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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted March 11, 2011 11:53 AM |
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So far. I understand you want a life with an education, a girlfriend, some non-gaming hobbies and gaming as an addition to that? Like what is expected of a guy in your age? It's described, to me, in a very blurred way. Much to general, I guess.
Actually, I consider "normal" ways of a 9to5 job and watching TV on the couch very boring. But what I am doing right now is pretty much the same mundane life.
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Let me ask you this. Could you, right now, if you did not game, come up with something you actually want to do?
Do you have an image in your head of how your every day life looks like, in your dream future? Are you happy there? Is it interesting?
Yes! I know exactly what I want to do and how I want it to do. however, due to my addiction, I just can't gen enough attention and willingness to start. The list of things to do I have is massive. I've been wanting to start piano lessons for years now, but instead of starting, I usually simply turn on next game and play few hours. Waste of life...
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Is it only gaming that is the problem? Are you independent of your PC? If so, I'd suggest that you get rid of it. At least for now. Though it of course does not help much to get rid of the PC, if you don't have anything you want to do, which you can decide when to occupy yourself with.
I once had my own computer crashing. It was the most productive month in a long time. Before I got a new, that is.
Unfortunately, I still have to do my long-overdue college presentation, which requires a lot of working on my PC. I'm planning to ditch my machine to the closet in the summer, though. A laptop is sufficient to watch movies, and lame enough not to support most of my favorite games, which is exactly what I want at this moment.
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Edit: If you could be 14 yo. again, would you choose the same path? What if you were 6? What if I told you, you had an infinite time pocket?
I would never ever follow the same path. I wish for a time machine and doing everything differently every day, not just gaming but a ton of very stupid choices in my life.
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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ohforfsake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted March 11, 2011 07:56 PM |
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I'm really sad to hear that you've been going through such a tough time. The best I, and anyone here for that matter, can probably do, is to wish you the best with overcoming this self destructing way of life.
Like the others. I'll try to give some advice on what have worked for me. But chances are that no matter what path you go, it'll be a very hard challenge.
I should have realised that you'd need your computer for your bachelor presentation. My apologies about that.
Since it seems like you know more or less exactly what you want, I suppose you can also find out the exact stuff you need to do.
The only thing that limits you then, is the presentation? When it's done, if you succeed (hopefully) or fail (I suppose you've extra tries? I know I had, but that was not in Poland), then you'll to go the same path, of quitting this behaviour?
What have worked for me with former unwanted behaviour has, first of all, been eliminating myself from the possibility to perform the behaviour. Cold Turkey.
I have my ideas of why cold turkey is the best way, but I can't support them with measurements, so I don't think it's useful.
Since, if I understood correctly, you have already removed all games from your computer, I think you've already taken one major step in the right direction.
I would personally also throw the cd's out, but I understand it might be a lot of money. Or have value in another way.
If they have value to you, then if you at least have a place to keep them, where you won't be able to get to them, so you can't use them for gaming.
Since you know what you want. The hardest part, at least it is my guess, will be the first couple of days, if not weeks. In this time period you'll maybe need to force yourself to do what you really want.
If you want a laptop for school work, but you don't want to game on it. Then, depending on how much time you have, and how much effort you can give, I'd suggest using Linux!
Linux does support some games, but you need to actively install extra packages, etc. to get this kind of support, as far as I know.
Also. I don't know what programs you use for your presentation. I use LateX for my school work, and if you do the same on windows, then you don't need to worry, because it works on linux as well!
I wish you the best with your endavours! I think the best possible help one can get in this kind of situation, is help from the people around you, those who matters to you. I know it'll maybe seem humiliating, but if you can get the right kind of support, I think the chances of success are much better.
Oh and for the joke! If it's tough, see it as a game! Yeah sorry, couldn't help myself there.
Edit: Just a follow up question I would like to ask you. I noticed you called gaming a waste of time. I find it to be so myself, but I think it's somethinge each person decides by themselves. As such, what types of actions are not a waste of time?
((For me, it'd e.g. be spending time with my family, but we're all different of course))
Edit2: Come to think about it. I wonder if we don't always have some place of which we can fall back to? A type of automatic comfort.
My guess is that for most of us, this special place may be our family, a couch, the TV, or something else...
For me. This place is actually HeroesCommunity. (Hopefully I'm not addicted to this place, I don't know though).
I can really loose myself in here. After a hard day, this is the place, where I'd like to be. Here I calm completely down. Here I can loose myself. It doesn't matter if I need to go to the toilet, or if I am hungry, I could sit and here for hours without any problems. Not really doing anything. Occasionally reading interesting posts. Ocassionally checking out different users history.
I think I remember where this place was before I began with the computer. It was with my parents. I'd after having played in the backyard, been with friends, or in general just done what I did, seek for being with my parents. Being hold in their arms, being close to them. I think it's normal for someone at the age of 3. And probably also for much older kids as well.
I wonder, if not, after using so much time in front of the compter, that the computer turned into the place of comfort. I think it did for me. I think that could be one of the reason I, myself, have experienced a lot of troubles with video games, contra the stuff I really want.
I don't know if others may have had similar experience though? Having a place you always find comfort no matter how hard your day is.
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Living time backwards
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted March 12, 2011 02:16 AM |
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Since you know what you want. The hardest part, at least it is my guess, will be the first couple of days, if not weeks. In this time period you'll maybe need to force yourself to do what you really want.
err... if you have to force yourself, that means it's something you don't want to do, no?
anyway, what's the point of whining about the past?
if you could go back in time and fix things, how do you know it wouldn't be even worse now?
if playing video games was considered as enlightening as reading classics from the litterature, you would have no problem with, right?
it's just the value we give to things, we consider some things, important, and other things, superficial. but aren't they all superficial, most of the time?
what is the best way to live your life? achieving things that are recognized by other people?
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ohforfsake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted March 12, 2011 10:14 AM |
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Since you know what you want. The hardest part, at least it is my guess, will be the first couple of days, if not weeks. In this time period you'll maybe need to force yourself to do what you really want.
err... if you have to force yourself, that means it's something you don't want to do, no?
No, it means that beyond your consciouss choice, there are other factors that determine your actions.
I mean. Imagine there's this persons life you want to save. But it requires you endure an extreme, yet not dangerous, pain, for a long period of time. Do you want to save the persons life? Most likely. Do you want to endure the pain? Most likely. Will you be able to? Hard to tell.
I really don't want to cloud up the thread, so I'll reply to the rest of your post in hcm.
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Living time backwards
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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted March 13, 2011 10:48 AM |
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Addicts are usually trying to avoid pain through the addiction.
Sad insight I think has some point.
I'm trying to avoid the giant mess I made in my life, fixing which would take lots of effort. Thus, I'm playing video games instead of doing those 1 million things that need to be done.
I went clean last two days, however, I still didn't find a lot of will to do those things. Browsing web and watching movies isn't really a big step forward from playing a game all day, I'm afraid. >_>
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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ohforfsake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted March 13, 2011 10:55 AM |
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I went clean last two days
Congratulations!
I think you're right. It's generally much easier and much more painless to loose yourself in irrelevant stuff. Especially if you've something in your life that bothers you it's quite nice to find a place, where you aren't persistently reminded of it.
I once talked with a friend of mine about habits. Though he find it possible that one could create habits by repeating a procedure often enough, he also said there's some entropy advantage in those time wasters.
And I think he's right. It requires much less effort to do some activites than others. Those activites are more likely to become habits.
Edit: Quote:
Browsing web and watching movies isn't really a big step forward from playing a game all day, I'm afraid. >_>
I don't know if the internet or your telly is important in regard to your bachelor presentation. If you don't need those, I suggest to get rid of those as well. At least for the time being.
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Living time backwards
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selcy
Famous Hero
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posted March 13, 2011 12:32 PM |
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I had been there with my late husband.
When things got tough in the marriage due to money worries, stress and the kids etc it was easier for him to turn to playing computers games and ignoring the situation at hand leaving me to deal with it all. I can tell you being the one that was left in the real world to deal with it caused even more problems between us. Things improved eventually after I did something to shock him back into reality but i'm not going into that. We just then went through life exsisting but the relationship was never the same and that wasn't down to what I did but his obsession.
When he was diagnosed with cancer in July 2009 suddenly you re-evaluate your life and he realised most of it he had wasted on gaming. Wasn't till I was sorting out his stuff after he died I realised exactly how much money he had spent on games and computing magazines even though money was tight at the time.
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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted March 13, 2011 11:42 PM |
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Sad story. But yeah, we addicts completely fail at evaluating the importance of "other activities". But then again, you can't really expect much from an addict like me. I may throw big words about how I'm going clean and then bam, failure.
Like today.
I relapsed. What was meant to be 1 dota game with friend turned into 5 hours of dota gaming. -__-
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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ohforfsake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted March 13, 2011 11:54 PM |
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If one could just say, "now I quit" and then really truely quit, I'm not too sure if it really was an addiction.
@secly
Sorry for not replying to your post about the past. To be honest it's kinda unpleasent to read, so I'd rather not start a conersation based on it. Though I wonder, what did you exactly do that causes this "shock"?
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selcy
Famous Hero
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posted March 14, 2011 12:00 AM |
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If one could just say, "now I quit" and then really truely quit, I'm not too sure if it really was an addiction.
@secly
Sorry for not replying to your post about the past. To be honest it's kinda unpleasent to read, so I'd rather not start a conersation based on it. Though I wonder, what did you exactly do that causes this "shock"?
I'd rather not start a conversation on it anyway either as I have moved on and met an amazing guy who makes me happy and that chapter of my life is now closed. It doesn't matter what I did but put it this way I paid the price for it. Still shut up about it now .
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ohforfsake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted March 14, 2011 12:02 AM |
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Okay
@DF
What I meant to say was. If it was something you'd complete control over, then it probably wouldn't be an addiction. I think that's why it's often recommended to get rid of the stuff you can't control.
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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted March 18, 2011 03:16 PM |
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I deleted all remaining games. I want to keep clean until May. My college is really on the edge now. Geez. FML.
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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ohforfsake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted March 20, 2011 02:34 PM |
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What do you mean, that your college is on the edge?
Anyway, I hope it's going good!
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sprouts
Tavern Dweller
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posted March 20, 2011 09:59 PM |
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Hello
I just got to know this community and had no intention of joining it (I try to keep gaming to a minimun these days), but I guess I will because of this thread.
I have thought a great deal about gaming addiction, experienced it myself on various occasions (though not nearly as much as DF), and know unfortunately too well about its consequences.
I didn’t want to tell many specifics about my own story, especially since there are many others who plunged much deeper than I did. However, it appears I will need to, so here we go.
I recognize gaming as my first and only addiction (though I have used my share of drugs and alcohol, it was much more sporadic). It started when I was 10 years old, with Magic the Gathering. The game was simply the most beautiful thing, and I believe this is a common feature in most game addicts, the recognition of a beauty in the game system, a fascination with its workings, with pushing its possibilities further, really exploring this world that is set upon you.
Magic was soon an obsession, I played it every Saturday at the game shop (there was no magic online), and even though that may seem very little to todays standards, for a kid my age, that was precisely the moment I used to spend with my friends (I would sleep at their home on Friday night, and spend the weekend together). I stopped sleeping at friends houses so I could play magic all Saturday. Sunday wasent really a day to go to a friends house, so to sum it up, I basically stopped meeting my friends outside school. Initially I got them all into magic, but eventually, I was the only one left at that.
I dropped magic after a while, but Warcraft 3 soon followed. My most miserable year, 13-14, was spent on that damned machine. There were 2 things that kept me going that time, first, I was lucky to find something online I could only qualify as friendship, for my previous friends had drifted away in great part due to my gaming, so that saved me from a great deal. Second was music, it became the most important thing, I was saved by it.
I must say now, what I qualify as one of the key negative features of this type of addiction, and it is the time factor. Video games have their own independent time, they are their own little words really, so they only start when you join in, and stop as soon as you hit quit. The outside world however, follows no such rule, time goes on without stopping, it does not wait for you. Gaming addiction places you in a kind of temporal limbo, you do not progress, you do not age, skills you should be learning for the outside world are simply never looked at, and all of that has a tragic consequence when you are forced to confront the flow of time outside the game. I think DF described it perfectly, how he stayed as a 14 year old boy, suddenly bombed by unforeseen decisions and duties, now at the age of 18.
There is a double relationship between feeling miserable and gaming, one is not always the cause or the consequence, rather they blend, they intensify each other, whichever the starting point was.
Anyway, I was still 14 and growing sicker and sicker of all the gaming and uselessness. I was lucky to go to the US for 2 months on vacations with my dad and brother (Im brazilian). I assure you, there is nothing more liberating for someone with this kind of addiction than a time off, than living somewhere else for a short time, even if its just a week or so. I came back a different person, and early when I was 15, I decided I would not waste my life anymore and would dedicate it to something. I chose music and I set myself a schedule of at least 4 daily hours of practice. I followed it, even though it was tough. My life was a different one from that day on.
It was all perfect till I was 17, no more depression, just accomplishments.
However, stuff started going bad for many reasons (ill try to keep it as summed up as possible). A combination of physical problems preventing me from playing (chronic tendinites), and many many many personal issues set me back again. And there it was, Magic, the only thing I could confortably do.
It took a damn effort to heal my physical problems, and I had many other concrete issues that were putting me down (moving with my dad to a depressing place far away from everything surely did not help). Given the situations, I think I didn’t handle it too disastrously, but lets just say that from my 18 to 20 years old, magic occupied most of my time, more than music, even though I bought a piano and tried to play it a lot (most times I couldn’t, but nowadays I do) (also don’t worry about starting late, its wanting to do something that makes you good at it). Once again I was healed only due to friends, eventually moving to a place I liked more, going to university (even though I don’t like it and will change courses).
This has gotten rather lengthy and I apologize. But what I wish to say is, there is no way out of gaming addiction unless there is something else you love and that motivates you. Trying to resist playing, but having nothing else to focus your attention on, is just a matter of how long before you eventually fall back. I know too well that feeling of waking up, seeing the sun shining outside, and realizing that the world outside of the game is a damn wasteland, that there is nothing there and that you better stick with a game you’ve already played 1000 times, but that you can maybe slightly bend or improve some minuscule feature, make it new but keep it safe.
I don’t know you at all DF, so I can make no suggestions as to what you should aim for, you seem to have a much bigger relationship towards gaming than I did, and that is a lot. The question of what you have to retain of yourself (since you are inevitably linked to gaming, even if just in your past), is a big one, and one you have to figure out yourself. There are however, many people that suffer with this problem. My girlfriend for example, was a professional gymnast from 6 to almost until 16 years of age, until a series of injuries and gradual lack of interest in gymnastics made her stop. What is left of the tremendous time and effort she put into it is really minimal, and the task of recreating oneself and ones goals is enormous. I encourage her to take dancing which she likes and to study choreography, which is something she can do. Maybe you should find something that relates to some aspect of gaming, without it being the gaming itself, but that may be damn hard to sustain.
I read your posts on the balance thread and I like the way you reason about games, I do that a lot myself, maybe that could be transformed into something.
In any case, I wish you luck, advise you to take a trip maybe, figure out something you want to be doing, and then pursue it, there is no other way out of the addiction, and staying in it is not an option (but for the time being, keep your games deleted, even if you have nothing else to do).
Best regards
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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted March 20, 2011 10:39 PM |
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Thanks and welcome to HC
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But what I wish to say is, there is no way out of gaming addiction unless there is something else you love and that motivates you. Trying to resist playing, but having nothing else to focus your attention on, is just a matter of how long before you eventually fall back. I know too well that feeling of waking up, seeing the sun shining outside, and realizing that the world outside of the game is a damn wasteland, that there is nothing there and that you better stick with a game you’ve already played 1000 times, but that you can maybe slightly bend or improve some minuscule feature, make it new but keep it safe.
This is a very, very wise statement. Only gaming addicts can realize how true this is. If I were a mod, I'd give you a QP already for this, summarizes up the whole addiction to gaming PERFECTLY.
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted March 20, 2011 11:06 PM |
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I must say now, what I qualify as one of the key negative features of this type of addiction, and it is the time factor. Video games have their own independent time, they are their own little words really, so they only start when you join in, and stop as soon as you hit quit. The outside world however, follows no such rule, time goes on without stopping, it does not wait for you. Gaming addiction places you in a kind of temporal limbo, you do not progress, you do not age, skills you should be learning for the outside world are simply never looked at, and all of that has a tragic consequence when you are forced to confront the flow of time outside the game. I think DF described it perfectly, how he stayed as a 14 year old boy, suddenly bombed by unforeseen decisions and duties, now at the age of 18.
actually, for most people, life consists in learning a maximum of things in the first 20-25 years, and then live thank to what they learnt and more or less stagnate. now you are panicking about stagnating, but in 10 years, maybe you'll think it's normal. maybe you'll actually be worried about learning new stuffs because you'll consider you are too old.
seriously, why do we think we should have learnt everything within a few years and it's too late after, whereas we still have more than half of our life left?
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Seraphim
Supreme Hero
Knowledge Reaper
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posted March 21, 2011 07:14 PM |
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I must say now, what I qualify as one of the key negative features of this type of addiction, and it is the time factor. Video games have their own independent time, they are their own little words really, so they only start when you join in, and stop as soon as you hit quit. The outside world however, follows no such rule, time goes on without stopping, it does not wait for you. Gaming addiction places you in a kind of temporal limbo, you do not progress, you do not age, skills you should be learning for the outside world are simply never looked at, and all of that has a tragic consequence when you are forced to confront the flow of time outside the game. I think DF described it perfectly, how he stayed as a 14 year old boy, suddenly bombed by unforeseen decisions and duties, now at the age of 18.
.
Very,very true.I literally found my exact thoughts on this quote.I am a gaming addict aswell,and as such i completely agree what you said.
Funny that music was my gateway away from stress and gaming aswell.
THe bigger problem I infer is that gaming addiction is not caused by gaming itself,but by the outside world.In my case,faculty.I always feel like there is not enough time for me,time passing too fast and at the same time I want to achieve many things,all in vane.
I know that the games are not the problem,addiction in gaming is a symptom of a greater problem masquerading.
As such,the exams I have to take are the ones i hate.Maths,even though I was good at it in the past,has become a burden now,moreso because of living in an immoral society.The questions,hard enough so that I cant concentrate more than 2-3 hours at max.The resutlt was nothing but was I was expecting(another deperssing sign),failure on those exams.
I feel that gaming left my consciousness behind,I was totally unprepared for the outside cruel world,this had caused me to pass that time with extreme stress and pain.
Imagine,taking somebody,that just awoke from a coma,and put him on a 100 km marathon because some 100 soldiers are chasing him behind.He would at best commit suicide.This is exactly how I feel.
The ironic part is that nobody helped me,eventhough I asked for them a way to get away from this addiction.Nobody knew the right answer.THey said things which I already knew.
Music helped alot because it enforced my emotions and made it possible for me to do other things aswell.
But now,even that does not help.
Note that one thing,this stress manifests itself in otherways aswell.Think about excessive sleeping,eating disorders,nervousness ,rage and fatigue,all of which i have experienced.
I dont really see anyway out of this except fixing the grand problem,the problem that is causing this.In fact,I would describe my self as ill or sick because of that problem.
At least I know that I am not alone with this problem.
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted March 21, 2011 07:50 PM |
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Edited by Fauch at 19:54, 21 Mar 2011.
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comparing it to a coma seems greatly exagerated. you haven't been locked in a basement and forced to play video games, you necessarily had some contacts with the world.
that feeling of waking up and realizing how cruel the world is, maybe has something to do with school actually. you've done all that was expected from you, because they said that by doing so, you'll find a job and live a confortable life, and when you leave school, you realise it's actually far to be that easy.
at least that's how it was for me, at school they were always telling me that I was very good, and when I started looking for a job, I suddenly became worthless.
same thing happening again now. got the top mark at the toeic test. thought I could get some work with that, but so far, no one needs me. but well, it hasn't been too long, so, I'll see... anyway, I don't give a damn about it. it's better for my mental health.
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ohforfsake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted March 21, 2011 08:52 PM |
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I don't think he's comparing it with a coma. Rather he's comparing it to waking up from a coma, I believe.
Maybe the cause of the addiction is expectations. I think it can be. Though it probably varies from person to person. I think the main consequence of addiction is the lack of control over your own life. I think that's the part people are trying to get rid of.
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Seraphim
Supreme Hero
Knowledge Reaper
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posted March 22, 2011 03:31 AM |
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Edited by Seraphim at 03:35, 22 Mar 2011.
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comparing it to a coma seems greatly exagerated.
You misunderstood me.With coma I meant the feeling or limbo in being in such a state.
Nice you took the TOEIC.\
I entered TOEFL IBT,got a high score with it.Amaizingly,I never got a use for it.I was hoping to enter those pretty faculties,in vane.
I dont know what to say anymore about this,the thread started to derail.
Oh well...
Anybody up for any MP game now? Any?
"Creates an empty lobby and starts shooting in the air"
Seconds later,a milion issues crash onto me
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"Science is not fun without cyanide"
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