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| Thread: Oldtimer's Porch |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 3 4 · NEXT» |
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Oldtimer
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posted July 20, 2004 02:54 AM |
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Oldtimer's Porch
At long last...
A thread for all of you disenfranchised HC members,
You throwbacks to an earlier age,
Friends dear and not so dear,
All gather around on the porch and chat for awhile.
I'll be sitting in my rocker, next to the pickle barrel with the checker board, waiting for a blast from the past.
A warning to all, we oldfolk are a surly bunch. If you young whippersnappers come in and say something stupid, as you are SO prone to do, expect your comeuppence. We are mean. That goes for you guys that think that your point becomes increasingly valid by the more words you use to state it. My eyes are weak and I don't have the time to read that much crap, so you may be ignored. Consider yourselves warned!
Now I'll just wait here for someone to come by and sit a spell.
(If we don't answer right away, don't worry, we're probably napping.)
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<PLEASE DO NOT WAKE THE OLD MAN!>
"Zzzz...Zzzz...Zzzz..."
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Aculias
Responsible
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Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
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posted July 20, 2004 02:58 AM |
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I always wanted to sit next to a Geezer who wears overalls sitting on a moving chair with his rifle watching the cars go by with his Dog Buck & his Chevy parked out there  .
Well remember Oldtimer If you have all those motor vehecles on your drive way, but they are not mobile but your house is, then you may be a redneck
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Dreaming of a Better World
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Oldtimer
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posted July 20, 2004 03:01 AM |
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I tried to sell my doublewide, but people always look into that damn moat. Decomposing canadians just bring down the property value. Roses look nice though...
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<PLEASE DO NOT WAKE THE OLD MAN!>
"Zzzz...Zzzz...Zzzz..."
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Dragon_Slayer
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toss toss toss
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posted July 20, 2004 03:03 AM |
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Nice porch you got her OT. Care to pass me that fresh lemonade
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Oldtimer
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posted July 20, 2004 03:07 AM |
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Sorry boy, but this stuff in the mason jar is some of the best sourmash 'shine in three counties. I'll call your Mama over so you can have some of that sippin lemonade, just like granny used to make.
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<PLEASE DO NOT WAKE THE OLD MAN!>
"Zzzz...Zzzz...Zzzz..."
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Sir_Stiven
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posted July 20, 2004 03:24 AM |
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hey there oldman.. could you please tell the story about when you were fighting side by side with that greece dude akilles again?
might calm some of the members here down..
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Oldtimer
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posted July 20, 2004 03:30 AM |
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The problem with doin' anything with a greek dude is that you might be doing the most macho manly thing in the world, but when you're done that greek dude is lible to plant one right on your mouth and then his schlong makes its way towards your...well why am I explaining this to you, like you've always said, "Been there, Done that."
(Wonders if Lith is listening in)
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<PLEASE DO NOT WAKE THE OLD MAN!>
"Zzzz...Zzzz...Zzzz..."
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bort
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Discarded foreskin of morality
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posted July 20, 2004 03:35 AM |
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Oldman, are you suggesting that the origin of the Olympic "flame" has nothing to do with fire?
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Drive by posting.
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Oldtimer
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posted July 20, 2004 03:38 AM |
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Beware of Greeks bearing gifts, especially when they wrap it in a Trojan(TM).
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<PLEASE DO NOT WAKE THE OLD MAN!>
"Zzzz...Zzzz...Zzzz..."
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Aculias
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posted July 20, 2004 03:39 AM |
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I think Stiven wants to know your role on the battle of Troy Old one  .
Knowing time & again Troy was very fortified & never lost hardly any battles.
Of course being religious in those days were crazy, They were tricked of the hugh wooden horse that was supposed to be a gift but only a trick to get through thier fortifications & the enemy hiding within the horse & that was how Troy was conquered after survivng many battles to that enemy & lost everythang.
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Svarog
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statue-loving necrophiliac
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posted July 20, 2004 03:39 AM |
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Edited By: Svarog on 19 Jul 2004
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Quote:
Oldman, are you suggesting that the origin of the Olympic "flame" has nothing to do with fire?
Or maybe he's refering that the origin of the word "homosexual" has something to do with Greece. 
(And you know I'm right on this one.)
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The meek shall inherit the earth, but NOT its mineral rights.
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Aculias
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posted July 20, 2004 03:41 AM |
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Alexander was also Great
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Sir_Stiven
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posted July 20, 2004 03:42 AM |
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actually no but since your knowledge on the subject seems huge im sure you can fill me in. Afterall... there has to be some reason you voulenteerd year after year in the olympics where you wrestled with other naked men and yet you always managed to finish last? now what was the nickname..oh thats right.. the balltimer, the only man known in greece history who went right for the balls. Problem is my friend, i think you took the saying "having balls" alittle too literate...
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bort
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Discarded foreskin of morality
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posted July 20, 2004 03:45 AM |
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So that's how they kept the phalanx so tight.
(Awaits Lith and his bucket o' penalties. It's okay, we'll just tell him we meant Macedonians and then he'll join in.)
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Drive by posting.
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bort
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Discarded foreskin of morality
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posted July 20, 2004 03:46 AM |
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Or is that just a phallusy?
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Oldtimer
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posted July 20, 2004 03:56 AM |
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Boy, I'm hardly out of my self-imposed gag order and Stiven is already calling me a fag. Boy I've missed this <expletive deleted>. (maybe I shouldn't have said gag, Stiven might get riled up. Then I'll have to hide my Viagra)
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<PLEASE DO NOT WAKE THE OLD MAN!>
"Zzzz...Zzzz...Zzzz..."
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Svarog
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statue-loving necrophiliac
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posted July 20, 2004 04:02 AM |
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Which reminds me of one...
A Spartan general inspects his army of fearsome Spartan men. As he walks past the perfectly ordered formation, he notices that certain "irregularities" in the first row. He stops in front of one soldier whose ears are so big that they get out of the line. He strikes with his sword and cuts off the poor guy's ears. He shouts at him:
-"DO YOU FEEL ANY PAIN?!"
-"NO!"
-"WHY NOT?!"
-"BECAUSE I'M A SOLDIER IN THE SPARTAN ARMY!"
He then stops at another one whose nose is too long and seperates from the rest of the row. He blows his sword and cuts his nose off.
-"DO YOU FEEL ANY PAIN?!"
-"NO!"
-"WHY NOT?!"
-"BECAUSE I'M A SOLDIER IN THE SPARTAN ARMY!"
Then he notices that one of the guys has an unproportionally large pen!s. The general stops before him, stares at the guy's rod and suddenly cuts it off with one single blow.
-"DO YOU FEEL ANY PAIN?!"
-"NO!"
-"WHY NOT?!"
-"BECAUSE IT BELONGED TO THE GUY BEHIND ME!"
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The meek shall inherit the earth, but NOT its mineral rights.
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Aculias
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posted July 20, 2004 04:03 AM |
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Then again I heard Oldtimer was also a Guardsman under the ancient ROman emperor Caligula, or were you the assasinator .
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Sir_Stiven
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posted July 20, 2004 04:05 AM |
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is ok oldie, as long as you dont have a hot daughter around age 20 you dont need to worry about my sexual habits...
viagra you say? awww... has the elevator stopped going all the up? and your just that old... lich keeps talking about his boner all the time and his way older than you. So stop the excuses hangtimer..you better work this one up.. in more than one way
just think of your old days back in the amazonas... youre a true legend there. What was it that they called you? woody buttpecker?
anyways..those tales are still going hot there i think.. the man who was around female warriors all the time. And yet the only spear he wanted to polish were the ones on his male friends...
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Oldtimer
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posted July 20, 2004 04:06 AM |
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A lament for poor Caligula, such a misunderstood genius, he really needed a better PR man, alas.
(Like I wouldn't keep my hot 15 year old daughter all to my self, what are you thinking man?)
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<PLEASE DO NOT WAKE THE OLD MAN!>
"Zzzz...Zzzz...Zzzz..."
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