive attitude, keep applying my techniques, and you will quickly rise above the masses and climb your way out of the abysmal halls of Cybergeekdom.

For those of you who can't figure it out (or refuse to), here's a little clue...If you can't laugh at yourselves, then fear not, because that is why The Ultimate Male has descended here.

So until we meet again, please stop doing that or else you'll go blind, and keep in mind...

____________
Don't hate me because I am beautiful.

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Dingo
Dingo


Responsible
Legendary Hero
God of Dark SPAM
posted July 14, 2004 06:10 AM

Quote:
If you can't laugh at yourselves, then fear not, because that is why The Ultimate Male has descended here.


I'm really good at laughing at myself.
____________
The Above Post/Thread/Idea Is CopyRighted by, The Dingo Corp.

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gorman
gorman


Promising
Legendary Hero
Been around since before 2003
posted July 14, 2004 06:37 AM

and EVERYONE'S good at laughing w/Dingo at Dingo
____________
When all else fails... Take notes.... ALL the time... ESPECIALLY when playing D&D.... or Pokemon in my case

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Lord_Woock
Lord_Woock


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Daddy Cool with a $90 smile
posted July 14, 2004 12:34 PM

Yeah!

*points at Dingo and laughs*
____________
Yolk and God bless.
---
My buddy's doing a webcomic and would certainly appreciate it if you checked it out!

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barbarian
barbarian


Famous Hero
posted July 14, 2004 01:05 PM
Edited By: barbarian on 14 Jul 2004

Quote:
you (the Cybergeek) and your arch-nemesis (the School Bully


lol my arch nemesis is a school bully lol, no really that is very funny stuff, ARCH-NEMESIS is being writen in the same fraise with school bully lol , did anone actually had a school bully in hi's life ? lol school bully this guy cracks me up.
____________
It's optional.

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mvassilev
mvassilev


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
posted July 14, 2004 03:45 PM

What if the school bully is a cybegeek?
____________
Eccentric Opinion

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