Lexxan
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Unimpressed by your logic
posted March 19, 2014 12:53 PM
Eurovision 2014
It's that time of the year again.
3 days, 37 countries, ONE WINNER.
Who will reign Supreme? Will it be a ballad? We have plenty to pick from this year. Will it be something more up-tempo? Will it be something camp or will good old schlager take it him?
Who knows! What I do know is that this upcoming crop looks pretty promising. I don't think we're going to have a fantastic edition like last year's, but this one looks like it could end up one of the better ones.
Anyway, something less vague: I'd love to start off with my preshow ranking like I did last year, but Russia STILL didn't release their song although the deadline has already passed. I think i'm going to start it up tomorrow anyway and add in Russia's entry later after its released.
In the meantime, discuss your (dis)favourites here!
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Coincidence? I think not!!!!
is it me or this contest get s more retarded by the year?
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"Kip is the Gavin McInnes of HC" - Salamandre
"Ashan to the Trashcan", "I got PTSD from H7. " - LizardWarrior
JoonasTo
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
What if Elvin was female?
posted March 19, 2014 01:03 PM
That's because Russia is still selecting their candidates for annexation.
It seems Krim is leading but will Transistria catch up?
Tune in for more estearn european powerplays, only on "Please snow this snow up channel!"
____________ DON'T BE A NOOB, JOIN A.D.V.E.N.T.U.R.E.
On the contrary, my friend. It's a hilarious and camp mass televised spectacle designed to enjoy and laugh at.
Speaking of which, let's get this started:
37. BELGIUM
Axel Hirsoux - "Mother"
Semi 1
As a Belgian, I always tend to be hypercritical of my home country's entries, so when i don't like something, I easily tend to throw it into the garbage heap. This however, is an actually BAD song.
This entire performance is so fat. Not just because of Axel Hirsoux's resemblance to Humpty Dumpty. This SONG is fat. It's pure schmalz. Its pathos is syrupy enough to give anyone exposed to it diabetes. Its also uncomfortable because Axel LOOKS like an enormous babies. That face... those HANDS... yikes.
I just... find it really unbearable from a song/performance perspective (speaking of which... is having a hag writhe about aimlessly on stage the best thing you could come up with Belgium? Really? REALLY???). So of course this song already has an enourmous and infuriating fanbase: "OMG AXEL'S VOICE IS SO GOOD" Yes, but you cannot polish a turd, nobody cares. "OMG THE SUBJECT IS SO UNIVERSAL AND SINCERE" um... he was given this song by a group of judges with the objective of winning an international "song contest" SO SINCERE Y'ALL. "OMG AXEL IS A GOOD BELGIAN HE'S A WALLOON THAT SPEAKS DUTCH". yes, I feel like that is PERFECTLY relevant and I'm sure the voting public from Armenia and Hungary will be able to relate perfectly.
Ultimately, I feel that Belgium made a mistake by sending Axel (I've watched the national finals... there weren't that many good alternatives, none of the others would have, let's say - kept San Marino or Portugal out of the finals, like Axel might (and probably will :/). The song is just... the most blatantly nauseating jury bait ever and I will just not be able to DEAL if it gets rewarded for it.
Chances: Passable.
Belgium is 4th in the betting odds to win (O__O), so there's a good chance it qualifies. I personally have this GUT instinct that Mother will follow the same route of Other Lexxan Least Favourites Suus and What If did: finish 5th, after unfairly taking up a spot in the finals, while doing better than many, MANY superior entries.
On the other hand, the main voting audiences in Eurovision are 1) Teenage Fangirls 2) Flamboyant Homosexuals, and Axel appeals to neither demograph. Semi 1 also has all the usual qualifiers such as Ukraine, Armenia, Estonia and Sweden, so Axel might NOT qualify. I hope he doesn't. The meltdown would be delicious.
Having written all that, I feel sort of bad for trashing Axel as much as I did. He seems like a nice, cherubesque person. However, believe it or not, this year has a pretty good crop of songs, and Mother sticks out like a sore thumb as the worst: It's the only song this year that I hate.
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Coincidence? I think not!!!!
Sandman said:
I agree it is quite hilarious to watch sometimes i just don't think it should be taken too seriously as a competition
People who take Eurovision seriously are usually the worst sort of people (aka the sort that would love to have 37 ballads that all sound the same. F that noise
Hennywae~
36. SWEDEN
Sanna Nielsen - "Undo"
Semi 1
Ok I lied. I really hate Sweden's entry as well. "Undo my sad"? Really? You have to be kidding me, Sweden. Don't tell me you actually CHOSE this entry?
Every national selection has their unkillable cochroaches that haunt the national final every year until the public grows tired of them and hands them the victory just to be DONE with them. Latvia had PeR. Norway had Tor Endresen. Malta had Olivia Lewis. All these people took multiple tries to win their countries' national finals. All these people then FAILED spectacularly in the Eurovision Song Contest itself. This year, Sweden adds another name to this Hall of Shame: Sanna Nielsen.
It took Sanna seven tries to win Melfest and it's not hard to see why. She is really not an accomplished singer. She won Melfest this year, yes, but this year's Melodifestivalen was a really weak edition to begin with (especially when you compare it to MGP which had 6 amazing songs in the final ALONE compared to Melfest's... three. #Norwayage) and Sanna won it while being AUTOTUNED THE ENTIRE TIME. I have no clue why Sweden thought sending Sanna would be a good idea.
Ugh, although (s)Mother is a slightly more repulvise song in my humblest of opinions (as well as a legit top contender demon), no entrant this year ticks as many "Awful Eurovision Entry" boxes as Sanna does. Let's recap:
- can't sing
- awful outfit
- Boring staging
- Boring song
- crappy Melody
- Jury bait
- improper grammar despite being from a country where EVERYONE speaks fluent English
- Beat better entries in the national final (Ace Wilder would have been a LOCK for the top 5 had she been selected.)
- Considered a top contender despite being objectively terrible
- Will therefore likely qualify and rob us of the Valentinaownage that's long overdue
- has a rabid, inescapable fanbase that glosses over all her flaws and then attacks the ACTUALLY good songs out of jealousy. (actually i believe all of them might be Cascada fans? lol from one flop to the other, I guess)
Like seriously. I die a little inside whenever i hear her squal "AEHGNNNNNDO MAH SAED" like stfu, you goose-voiced beyotch. The worst is that her fans are like "WELL SHE *CAN* SING, THE SECOND CHORUS SOUNDS SO AMAZING" when... the second chorus is AUTO-TUNED or when they spew BS such as "WELL SWEDEN AND BELGIUM ARE THE ONLY GOOD SONGS. WORST YEAR EVER." I just can't. Get this flop b!tch off my screen, please.
Chances: Below average
Luckily, because Sanna has such a small (but incredibly obnoxious fanbase) that she undoubtably inherited from Natalie Horler, (remember things like: "ONLY TEARDROPS IS A EUPHORIA CLONE" *adores Glorious*?) I acually cannot imagine Sanna not flopping in Copenhagen. She seems like a lock to qualify, but I don't know... i think we might have a few surprises here and there. She may qualify but I doubt she makes it as far as Axel Hirsoux would.
That's perhaps Sanna's only saving grace. She is a bad singer and the audience will not appreciate it, so i don't need to WORRY as much about her winning than I would with Axel. I still think she's putrid though. ____________
Coincidence? I think not!!!!
Lexxan, wtf man. You're really into that bullsnow? Cuz otherwise I can't explain the amount of effort put into writing large post like those on such a stupid topic. Like really, I heard better elevator music that the one on Eurovision. And as others said, there's just so much politics in it that it's not even a music contest anymore, it's just who likes who the most.
Hey! I supported Ace Wilder!
You know the only reason she lost (by TWO points!) is because the Germany jury gave her ZERO points. I guess it's because of the chorus "Don't wanna work, I wanna make money while I sleep" doesn't go well with German work ethic:/
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Over himself, over his own
body and
mind, the individual is
sovereign.
- John Stuart Mill
… has some flaws both in construction and content, but whatever, it doesn’t matter!
It’s undeniably a good show (esp. compared to the typical weekend TV show with celebrities playing games with their studio host) and a majority of the entries are often good in one way or another – there may even be a hit single!
Politics and neighbours voting on each other are unimportant too; to reach a top placement you must get high points from all parts of Europe. The Balkan split effect is overrated and no one remembers those that don’t make it to the top 3 anyway.
An example:
- Norway with 3 neighbours won in 2009 with Alexander Rybak’s Fairytale. He got the all time high score 387 points.
- Serbia with 8 neighbours won in 2007 with Marija Šerifoviæ’s Molitva. She got 268 points when 23 countries from all parts of Europe gave her their top points (8-12 p).
I personally don’t like these two songs very much, but in the last 10 years I’ve been happy to see Ruslana, Lordi and Loreen become “pan-European” winners. So I look at this spectacle and hope for the best, that there may be a song or two that I like.
The Swedish Entry…
... may actually win according to the odds right now.
One shouldn’t forget that Sanna Nielsen had her own YOU-HIO scandal in 2008 when she got the people’s votes but not enough jury points to win.
So instead of the boring ballad Empty Room we were represented by Perelli’s Horrible Hero, which failed internationally.
Since then Sanna Nielsen receives a lot of sympathy votes. All Swedes “know” Sanna and that “personal” relation can’t be dismissed. People "know" that she's a kind person and very good singer and thus it’s natural that she got the votes this year since Undo is her first song ever with enough power to make a lasting impression.
Yohio could also – easily – have won this year, if his song hadn’t been so much worse than his song last year, and so much less unique than Undo.
Sad, bad, pain & rain are not the most innovative rhymes I’ve heard, but OTOH Undo has a ton of melodic hooks.
I’m not a Sanna-fan, her music is far too boring for me, but Axel Hirsoux are many miles behind her in the party music top list.
Gosh…
Zzz!
Ace Wilder’s Working Song is catchy as few others and it’s definitely PARTY but it needs a little time to be understood (as it's not a traditional ballad) and her show wasn’t good enough; no other finalist has ever reached the final with fewer votes. If she had won in Sweden she would have no chance internationally unless most ESC viewers would have watched or heard her before the competition.
Xerox supporting Ace <3 such a good gay (also, screw that German jury.)
Locksley that's a really good post and I agree with most of your points. I do feel like the political aspect of eurovision gets overrated. It doesn't DOMINATE the contest, but it surely does influence the outcome.
Sanna must absolutely NOT win this contest. Not with this many great songs around. I hope one of the other top contenders slays her.
Anyway there's only one more entry that I dislike this year and it's...
35. DENMARK
Basim - "Cliché Love Song"
Final
Denmark had no hopes of being high on my preshow list the second their selection for Dansk Melodi Grand Prix was revealed. I know that Denmark isn't exactly known for their originality (evidenced by their blatant copies of Kikki Danielsson, Ronan Keating, U2, RuPaul, Emminem and many others in the past), but their national final was filled with the most tired ass generic trite ever. Like... songs that sound EXACTLY like the average American hit parade. Ultimately the Bruno Mars Clone won and boy, it sucks.
I am obviously not a big fan of Bruno Mars, but he does release an interesting song once in a while. Basim on the other hand is just... bland. The title alone: "Cliché Love Song". Seriously??? I'd like to hear how this entry was conceived "So we have this Basim person who looks and sounds like Bruno Mars, what sort of song are we going to give him?" "I dunno let's give him something that sounds like it was written for Bruno Mars" "How do we call it?" "Idk It's pretty full of cliché's so... how about Cliché Love Song?" "O.M.G. YES! That's perrrrrfect"
Like seriously, HOW CAN ANYONE LIKE THIS? IT'S A BLATANT COPY OF A WORLD-FAMOUS ARTIST, IT'S GENERIC AS $#!^. BRUNO MARS ISN'T EVEN *THAT* GOOD. ugh and it's automatically in the finals as welL. SNOW YOU, DENMARK. Your ass is THROUGH.
Chances: Unfavourable to win, but favourable to do well.
One positive I suppose you could say about Cliché Love Song is that it's the most generic shyte on the planet. Of course it will get votes from the fraus and fangirls that watch and vote, but I can't imagine it getting ENOUGH votes to actually win again. Oh god the horror. It will be probably still place in the TOP10 though. X__X Brb, slitting my wrists.
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Coincidence? I think not!!!!
Locksley
Promising
Famous Hero
Wielding a six-string
posted March 20, 2014 07:39 PM
Lexxan said:Locksley that's a really good post and I agree with most of your points. I do feel like the political aspect of eurovision gets overrated. It doesn't DOMINATE the contest, but it surely does influence the outcome.
Sanna must absolutely NOT win this contest. Not with this many great songs around. I hope one of the other top contenders slays her.
It's a part of the entertainment to guess if a country will vote as it always have.
angelito
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
proud father of a princess
posted March 20, 2014 08:07 PM
xerox said:...I guess it's because of the chorus "Don't wanna work, I wanna make money while I sleep" doesn't go well with German work ethic:/
And you have this "fact" from which source?
Just a fact for you (from 2012):
- weekly working hours EU overall: 41,6 hours
- weekly working hours Germany: 41,9 hours
- weekly working hours Sweden: 40,8 (last place: Denmark, 38,8 hours )
Now back to the ESC ____________
Better judged by 12 than carried by 6.
This thread is pages long: 1 
posted March 19, 2014 12:53 PM
posted March 19, 2014 08:29 PM
or when they spew BS such as "WELL SWEDEN AND BELGIUM ARE THE ONLY GOOD SONGS. WORST YEAR EVER." I just can't. Get this flop b!tch off my screen, please.
posted March 20, 2014 02:54 PM
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