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Heroes Community > Tavern of the Rising Sun > Thread: Harry Potter - Cynical insight
Thread: Harry Potter - Cynical insight This thread is 12 pages long: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 · «PREV / NEXT»
lucky_dwarf
lucky_dwarf


Promising
Supreme Hero
Visiting
posted July 30, 2009 04:30 PM

which is?
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del_diablo
del_diablo


Legendary Hero
Manifest
posted July 30, 2009 05:00 PM
Edited by del_diablo at 17:03, 30 Jul 2009.

Quote:
@titanium

Im pretty sure that its just as crazy at other wizard schools, besides, Hogwarts is practically the only magic school in the country, why do you think people get so frantic about it closing?
They would probably need to go to France or Germany, and i think it would be pretty expensive to fly over there, dont you think?

And Rowling already zeroed in on the fact that Dumbledore is

Quote:
Nutty as squirrel poo.


The fact is that it would be too expensive to close hogwarts, thats why the ministry of magic waited until 4 people, 1 ghost and 1 cat got petrified in book 2.


There is 1 importent fact in Harry Potter: Because the freaking island is freak easy sealed of. And that is a fact.
Hogwarts is the only school of magic in England(chances one in Scotland exists), but there is 1 in Ireland but the Irish seal of the the British from reaching them if its needed. The same applies to anyplace really, to sealing of the island that is.

Add on Hogwarts backstory, and the highly corrupted politicans ruling the mage world in England.
Basicaly there is 1 school because of the mage population of the country combined with Hogwarts size. Add on that Hogwart is a antic building that got so many restrictions and wards placed on it because its possible(basicaly because its initialy a restricted magic area).
Another thing is that it got reputation, which is important. And the fact mage of DOOM: Dumbledore is the headmaster.
And Hogwarts would never really be shutted down, it would be closed for a 1-2 years. That time is used by the ministry to investigate and purge the problems properly along with other stuff, then it would be opened again.

There is likely a few private small schools also, but that is what it is. Small. They lack capacity.
Basiacly if Hogwarts went down we got students going foreign or other schools and quite a few more to private schools.

Then we got lord Voldemort and the Hoxorux(or however its spelled), these "items" is enchanted as anchors that will make sure whoever is killed soul does not leave this world or similar. Killing apparently weakens the bounds which allows the anchors to be made, not because killing rips the soul.
They would also allow aging to stop in its ways, for the note due you would just reconstruct your body.

Quote:
Hogwarts, safest place in the world. OH, except for the fact that every year you go there, you nearly get killed.


Considering that 3 people managed to sneak into the gnomes bank without any trouble, i would say it is.

Quote:
why do you think people get so frantic about it closing?


Pest control.

Quote:
They would probably need to go to France or Germany, and i think it would be pretty expensive to fly over there, dont you think?


Nah, we got Immertion or whats it called. Besides, you can't warp to the place if the dark lord i lose(big fat chance that whenever its comfirmed that lord voldemort or similar is havoc its closed of).
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xerdux
xerdux


Bad-mannered
Famous Hero
posted July 30, 2009 06:53 PM

Voldermort was also only active in Great Britian >.>
(except for some minor missions in Albania etc)

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del_diablo
del_diablo


Legendary Hero
Manifest
posted July 30, 2009 07:27 PM

Xerdux/Xerox: Voldemort was only active in Britain, but as far as i know he never spread terror in Ireland nor France nor the Norfolk Isles. Which points out that sealing of magic teleportation towards a area is possible, which again explains why Voldemort only spread terror in England
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xerdux
xerdux


Bad-mannered
Famous Hero
posted July 30, 2009 10:07 PM

Or he just thought that it would be easier to focus on one country at a time?

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Doomforge
Doomforge


Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
posted July 30, 2009 10:13 PM

Or Rowling failed at global plot.

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del_diablo
del_diablo


Legendary Hero
Manifest
posted July 30, 2009 10:42 PM

Quote:
Or Rowling failed at global plot.


Considering the British borders, she got a good excuse. A very good one.
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lucky_dwarf
lucky_dwarf


Promising
Supreme Hero
Visiting
posted July 31, 2009 12:05 AM

Quote:
Or Rowling failed at global plot.


Karkarof was german, and he was a servant of voldy

Maybe he spread terror everywhere but it just never came up, after all the newspaper service was local only.
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Doomforge
Doomforge


Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
posted July 31, 2009 03:12 PM
Edited by Doomforge at 15:14, 31 Jul 2009.

The problem isn't that she did not introduce global news about Voldy or his international minions.

It's because this guy never felt anything different from "terror from your local backyard". He was as convincing in the role of global threat as a 11yo fat bully from your school memories would be.

Besides, his evil was rather naive, but ok, it's a story for kids anyway. I wish he was more like O'Brien from 1984, though. THAT's real evil - it leaves a bad taste in your mouth. That's how those things should be portrayed.

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lucky_dwarf
lucky_dwarf


Promising
Supreme Hero
Visiting
posted July 31, 2009 03:15 PM

I see your point, we need some more discussion up in here, whens the next insight coming?
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xerdux
xerdux


Bad-mannered
Famous Hero
posted July 31, 2009 04:46 PM

Yet another "3 young heroes must save THE ENTIRE world from Voldies GLOBAL DOMINATION" would be rather unorginal, dont you think?

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Doomforge
Doomforge


Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
posted July 31, 2009 08:25 PM

Yeah, but we shouldn't focus that much on shallowness of the plot... after all... it was originally intended for kids.

Plotholes is what makes HP so bad.

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lucky_dwarf
lucky_dwarf


Promising
Supreme Hero
Visiting
posted July 31, 2009 08:28 PM

Plot holes? they introduced sirius black in the first book(more like mentioned) and it took 2 more books till he became of interest
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Doomforge
Doomforge


Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
posted July 31, 2009 08:46 PM

I never said a word about Black.. yet.

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xerdux
xerdux


Bad-mannered
Famous Hero
posted July 31, 2009 10:55 PM

Mention some plothole?

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TheDeath
TheDeath


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
with serious business
posted July 31, 2009 11:21 PM

How many times must he do it?
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del_diablo
del_diablo


Legendary Hero
Manifest
posted July 31, 2009 11:25 PM

Quote:
How many times must he do it?


Who? Our cursed swedeish member with the mark of DOOOOM!?
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Doomforge
Doomforge


Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
posted August 29, 2009 10:02 AM

Yeah, this is the update. Must be the most delayed update in the world, duh, I'm worse than Blizzard.

Book 2 isn't half as bad as first. Because the first one obviously had most stupid logic. The rest have significantly less childlike reasoning, but significantly more plotholes. However, I prefer plotholes over kiddy logic any time of day.

Anyway... Book 2. It's not that horrid. I'll focus on some dumb decisions at the beginning and the main idea behind the book. And the ending of course. The rest can pass.

So our Daddy Cool has returned from his school at got grounded. He can't cast magic. It's a rule. That's pretty lame. I mean, look, they conveniently don't know WHO casted the spell, just know the whereabouts. It's weird that nobody has abused it. Like, muggleborn-haters. Why can't they just go at the muggleborn wizards' houses, throw a random spell and flee? It's obvious who will take a blame - the one who lives there, without any form of investigation. A few attempts and voila, one less muggleborn to care about at school, cause Rowling hints they actually can resort to throwing people out of school because of such lame reasons. Oh well, guess even Malfoy isn't the brightest out there. Anyway, isn't that kind of racist? Muggleborns are screwed, and clean blood guys can throw spells as much as they like, if their parents allow it, cause those spell detectors are retarded and can't judge who casted the spell. Why is that rule even here, to opress the muggleborn? you want to cast spells, you do want to cast spells, oh how you want to cast spells? Well **** YOU. You're not doing it.

Wonderful. Oh well, whatever. So our little wanker is sitting in his room minding his own business when his friends pop up to free him. In a flying car. What a brilliant concept. If it's that easy, why do they even torture themselves with brooms and carpets? Get something more convenient to fly on. Fly on a damned armchair. At least it's comfortable. Wizards must be idiots, to fly on a piece of wood in between their legs. Don't they know it's not healthy for the prostate?

Again, whatever. Skipping Potter's visit at Weasley's, which was pretty uneventful, we move on to his flight to school. Again, their flying car. What puzzles me is that they actually see the train. I mean, isn't the train supposed to be hidden from muggles? Why does it even start from London, why do they need a hidden platform in the mugglecrowded place? Why couldn't they gather at a different spot, where hordes of people don't see funky individuals carrying caged owls and stuff? Like, a hidden station at suburbs? Tsk, tsk. Bad thinking, R.

Ok, leaving trivial things for later - Potter eventually arrives at school, where he is at certain point faced with the main idea of the book. There is a giant snake crawling in the pipes, and people get randomly petrified. Of course nobody really DIES, but conveniently looks at the monster through some kind of obstacle. What was that series of coincidences for? Like, people never died later on. Lmao. Anyway, Dumbledore, the most powerful wizard alive, of course doesn't know a jack **** how to stop the monster. I mean, come on, there is a monster that turns people into stone in the castle. Even 2nd grade students (two mentally challenged, and one half-smart - yeah, I'm thinking of Harry and his gang here) figured out what it is and how does it move around. Dumbledore hints he also knows it. And wait... that's it? He knows, and just sits on his cozy armchair, drinking whiskey and whining at his superiors who want to overthrow him? Like, there is no access to those damn pipes, anywhere in the castle? You can't just remove a piece of wall and enter them? You MUST go through the parseltongue-password saying in a random toilet? Ummm. Yeah, right.

And why not the timechanger, AGAIN? Just go back a hour in time, face the snake and kill him. What's wrong Dumbledore, you can't? Isn't he like, all-powerful? Besides. If Harry killed it, anyone can. And that includes Neville, his grandma and his house elf, if they ever had one.

Isn't it a reason good enough to use the timechanger? That people are randomly dying there? (ok, getting petrified - but that was just a lucky streak). What are those things good for then? Oh wait, I know. They are designed so that random 3rd grade students can go to two different classrooms at the same time. That's much more important than some kids getting stone gazed to death around. We already know nobody of their retarded Ministry never thought about fighting Voldemort that way, so why to even EXPECT they would use it against some kind of monster on a killing spree? We all know that helping overambitious little girls is what those time changers were created, after all.

Whatever. Potter finds a diary, Dumbledore gets expelled, Hagrid takes the blame and gets expelled too (umm, who would blame HIM anyway, he doesn't distinguish a wand from a fork anyway.. what's the point) and our buttlike duo (The only half-intelligent voice of reason conveniently gets attacked) faces the forbidden forest. Because they are smart, know how to fight and are fearless, except not. Again, I suspect they are mentally challenged, because obviously, the monster keeps paralyzing people and seems to be rather tough, and they are just second grade students, and very poor students to begin with. But whatever, I think Potter has size problems and has to deny them by constantly jumping into death's jaws to prove how brave he is. Whatever.

It turns out it's not the monster they have been searching for, of course. Would be too easy, huh? So they get back, Ronald barfs a couple times and here they are, knowing nothing again. To make things worse, Ginevra gets kidnapped by the monster (why? Since when the monster kidnaps people? Oh, wait. It's the horcrux who got alive.) Then we learn how our smart Hermione discovered what the monster was and how she escaped death, and how she still holds a piece of paper in her petrified hand. Because nobody noticed it before. Gotta love those conveniences.

And our mentally retarded duo gets to face the monster, eventually. No, wait - Potter does. And we see how he draws a sword from a hat, a phoenix heals his deathwound (and Riddle of course forgets about that! Convenience part 20495) and Potter faces the snake. Doesn't matter that he's a 12 yo crybaby. Every random 12yo kid can face a giant monster, just give them a sword. As if such a kid can even LIFT a sword. Did you know how much strength do you even need to use them? A skinny 12yo boy would just trip over because of it's weight, and definitely NOT jab the snake with it so deep. But whatever, let's assume that the sword is magical, thus weightless, and Potter is so dumb/strong/brave (take your pick) that he doesn't get fear-paralyzed and he doesn't do what a normal kid would, fainting of fear or sob uncontrollably, squatted out on the floor. It's POTTER we're talking about here. He's brave.

of course the tooth that hits Potter breaks off. of course Potter has enough time to grab the tooth and destroy the diary. Of course Basilisk's venom is one of like three substances that destroy horcruxes. More COINCIDENCES please. or should I say MIRACLES? Even kids reading this think "come on, it's too much, so much luck, it's like going out in a thunderstorm and dodging all rain: impossible <kudos to AVGN for thath one > ). What else can I say? Ginny survives, Potter survives, the horcrux gets destroyed and everyone's happy. Except me. Cause this ending is an offense towards logic, good taste and humanity itself. It's not lame, it's beyond ridiculous.

Oh well, not many plot holes, at least. Except time changers, but time changers are like the book breaker, and could prevent virtually any of those bad events of the book to happen. So yeah, they apply everywhere.

Book three next time, and that one is the best imho. And would be a pretty acceptable book even outside HP cycle, if it wasn't for that RIDICULOUS timechanger. But that's next time. Cya around folks.
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Elvin
Elvin


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Omnipresent Hero
What if Elvin was female?
posted August 29, 2009 10:28 AM

Quote:
Must be the most delayed update in the world, duh, I'm worse than Blizzard.

If you mean Blizzardboy he has yet to start the fashion contest finals

I don't consider that law as muggle oppressing, more like a precaution about revealing magic in the outside world. And I always though Rowling was criticizing bureocracy and the legal system for failing to look at the spirit of a law.

The ways by which people caught a glimpse of that serpent were hilarious, so subtle As for Dumbledore suppose he knew, how could he know where the doorway was or how to open it? Harry just got lucky with that ghost. Not sure he could have just demolished castle walls, if there are wards that prevent you from teleporting in and out of there I bet there were others protecting the walls or something. A stretch but I can roll with that. About the timechanger maybe he had to make an application in the ministry and did not have one handy Because Rowling would have totally thought of it otherwise.

Quote:
And we see how he draws a sword from a hat

OMG he must be a wizard

Btw I wonder if the horcrux plot had been developed at the time and to what extent. Harry Potter books are kinda like an adventure game, you are given some hints and must solve the riddles to move ahead.
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kipshasz
kipshasz


Undefeatable Hero
Elvin's Darkside
posted August 29, 2009 10:34 AM

I really enjoyed this rewiev. Brilliant!
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"Ashan to the Trashcan", "I got PTSD from H7. " - LizardWarrior

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