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| Thread: things can't get any worse. |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 · NEXT» |
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bixie
Promising
Legendary Hero
my common sense is tingling!
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posted June 20, 2013 11:44 PM |
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things can't get any worse.
simple rules. I post the set up, and you guys post what comes afterwards, making it as unfortunate and funny as possible. then people respond, laying misfortune upon misfortune upon this poor character. Don't feel too sorry for him. He's fictional and thus an afront to God.
Geoff woke up with a hangover.
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Love, Laugh, Learn, Live.
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fred79
Disgraceful
Undefeatable Hero
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posted June 20, 2013 11:55 PM |
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Looking around him, he was surprised to see the goats in his bed. Even worse, that they were wearing his mom's party wigs and lipstick.
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Adrius
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Stand and fight!
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posted June 21, 2013 12:50 AM |
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Shoving his new four-legged friends aside as he got out of bed, Geoff grasped his head in his palms and tried to let out a hangover-fuelled groan, but was interrupted by the freezing water around his ankles; his room was flooded.
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted June 21, 2013 12:58 AM |
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"Sorry about that," said Bubba, Geoff's redneck roommate, as he left the bathroom, still with his pants around his ankles. Bubba glanced at the goats, "Hey, Geoff, are you sure they're over 16?"
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Eccentric Opinion
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fred79
Disgraceful
Undefeatable Hero
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posted June 21, 2013 01:29 AM |
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Edited by fred79 at 01:30, 21 Jun 2013.
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Geoff shook his head. "Nah man, they're at least as old as my grandma. Hey, why don't you plug in that toaster over there? I want to make some toast, while dipping my feet and scrotum in all this frigid water." Bubba happily complied...
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted June 21, 2013 02:25 AM |
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but then the two noticed that the power was out. "Probably the riots," Geoff said. They heard the clamor of neighbors' windows being broken by urban youths.
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Eccentric Opinion
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fred79
Disgraceful
Undefeatable Hero
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posted June 21, 2013 02:31 AM |
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Edited by fred79 at 03:33, 21 Jun 2013.
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when geoff went to the window to check, it exploded into fragments as a brick came sailing in, hitting him in the face, and breaking his nose. now having jagged pieces of glass sticking out if his eyeballs and cheeks, he tried to stand up. when he finally did, a molotov cocktail came after the brick, exploding in his mangled face, and setting his head on fire, like Ghost Rider.
(ok, i'm going to bed. you guys watch geoff for me, will you? i'm not sure about his chances, he seems to be accident prone. i hope i find him safe and sound, come morning.  )
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted June 21, 2013 03:37 AM |
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"Great!" thought Geoff, "Now I can't use my expensive hair gel, and my face will be ruined! How will I ever find a date?" Bubba grabbed a bucket and filled it with dirty bathroom water, then dumped it over Geoff's face, putting the fire out. Unfortunately, for some reason there was also a hammer in that bucket, and it fell on Geoff's head, knocking him unconscious.
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Eccentric Opinion
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fred79
Disgraceful
Undefeatable Hero
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posted June 21, 2013 09:40 AM |
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Blessed, painless unconciousness drifted down on Geoff like a warm blanket that his grandma once knitted for him. But, being that he was a burn victim, he awoke screaming in agony. The pain was just too great to stay asleep for an extended period of time. He then calmed himself, through his guided meditation. He went to his happy place, where the penguin told him to "slide". So he did. Right down the stairs, like a pinata with joints. Cursing like Yosemite Sam all the way down. "Durn burt flaggert bladdadat flad whirlablat..."
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Adrius
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Stand and fight!
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posted June 21, 2013 11:25 AM |
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Edited by Adrius at 11:27, 21 Jun 2013.
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He rolled over, just in time to meet the goats coming down to the stairs to greet his face as their stampede crossed the room like a snow-grooming machine in a porcelain store.
"****ing hell..." Geoff mumbled through his swollen lips, his pain at least partially numbed by his semi-unconscious mind. He looked around just in time to see the door finally being broken apart by the vicious goats, the doorway now turned into a battlefield between the urban youths and gang of goats.
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blizzardboy
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Nerf Herder
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posted June 21, 2013 11:47 AM |
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Geoff was about to complain, until a Klingon warrior descended from a ray of green light and became to abuse him, sexually.
"NOK DURU MADAHU. DRAOK NAJAKU!" the Klingon wailed in ecstasy as Geoff was assaulted with wave after wave of impaling force from the extraterrestrial rapist.
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"Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us."
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fred79
Disgraceful
Undefeatable Hero
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posted June 21, 2013 11:57 AM |
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Edited by fred79 at 12:03, 21 Jun 2013.
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The Klingon and the youths ran screaming when they found what the goat stampede was about: Butt rape. With new holes in the back of their pants, they scurried like roaches, leaving a trail of fashionable "swag" behind them. They didn't get far, because the police beat them all to death with nightsticks. "Anarchists" these days... Meanwhile, Geoff was coughing up pieces of his lungs, which were punctured and torn in the falling, and the gay, raping stampede of horny old goats. He was having trouble doing anything right: seeing, breathing, and now that his legs were also broken from the fall, standing. Well, at least his roommate Bubba had found his "My Little Pony" shoes, and were placing them on his feet. Geoff started to feel a little better. A simple comfort is all it takes. But then Bubba grabbed his legs by the ankles, raised them over Geoff's head, and...
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Lexxan
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Unimpressed by your logic
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posted June 21, 2013 02:15 PM |
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then he watched Survivor on television.
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Coincidence? I think not!!!!
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fred79
Disgraceful
Undefeatable Hero
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posted June 21, 2013 03:11 PM |
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Even without the use of his eyes, Geoff could see that "Survivor", and every other reality show he "watched" that day, were all scripted, like soap operas, designed to tug at his man-feelings. Too bad his man-feelings were of horrible agony, at being burned, smashed, broken, and molested by goats and his roommate, as well as a Klingon.
Geoff could take no more trivial t.v. "reality" shows, even more so than all of the humiliation and pain he had suffered. He dug his .44 magnum revolver out from under the goat feces, and promptly shot himself in the head, effectively ending his torment.
Now that Bubba had lost a roommate, he felt...
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Trogdor
Legendary Hero
Words in a custom title
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posted June 21, 2013 03:22 PM |
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......... the need to drink away his sorrows. After rising to his urine-soaked feet as a result of a horrible medical condition that only he himself suffers from, Bubba went to the cupboard and realised all of the bottles of booze are empty. All except for some home brew Geoff concocted a few months prior. Overcome by thirst, Bubba sculled the home brew. Within an hour he was crapping himself and vomiting all over the place. He rushed to the toilet, only to find the carcass of a goat, covered with maggots, rotting on the toilet seat.
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"Through the power of the dollar you can communicate with the dead." - Artu
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fred79
Disgraceful
Undefeatable Hero
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posted June 21, 2013 03:26 PM |
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and, as Lord Satan had commanded him, he must eat of rotten flesh. So he dined his way to the toilet, making lip-smacking noises, and trying to keep it all down. The maggots were so many that Bubba wasn't able to swallow them all, and they were coming back out of his nose. Once he was at the toilet, and drooling rancid-meat vomit down his chin on onto his hairy man-boobs, he...
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Trogdor
Legendary Hero
Words in a custom title
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posted June 21, 2013 04:07 PM |
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............. realised he accidentally left his phone charger plugged in overnight and it overheated, setting half of the house ablaze. Bubba then tried to find a fire extinguisher, except that said extinguisher was made in China and therefore spontaneously combusted right in Bubba's face. Now that he resembles Freddy Kreuger, only without the fedora, Bubba just gave up and let his mobile phone burn away, just like his house.
However, the home brew he ingested earlier was playing up again, vomiting and crapping in unison, so much so he started to drown in his own filth. Only his fingers were to remain visible from the ground.
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"Through the power of the dollar you can communicate with the dead." - Artu
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Adrius
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Stand and fight!
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posted June 21, 2013 04:47 PM |
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Edited by Adrius at 16:50, 21 Jun 2013.
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(YOU KILLED GEOFF? You misunderstand the game you basterds lol, ah well I'll fix it  )
What Bubba had not realized was that Geoff's brew was in fact a concotion created in Geoff's underground lab. An unholy brew made from his own semen and pieces of goat best left undocumented (the connection to the sexy goats in his bed also best left undocumented), the fluid now resting within Bubba was designed to save Geoff in case of his demise. Rightfully trusting in Bubba's heavy alcoholism, he had devoured the brew without a second thought.
Drowning in the regurgitated brew, Bubba felt a mutation rapidly occur as his body transformed into the appearance of Geoff. His mind was the last to change, as through the brown fluid he helplessly watched as what was left of him disappeared forever.
The now Geoff absorbed all of the fluids and became IT again. His masterplan had succeeded, all previous goat and accident caused wounds had disappeared and he was whole again. Victory.
Then a heavy as **** truck crashed through the house and sent the resurrected Geoff flying out the wall at his back, keeping him airborne for a good 10 seconds before he crash landed unto the street.
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fred79
Disgraceful
Undefeatable Hero
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posted June 21, 2013 11:01 PM |
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Edited by fred79 at 23:24, 21 Jun 2013.
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(geoff couldn't handle much more, at least not after the "survivor" thing. i was just doing him a courtesy. SO, now that geoff is alive again, and unscathed(save going through a wall...)
geoff picks himself up, and dusts himself off. "i must be some kind of superhero", he thinks, as he both feels no pain, and is apparently uninjured. he then rips open his button down shirt, to reveal that YES, he has a superman shirt on! "am i superman?" apparently not, as his hair is falling out in clumps, he is gaining in size and strength, and now his head is deformed, and his hair is reduced to a tiny island on top of his pointy head. "SLOTH REBORN! MUST FIND CHUNK! LOVE CHUNK!", he bellows like all of the goats that had their way with him in the previous episode. his "magical elixir" seems to have had drastic side-effects. nevertheless, he pulls a "baby ruth" candybar out of his "wizards sleeve" backside, and begins to munch on it, thinking about how he and chunk should elope, to...
(adrius, i'm guessing you haven't seen "the goonies")
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Adrius
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Stand and fight!
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posted June 21, 2013 11:16 PM |
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(Dafuq I didn't think it could get weirder o_Ó)
...Narnia, which in Geoff's highly confused -and somewhat aroused- mind seemed perfectly viable.
The giant Geoff looked around the neighbourhood while munching on his chunk, the youths gazed upon his now absolutely beautiful chiseled abs. He was one sexy mutant mother****er, except for the fact that he had a hairdo like a 70 year old and was munching on his own ****, but still, dayum man.
However, the world would not let sexy Geoff and Chunk live happily ever after, for from the depths of the sea arose Godzilla to face the new giant challenger.
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