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Heroes Community > Other Side of the Monitor > Thread: Life after 30 is just as bad as I thought
Thread: Life after 30 is just as bad as I thought This thread is 3 pages long: 1 2 3 · NEXT»
Doomforge
Doomforge


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Retired Hero
posted November 07, 2019 02:34 PM
Edited by Doomforge at 14:44, 07 Nov 2019.

Life after 30 is just as bad as I thought

Note: this IS a rant thread. If your natural response to rant threads is "stop whining, change something, blah blah" - do me a favor and don't post, lol.

Anyway... I turned 30 two years ago. Aside from 13 years on HC (wow), this is not really something worth celebrating. I used to fear this "period" when I was still in my early 20s. And now I know the fear was justified.

My major problems:

1. If you lived to 30, there's a good chance someone you cared for didn't. This is pretty much the age where having a dead friend is no longer an oddity. In my case, it was among the worst lotto draw failures: my best friend died to a stupid, barely known disease. Yay. And it gets worse with each year.

2. People surrounding you tend to may seem to think in different terms. it's perfectly OK if you're "their kind of guy" and your major source of interest are: children (yours and other people's), going to work and doing grillparties for your family (and your spouse's family). In that case, being 30 and older will be a total blast to you. But! If you're unmarried, childless (or even worse, not planning on having children), and interested in things mostly falling out of favor with your environment (martial arts, video games, sports and other things associated with young adults) - well, it gets worse. Way worse. Because you literally stick out like a sore thumb. The feeling of isolation can be pretty irritating at times.

3. Your friends turn their focus to kids. YOu may still occasionally go out with them and have fun, but it's becoming more and more rare. They also become pretty uninterested and mostly disconnected. They don't have time, neither do they have the will to actually care. They mostly have families now, their kids are too young to take care of themselves, and they are newly married. I guess you may eventually reconnect with them... once their kids become annoying rebelious teens and the % of people divorced increases. Lol. But for now, and maybe forever, you'll have to forget they were active friends of yours.

4. Aside from discovering you're not immortal, you may also discover you're no longer healthy. Especially when you are working in some kind of office for a couple years already. If you didn't care about proper posture (let's be honest, most people doesn't), you may finally learn what chronic back/neck pain looks like. It's not fun at all.

5. Unless you are in a HAPPY relationship, you may experience that you no longer are surrounded by easy targets. A lot of people of equal or similar age are already married and busy with themselves for a couple years (until the divorce period of 35-40 starts, lol). To younger peeps, you're already on the verge of being "too old". College girls in particular have a habit of setting their "age requirements" to "up to 29 years old". Once you're past the border, there's no going back. Plus, you are starting to age and it shows. if you're lucky, you should be still decent looking, but if you have genetic screwup in your code, you may i.e. start balding rapidly. Which makes you look a lot less cool.

6. Peer pressure intensifies. Your family will no longer treat you like a kid with a bright future. Instead, they will start expecting you to be a successful dude with a huge family and a beautiful wife, earning lots of money. You aren't? well, welcome to the FAILURE branding. And it just gets worse every year.

7. Work. You know, you probably worked all your life. School, college, there's a lot of effort one has to put in to finish those. However, the beautiful thing about school/college is that it's pretty varied in the experience it delivers. Pretty much every year you have new tasks, new lectures, and new friends/enemies. OBVIOUSLY work can also be like that, but the MAJORITY of occupations is doing the same (or mildly varied) crap every day with the same people for years. And those same people often are completely out of your world, ie. 20-30 years older with nearly no connection between you being possible to form.

8. Future. Or lack thereof. After 30, most people doing a serious "showbiz" career, like sports, are already starting to think about retirement. if you're 30 and you never found a talent in yourself, it may become painfully clear that you either don't have those, or you're too old to properly develop them. You can't fool yourself when your day suck that you will become a sportsman, a singer or whatever, like you did as a kid. Because you won't become one. What you've chosen for yourself will likely stick without much wiggle room. Oh, future may still hold many surprises. Just more bad ones than good ones.

So yeah, I needed to get that off my chest.
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OhforfSake
OhforfSake


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posted November 07, 2019 03:06 PM
Edited by OhforfSake at 15:12, 07 Nov 2019.

Life after 30 is just as bald as I thought

I can relate to some of the items, some are however too personal for me to touch upon.

As a small child I found it strange for my parents to have friends who would come over, somehow it just didn't fit into the universe I have made for myself, however this also happened very rarely and there was nothing wrong with these people. In general I don't know if my case was an exception though, because I clearly remember the parents of other kids having plenty of friends coming over, while I was visiting, but I certainly loved having my parents to myself.

When I was very young I never cared much for sport, but I took an interest to some of it after I finally truly tried it, and of course I dreamt about being the youngest national team player and stuff along that line. In a way similar to how I also imagined a future where I would be playing video games for money, etc.
It is strange to think that I am now at an age were people I used to think of as old would retire, but on the same time it was more than half a life time ago that I had already decided those ideas weren't for me anyway, in total I had those ambitions for maybe 5 years, and really thinking about it now again is just an afterthought and nothing else.

Also I feel sorry that you are not happy with what is going on in your life. I hope you find a way to adapt to how things have changed, and find that while you see yourself as being correct about your fears now, maybe it can also turn into something good somehow?

Just out of curiosity, those college girls you seem to miss, how old are they, DF?

Edit: I changed the heading to something I thought was funny, I hope you don't mind.

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Doomforge
Doomforge


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posted November 07, 2019 03:12 PM

Yeah, well, they're too old for me anyway.

What I mostly struggle with, aside from "ze deaths", is that I just don't have the correct mentality. I fit with people 10 years younger than me, not those of my age.
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OhforfSake
OhforfSake


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posted November 07, 2019 03:13 PM
Edited by OhforfSake at 15:18, 07 Nov 2019.

You mean mentally? I think mentally I fit better with children than with young adults... that is if they didn't scare me that much.

Also I gotta admit I never considered how great the difference is between 20's and 30's. If people I grew up with had children at 25, then that was late.. most of them had children in their young 20's, and some even before that (one has a child who is now older than I was when she got pregnant...). So in my case, I guess I never had to deal with the same issues as you have had when it came to friends, or it hit me much sooner at a time where I pretty much had no relation to these people anyway.

I suppose the older members of our community might shine some light on where they remember the greater difference, though of course they are from a time where rules perhaps were different and it may be less applicable, but on the other hand I feel both you and I doom are not the norm anyway. Could be interesting to hear where others have found a great divide in their life.
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Salamandre
Salamandre


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posted November 07, 2019 03:21 PM

Well, with age, many things change but one.

You will still prefer girls in their 20'

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bloodsucker
bloodsucker


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posted November 07, 2019 03:26 PM
Edited by bloodsucker at 15:26, 07 Nov 2019.

Dido.
And you just wait until you reach the 50s... and I didn't felt the 30's that badly.
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Drakon-Deus
Drakon-Deus


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posted November 07, 2019 03:30 PM

Oh man, I only have around four years left of my twenties.

...which were still miles better than my teens though.

So, to the 30's I say: Here is my hand. Show me your secrets. I am not afraid!
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blizzardboy
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posted November 07, 2019 03:41 PM
Edited by blizzardboy at 15:43, 07 Nov 2019.

I'll come back to this thread later but it's good to see you Doomforge Did you move out of Poland yet?

@Salamandre:

You don't stop being attracted to women in their 20s but you are also more likely to open up to older women as well. Then again I've always been attracted to people's mothers since a teenager so I can't comment much about this. I don't have any personal experience in being attracted to a small window of people.

I like being in my 30s more than I did in my 20s. More confidence. More knowledge. More focus and better perspective. Health always becomes riskier as you get older.
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Salamandre
Salamandre


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posted November 07, 2019 04:09 PM

blizzardboy said:
Then again I've always been attracted to people's mothers since a teenager


lol, I'm the opposite, I'm attracted to mother's daughters. But I still have my hair on my head.

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Neraus
Neraus


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posted November 07, 2019 04:54 PM

blizzardboy said:
Then again I've always been attracted to people's mothers since a teenager


FTFY
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Blizzardboy
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posted November 07, 2019 04:56 PM

@Sal

I didn't lose my hair. It just immigrated to my back and crack.

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Doomforge
Doomforge


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posted November 07, 2019 04:59 PM

Hey BB. Nice to see you too.

Yeah, I'm still around. In fact, I haven't changed much at all. Maybe that's my problem, lol, since most people changed a lot. Or died. Well, that changes them too, technically.

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tSar-Ivor
tSar-Ivor


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posted November 07, 2019 05:12 PM
Edited by tSar-Ivor at 17:18, 07 Nov 2019.

Never mind 30, 25 and I'm getting lectures on how my father had 3 sons by my age and work for a wage to upkeep them. Not that it gets to me, different generation surely easy to ignore, but when I have 20 somethings coming over from Hungary and Poland (working with us), married and kids along the way but dirt poor as well. I'm like...wtf, pisses me off since I like to have stability so making risks is something I do randomly, like I won't even do driving lessons without making sure I got all the funds first, and these guys are breeding like rabbits in a foreign country without a stable income/roof over their heads and both of them are totally cool with it?!

It's odd, it's great, but kinda feels like I've been lied to (i.e you need big weddings, you gotta prep for kids n everything). Nah just find a woman you like get hitched and breed, hell don't even need solid foundations, life will find a way.
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Blizzardboy
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posted November 07, 2019 05:21 PM

I just watched the original Jurassic Park last night so funny to see you use that line today.

It is weird to think about where my parents were at my age.

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Doomforge
Doomforge


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posted November 07, 2019 05:24 PM

My parents had a 13 yo daughter by my age.

But at the same time, my dad was just drunk 24/7, so yeah. Not exactly a role model.

I never wanted to have kids myself. With a crappy father like that, I don't know two things about families either way.

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JoonasTo
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What if Elvin was female?
posted November 07, 2019 06:03 PM

Having been in four funerals in pretty short succession, I can say you get used to it.

One thing I've noticed that people always veered off after pairing up and it takes them some years to calm down and return to normalcy. This has happened without fail, had they kids or not. The time has differed for people but they all have done so.

What is far more dividing has been hobbies. If either you or your friend's interest didn't really line up in the first place, youth drove people together by the most random reasons, like living close ro going to the same school. All of those are gone without fail. You'll just ghost each other. People just don't have time for something they don't really care anymore. So the friends you make later in life also tend to be there because you actually fit with each other.

I can't really speak for that whole easy targets part but in a modern world if all you're after is sex -> just swipe from tinder. Personally I don't find it worth the time. I'd much rather spend my evening doing other things.

I have conciously avoided all employment that follows me home and I love it. Being able to just walk out the door and just shove work aside is amazing. Homework from school and team projects, essays, research papers...screw all that. That's the most stupid stuff you could spend your time on. None of that. If I have to do something boring in exchange for not having to work 14 hours a day, I'd pick that any day of the week. What use is money if you don't have time to spend it?

To be fair, Finnish society is a lot different than Polish one. Most people my age don't have kids and don't want kids either. People dying due to illness is super rare. Christian values are at an all time low. Etc.


Doomforge said:
Yeah, well, they're too old for me anyway.

What I mostly struggle with, aside from "ze deaths", is that I just don't have the correct mentality. I fit with people 10 years younger than me, not those of my age.

Heh, that's funny. I'm the total opposite. I absolutely don't fit in with the young. Maybe it's my upbringing but the people I found myself gravitating towards in all the places I've worked have been those who are a year from retiring. There is, of course, the fact that most of these people are free from the burden of family and can express themselves freely too. But mostly it's the respect shown towards others that draws me to them.

Drakon-Deus said:
So, to the 30's I say: Here is my hand. Show me your secrets. I am not afraid!

Not specifically to you but all (young) people:

1. If there is ever a moment where you hesitate if something is worth it. Just do it. You can always regret what you did but it's a million times better than regretting something you didn't do.

2. Unless you plan to be a millionaire and stop working once you hit 30 spend all your money, credit and absolutely all of your time doing what you love or might fall in love with. You might be screwed and poor later with no job, money, or a leg but you have all your life to pay it back, you can't get back the time you wasted studying, working and saving.

blizzardboy said:
You don't stop being attracted to women in their 20s but you are also more likely to open up to older women as well. Then again I've always been attracted to people's mothers since a teenager so I can't comment much about this. I don't have any personal experience in being attracted to a small window of people.


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Doomforge
Doomforge


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posted November 07, 2019 06:15 PM
Edited by Doomforge at 18:18, 07 Nov 2019.

I have an explanation for that:

Young Poles = 30yo Finns
30yo Poles = 90yo Finns



yeah, it's obvious that once a common factor like school is out of the picture, you actually have nothing in common with people anymore. HOWEVER! when you're in school, it's easier to find some you DO have something in common with.

At the age of 32, I can.. you know... meet people and talk about their kids. most people are kid crazy in Poland. Hobbies? WTF is that?

and even if they had one, it for sure withered once they made babiez.

Most of people I know from high school have kids, some even have more than 1.

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JoonasTo
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What if Elvin was female?
posted November 07, 2019 06:39 PM
Edited by JoonasTo at 18:39, 07 Nov 2019.

Yeah, there's a pretty clear divide between my generation and those a little before us. At work all above 40 have kids. Out of 30 or so cousins between 20-40, only two have kids. There's a pretty clear difference here. But even those at work who have kids all have hobbies. Finnish people are rich enough to afford that.

If you want to meet people with similar hobbies it's pretty easy, you just hop in at wherever they practice it and et, voila! You've found them. Assuming you're a social person.

You're also probably closer to the truth than you realise. Finnish society was at where Poland is now, roughly 50 years ago. Closer to early 80s for the economic boom, closer to the 60s for the social drive for a welfare state. Funnily enough you guys tried to copy Germany but kind of snowed it up so that West German dream never happened and just sidetracked you for a couple decades.
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Doomforge
Doomforge


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posted November 07, 2019 07:06 PM

JoonasTo said:
If you want to meet people with similar hobbies it's pretty easy, you just hop in at wherever they practice it and et, voila! You've found them. Assuming you're a social person.


While this is true, you may end up meeting people who indeed have SOMETHING in common with you (depending on how passionate they are), but not much. And 1 topic only quickly gets old.

With the guy I lost, I had multiple joint hobbies, similar world view and 20 years of school/life experiences to laugh at.

I don't think this is possible to replace/replicate.

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JoonasTo
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What if Elvin was female?
posted November 07, 2019 07:53 PM

You don't have to replace him. You shouldn't replace him. You create something new. That said, world will look pretty bleak for a while after such an event.

Obviously a starting point of something in common is better than nothing. You can work from there.

It's also pretty easy to find someone who shares your interests and world view if you're willing to look on the internet. There's billions out here after all.
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