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And goodpig - prophets don't do miracles - they tell the future, and not any time they want, too.

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Now that I have proclaimed myself the god of the underworld, I should live up to the name. Therefore, I have made a description of my realms and the place where you will go if you fail to obey the gods of spamming and write meaningfull and lenghty posts. The Hell of Meaningfull and Lengthy Posts (hereafter refered to as the HMLP) has nine levels, since people sin in different ways.

Based on a description of Dante's Inferno.



The Purgatory.
This is where the true and loyal spammers go. They will be forgiven their occasional post of more than three words. These sins are burned away by the heavenly fire, after which the souls are ready to enter the Heaven of Spamming. Only the true followers and hard workers with at least five yellow stars and no quality points will go here. No others will be granted permission to the gateway to the Heaven of Spamming, where you will dwell for eternity among the mighty gods and receive your rewards for your life as a spammer.

Level 1: The Shores.
The Moderator Spamming Gods will guide you over the Vocabulary River, which is the border of of the HMLP. The virtious spammers who failed to live up to the requirements of ultimate spamming go here. It is a gray barren field, remote of the bright lights of the Heaven of Spamming. The souls of those who dwell here will suffer no torment. There is sadness here, but no pain. The only pain is the knowledge that you would be in the Heaven of Spamming, if only you had lived up to the requirements of the Gods of Spamming. Just as all levels of the HMLP, this level is final. No mercy will ever be granted.

Level 2: The Valley of Storms.
Past the shores, the mountain ranges of the HMLP start. Between the mountains is the Valley of Storms. This is where the souls of those who wrote posts with meaning and insight in them, but did not commit any crimes worse than that. They still have a decent post count, which spares them from the torments in the deeper levels of the HMLP. The souls of those who dwell here will forever be tormented by the tempest of cold winds that flows through the Valley. You will try to reach for the light, which you know is out there, but which you cannot see. However, the icy winds will pull you back to your place of eternal suffering.

Level 3: The Mudlands.
In a large field between the mountains, the clouds always hang. The cold and hard rain will forever torment the souls of those who have decended to this level. The Mudlands contain those who have brought live to meaningfull discussion with their posts, although they were spared from the branding with a quality point and have a decent amount of spamming. These souls will be caught forever in the stinking cold mud as the Monster of Grammatical Correctness hovers over them growling and saliving.

Level 4: The Dale of the Doomed.
Just before the River of Sense lies the Dale of the Doomed. The souls of those who dwell here are the souls of those who were lazy and did not make a proper attempt to achieve a post count that qualifies a spammer. Their posts did not flood the forum and create the proper amount of annoyance. These souls are doomed to labour forever by carrying immensely heavy piles of books and checking all of them ten times for spellings mistakes, after which the books get reprinted and have to be checked again. Capital Letters with whips ensure that no one condemned to this level escapes his or her punishment.

Level 5: The River of Sense.
The River of Sense is a backbone of the HMLP and the location of level 5 is in the waters of this horrible river. This river contains the souls of those who have a quality point on their name. The sin is obviously as bad as starting a thread of meaningfull discussion, presenting insightfull ideas and putting work in the post. The ones punished hear tear and claw at each other in despair as they blame each other for pressuring them to sinning against the Spamming God and wail as they are submerged in the black muddy water, tormented by worms, rats and bugs that slither over their naked bodies.

Level 6: The City of Quality.
Close the heart of the HMLP is the City of Quality. Surrounded by silicon walls, the souls are tied to electrical circuits and tortured by the amperages that they used on their computer for writing their despicable lengthy posts, that would sometimes even gain quality points. These souls wail in vain as Spellchecks sting them with their tridents. The gates of mercy are shut and shall never be opened for these sinners. The presence of the Watcher of All, puncturing the souls and stripping them bare with his merciless gaze can be felt now.

Level 7: The Woods of Promise.
This wood consists of horribly deformed trees with slime dripping from their branches and poisonous fruit. Hanging from these branches are the souls of those who deliberately gained the status of "promising" member, which clearly indicates the extend of their crime. The Red Star River, filled with boiling blood flows through this level, adding its smell to the stench of decay and death. Pain is given by the rain of burning stones and ashes that hails down on this level of the HMLP. Essays fly over the souls and tear them apart with their claws and add their excretions to the filth already present.

Level 8: The Arena of Responsibility.
The souls of those who sinned so much and so badly in their lives that they gained the status of Responsible are condemned to this level of the HMLP. Snakes invest the remains of the souls that were torn open by the presence of the Watcher of All. Boiling kettles of tar are poured over these souls, burning them for eternity and pasting them to the stinging letters of the articles that build this arena-shaped level. The wails of those who dwell here are too painful to hear as you join their ranks.

Level 9: The Heart of Honour.
In the deepest part of the pit that is the Arena of Responsibility, you will find the gateway to the Heart of Honour. This is the level where Marelt Ekiran, the Watcher of All resides. His gaze penetrates and tears up the souls of those who face him directly and the pain of his presence is unbearable. This is where the souls of those who sinned to the extend of the honourable degree dwell for eternity. Their bare mutilated souls frozen by the bitter stinging cold of the articles that he spews over his residence. No light or warmth ever enters this place, the place farthest seperated from the Heaven of Spamming, which these souls so actively opposed.




Upon entering, please give me the level where you should go and a valid reason why. My judges reserve the right to change any of these claims, which will usually result in going to a worse level.

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