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| Thread: Why I'm an idiot. | |
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DagothGares
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posted May 07, 2011 10:53 PM |
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Why I'm an idiot.
Okay, so I want to discuss something which has slowly happened to me during the course of my studies and has finally consumed me. It's stupid, but it's true as hell:
I can only talk about literature and Slavic history/ languages of late.
I have become, what they call, a blinkered specialist, een vakidioot, ein Fachidiot.
What this basically means is that, in order to cope with the sudden increase of work I've had, I've dedicated myself nearly entirely to what I do (my end terms were to read 11 Russian classics and learn about 5000 new words which sound nothing like my words (+ Polish and Russian history and basically the entire literary history of western Europe) and that was huge to me, maybe not to you supermen, but anyway.)
The people I spend a lot of time with are fellow slavists or other people from the faculty of Lingual and regional studies. We also have stupid (and morbid, because slavists are morbid) jokes about old believers and you better believe there are "in Soviet Russia"-jokes. Anyway, this grew gradually and I never really felt it, because, as I said, I spend most of my time with members of the same faculty or Russians or other Eastern Europeans.
Now, I occasionally come in touch with some of my old friends and after we exchanged pleasantries and talked about old friends, I suddenly have nothing to say that is in any way interesting, because normal people don't care at all about Russian history or Lev Nikolaevich Tolstoy's life and I kind of have lost the ability to discuss the latest news (well, sure, you know of it, but it never goes beyond agreeing that, yes, Osama is dead, or, yes, Khaddafi sure was in a bind) or anything at all, really.
I can't even talk a lot about games with people, because I only game casually during the weekend.
It used to be I had a wide array of subjects (you could always fall back on comedians or stupid belgian politicians.)
So, yeah, any other idiots around whose life somehow has gotten to be defined by what he does and has totally and irrevocably strayed from the uomo universale ideal to be able to talk about a wide array of subjects with a wide array of people? 
EDIT: STUPID TYPO!
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ohforfsake
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posted May 07, 2011 11:09 PM |
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I have given that matter a great deal of thought, not certain that my conclusions are very good though.
You see, what you experience is something I have experienced for most of my life. I am a loner, I think, and as such, the stuff that interests me often isolates me from other people. So if I can't talk about soccer (yes I do actually know what it is), or something similar, very general stuff, with people, then I find myself in your described situation (should I have understood you correctly) where I have nothing, I feel worthy, to say.
Earlier I used to be called strange by former very good friends, because I tried to force an interesting conversation. It probably made me look strange, because it could make me say some very strange stuff. Heck I probably still do that. It have made some other friends of mine think that I speak a lot before I think, but actually it's more the strange feeling, that I have, which gets to say something. It's nagging me, because, hey, those people are my friends, we should enjoy eachothers company right?
Have you watched the movie Forrest Gump? I really like the way he deals with that situation, i.e. he says all he believe he has to say, nothing more, nothing less. Then he moves on, without giving the situation another thought. (As he does with everything in life, going from one entire life type to another, never ever committing to a habit, but is 100% focused on everything he does all the time [not that it's necessarily a smart thing, you need to plan your future, or you'll be depending on others and sheer luck]).
After all, is it not just a misunderstanding from our childhood on how friendships are supposed to be? I don't know if you follow my thoughts here, but what I'm trying to say is that a good friendship is not based on good conversation. You choose your friends, maybe based on qualities, but when you've chosen said friends, does those qualities really matter? Isn't it the power of friendship itself that's truely important, i.e. what you can do for others, not what they can do for you (like giving you a good time, with interesting conversations, making you feel part of some kind of community, etc.)?
Quote:
Obama is dead
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DagothGares
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posted May 07, 2011 11:15 PM |
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I think your friends are people who feel comfortable being around you and I think conversational skills are essential to that.
Also => stupid typo.
I also somehow feel I should be able to talk about more than the weather with just about anyone. Though, maybe that's stupid. And I don't want to be one of those people who force conversations in boring directions (I know quite a few of those) with things I think are fascinating.
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mvassilev
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posted May 07, 2011 11:20 PM |
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I'm sorry you have to hang out with Slavists. We have a few of them at my college, and it's never clear why they're studying Russian.
Something similar could have well been my fate, if not for the fact that most of my friends aren't from the econ department, and I am around then every day, so interaction isn't hard. I have friends with whom I can make Ricardian equivalence jokes ("Ricardian equivalence joke? Isn't that redundant?") and the like, but I can still talk about other stuff. It helps that all my friends are nerds and I never have to dirty my hands with normal people any more.
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Vlaad
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posted May 07, 2011 11:25 PM |
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When my wife complains she's become a fachidiot, I tell her that at least she has a fach while I'm just an idiot. 
Seriously though, I've always thought of foreign languages as doors to the rooms that stay closed for most people. Just cherry-pick interesting stuff that you can use any time. Hey, a lot of weird **** to choose from in your field.
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TDL
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The weak suffer. I endure.
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posted May 07, 2011 11:26 PM |
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Edited by TDL at 23:30, 07 May 2011.
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At first I had such an issue when I first started my university classes. Computer science, information technology and stuff like that do not really work well in this humane world of ours when it comes to having a conversation. Then I realized that even once I try to broaden the scope of my discussions (in real life, not forums or instant messaging clients), it comes a slow failure. It is terribly hard for me to reconcile with my former schoolmates, it is terribly hard for me to just talk to the general public apart from my scope of interests. I tried branching my interests taking up new activities (of course those were not for the intention of meeting new people or just increasing the amount of context for a conversation), but then I figured how my attention gradually shifted towards those other specific activities rather than general banter. And after some time I realized that even with my close friends, not to mention the other people, I sometimes have nothing to chat about.
Fact is, I am slow to hook up with new people but I am talkative and communicative when I get to know them. The sad part about it all is the part where and when I get to build the conversation from scratch. I usually lack the proper amount of context for a convo with ordinary people: those who go to dance clubs, those who listen to pop music and the like. I quickly begin to exhaust the topics to discuss mainly because either I am interested in some more serious discussion, or my interests sway far away from theirs.
With people whose interests considerably remind me of my own (poker, snooker, homm, games in general, music, etc.) it is easy to share a banter, but even after a while I begin to exhaust my chatting material.
I feel it is more or less natural once you drown in your own world.
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DagothGares
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posted May 07, 2011 11:28 PM |
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Quote:
I'm sorry you have to hang out with Slavists.
Yes, I really don't like most of my classmates o be honest, but it's my clan and you can't deny that.
Belgium generally doesn't have a lot of peple to be classified as nerds, except japanologists. My best friend japanologist recently quit, so that's why I I was thinking about this.
(Don't worry, everyone, I have a few friends )
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smithey
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posted May 07, 2011 11:30 PM |
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You my friend have become a one dimensional guy, and in a subject which... well it is a bit boring IMO, open up your horizons, there is a whole world out there besides slavic (whatever it was), not trying to put you down or something but you havent become stupid but instead boring, had so many people like yourself in my studies who could talk only of economy.
Be a man of many interests and you will find the world to be a fulfilling place, and people will like you as well.
Nothing is better than being good with people, because people fill your life way better than any game, tv show, whatever you do.
How to change that ? start by being curious about stuff that aren't your studies, then you won't be making claims such as seals killed Obama LOL those traitors
Ohfor, stop being unique 100% of the time and start playing with others in the outside world as well, you'll discover cool things you're missing out on.
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ohforfsake
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posted May 07, 2011 11:51 PM |
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If you absolute insists on having a conversation with people whom you share no interesting conversation points, why not just make a simple template? Base it on what you would like to be asked and then test it, in real life, and find out what needs to be corrected. Improve the template based on how it goes, and you'll improve your conversation skills and have lots of, for other people, great conversations... for you, meaningless conversations which may feel like a forced waste of time(been there, tried that).
@smithey
I have no clue, what do you mean? We're all unique.
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DagothGares
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posted May 08, 2011 12:05 AM |
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@ Vlaad: yeah, when it's about what I study I usually talk about Russian writers, because some ofthem ended in (morbidly) anecdotal ways.
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How to change that ? start by being curious about stuff that aren't your studies, then you won't be making claims such as seals killed Obama LOL those traitors
I feel like most things that I usually get a superficial glance at them. I also don't want to become those people who consider themselves experts on anything and talk about any subject with superficial notions.
Also, don't harp on typos, fox did it too.
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Nothing is better than being good with people, because people fill your life way better than any game, tv show, whatever you do.
Not all people. I know a lot of people I can definitely live without. 
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and it's never clear why they're studying Russian.
Also, now comes the great purge that people who didn't dedicate themselves fully get to think real hard about what they're going to be doing next year, because it's definitely not going to be slavistics for half of them.
@ TDL: That's what I feared. I kind of live in a different world with some of my friends where I can talk about horrible things without bounds and those are the best, but I feel I sort of have to be more sociable with people in general and it sometimes gets really awkward around people like family.
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blizzardboy
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posted May 08, 2011 12:16 AM |
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On some level, you might have to accept the fact that you just don't have the disposition to be the ultimate social butterfly, and this isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's all about your personal preference. Some of it is inborn charisma, but a lot of it is also being able to genuinely relate with people. Birds of the same feather flock together. I used to be very smug and confident with my little circle of nerdy interests, but in the past few years, particularly after graduating college and discovering that maintaining a social life takes a lot of pro-active effort, I've made a conscious effort to expand my interests, and in some areas this has worked. I've acquired an interest for gardening, cooking, some mainstream music, and playing baseball/volleyball that I didn't previously have. In other areas, nothing has changed. I've tried very hard to will myself into giving a **** about whether or not my local sports team wins or loses a game, but I have found that I am completely incapable of giving even a single ****. Curiously, I can get interested in big international sport events. Maybe it's because the more epic scale of it excites me, whereas the local teams playing each other is just sort of 'meh'. But even then, a lose isn't something that would ruin my day. Overall, I'm not really a sports fan, and I've come to accept that I probably never will be.
You should definitely try to expand yourself, but if you find yourself genuinely disinterested in something, don't go to great lengths to fake it just for the sake of expanding your social circle. It's not worth it.
          
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smithey
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posted May 08, 2011 12:23 AM |
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Edited by smithey at 00:24, 08 May 2011.
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I feel like most things that I usually get a superficial glance at them. I also don't want to become those people who consider themselves experts on anything and talk about any subject with superficial notions.
Being interested in many things doesnt necessary mean it's superficial, it just means you're a more sophisticated person hence more interesting, in my book at least
Limiting yourself to only certain topics leaves out so many aspects of life that you might actually like, having an adaptive personality is a good thing, being able to have a conversation with almost everyone regardless of age/race/religion/mutual interests makes you a better man and opens up many doors and possibilities you'll stay blind to if you remain a one dimensional person.... Anyhow, don't take this the wrong way, this is just my opinion and in no way meant to offend or something of a kind,just a small portion of tough love, nothing to be taken in a bad manner 
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Also, don't harp on typos, fox did it too.
I was just kidding
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mvassilev
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posted May 08, 2011 12:24 AM |
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The solution is to have a variety of interests outside of the subject you're studying. I'm an econ major, but I have some interest in politics, philosophy, technology, and other sciences (though unfortunately sometimes interest is all I have). For example, I spent two hours' conversation with my friends starting with a discussion about whether cladistics should completely replace Linnean taxonomy, which somehow segued into talking about linguistics and theories of language, which then became a conversation about religion and the Bible, which then briefly became a discussion about moral relativism, followed by one about Objectivism, which transformed into being about economics, then about education, then about our high school experiences, at which point a LAN party started.
Not that difficult.
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TDL
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posted May 08, 2011 12:25 AM |
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Edited by TDL at 00:25, 08 May 2011.
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I've tried very hard to will myself into giving a **** about whether or not my local sports team wins or loses a game, but I have found that I am completely incapable of giving even a single ****. Curiously, I can get interested in big international sport events. Maybe it's because the more epic scale of it excites me, whereas the local teams playing each other is just sort of 'meh'. But even then, a lose isn't something that would ruin my day. Overall, I'm not really a sports fan, and I've come to accept that I probably never will be.
Ditto. In a country like mine where every 3rd person is crazed about basketball, I can believe I feel the same way. I could not care less whether one city's team beats the other's as long as any set of our players takes down something major in whatever big international even they embark on. That part I do care about, but maybe for like a day or two after it happens. I like watching the enthusiasm of our supporters and supporting the team during some of the live matches in the arena, but that is more like breaking the 4th wall in a play in a theatre. As for local v visitor teams, bleh. It all just winds up in such a way that some dumbo beats the **** out of another dumbo and either one or both wind(s) up in the hospital or in the custody of some angry cops, or they simply crack their skulls open.
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