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Heroes Community > Other Side of the Monitor > Thread: +++Confessions++++
Thread: +++Confessions++++ This thread is 4 pages long: 1 2 3 4 · NEXT»
Leo_Lion
Leo_Lion


Honorable
Supreme Hero
The 5th Element & 6th Sense!
posted January 23, 2005 11:15 PM bonus applied.
Edited By: Leo_Lion on 9 Feb 2005

+++Confessions+++

I sometimes feel the need to confess a few things, in order to help myself deal with some of the mistakes that I make. I usually just analyze these types of issues within myself and work it out that way, but sometimes I just feel like it would help if I could share my "self-dissapointment" with others. I'm not talking about confessing general things about myself that I don't like, as in Svarog's Self-Criticism Thread; I am talking about specific actions, feelings, or thoughts. Sometimes I do things, feel things, or think things that I later regret or am ashamed of, because those things characterize me as someone that I am not or do not want to be.

These things send a message to others, and to myself, that I do not agree with, but I cannot take back these messages because the damage is done as soon as the message is “expressed”. I can usually forgive myself for these things and can come to terms with them, but sometimes I feel like that is not enough. Sometimes, I feel like I must tell people what I am disappointed in myself for doing, feeling, or thinking; in order to help me reinforce the idea of who I am & what kind of person I want to be. Essentially, I need to send another message that I agree with.

I sometimes need to get some things "off my chest", but I don't necessarily need any feedback regarding them. Somehow, I just know that if I share my self-disappointment with others, I will simply feel better. So, I propose that this Thread be for all of us who need to confess things we have done, said, thought, or felt that we do not agree with. If you seek inner peace and need to voice your displeasure, then this is the place to do it! This is your "Message Center".

Feel free to confess anything, as I'm sure that I will be doing this on a regular basis. If you wish not to have anyone respond directly to your confession, then make a note of it. But, be prepared for feedback anyways, considering that this is an open forum of discussion. I just ask that people treat others with the same courtesy that they would like to be treated with.

Ok, enough chatter...here goes!

On Saturday morning, January 22, I played hockey with my buddies in a University Intra-mural league. Things were going well and my team was winning by 1 goal, with less than 2 minutes left in the game. After I made a play in the middle of the rink, an opponent cross-checked me in the back with his stick. It hurt enough for me to yell out in pain "Ahhh!". In my defence, a buddy of mine (that I have been playing a lot of Halo 2 with) came over and pushed the opponent (#9). As my buddy (Kim) did this, #9 cross-checked him in the head, which knocked Kim over, and then #9 hit Kim in the back of the head a second time, while he was down.

At this point, I had seen too much... I grabbed #9 and started throwing some punches. He was trying to hit me back, but was missing. I ended up knocking him over and then used one gloved-hand to pull up his face-mask and used the other bare-hand to punch his face in. I hit him square in the jaw, the cheek, and the mouth at least 5-6 times before the referees pulled me off of him.

Throughout all of this, my mind was racing. After getting cross-checked initially, I was already thinking of getting revenge on #9. When he hit Kim the 2nd time in the head, I was thinking that I was going to punish this guy. When I knocked #9 over, I was thinking that if I pulled up his face-mask I could get some clear shots at his face. When I was pounding on him, I was thinking that this behaviour was not only going to get me suspended from the league, but was telling people that I am a violent individual.

After the fact, I felt ashamed for having resorted to violence of that level, even though all my team-mates were congratulating me for winning the fight and praising me for having defended a team-mate in need (i.e. Kim).

I can't say that I "got caught up in the moment" because I was at least somewhat conscious of what I was doing the whole time...but decided to do it anyways. I feel that I must tell someone...anyone...about what I did and about how disappointed I am in myself for having done it. I am just trying to tell people that I don't agree with the message that I am a violent individual and will try to send more messages showing me as a peaceful individual.

P.S.Thank you if you have read through all of this! I feel better after having expressed myself and welcome others to respond to my Post or to Post their own confessions.
____________
*The end to no beginning...



*Take care, Leo

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Consis
Consis


Honorable
Legendary Hero
Of Ruby
posted January 24, 2005 06:14 AM

Leo_Lion

You went too far when you pulled his mask up. That was dishonorable and showed that you clearly meant to hurt the man behind the mask. You know checking is a common occurence in hockey, but deliberately seeking to hurt your fellow competitor is not. You must accept responsibility for your actions and find a way to live with what you did. This man may have lost respect for you; an apology would be a good start.
____________
Roses Are RedAnd So Am I

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pandora
pandora


Honorable
Legendary Hero
The Chosen One
posted January 24, 2005 04:42 PM
Edited By: pandora on 24 Jan 2005

Leo, i think that its great that you recognize your actions as inexcusable violent behaviour - and that you are not celebrating your apparant dominance over #9.

However, i think that you are being a bit too hard on yourself. You say that you cannot claim to have been caught up in the moment, but in reading your post - I would say that to an extent you certainly were. When you're playing a fast paced game of hockey, your adrenaline is going at full tilt and testosterone is the dominant hormone. While i am not saying that this excuses your behaviour, to me it understandable that on the ice and in that situation you would have a completely different outlook than you do now.

You say that you thought about pulling up his mask - well yes that was one thought - but you didn't think it completely through did you? You didn't weigh pros and cons - consider the possible reaction to your action. It was a fleeting thought that unfortunately you responded to.

You said early on in your post
Sometimes I do things, feel things, or think things that I later regret or am ashamed of, because those things characterize me as someone that I am not or do not want to be.


I think that in regards to this, it's excellent that you recognize when you are acting in a manner that portrays you in a way that you do not wish to be seen. I also think its terrific that you are trying to change these things in order to better yourself. I do feel though, that it's important not to beat yourself up too much over it - hanging on to feelings of shame and regret aren't good for you. Take these moments as things you can learn from, and incorperate thse lessons into making yourself a better person - and forgive yourself when you make a mistake - you're only human

to Consis: Checking is a common (and integral) play in hockey and is not illegal: cross-checking is illegal and many players have been hurt by this and suffer long term injuries because of it. I think you are misunderstanding that one part of Leo's post - while it doesn't excuse Leo for going down to his level #9 was a dirty player.

Qp applied: thanks for sharing, maybe more people will follow your lead and benefit from this thread

____________
"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."

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TheRealDeal
TheRealDeal


Promising
Supreme Hero
Foobum* of Justice!
posted January 24, 2005 05:14 PM

A good thread, a good idea, the perfect sequel..

Nice post Leo, bad thing, but i'm guessing i'm not the person to throw the stone here.

I've done a lot of dumb things, but since the current theme is a bit violent, i'll share my stupidity.

First i'll describe the scenery, just so you can feel what i went through, not to agree with what i did, but to so you at the least can see it from my point of view.

Picture this: A very, very large house, full of drunk people, some jocks, a few nerds, a mix of everything, even hippies. Then theres me, currently talking to a girl in the sofa, both being very drunk(i'm not poiting the blame on alcohol, it's my choice to drink) And i knew everyone at the party, since most was from my school.

I was sitting there, talking to the girl, minding my own. All of a sudden i see a friend of mine getting pushed around by 2 guys. They stopped pretty fast, so the party continued. Two hours later, with everyone a bit drunker, i was still in the sofa, minding my own as before, really enjoying myself with the girl(who was very beautiful, smart and funny, the girl most people long fore), and suddenly the 2 guys started pushing him around again. They hit him in the stomach, and he fell down) and i asked them to stop, because.. he is my friend, i can't just let him get beaten up(apperently he had dated one of the 2 guys' sister, and broke up with her after a 5 month relationship). So after they had heard what i said, they said to me "Stay out of this", and i asked them to stop, yet again. So they punched me so i went to the floor, some friends tried to help but i asked them not to(it was my business anyways, and i was drunk.. not thinking straight), so they pulled me outside started beating me, and the girl i was talking to tried to help me but they pushed her to the ground, started "touching" her. I was in no condition to do anything, but i was so drunk that i didn't feel pain like i should have, so i stood up and asked them to stop.

They turned around and focused their anger on me, they started calling me names, and the likes. If you know what i look like, you'd see something you wouldn't think capable of fighting,  but heres the glory for me, i can. So i smacked one of them so hard i broke his nose(and one of my fingers)and i kept pounding the other guys nose, so the other guy was about to hit me, and the friend i was trying to help in the beginning, smashed a bottle on the other guys back.

Today we are all friends, and we all blame the whole thing on being drunk.

The problem in all of this, the nose i broke really looks deformed, and the docters can fix it properly. My finger is ok. I must admit this wasn't a proud moment, and it really bugs me to this day.

I can see what Leo means, you do something out of anger, and really regret it afterwords.

Thx for anyone who read through the story, with all of my grammar mistakes..
____________
*We all know the that Foobum is the class of all that is Cake.

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Shiva
Shiva


Promising
Famous Hero
posted January 24, 2005 06:57 PM

Leo, you are an honest man. In my mind, its not that
one has to always do the right thing, but that they are
able to look at themselves and grow from their experience.
That you are doing.

Those that are hockey fans know that fighting happens and
is condoned or tolerated, at least in the majors. What the
rules of your league are I don't know. #9 deserved to be
made aware of what he was doing. Stick work is a no-no
everywhere, and he crossed the line. As to whether or not
you should have pounded him out, I don't know. The point
is, you did, and feel somewhat guilty about it.

I know you are a thoughtful person with real insight into
life. In other threads, we have discussed  the
absolute and the divine. Here, we are facing the all too
human aspects of ourselves,something I'm  aware
of as that driver cuts me off and I let him know what a
subhuman he really is. In fact, I'm convinced all drivers
are insane but me!... Anyway, its for that reason that
I hesitate to include the word perfect in describing what
I am as a person.

I am with Pandora. I don't think you should be hard on your
self. Chalk it up as a lesson about what you are capable
of doing when your provoked. Anger is there as a self
defense mechanism, not just a useless beserk reaction.
It has its place. Sometimes, words are enough to get
someone to acknowledge what you are trying to say to
them, sometimes not. Your fists spoke for you this time.
When the adrenaline clears, guilt sets in. Its a kind
hormonal hangover of any civilized person.

Lastly, I would want you on my team...like your team mates do




____________

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greek_god_su...
greek_god_superman


Famous Hero
Bringer Of Light
posted January 24, 2005 08:27 PM

Well this is not any confession, but after reading RD´s post I had to post here too.. My new years eve was very similar to RD´s fight: We were at my friends house. Purpose was only to "get started" there, no parties or such.. Time flew and we got stuck in that apartment. Later more people came in and in some point one of the not invited guests starts to throw bottles (empty and full ones) to walls, and soon after that a fight broke loose. One guy threatened my friend (& the place owner) with a kithcen knife and other guy was holding his fists ready to punch. I went to stop them and protect my friend (along with another friend), raising my voice and shouting. And what happened, they changed their target and started threatening me. A keen ear was able to hear lots of explicit language during the session.. We got the knife guy to stop, but the bare handed one came to me and hit me two times to head, first with hands then with two times with bottle. And man, wasn´t it fun to wake up next day with fragments of glass to be found from your hair.. I was too drunk to make an effective retaliation. And I must admit, I´m none of a boxing master even when sober but when it comes to wrestling there´s not many who can beat me... So for a moment I was able to choke the attacker and I would have choked him to state of unconsciousness if my friends had not told me to stop and taken me away. I felt really overcome by rage. And it was damn hard to eat pizza later that night, ´cause of the pain in my chin when chewing.. But after all the story ended nicely, thanks to this wonderful girl I met there!
____________
After all, marriage and murder are not too different - one ends your life and the other is a crime

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Leo_Lion
Leo_Lion


Honorable
Supreme Hero
The 5th Element & 6th Sense!
posted January 24, 2005 11:31 PM
Edited By: Leo_Lion on 24 Jan 2005

I really appreciate everyone's feedback.

Most of you seem to have understood that my confession was meant to be part of a personal healing process. Simply expressing myself about the situation helped a great deal, and reading your insightful responses also helped immensely. Now, as Consis said, I have to deal with this on a personal level, with myself, and on an interpersonal level, with #9.

I know that I will be able to learn from my mistake and won't be too hard on myself in the process, as Pandora & Shiva said...but to me, expressing myself through this Thread (as I'm sure I'll do again in the future) was a way of balancing out my karma with the universe. I figure that apologizing to #9 might not be possible or it might not be enough to attain a total equilibrium. So, as "penitence for my sin" I will have to make an extra effort to perform good deeds, feel good feelings, & think good thoughts for the next few days/weeks.

Consis, do you find that expressing yourself on HC about your previous marriage helped you deal with your feelings about it & yourself? I am curious to get an idea if you have benefited from these expressions as much as I have had.

RealDeal, I really liked your story, but just hearing about you & your buddy getting picked on like that made me feel uneasy. I know that alcohol was a factor in everyone's actions that night, so I'll take everything you said with an open mind, but I have an issue with seeing people being victimized. I usually feel like I must come to their defence and I’ll admit that sometimes I go too far. I still have work to do, in regards to the level of my reactions, but I am at least glad to hear that you were able to defend yourself...even if you might have gone a little "off the handle" as well.

G_G_S, your story was crazy!!! 1st off, I'm glad to hear that you weren't killed, but damn...talk about things getting out of hand. Or should I say that things got into your hands (i.e. the guys neck you were strangling).

Shiva, I found your joke about bad drivers familiar. I sometimes tease my wife about Asian drivers (she is from Taiwan), so we usually have a laugh whenever another driver makes a stupid move and then we discover that they are Asian upon passing them.

Oh oh! Maybe that will have to be my next confession...Léo feels guilt for teasing his wife about "stereotypical Asian drivers". Hahaha!
____________
*The end to no beginning...



*Take care, Leo

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Aculias
Aculias


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
posted January 25, 2005 03:18 AM

Only shows that were all human & we all make mistakes that we may regret even later in life while time passes.

Everybody in thier time made mistakes & confessing them is intirely up to you.

I respect Leo for realising what he did was wrong.
First step to solving or making it better is realising there is a problem.

You cant solve a problem if you cant realise that you have one.

Of course theres alot people wouldnt confess ;I know i made too many crazy mistakes in my time but now I just try to live a simple life.
I work hard I live alone in this apartment & live my life the best i can before I settle down.

Religion or just for your own self, you can forgive yourself only if you realise you did wrong & you can correct your mistake.
If you cant realise  you did nothing wrong then theres no point .
____________
Dreaming of a Better World

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Consis
Consis


Honorable
Legendary Hero
Of Ruby
posted January 25, 2005 05:16 AM
Edited By: Consis on 24 Jan 2005

Two Responses:

1st:

No it didn't help Leo_Lion.

2nd:

I've lately been stricken with a heavy conscience. I've spent so much time brooding, over this particular thing that I did, that I've self-pitiously labeled myself the 'bad-samaritan'.

I'm sure everyone here at Heroes Community knows I stay home while my wife works to make money for the family. I am currently responsible for child care over 4 children. I have my son Cameron(who is 6), my daughter Kara(who is 4), my baby girl(who is 11 months), and another little baby of Chinese/Phillipino descent(who is also 11 months). I watch my own children every single day morning, noon, and night. I cook, clean, and play with the kids. During the week, from Monday to Friday, I watch over/care for a little baby boy the same age as my youngest daughter from 7:30am to 5:45pm(sometimes later). His name is Maddox. Anyone can easily understand how much time I spend caring for very young/small children while keeping the house in order. It is without question, a very time-consuming job; requires unlimited patience, energy for play, and a steady voice to calm the random fires of infuriation that arise between feuding children on a daily basis. I must do all of this and still have enough energy/patience to satiate the wife's needs(sometimes adult in nature-) upon her return from a long day of work.

My neighbor is an older woman probably in her early 40's. Some of you might have noticed a post I made in bort's thread a while ago about her having arrogantly purchasing a more expensive car. In fact, her new SUV is priced at around $35-40 thousand depending on bells and whistles. She recently moved into her house(which is located next to mine) paying far and above what the house is worth. The house wasn't being sold to anyone else but the sellers(whom I know to be of dubious character) lied and told the woman it was highly contested. In fact, the people selling it were so desperate that they were about to declare bankrupcy. But no one came and spoke with myself or any of the neighbors. The house was bought at an extreme mark-up well over and far beyond what the bank had it listed for. The woman is single, houses 3 boys, and 2 girls. The oldest boy/girl is 19/21, then a 14 year old boy, then 11 year old girl, and a very small 4 year old boy. As I later found out, the 4 year old is actually the 21 y/o girl's child and that girl is actually a niece to the woman. But the thing is nobody told me this. Every time I asked any details as to what the family's relations were, I am told "Why do you want to know?".

Every time I see the young boy my heart breaks. He is a mute by choice. He chooses not to speak even though there is nothing wrong with him. I don't know why this is but he is only 4 and appears to wander into our neighborhood street often playing by himself. The woman has no husband and so she has two jobs to support all these children, pay for the house, and pay for that damnable SUV. She works very hard and is almost never home. Because of this, she primarily relies on the good will of her children to watch over the little boy and feed themselves. The problem is that the little boy's mother is young and often leaves without her son to hang out with her current boyfriend. One day the woman(house owner) knocks on my door. I open it and she is standing there with the little boy in front of her as quiet as a mouse. She asks if I can please watch 'her son' Anthony for the day. She tells me that no one else can do it and she needs to be at work in a half hour. Of course I do not turn him away. I accept him in and wish the mother off to a good day of work. He comes in and my two adolescent children play nicely with him for that day. It was strange because he was silent the whole time. He only nods his head yes or no. On the following day the same thing happens and I accept the little boy in. I call my wife and tell her of my problem. I explain how this innocent little boy is being dropped off to me by these people. On the third day, when the mother brings Anthony over, I tell her this cannot continue; so she offers to pay me money. I tell her this has nothing to do with money. I say, "Anthony; your son; a helpless little boy; is being ignored." But then she tells me he is not her son in response. She tells me he is her niece's son. At this point I am almost ready to start addressing this 40-something-year-old woman as if she were a child. I am absolutely overtly perturbed. I think to myself, 'How irresponsible!'. I then repeat myelf(sort of), "I don't want your money. I simply want this to end. I will watch him for this day and then you will have to find alternative child care!" From that day since I have not seen the woman who is my neighbor. I have, however, seen Anthony playing in the street with his slightly older sister(the 11 year old) on many occassions.

Even as I type this post I am haunted by a growing dilemma spawning next door to me. What will come of this innocent child? The law says he can be at home with a sibling as long as the sibling is older than 10. But this does not help my conscience. It isn't enough for me to know I do a good job with the children I care for. I constantly ask myself how I could sit by and let something like this happen. How can I watch this boy's life be treated as trivial?! I ask my wife all this and she tells me it isn't my fault. She says this woman need not be so extravagant in her posessions. She says that if she spent less time buying expensive items and more time being a mother then this wouldn't be an issue. The more I look at all the their fancy things, house, and huge car, the more I think my wife is right. But still I feel terrible for watching this little boy have no parents only to be raised by his 11 year old sister.
____________
Roses Are RedAnd So Am I

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Dingo
Dingo


Responsible
Legendary Hero
God of Dark SPAM
posted January 25, 2005 05:51 AM

Consis the world needs more people like you.  People that aren't owned by their possesions, people that value morals and the important things in life, people who are human.  I'm sure whatever decision you decide to make, it will be the right one.  Keep making this world a better place.
____________
The Above Post/Thread/Idea Is CopyRighted by, The Dingo Corp.

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pandora
pandora


Honorable
Legendary Hero
The Chosen One
posted January 25, 2005 03:44 PM

Wow Consis, my heart really goes out to you on this one. It upsets me just to read about, I can only imagine how hard it is to see it every day.

If I were in your shoes, I would call Child and Family services - but I am quite sure that our systems in Canada are quite different than yours in the U.S , and I'm not educated enough on the American system to say if that would be your right call for you.

Its a terrifying thought that a small child is left to wander in the streets. Its also very worrying that this child doesn't speak. On the one hand it could be simply shyness on his part, or it could stem from the fact that he is ignored and is just unnacustomed to speaking/being spoken to. This is itself is bad enough, neglecting children is criminal. The other thing, is that a child may refuse to speak out of fear which could denote abuse in the home.

The one thing that I think is important to keep in mind here is that you are talking about a small child who is not speaking for himself. Someone needs to speak for this child.

You're not a bad samaritan as you said - it does not make you a bad person because you don't live your life to make the lives of others easier. You have your hands full already, and are already helping another young woman who needs care for her child! You're not in the wrong here for not taking on this child. To be honest, I think this child you speak of needs more individual care than you could give anyways. he needs solid one on one care to determine why he isn't speaking, and if he has any other developmental problems.

My advice to you would be to have a long talk with your wife about this - get it all off your chest and see what she thinks. Come to a decision together, and implement it together.

Whatever you decide tho, you've already shown you are a better person than many by simply letting this in, and not turning a blind eye. Good Luck - feel free to write whenever you need about this
____________
"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."

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Consis
Consis


Honorable
Legendary Hero
Of Ruby
posted January 25, 2005 05:57 PM

I Want To Say Stead-Fastidiousness, But Humanity Remains Intrensic

You guys are great friends to say such things. Sometimes I want to be a hero you know? But then I can't simply ignore my responsibilities to four other children. If I took this one in then one of my own might get neglected. In my opinion(which is wholly NOT scientific) I think this little boy had something happen to him that was so traumatic that he is afraid to speak or something like that.

Oh and about talking with my wife; I did that. But I also have to say that my wife is often prone to aristocratic behavior. She has an air of snobby-ness that I constantly have to keep in check. If it weren't for me I think she'd lose a lot of popularity in the neighborhood and among random social encounters. I'm no Mona Lisa myself; in fact I'm quite geeky(as if everyone didn't already know that), but my beloved gets moderated just like a member of an internet message board.

**pisst...(please don't tell her I said that!)**
____________
Roses Are RedAnd So Am I

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Leo_Lion
Leo_Lion


Honorable
Supreme Hero
The 5th Element & 6th Sense!
posted January 25, 2005 08:16 PM
Edited By: Leo_Lion on 25 Jan 2005

I figure that in the end everything will work itself out.

Consis, it's evident that you want to do your best and help everyone else out with their problems (I know how you feel...I am the same way!), but it's also good that you know where your priorities are. As harsh as it might seem, you were able to set limits to your "friendly neighbour attitude" before you were taken advantage of, by refusing to care for that child any longer.

In addition, when you decided to say something to the mother in regards to "Anthony; her niece's son; a helpless little boy; is being ignored."...you made an effort to improve the little guy's conditions. Under the circumstances, maybe that is all you can do...for now. It's possible that once winter passes and summer rolls around, you will be able to take your "Daddy Day-Care" outside and involve Anthony in some of your kids' activities. Who knows what the future holds???

This leads to my general point: If you have goodness in your heart and make an effort (regardless how small) to help others, then you have every reason to hold your head up high. The universe moves for people who act with loving & caring intentions, so don't beat yourself up about the circumstances Anthony is in...they will eventually change! Just give the "cosmic tapestry" a chance to unravel.
____________
*The end to no beginning...



*Take care, Leo

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Aculias
Aculias


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
posted January 26, 2005 05:00 AM

I feel for ya Consis.

Usually when a young person chooses to be mute of thier choice.
Means somethang drastic happened to themin such a young age.

____________
Dreaming of a Better World

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darksparkle
darksparkle


Hired Hero
Quote the raven,
posted February 02, 2005 04:57 AM

These are my confessions
thought when ive said all i have to say
my chick on the side
says shes got one on the way
these are my confessions
man, im thrown and i dont know what to do
but to keep on doin my confessions
if im gonna tell it then ive gotta tell it all
damn near cried when i got that phone call
im so thrown
i dont know what to do but to keep on doin my confessions



~Raivyn~
____________
Why does death have to be such a likely answer?

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Leo_Lion
Leo_Lion


Honorable
Supreme Hero
The 5th Element & 6th Sense!
posted February 04, 2005 01:29 AM
Edited By: Leo_Lion on 3 Feb 2005

What a heartfelt Post, Consis!

Your recent Post in Attack Iraq made me realise that I also carry around old baggage from interactions with people from my past. Now that I think about it, I guess I have never really forgiven those that hurt me or those that insulted me, while I was young. I might not think about the pain they caused me as much as I used to, heck...I might even have forgotten some specific people or particular incidents...but the fact remains.

I am not sure how I would react if I were to see these same people today begging me for help on the street. I'm not sure if I could get past the experiences from many years ago and help them or simply walk by. A part of me feels like if I saw them in dire circumstances, I would rub it in their faces or tell them "you got what you deserved". Another part of me feels that I would possibly experience a feeling of superiority or triumph because I am "better off" than them.

These thoughts worry me because I want to be better than that! I want to be able to set an example for those around me and also be at peace with myself. Even if I were to feel good for a little while after confronting a "ruined" person from my past, I know that shortly afterwards, my feelings would turn towards guilt for not having helped them and especially for having found joy in someone else's pain!

I'm glad you were able to help me think about this Consis and I hope you feel better for having expressed yourself about Mr. Norwood.
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*The end to no beginning...



*Take care, Leo

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Consis
Consis


Honorable
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Of Ruby
posted February 04, 2005 04:41 AM
Edited By: Consis on 3 Feb 2005

Leo_Lion,

You're right. But it's really horrible, how I feel. In fact I was only talking about how fat and dishonorable this man was to me as recent as last year at my family reunion. One of the other boyscout leaders was my much elder cousin. He and I sat and talked about how much we hated this man for everything he did. We talked like we were so much better and he was some kind of low-life jerk. Then I am watching the president speak and he turns to a married couple who is very fat and overweight. My first thought is: "damn this guy is a disgusting piece of crap, just look at him". But then I see him, recognize the man I know, see his wife; both their eyes crying, hands shaking, legs trembling as they try to stay standing as they are publicly thanked by President Bush for the death of their son. When I see this I am shocked and horrified as my mind returns to everything I have ever said about him. Then I see the truth about myself. For all those years I was speaking very bad things about this man but not once did I think to put myself in his shoes. Now I know that sometimes things happen to you; and I may not like the events but those events don't give me the right to degrade a human being the way I have for all those years. For the whole day today I can't stop thinking about his family and how sorry I am.

I suppose this is one of those things you know; when they say "to confront the demons of your past". It's true you know; it will catch up to you as it did with me. If I ever see him again I will be sure to thank him for his son's sacrifice and apologize for the way I've treated him.
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Roses Are RedAnd So Am I

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Aculias
Aculias


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
posted February 04, 2005 07:40 AM

Sometimes you just got to look withing yourself for answers, afterall you know yourself better then anyone
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Dreaming of a Better World

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TitaniumAlloy
TitaniumAlloy


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Professional
posted February 04, 2005 07:58 AM

This is a good thread Leo, one of your many.

But the way I feel about it is that once you have confessed you don't need to linger on it any longer by having people comment on it.

But RD, after reading yours, I feel that you did the right thing sticking up for your mate so this shouldn't be so much of a confession.
I only have one question.. you described the damage to you and the others, but what happened to the girl? Was she hurt?

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TheRealDeal
TheRealDeal


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Foobum* of Justice!
posted February 04, 2005 10:31 PM

I'm glad you like it =)

She wasn't hurt that badly actually, once the brawl was over we contined where we left off.. Unfortunetly i didn't see her that much after that party, but it was a likewise idea.. Never the less, it's kind of you to ask =)

But this made me think of another problem, and it's definetly why i never hit it with the girl.. This one is really something haunting, yet beautiful and tempting.

I known this girl for a little over 3 years, i met her over the net but we live close to eachother so we saw eachother to a lot of parties. It was great. But i loved her from the start, it was really.. ARGH!.. But she had a boyfriend at the start... that relationship lasted like forever... then he broke up, then she met another guy quick after.. That lasted.. welln ot so long. And when they were over, i was ready to jump in and take a chance, but the day i wanted to ask her to come over to my house(or vica versa, or at the least get together someplace..) she had found a guy, the night before! And theive been together for 17 months now .. Which really blows. But all along, i've helped her NO MATTER what.. I've even been doing som of her english homework(and she did almost all my german homework when i had that..) And when her relationship was about to crackle, i helped her through it, and made everything right, so to speak. She speaks very highly of me.
This is a qoute from her online webbook, she has 7 friends listed.. and about me it says:
Christian - Du giver en støtte som ingen anden. Tak fordi du er her
Translated its:
Christian - You give me support like no one else. Thanks for being here

Well, this all seems GREAT, right? Well heres my confession.. Lately theres been some troubles in her relationship again.. And i've just put a smile on her lips.. helped her through a little depression.. But inside my heart.. I like that their slowly breaking up, because it leaves a spot for me.. And i must admit, i've started to recent myself for it. Because if they broke up, it'd tear her apart.. And i wouldn't ever want that to happen, and the paradox in it lets it impossible for me then.. It really sux.

You might see this as boring shribble, or just "Confessions from a Pig".. But it's how i feel, and it's been like this for some time now..
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*We all know the that Foobum is the class of all that is Cake.

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