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Heroes Community > Tavern of the Rising Sun > Thread: Fun,Funny and Jokes!
Thread: Fun,Funny and Jokes! This thread is 4 pages long: 1 2 3 4 · NEXT»
Varuas
Varuas


Famous Hero
Only The Chosen Will Survive
posted April 27, 2005 04:00 PM

Fun,Funny and Jokes!

Here i make this post, so we can POST FUNNY pic and TELL FUNNY JOKES. Here are some funny pics i have here---->


I hope you will post some funny pics and jokes.
____________
Quote
Aculias: WHy did Minnie Mouse break up with Mickey?
Because he was F^%$^$g Goofey.
quote

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Trogdor
Trogdor


Legendary Hero
Words in a custom title
posted April 28, 2005 12:16 PM

What about videos?
____________
"Through the power of the dollar you can communicate with the dead." - Artu

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Varuas
Varuas


Famous Hero
Only The Chosen Will Survive
posted April 28, 2005 03:45 PM

Yes Trogdor you can post here if you have.
____________
Quote
Aculias: WHy did Minnie Mouse break up with Mickey?
Because he was F^%$^$g Goofey.
quote

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Trogdor
Trogdor


Legendary Hero
Words in a custom title
posted April 29, 2005 01:40 PM

STUPID POOL JUMPING KID!!
____________
"Through the power of the dollar you can communicate with the dead." - Artu

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VaRuAs
VaRuAs


Famous Hero
Only The Chosen Will Survive
posted April 30, 2005 06:39 AM

A joke my men learn English.
Men's English

LEARN MEN'S ENGLISH


I'm hungry = I'm hungry

I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy

I'm tired = I'm tired


Do you want to go to a movie = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

Can I take you out to dinner = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

Can I call you sometime = I'd eventually like to have sex with you


May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

Nice dress! = Nice tits!

You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to fondle you

What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question

I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?

I love you = Let's have sex now

I Love you, too = Okay, I said it ... We'd better have sex now!

Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = Okay, I said it ... We'd better have sex now!

Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me

Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys

(While shopping):
I like that one better = Pick any bloody dress and let's go home and have sex


____________
Quote
Aculias: WHy did Minnie Mouse break up with Mickey?
Because he was F^%$^$g Goofey.
quote

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a_rebirthing...
a_rebirthing_flight


Supreme Hero
with rebirthing power
posted May 01, 2005 07:12 AM

i really loves this joke on all variations

there was a plane which was about to crash. the plane had 4 paracutes on it and 5 ppl. the ppl are bush, beckham, michael jackson, the pope and a young school girl. first jackson said "i'm king of pop so i have to live" he got a parachute and jumped. then beckham said "i'm the bets football player in the world and the world needs me" he got a parachute and jumped. then bush said "i'm the smartest person im the world so i need to live" he got a parachute and jumped

then there was only the pope and the girl. the pope then said "i'm old and lived my life. take the parachute and jump". then the girl said "dont worry, the smartest person in the world took my school bag"
____________
'Tis better to rely on the the wit of your brain rather than the speed of your hands and mouse -me
Being happy isn't just an emotion, it's a choice!-Leo_Lion
It's Gortex!!!

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Leo_Lion
Leo_Lion


Honorable
Supreme Hero
The 5th Element & 6th Sense!
posted May 01, 2005 10:04 AM

Hey VaRuAs,

Where did you find that picture of Pandora missing some teeth? You should see her now that she got new dentures!

And Trogdor,

That website was really funny! I spent an hour going through the different videos. Thanks!

Rebirth,

Any joke that makes fun of "Dubbya" is good in my books, but that one is freakin' hilarious!
You guys should also take a look at my House of Humour Thread...It has around 100 jokes!
____________
*The end to no beginning...



*Take care, Leo

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VaRuAs
VaRuAs


Famous Hero
Only The Chosen Will Survive
posted May 04, 2005 12:46 PM
Edited By: VaRuAs on 4 May 2005

OHHHH NOOOOO VaRuAs is back again {a voice from the back said SOMEBODY STOP HIMMMMMM} but that guy manage to close VaRuAs mouth but that guy have NO IDEA that VaRuAs a*s talk too........ here are the lots.

Let FIRST be JOKES------>
1)Why dosnt jesus play hockey?
Beacuse he's scared to get nailed to the boards.

2)Remember, when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, but it only takes four muscles to extend your arm and smack the @$$hole in the head.

3)First guy proudly: "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

4)A hydrogen atom lost its electron and went to the police station to file a missing electron report. He was questioned by the police: "Haven't you just misplaced it somewhere? Are you sure that your electron is really lost?"
"I'm positive." replied the atom.

5)The National Institutes of Health have announced that they will no longer be using rats for medical experimentation. In their place, they will use attorneys. They have given three reasons for this decision:

1. There are now more attorneys than there are rats.
2. The medical researchers don't become as emotionally attached to the attorneys as they did to the rats.
3. No matter how hard you try, there are some things that even rats won't do.

6)What to not say to the nice policeman:
I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.

7)What to not say to the nice policeman:
Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum!

8)A police officer sees a man driving around with a pickup truck full of penguins. He pulls the guy over and says: "You can't drive around with penguins in this town! Take them to the zoo immediately."
The guy says OK, and drives away.
The next day, the officer sees the guy still driving around with the truck full of penguins, and they're all wearing sun glasses. He pulls the guy over and demands: "I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo yesterday?"
The guy replies: "I did ... today I'm taking them to the beach!"

9)Lawyer: "Judge, I wish to appeal my client's case on the basis of newly discovered evidence."
Judge: "And what is the nature of the new evidence?"
Lawyer: "Judge, I discovered that my client still has $500 left."

10)Little Johnny came home from school one day and went by his mom's room. The door was open, so he looked in and saw his mom lying on the bed naked moaning and touching herself saying, "Ooh, I need a man! I need a man!"
The next day, Little Johnny got home from school and saw his mom lying on the bed naked with a naked guy on top of her. So Little Johnny ran to his room, stripped down naked, and started to touch himself, while moaning, "Ooh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"

11)One day, Little Susie got her monthly bleeding for the first time in her life.
Not quite certain what was happening, and somewhat frightened, she decided to tell Trogdor. Little Susie dropped her panties and showed Trogdor what was happening.
Trogdor's eyes opened wide in amazement. "You know," he said, "I'm not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!"

                                       

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Tell me guys which one did you like.





____________
Quote
Aculias: WHy did Minnie Mouse break up with Mickey?
Because he was F^%$^$g Goofey.
quote

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VaRuAs
VaRuAs


Famous Hero
Only The Chosen Will Survive
posted May 05, 2005 03:59 AM
Edited By: VaRuAs on 14 May 2005

Here are some pics of our HEROES pics long back before hehehe------->

Here is the pic of Trogdor and  a_rebirthing_flight when they were a baby. Aren't they sweet.


But now they are big here is a_rebirthing_flight pic on now. Does't he look confuse.


And here is the pic of Trogdor.

hmmmmmm... look intelligen

I am lucky to have Leo_lion girl friend pic {during dateing with leo_lion.....don't tell leo-lion that VaRuAs did this.}

What kind choice is this LEOOOOOOOO.

OHHH NO LOOK AT ratmonky he have enough of others BULLYING HIM.

BEWARE OF HIMMMMMMMM.

____________
Quote
Aculias: WHy did Minnie Mouse break up with Mickey?
Because he was F^%$^$g Goofey.
quote

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Trogdor
Trogdor


Legendary Hero
Words in a custom title
posted May 15, 2005 01:46 PM

That laser eye surgery really hurt.
____________
"Through the power of the dollar you can communicate with the dead." - Artu

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VaRuAs
VaRuAs


Famous Hero
Only The Chosen Will Survive
posted May 15, 2005 03:43 PM

Did it bro.
____________
Quote
Aculias: WHy did Minnie Mouse break up with Mickey?
Because he was F^%$^$g Goofey.
quote

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VaRuAs
VaRuAs


Famous Hero
Only The Chosen Will Survive
posted May 18, 2005 03:43 AM
Edited By: VaRuAs on 20 Jun 2005

The next bunch of JOKES------->

1)Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Sam: good, because i didn't do my homework.

2)Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilise one egg?
They won't stop to ask directions.

3)Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.
"You're running around with other women," she charged.
"You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the only woman on earth." The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve.
"What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded.
"Counting your ribs!"

4)A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees.
"I don't want to know!" Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears. Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong.
"Oh Pop," Johnny sobbed, "for me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you're telling me now that grown ups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to believe in!"

5) A dog walks into this bar, jumps up on the stool and says to the bartender, "Hey barkeep, it's my birthday today. How 'bout a free drink?"
The bartender turns, looks at the dog and nods his head, "Sure pal, toilet's right down the hall.

 That is for now guys.
____________
Quote
Aculias: WHy did Minnie Mouse break up with Mickey?
Because he was F^%$^$g Goofey.
quote

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guitarguy
guitarguy


Responsible
Supreme Hero
Rockoon.
posted June 21, 2005 01:31 PM

Jokes from QFG4

There are two dwarves walking home together along a tall mountain one quiet afternoon. Suddenly, one of the dwarves stumbles; a coin slips out of his money pouch and falls into a lake far below the high cliff. The dwarf gets up, dusts himself off, and empties the remaining contents of his money pouch over the cliff.

The other dwarf shouts: "What on earth did you drop all your money for?!"

The dwarf replied: "Oh, come on! You don't expect me to jump down there just for one measly coin, do you?"

---

Dr. Cranium has three pairs of glasses. One to see near, one to see far, and one to look for the other two.

The doctor is so absent-minded, he spent half an hour in front of the mirror wondering where he'd seen himself before.

He spent years studying why people are absent-minded. He eventually came up with the perfect answer... and then he forgot it.

---

-guitarguy
____________

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VaRuAs
VaRuAs


Famous Hero
Only The Chosen Will Survive
posted June 21, 2005 01:37 PM

Nice one guitarguy.
____________
Quote
Aculias: WHy did Minnie Mouse break up with Mickey?
Because he was F^%$^$g Goofey.
quote

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a_rebirthing...
a_rebirthing_flight


Supreme Hero
with rebirthing power
posted June 21, 2005 01:37 PM

here is a kinda lame one but i always laugh

Q:what do u calla fly without wings

A: a walk

and another

Q:why couldnt the blonde make ice?

A: forgot the recipe
____________
'Tis better to rely on the the wit of your brain rather than the speed of your hands and mouse -me
Being happy isn't just an emotion, it's a choice!-Leo_Lion
It's Gortex!!!

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VaRuAs
VaRuAs


Famous Hero
Only The Chosen Will Survive
posted June 21, 2005 02:09 PM

A man visited a doctor for a checkup. He made some tests and called him next week.

The doctor said, "Friend, I have some good news and some bad news for you. Which do you want 1st? The good, the patient said. The good news is, you have only two days to live, the doctor said. Man what could be the worse? What is the bad news? I forgot to call you yesterday.
____________
Quote
Aculias: WHy did Minnie Mouse break up with Mickey?
Because he was F^%$^$g Goofey.
quote

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guitarguy
guitarguy


Responsible
Supreme Hero
Rockoon.
posted June 26, 2005 05:51 PM
Edited By: guitarguy on 26 Jun 2005

Here's one of my favorites:

---

A young man was walking alone on a beach, feeling suicidal. He sat down on the sand and thought about drowning himself in the sea. Before he could think anything else, a bright light shined down from Heaven and focused on the man sitting there. At that point, the man heard the voice of God.

God: "I feel great pity for you, young man, for you are contemplating taking your own life. As a gesture of good faith, I will try to cheer you up by granting you one wish. This wish can be for anything you want in the world; please choose wisely."

The man considered God's offer and paused a long while to think. After several minutes, he made up his mind and turned back to God with an excited smile.

Man: "Grant me the construction of a huge bridge that can span the Pacific Ocean to connect with Hawaii. I've always wanted to vacation there, but I've never had enough money to cover travel expenses. With this bridge, I can drive to Hawaii whenever I want!"

God was silent, and didn't speak again for about a minute.

God: "I don't think that would make for a very good wish. Building a bridge of that size and length would take a very long time and require far too many materials. I seriously doubt you'll be satisfied with the result, so please take my advice and wish for something else!"

The man looked away sadly and thought to himself a long while more. Another idea popped inside his head, so he turned once again to God and cleared his throat.

Man: "Alright, God, I have thought of another wish. I'd like you to help me with this problem I've been having with a girl I happen to like. You see, she always tells me that I don't love her enough and that I'm not capable of making her happy. The truth is, I just can't understand why she feels that way about me. For my wish, God, please grant me the understanding of girls and how they think. I need to know just what it'll take to please them and make them happy. I figure with this new knowledge, I can shape up my life and make that girl love me. Please grant me this wish."

God remained silent for what seemed like an eternity. Just as the man started to think that God had abandoned him, God finally spoke.

God: "Say, are you still interested in that bridge?"

-guitarguy
____________

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lkru33
lkru33


Promising
Famous Hero
3x NFL Pick'em Champ
posted June 27, 2005 02:52 PM

I'm not sure who will take offense to this, so I will not include any nationalities in this joke:

2 frugle people are arguing over who can make the most out of a dime (10 cents US):  

The first person said: With a dime, I went to the cigar shop and purchased a cigar.  The 1st day I smoked 1/3 of the cigar and saved the ashes.  The 2nd day I smoked another 1/3 of the cigar and saved the ashes.  The 3rd day I smoked the remaining 1/3 of the cigar and saved the ashes.  On day 4, my wife used the ashes as fertilizer for her roses.  Now top that!

The second person said: I've got you beat there.  I took my dime and went to the butcher shop and purchased a sausage.  The 1st day I ate 1/2 of the sausage.  The 2nd day I ate the remaining 1/2 of the sausage.  The 3rd day I used the skin from the sausage as a condom.  The 4th day I took a s*** in the skin of the sausage and tied it up, then took it back to the butcher and said "This sausage smells like s*** ", the butcher said, you're right, it does... and gave me my dime back.  
____________

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lkru33
lkru33


Promising
Famous Hero
3x NFL Pick'em Champ
posted June 27, 2005 04:13 PM
Edited By: lkru33 on 28 Jun 2005

3 Steel workers; Klaus, Juan and Stash, are working on the 30th floor of a high rise building.  Lunch time comes around and the 3 sit down to eat.  Klaus opens his lunch box… (sigh)… bratwurst again.  I've been working here for 30 years and everyday for lunch I get bratwurst.  I swear if I get bratwurst again for lunch tomorrow, I will jump off of this building.

Juan opens his lunch box…(sigh)… burritos.  I've been working here just as long as you Klaus, and everyday for lunch I get the same thing, burritos.  If you jump, I will also jump if I get another burrito for lunch tomorrow.

Stash opens his lunch box… (sigh)… cabbage.  After all of these years, all I ever get for lunch is cabbage.  If both of you jump, I will also jump if I get cabbage for lunch tomorrow.  

So the next day arrives and it is now lunch time.  The 3 steel workers sit down for lunch.  Klaus opens his lunch box… bratwurst!! Klaus jumps off the building and dies.  Juan opens his lunch box… burritos!!  Juan jumps off the building and dies.  Stash opens his lunch box… cabbage!!  Stash jumps off the building and dies.  

The wives of the 3 steel workers are at the funeral parlor.  The 1st wife said:  "If I would have known Klaus didn't like bratwurst, I would have made him something different for lunch" (wiping tears)… The 2nd wife replied: "I had no idea Juan didn't like burritos… after all of these years, he could have told me and I would have also made him something different for lunch".  The 3rd wife sat there quietly and didn't say a word.  When confronted by the other 2 wives and asked if she would have done things differently, she replied… "Stash packed his own lunch".  

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guitarguy
guitarguy


Responsible
Supreme Hero
Rockoon.
posted June 28, 2005 03:50 PM

I enjoyed those two jokes, Lkru. Especially the dime one.

I've gotta go find some more to post.

-guitarguy
____________

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