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| Thread: Love is playing tricks with me. |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 3 4 · «PREV / NEXT» |
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The_Gootch
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Kneel Before Me Sons of HC!!
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posted March 12, 2012 06:17 PM |
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While I find your naked honesty refreshing emilsn, let me be the first one to call you a douche for violating her privacy by logging into her own facebook account after you dumped her.
Before anything else, you need to find a way to get her to change her passwords on anything you had previous access to, since you cannot trust yourself to not abuse your knowledge. Until you do, you aren't worth an ounce of our time.
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NoobX
Undefeatable Hero
Now, this is a paradox...
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posted March 12, 2012 06:39 PM |
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Man, I'm known for being emotionles, but your story... You got to get over it! If I'm not mistaken we are friends here and friends want the best for eachother - find something to get your mind of her! If you have broken up with her, she is not worth all that suffering.
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emilsn
Legendary Hero
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posted March 12, 2012 07:33 PM |
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Try to find a place or a person to really vent your feelings out. Breaking up a serious, longterm relationship can be a HUGE change in a persons life, and such a complex relation is bound to have some mixed feelings. Know that if you're mad, sad or frustrated that's completely ok and if you need to shout,, cry or even break some stuff that's also completely ok.
I actully like the shouting part - and I have been wanting to play drums for a few days now - just BASH out all of my feelings..
*to the guy asking about my band - I don't play music anymore  Dont enjoy it
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It is only normal that you were sad this much after a 3 years of relationship. That relationship was something you were very used to having and now it stops to exist. It doesn't matter if you were the one to break up or you didn't love her anymore. I became sick after breaking up with my ex bf because I didn't love him. Now, I think it was the hardest but the best decision I've made. I've saved myself. But, damn, was I crying my eyes out for weeks. And gone sick like I said.
I actully cant sleep, I wake up feeling noxious, I cant eat that much and yeah.. my body is horrible.
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The only strange thing is she didn't suffer like you. Maybe she also wanted that break up but couldn't say it. But that must not matter to you now, you are broken up now.
She did think about a break up - For the past six months, we both agree, we have been friends with benefits and she realised that before I did and started getting used to that idea - and then when she starting thinking about breaking up, she didn't because she had no other reason then "You are not in love with me anymore, dont you see" - She told me this.
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The truth is we have no idea what your ex-girlfriend is feeling either. Maybe she is just throwing herself into meeting new people to get over the pain herself. But she (on the surface) hasn't pined for you, which has hurt your pride.
She said that she wanted to meet new people, and she has, apparently that is only male people, and she really enjoys speaking to new people. And she wants to make a lot of new friends.
And I agree, I am hurt in my pride - I want her to cry for me. I am worth a little tear - 3 years. pisses me off that I get no tears, no "I miss you", no nothing..
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While I find your naked honesty refreshing emilsn, let me be the first one to call you a douche for violating her privacy by logging into her own facebook account after you dumped her.
Thank you. I know and I ashamed over it.
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Before anything else, you need to find a way to get her to change her passwords on anything you had previous access to, since you cannot trust yourself to not abuse your knowledge. Until you do, you aren't worth an ounce of our time.
She MUST never know I did it - so I do not know how to tell her!
On a more general note
Thank you for answers - I agree on most of it the whole find some to do. Yeah. Agree.
I must say that blocking her out of life is about one of the most common suggentions I get and I think i'll try it.. I have written that I need more time...
And right now my only wish is to know if she is actully with this Daniel or they are just fooling around.. because I can't live not knowing..
And if you want to know more, I can easily translate the 4 mails we have writting each other, where we state a lot of our feelings.
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Don't walk behind me; I may not
lead. Don't walk in front of me;
I may not follow. Just walk
beside me and be my friend.
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted March 12, 2012 08:16 PM |
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and how do you get her out of your life if you constantly want to know what she is doing? make a choice.
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Kispagat
Famous Hero
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posted March 12, 2012 09:33 PM |
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"And right now my only wish is to know if she is actully with this Daniel or they are just fooling around.. because I can't live not knowing.."
Dont eat the oldest trick on earth. You made the right and rational thing, you have realized that the base of your relationship is missing, you dont love her anymore and you broke up. Its absolutelly natural that you suffer afterwards, just keep it in your mind that you made the right thing, but emotions needs lot more time to disappear. Thats pretty human, no worries.
Keep analyzing the situation rationally. There are two possibilities:
1. She is over you and really interested in Daniel. Conclusion: There is nothing you can do, forget her.
2. She only want to make you jelous to show you that you still feel something about her, and make you feel guilty, because you broke up. Conclusion: Jelousy is not love, is a totally different emotion, if you dont love her, just forget her and move on.
Rationally this is that so simple, but because we are humans, being 100% rational is impossible, we have emotion so we can be happy or we can suffer a bit. But you will learn that having a relationship needs responsibility, but also next time you will not waste half year not to breaking up.
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Ghost
Undefeatable Hero
Therefore I am
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posted March 12, 2012 09:42 PM |
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  You do not love! Quite normal when you just want to know, ask one or something. But the good is an important matter.
Others said an unemployed, but I told her no wedding, child and cash care. Later she asked when propose? What? Engagement! ..Ow! Long after she asked again.. -- We are our differences! But she returned only the night time 
Very many examples!
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Fight MWMs - stand teach
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted March 12, 2012 10:21 PM |
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Quote:
it's easier said than done.
But it still should be done.
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Eccentric Opinion
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted March 12, 2012 10:35 PM |
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Oh god, obviously. It's common sense that he should do this and he should do that, even he knows that. 3 years is a long time and until you have been in the situation, you have no idea what it's like. So it IS easier than done. When you've been in a relationship for more than 2 weeks, let me know.
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~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted March 12, 2012 11:06 PM |
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I'm letting you know that I've been in a relationship that lasted a month.
But seriously, that's irrelevant. Am I wrong? No, even you agree that he should get over her. So where do you disagree?
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Eccentric Opinion
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted March 12, 2012 11:18 PM |
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Edited by william at 23:19, 12 Mar 2012.
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No, Mvass, it is relevant. You can't give advice if you have no knowledge about it. A month is absolutely nothing. You can't give relationship advice to somebody else if it only lasted a month. A year or so? Yeah, you can. But a month is nothing. Think about it.
This is what I am disagreeing with, although it should have been obvious:
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Stop worrying about what she's doing. She is no longer your girlfriend and you don't have any claim over her. Take a deep breath, and understand that it doesn't matter whom she's with. Then go on with your life.
How can he not worry about what she's doing? Yeah, he ended it with her but 3 years takes a while to get over somebody. You still think that they are your girlfriend. So I understand perfectly why he feels the way he does.
To him, it does matter who she is with. It'd matter to her if he had someone. It's called jealously. They just broke up and he finds her with somebody else. Of course he's going to feel a little gutted considering he hasn't fully gotten over her yet. Yes, he may not have felt love for her for a while but that doesn't mean that it is just easy to get over. She was still a big part of his life and for that to now have ended is hard for him.
So, like I said, it's easier said than done to just tell him that he doesn't have any claim over her or that it doesn't matter who she is with and to get on with his life.
Rubbish advice.
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~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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wog_edn
Promising
The Nothingness
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posted March 12, 2012 11:35 PM |
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I've been in a relationship for about three years now, so I figure I'm allowed to give advice And I agree with them, simply cut her out. When something is over then it's over, letting her be a part of your life will lead to nothing but pain and heartache for you.
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted March 12, 2012 11:41 PM |
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Yeah, I agree with ya EDN. First thing you did wrong was that you decided to be 'friends' afterwards. Never, ever works. Just takes time. See your friends a lot. Go to the pub. Go for walks. It's never easy but it'll get better in time. Trust me.
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~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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Adrius
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Stand and fight!
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posted March 12, 2012 11:56 PM |
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Gotta defend Mvass a bit here... this is the internetz... anyone can be anyone, he could've as well have said that he's been married for 3 years and no one could've disputed it.
Whether he's really been in a long-term relationship matters little, just focus on his arguments instead.
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted March 13, 2012 01:08 AM |
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William, I do have knowledge of it - everything he posted. I can mentally construct the situation based on what he wrote. Moreover, because I myself am not involved in it, I can give more objective advice. Do you think the only people who should give advice are those who have been in the situation before? If so, only drug addicts should be drug counselors, only mentally ill people should be psychiatrists and psychologists, etc. I am capable of conceptual reasoning, empathy, and imagination, therefore I can give advice even for situations I've not been in.
As for the rest of what you said - yes, he's obviously jealous and still concerned with what she's doing. That's clear enough. But my point is that he shouldn't be. That's why I said he needs to sit down, take a deep breath, fully process the fact that she's not his girlfriend anymore, and move on. He has no justified reason to be jealous, so he shouldn't be. It may not be easy for him to do - I'm not saying that it is - but it's what he should do. He'll get over her eventually, but he can influence whether he gets over her quickly or slowly.
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Eccentric Opinion
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted March 13, 2012 01:32 AM |
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but I think there is a middle way. you are all like "it's all because of the emotions" but I doubt that it's the emotions alone, they are probably based on some thinking that seems very rationnal at the given moment, but if you look carefully into it, you may see that it just makes no sense.
and as I said before, what was the problem with not missing her? doesn't it make the relationship more harmonious actually? why do you have to torture yourself to convince yourself that you love? was there really anything bad in your relationship? something harmful for you?
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Adrius
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Stand and fight!
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posted March 13, 2012 01:42 AM |
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Well.. you can't choose whether to have an emotion or not... but you can choose to act in a way that either strengthens or weakens the emotion.
When you're sitting and just thinking about how much things suck you're bound to intensify the feeling of suck.
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Dragon_Slayer
Honorable
Supreme Hero
toss toss toss
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posted March 13, 2012 06:55 AM |
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I think men are built at a subconscious level to feel that they own anybody they have been with, mostly because that's how it used to work before modern times.
This is true, and any male who disagrees is in denial. Perhaps the word 'own' isnt the right one, but the point is still the same.
In the end, it boils down to this. No guy wants a woman they once dated and were intimate with to sleep with another man (or be intimate in any way really). Thats why you feel better about a breakup when your partner doesnt date anyone for many months after you split. Some other guy is doing things that was once reserved for you. So how can you help yourself move on? As selfish as it may seem, you need a rebound or two or three. When you start mingling with other women, you'll begin to foget about her. Aside from getting you mind off things, its a good confidence boost too..
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted March 13, 2012 09:09 AM |
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Whether he's really been in a long-term relationship matters little, just focus on his arguments instead.
Okay, well it's still easier said than done. What he was saying made it seem as if he knew nothing about it. It takes time. That's all Emilsn needs.
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~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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OhforfSake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted March 13, 2012 02:32 PM |
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What's up with going all in or nothing anyway?
You know, a girlfriend is not just about whatever you isolated feel over any given period of time. It's a dynamic. You can actually talk to her about these feelings of yours. I'm certain she'd be the best person to talk about this stuff with. In stead of just breaking up and continueing the same psychological distress that caused the break up completely isolated. Obviously there's something about your relationship you aren't happy about, and in the end the ultimate conclusion might very well be to end it, but the way you went by was just hurting yourself unnecessary. Talk with her about how you feel and share with her. She's still your friend. She'll probably understand and maybe she's going through something similar.
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted March 13, 2012 04:48 PM |
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forf seems to often think the same way as me
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In stead of just breaking up and continueing the same psychological distress that caused the break up completely isolated. Obviously there's something about your relationship you aren't happy about, and in the end the ultimate conclusion might very well be to end it, but the way you went by was just hurting yourself unnecessary.
yeah, seriously, you didn't put much thought into this decision? when you decided to break up, you didn't think about what would be best for you, did you? you simply based your decision on the experience of other people? and they may well be all wrong...
I see all the pain that love (well, that probably shouldn't be called love) causes, and if I see that it makes other people suffer, why would I do like them???
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