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Heroes Community > Other Side of the Monitor > Thread: Relationships: Real life vs. the internet
Thread: Relationships: Real life vs. the internet This thread is 3 pages long: 1 2 3 · NEXT»
ohforfsake
ohforfsake


Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
posted March 29, 2011 06:17 PM

Relationships: Real life vs. the internet

I had some troubles finding a proper name for the topic. I have always been of the belief that a topic should be short, but informative of what the thread is about. In this case you won't know what the thread is about from the topic alone, I think.


The purpose of this thread is to discuss if a relationship formed over the internet can ever be as good as one formed in real life.


My opinion: I am no expert on relationships or emotions, but I cannot see why what once only were over the internet cannot evolve into something that is equivalent to what people in real life have?

I'd like to compare each of them, as I imagine them, in arbitrary decided steps:
Real life:
1) You find someone on a date. You find out you can talk with eachother and the first impression is good.
2) You either have sex or decide to see eachother again.
3) Eventually you decide you like eachother so much that you cannot stand not seeing eachother. So you start a relationship.
4) You've sex all the time.
5) The sex gets boring and you start to know eachother a lot better, this time without the emotional curtain that comes through looks, gender, money, smell, society, etc.

Internet:
1) You are not intended on a relationship as such you get to know eachother very well, without the influence of looks, gender, money, smell, society, etc. (Basicly step 5 for real life)
2) You decide that you like eachother so much that you cannot stand not seeing eachother and decide to try having a relationship (Basicly step 3).
3) You find out you also fit well for eachother in real life.
4) Depending on distance, you meet more and more often until you are really really sure that it should be two of you.
5) You've sex all the time.

So in conclusion, I think that eventhough the paths are different, both can ultimately lead to the same great thing.

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wog_edn
wog_edn

Promising

The Nothingness
posted March 29, 2011 06:27 PM
Edited by wog_edn at 18:30, 29 Mar 2011.

First off, sex doesn't get boring as long as you manage to keep it fresh and interesting all the time. Routine stinks.

I will post a more lengthy post in a few days, as I have to go meet my girl atm
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JollyJoker
JollyJoker


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
posted March 29, 2011 06:51 PM

Ohfor, that's theory.

In practice, IF you start your relationship via the net and, after a time, you both decide it may be worth the while to meet in the flesh,

you either have sex on your first real date in the flesh or it won't work as a conventional relationship.
The reason is, IF you start a relationship via the net, that is, if you write each other mails/pms or even chat on msm or skype or whatever, inevitably, if there is something developing, talk will become flirtatious, erotic even.
You will like the other's style, the why (s)he writes stuff and expresses him/herself with words since that is basically all you have, before you send each other fotos.

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JoonasTo
JoonasTo


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
What if Elvin was female?
posted March 29, 2011 06:51 PM

MVASS!
THIS MAN IS USING YOUR PILLAR THEORY!

HOW CAN YOU BASH HIM SO?
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mvassilev
mvassilev


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
posted March 29, 2011 08:49 PM

Ohforf:
That's how some real-life relationships work, but certainly not all of them. (Nor is it the best way for them to work.) To be fair, that does describe the majority. But there's another way I've seen, and I find it to have superior results:
1. You have a friend of the opposite sex whom you find attractive.
2. You tell them you are romantically interested in them, and they feel the same.
3. You start dating in addition to your normal interactions as friends.
4. Eventually, sex happens.
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Doomforge
Doomforge


Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
posted March 30, 2011 02:46 PM

I always considered the internet a tool for getting to know a person. You know, as a start. Afterwards, it really only has a point if you're meeting each other. What's the point of relationship where you can't even hug or kiss your girlfriend? And cybersex or your-right-hand isn't even close to the real thing. Which, supposedly, you also can't have over teh interwebs

In other words, there is no such thing as relationship over the internets. There's just word-and-emoticon-exchangement without any real meaning.
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OhforfSake
OhforfSake


Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
posted April 03, 2011 05:07 PM

I found this: http://heroescommunity.com/viewthread.php3?TID=5324&pagenumber=1

PS: Still looking forward for your edit wog! And thanks to all who've contributed so far!
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Warmonger
Warmonger


Promising
Legendary Hero
fallen artist
posted April 03, 2011 06:07 PM

Quote:
3. You start dating in addition to your normal interactions as friends.

Ahh, it implies I have some friends and interact with them. Is it supposed to be some specific kind of interaction?

Still, I'm having a date tommorow.
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wog_edn
wog_edn

Promising

The Nothingness
posted April 03, 2011 08:27 PM
Edited by wog_edn at 20:27, 03 Apr 2011.

Ok, time for my view on this. I will start off with internet, as I prefer real-life myself. Therefor I will use it as a conclusion

Internet:

Well, for one the other person might not be interested in such a relationship and therefor it will not work out. If the person is interested you will not get to kiss or hug that person, and it becomes merely visual (which would be really boring). You will talk and share interests, smalltalk, secrets maybe and eventually talk dirty and have cybersex. You might get tired of this online-relationship and either meet or "break up". If you meet you will most certainly be at least somewhat disappointed because 1: a person never looks the same over webcam or pictures as in real life, and 2: if/when you decide to have sex, you have already built up expectations about the person from the dirtytalk/cybersex. What a person writes is not necessarily the same stuff the person enjoys in real life (if the person has ever done anything irl, in which case it might be a bigger 2 second disappointment).
A distance-relationship will also bring up the issue that you don't get to see each other enough, and then there will be lack of sex (might not be an issue if you're the opposite of me). It will be really pricy just paying to visit each other, money you might spend doing stuff together instead. When in a distance-relationship cheating might then also occur more often, due to the distance and the fact that you don't have that much sex with each other. Yes, for most people sex is THE MOST IMPORTANT FACTOR in a relationship. If the sex doesn't work, the relationship doesn't work. Believe me, I know alot of girls and they've told me the truth of how girls think size does matter guys, sorry to burst that bubble (of course you still have to know how to use it, but yeah..).
From what I've noticed, distance and internet-relationships will in general not work unless you're really tolerant or rather emotionless. I would go as far as to say that 80%-90% of all those relationships will end. The only really positive thing I can think of when it comes to a distance-relationship is that "normal" sex stays fun even longer, since you don't have it as much as you would in a real-life relationship.

Real-life:

Either you start a relationship without dating, or you go on a blind date, if you start a relationship with an old friend .. well, most of those will work the same. Except the latter one, as it will make it less interesting discovering things about each other. Half the fun is getting to know the other person, discover new things daily and keep surprising each other. Here a relationship is easier, as you see each other frequently and will be able to spend the money doing fun stuff together. There's also a chance you might grow tired of each other, but as long as you manage to keep each other on your toes that should not be a problem. You say that that sex gets boring, well hell no it doesn't. As long as you stay away from routines, you will know each other better and be much more comfortable. You will know what turnons and possible fetishes the other person has and exploit them. Keep experimenting all the time, never sticking to one thing, and this should NEVER be an issue.
You only get tired of each other if you allow it to happen, if you keep doing new stuff together and experiment with everything you will have a much better time being alot with each other.

So yeah, I am the real-life type. I need my lots of sex and I need to be able to hug or kiss my girl whenever I wish to. I love spending time with her, and wouldn't be able to handle a relationship where we were apart for an unknown amount of time then spend a few days together, etc.. I need the security a real-life relationship brings.
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1910
1910


Known Hero
posted April 03, 2011 08:48 PM

Quote:
Believe me, I know alot of girls and they've told me the truth of how girls think  size does matter guys, sorry to burst that bubble


Sorry, but I've met a lot of women that say that size doesn't matter and it's just how you use it. It's just a matter of opinion. Some will think size matters and some won't. Just because you've met a few people that say that it does doesn't mean that for ALL women that it's the same. Trust me.

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wog_edn
wog_edn

Promising

The Nothingness
posted April 03, 2011 08:54 PM

Sorry, but I've met a lot of women that say that size doesn't matter and it's just how you use it. It's just a matter of opinion. Some will think size matters and some won't. Just because you've met a few people that say that it does doesn't mean that for ALL women that it's the same. Trust me.
Well yeah, there are girls that prefer small ones too. But believe me, size does make a difference. Both in a good and a bad way, there are pros and cons to this too. And I am not talking about 3-4 girls ... if you ask any random girl there's a very small chance she'll say that size doesn't matter, as most girls getting asked that question will try to be nice in case the guy asked is not very well equipped. But this isn't really very much a thread about this, so we might try to keep that part out of the picture here and instead make a penis-size thread somewhere if you're very interested in discussing it, eyh?
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1910
1910


Known Hero
posted April 03, 2011 08:59 PM

I'm not that interested in discussing it but do try not to generalise. That's what I'm discussing as I disagree with you and think you're wrong. People have their preferences and most won't really care any way. If they use it well then it doesn't matter.

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wog_edn
wog_edn

Promising

The Nothingness
posted April 03, 2011 09:00 PM

We'll agree to disagree then
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Fauch
Fauch


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
posted April 03, 2011 09:08 PM

I think they are more likely to complain about the size if they don't really like you.

about money, you should rather be worried if you want to live together. if you are just worried that you won't have enough money to go to the cinema together, there might be a problem. if you really love the other person, why would you need that much money to have fun? doesn't it mean that the other person isn't that interesting to you?

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wog_edn
wog_edn

Promising

The Nothingness
posted April 03, 2011 09:16 PM

Well sure, but it would always be nice to do something besides talking and having sex (condoms and anti-pregnant-pills (I have no idea the english word for these) is very pricy! At least in Norway) usually costs money, and therefor they would be nice to have. There's lots of stuff to do, but often it would be fun to do stuff that does not cost much .. or you would want to give your special someone a gift.
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Fauch
Fauch


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
posted April 03, 2011 09:20 PM

yes of course, but when it comes to the point that you have to spend money to have fun together, then there's a problem.

if your girlfriend only had fun when you go out to buy her new shoes, you would ask yourself some questions

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Warmonger
Warmonger


Promising
Legendary Hero
fallen artist
posted April 03, 2011 09:22 PM

I think the discussion above would make more sense if we invited any girls to this thread

As to the whole internet thing - it was meant to make some things easier, not to replace every aspect of your life.
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OhforfSake
OhforfSake


Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
posted April 03, 2011 09:24 PM
Edited by OhforfSake at 21:43, 03 Apr 2011.

You're right Warmonger. A different viewpoint would be appreciated.
I'll HCM all the girls on Heroes Community that I can think of, and ask them to give their opinon.

Again. Thanks to all who've contributed so far!
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wog_edn
wog_edn

Promising

The Nothingness
posted April 03, 2011 09:28 PM

Quote:
I'll HCM all the girls on Heroes Community that I can think of


And Fauch, well obviously ... but stuff doesn't work well without money, that's just the way the world has become
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mvassilev
mvassilev


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
posted April 03, 2011 10:17 PM

Quote:
it will make it less interesting discovering things about each other
Except if you don't know the person, you'll be likely to find out things you don't like, and it's unpleasant and jarring. Take it from me, it's not a good experience. Better to date someone you already know.
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