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blob2
Undefeatable Hero
Blob-Ohmos the Second
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posted January 29, 2020 09:02 PM |
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fred79 said:
Get me the snow off this planet. I need to be somewhere where there are warm rays of sun, a cozy bed, a couple chill cats, and NO snowing people, ever. The human race has lost all honor, dignity, and sanity. If it ever really WERE sane to begin with. Looking back on all of "recorded" human history, i truly doubt it. I don't believe ego and heightened understanding came without a horrible, horrible price tag.
Well f*ck me, you finally get it fred!
Make it dogs for me though...
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fred79
Disgraceful
Undefeatable Hero
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posted February 10, 2020 07:02 PM |
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An update:
I'm still feeling the intense residual effects of the hell i went through last year; and it seems that Hell is not yet done with me. I cannot move on until it does. The previous life i had, that i have been trying desperately to get back on track, has now come to a screaming halt. Struggling to keep myself from giving up on my dreams and future, and just withering away in my bedroom.
I slept for 16 hours the other day; trying to escape this evil, bizarro, clown-world existence that has been thrust upon me.
Today, i'm a little better. Struggling to stay on top. Struggling to keep everything i love, closer. Not hoping, but just trying to hold on. I am desperately trying to hold on.
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Galatea
Supreme Hero
Well, I'm Ceres!
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posted February 11, 2020 12:06 AM |
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You can do it, Fred.
Just try to be positive always and good things will come to you. 
____________
And she told you, laughing down to her core, so she would not cry, as she lay on your lap,
"Nobody here can live forever, quiet in the grasp of dusk and summer."
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fred79
Disgraceful
Undefeatable Hero
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posted February 11, 2020 03:15 AM |
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My life is really out of my own hands at this point. I can only wait and see if everything gets back on track. Hope is out of the question; all hoping does is build me up just so it can saw my legs off at the knees.
Nice to see you back, Galatea. Sorry for the heavy-handed posting. I know it's not most people's cup of tea.
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blob2
Undefeatable Hero
Blob-Ohmos the Second
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posted February 12, 2020 06:12 PM |
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Edited by blob2 at 18:18, 12 Feb 2020.
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fred79 said:
Sorry for the heavy-handed posting. I know it's not most people's cup of tea.
Nah, if you feel posting gives you at least some sort alleviation then please continue to do it.
I also think people here, despite their quirkiness, do give a damn, otherwise they wouldn't respond...
Here, have one of those heartwarming stories https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8VdHuS4GT1g (I'm always watching these kind of movies when I'm beginning to loose my last bits of hope for humanity).
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Galaad
Hero of Order
Li mort as morz, li vif as vis
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posted February 16, 2020 02:34 PM |
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Things are not so black and white fred, look, it's also Humanity who created the best game ever, namely HOMM-III. 
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Drakon-Deus
Undefeatable Hero
Qapla'
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posted February 16, 2020 03:27 PM |
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Galaad said:
Things are not so black and white fred, look, it's also Humanity who created the best game ever, namely HOMM-III.
Seconded. 100% true. If there is HoMM, there is hope.
I'm glad you're sharing what you can with us, fred. I know we're just some internet dudes and we never met, but some truly care about you through your presence on this forum.
____________
Horses don't die on a dog's wish.
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fred79
Disgraceful
Undefeatable Hero
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posted February 17, 2020 03:08 PM |
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I appreciate it, guys. It's difficult for me to focus on good things when all I think about is a future I worked hard for, likely not being allowed to happen anymore. Not having a voice in this is excruciating.
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CountBezuhoff
Supreme Hero
Nihil sub sole novum
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posted February 17, 2020 03:56 PM |
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Have you considered therapy? You sound like it might help you.
The Count
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fred79
Disgraceful
Undefeatable Hero
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posted February 18, 2020 01:01 AM |
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Therapy won't help me. Getting my life back on track will. The future I had planned and worked towards for years is all I have to look forward to.
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phoenix4ever
Legendary Hero
Heroes is love, Heroes is life
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posted February 18, 2020 08:35 AM |
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Fred is'nt it time you opened up a bit more, maybe it would help you.
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Elvin
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Endless Revival
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posted February 18, 2020 10:21 AM |
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Fred is probably more tired not talking than HC not hearing. Can't tell if this is just fear of a self-fulfilling prophecy or not actually wanting us to know but he'll talk when he's ready. Or he won't. At which point I will have to personally visit him and challenge him to a slap knockout duel.
But I won't spill the beans, you'll have to challenge him separately.
____________
H5 is still alive and kicking, join us in the Duel Map discord server!
Map also hosted on Moddb
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Salamandre
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Wog refugee
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posted February 20, 2020 12:39 AM |
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I had a friend, then he made mistake after mistake at key moments of his life, so he started to struggle at every detail. After a while I had to block him on phone as every message became so depressing and I couldn't handle more of them without feeling my energy getting depleted as well.
B!tching does never help, it does the opposite, its the fastest way to become really lone. If you want other people energy, then you have to initiate an exchange, not suck up to their soul
____________
Era II mods and utilities
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fred79
Disgraceful
Undefeatable Hero
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posted February 20, 2020 09:28 AM |
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Don't visit this thread. No soul-sucking. Problem solved.
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Salamandre
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Wog refugee
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posted February 20, 2020 12:21 PM |
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No man, what I mean is : you are the responsible of your destiny, do not look at others to find excuses because there are none.
So when you wrote:
fred79 said:
The human race has lost all honor, dignity, and sanity. If it ever really WERE sane to begin with.
Is basically a self-portrait. Until you figure that, you will struggle at the bottom.
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fred79
Disgraceful
Undefeatable Hero
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posted February 20, 2020 03:30 PM |
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My future is out of my own hands right now. Like, legit. This whole event has been almost entirely out of my hands.
On top of that, this whole thing has nothing to snowing do with me, at it's core. I was a convenient target, and i'm still being targeted. Absolutely and without question.
That psycho-babble absolutely does not apply here.
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fred79
Disgraceful
Undefeatable Hero
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posted March 01, 2020 07:25 PM |
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Currently trying to get back into graphics work. Trying to stay busy/distract myself and failing miserably for the most part. The window for college could already be closed; i don't know. Going to work is especially difficult, because even with headphones in blasting music and working; my mind keeps drifting back into the negative, and what could happen. I've already told my boss that i hate coming to work now(he's helped me through some of the roughest patches last year), simply because it reminds me that i was supposed to be in college at the start of summer last year.
For those of you who are irritated or bummed by my attitude here, you can at least get comfort in the fact you don't have to deal with the gloom/rage in person for 8+ hours at a time, 5 days a week.
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Elvin
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Endless Revival
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posted March 01, 2020 08:00 PM |
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It's good that you're returning to an old and enjoyable hobby. When things are bad, it's better not to think about it too much. Bad mood and depression influences our thoughts and reasoning too much, makes them biased. And occupying your head with what ifs isn't helping either, unless you can formulate a solution or long term coping strategy. Better focus on what you can do rather than what might or not happen, especially if you have no control over it.
PS you're lucky to have a boss you can talk to like that.
____________
H5 is still alive and kicking, join us in the Duel Map discord server!
Map also hosted on Moddb
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tSar-Ivor
Promising
Legendary Hero
Scourge of God
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posted March 02, 2020 07:27 AM |
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Kinda reminds me of the Wolf and the Swirling Plot.
____________
"No laughs were had. There is only shame and sadness." Jenny
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fred79
Disgraceful
Undefeatable Hero
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posted May 23, 2020 04:24 PM |
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Still in limbo until this virus either kills us all eventually(if it really is as serious as some allude to), or the government gets it's snow in gear and unlocks the old system again so they can get the snowing ball rolling(if it's not so serious as to need this infernal lockdown... shutting down camping? really??? snowwits).
I gave up being proactive back in February; for months I've been fighting breaking out my ps3 and gaming again. I recently got it back out, and my account back up and running(it had been 2+ years since I played and 4+ since I had saved my account info into the ps3, so I had forgotten my login/password and needed to set everything back up). I now have something to do to kill time besides working at an increasingly chaotic job that everyday reminds me that I'm not supposed to be there, but instead in college progressing my damned life.
a good deal has changed in my perspective(not for the better); and I'm just killing time until things either get up and rolling again or we all die; whichever happens. I've pretty much abandoned hc at this point, despite the fact that I'm still working on graphics here and there. I finished my autumn tree work that I had planned for years, and some other tidbits whenever I feel the desire; but mainly I'm just gaming now. I'm back to a pre-hc state of being; only without the good times I had in my life back then.
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This thread is pages long: 
