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OmegaDestroyer
Hero of Order
Fox or Chicken?
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posted January 08, 2012 01:49 AM |
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Sounds like the woman has some serious issues and I don't advise getting involved romantically until she has them sorted otu.
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The giant has awakened
You drink my blood and drown
Wrath and raving I will not stop
You'll never take me down
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted January 08, 2012 02:03 AM |
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Edited by Fauch at 02:09, 08 Jan 2012.
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oh yeah, I didn't mention her divorce about a year ago. I guess that seriously messed her up, but I've only known her when she began having trouble with her husband.
she also seems to talk quite normally with her friends. at least with her best friends, because I don't know if she speaks much with her other friends. but as I said, they seem to not ask her about her problems, so maybe she is just putting a mask to not worry them.
oh yeah, when I talked to one of her best friends right after her suicide attempt (her friend seemed to think there was no problem at all. a few days ago she even denied that she ever tried to suicide) she learnt it and went completely mad at me about how I should not bother her friends with her problems.
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kookastar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
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posted January 08, 2012 06:23 AM |
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Depression takes you to a dark dark place where you feel so alone and helpless that sometimes it's hard to accept help when it's offered. I'm sure your support has made a difference even if it doesn't feel like it.
I was in a really bad place a few years back and a friend sent me this story which I keep on my wall.
The Optimistic Frog
Two frogs fell into a large cream bowl
One was an optimistic soul
But the other took a gloomy view
"We shall drown" he cried without more ado
So with a last despairing cry
He flung up his legs and said "goodbye"
Said the other frog with a merry grin
"I can't get out, but I won't give in
I'll just swim around til my strength is spent
And should I drown I'll be more content"
Bravely he swam until it would seem
His struggles began to churn the cream
On top of the butter at last he stopped
And out of the bowl he gladly hopped
What is the moral? Tis easily found
If you can't hop out, keep swimming around.
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uhuh
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted January 08, 2012 03:02 PM |
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Edited by Fauch at 15:21, 08 Jan 2012.
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well, she can barely read english.
she said a bit more than a month ago that she suddenly felt better and didn't want to die anymore. even though that could be true, doesn't mean she isn't depressed anymore. she spent a good bit of the year talking about how she didn't want to live. she tried to suicide in october, and almost tried again in november it seems.
she moved just 2 weeks ago to start a new job. even though it seemed unexpected at first, I remember that a year ago she said that she wanted to move abroad because she couldn't bear the place where she was living. but I thought she had got over it since she stopped talking about that. but even though the job offer was presumably very good, she still moved 1000 - 1500 km away, to belarus.
and seeing that she has been there for just 2 weeks and is only looking for a serious relationship (marriage), I find it kinda weird that she would have already found the right one. one could think she met him on internet, but I've tried dating her long enough through internet. we talked about it and she wouldn't consider any online relationship serious enough to take such important and hasty decisions.
and would it be really weird that her (best?) friend swallows lies? she seems convinced that everything is perfectly fine. she said exactly that her friend is someone who constantly says that she doesn't want to live, but who in reality doesn't want to die.
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kookastar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
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posted January 09, 2012 01:40 AM |
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I don't think anyone truly wants to die, it's just that sometimes it feels like the only way out - the only way to escape the constant misery.
Divorce is hard, and there is guilt surrounding the fact that you stood up in front of a group of your loved ones and promised that no matter what, you would stand by your hub/wife UNTIL DEATH. It is a big vow to break and unless your partner has done something unforgivable than it is a very hard thing to go through. This, is coupled with the loss of a best friend and partner - when someone dies people tend to empathise more with this loss then when it happens through divorce although the grieving process is pretty much the same.
A change of scenery is one way to deal with this. Starting a "new life." This can be exciting at first but unfortunately you can not run away from your self. The whole mid-life crisis thing can also happen when you try to do all the things you have missed out on all these years (when you were younger). I jumped out of a plane and dated a guy many years younger (stoooooopid lol), some people get tattoos 
But ultimately she needs to deal with her grief in her own way, and if you want to hang around and be a good friend then the best thing to do is probably just listen when she needs to vent, and try to be a positive influence.
I had a lot of people trying to get me to "be happy" when I was depressed, but unfortunately it is something I had to work through on my own. And I'm still working on it 4 years later (although it's alot better now). I am grateful to the people around me who did not abandon me when I was a pathetic waste of space. Those who could still smile and accept me. Who gave me space but never gave up on me. These people are few and far between.
I saw a quote the other day that said, "True friends hang out with you when they would rather be somewhere else".
Having said that - friends and families of depressed people need to make sure they are taking care of themselves too. You have to stay happy for yourself and not let this person bring you down. It is not your responsibility to make sure she is OK.
man blah blah, I swore never to post in this thread, what am I doing lol.
____________
uhuh
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted January 09, 2012 08:30 PM |
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Quote:
I saw a quote the other day that said, "True friends hang out with you when they would rather be somewhere else".
and what if she hates me? then the more I stay, the stronger she will hate me?
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Seraphim
Supreme Hero
Knowledge Reaper
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posted January 09, 2012 10:22 PM |
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Quote:
Quote:
I saw a quote the other day that said, "True friends hang out with you when they would rather be somewhere else".
and what if she hates me? then the more I stay, the stronger she will hate me?
Tell your friend that her death ticket is already reserved. She does not have to die earlier because of that and that the important thing is to do something in life,she should try to achieve something for herself.
If she feels depressed,tell her that her emotions are doing that to her.
Tell her that making actions based on emotions is wrong,tell her that she should do things without being emotional.
Write back if you said something approximately close to this.
As for you,if you doubt her love,dont try it. Doubt is the first step towards divorce. Eleminate first your doubt. To do so,you have got to ask her.
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted January 09, 2012 10:53 PM |
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she achieves things. she found a job. she might be depressed, but maybe not anymore, I can't see her and she won't tell me.
about her love, I've asked her many time, I don't know what she thinks. she doesn't clearly loves me nor does she clearly rejects me.
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Tsar-Ivor
Promising
Legendary Hero
Scourge of God
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posted January 09, 2012 11:00 PM |
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I smell a direct confrontation brewing, good luck, yer going to need it.
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"No laughs were had. There is only shame and sadness." Jenny
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DagothGares
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
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posted January 09, 2012 11:16 PM |
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Best not to pursue, it's better for your own mental health.
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If you have any more questions, go to Dagoth Cares.
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted January 09, 2012 11:30 PM |
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oh I don't know. but she indeed doesn't seem to care at all about how I feel, even though she was glad to have me after her divorce...
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kookastar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
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posted January 10, 2012 12:34 AM |
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I wouldn't put any pressure on her at all. If she has just come through a divorce she needs time, you don't want to be the rebound that ends up getting dumped anyway. I know a year might seem a long time to you, but it's not that long really. It sounds like she is starting to heal.
This may sound harsh but if she wanted to be with you then she probably would be. She may just need time, but you should not put your life on hold waiting for her. If you are meant to be together forever then it will probably happen one day. In the meantime, look after yourself - do something that you have always wanted to do (a new sport/hobby/join a club/musical instrument), meet some new people and just try to grow yourself. You will attract interesting and more positive people if you are doing this, and who knows where it will lead 
I am curious as to how old you both are and if she has children, but don't expect you to respond to that.
Oh and please do not say any of the following to her:
Quote:
If she feels depressed,tell her that her emotions are doing that to her.
Tell her that making actions based on emotions is wrong,tell her that she should do things without being emotional
She is not an idiot The whole point of depression is that you know you are being emotional, and you are struggling in your brain, fighting to stop the emotions, but it is really fricken hard. It is this fight with yourself that you want to escape via suicide.
So yeah give her some space, and do something for yourself. Be available and supportive so that she can chase after YOU if that is what she wants.
That's just my advise, but hey I'm still making bad choices so take it with a grain of salt
____________
uhuh
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted January 10, 2012 12:46 AM |
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Edited by Fauch at 01:15, 10 Jan 2012.
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she wanted to be with me. didn't happen because of all her problems. I don't know if it might have changed her image of me, even though it was just bad luck it seems.
I suppose you can see my age on my profile. she is younger than me and has no children.
well no you can't. I'm 24, she is 21.
Quote:
In the meantime, look after yourself - do something that you have always wanted to do (a new sport/hobby/join a club/musical instrument), meet some new people and just try to grow yourself.
well that cool, but dedicating myself to a girl is what I wanted to do. well so far it sounds like it will be mindless entertainments for bored teenagers.
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kookastar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
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posted January 10, 2012 01:09 AM |
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Wow that is young to be divorced...
You are both still young and have plenty of time
Man love can be a cruel thing huh
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uhuh
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted January 10, 2012 01:14 AM |
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not her, she is on a rush. not sure why though.
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kookastar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
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posted January 10, 2012 01:38 AM |
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Yeah I don't get it either...
I thought maybe she was older and in a rush to have kids (ticking clock and all that).
Have you met her in RL?
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uhuh
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kookastar
Honorable
Legendary Hero
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posted January 10, 2012 01:45 AM |
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you keep editing your posts! hehe
Quote:
but dedicating myself to a girl is what I wanted to do. well so far it sounds like it will be mindless entertainments for bored teenagers.
It is sweet to want to dedicate yourself to a girl, but please, do not lose your own identity in the process. Learning new skills and having fun with people in society is not just for teenagers. I didn't say to get drunk and go clubbing
My heart goes out to you, I wish you all the best. grr girls, who invented them anyway 
____________
uhuh
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gnomes2169
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Duke of the Glade
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posted January 10, 2012 02:27 AM |
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Quote:
The whole point of depression is that you know you are being emotional, and you are struggling in your brain, fighting to stop the emotions, but it is impossible.
Trust me, that modification is absolutely and irrevocably true.
Never, under any circumstances, say any of the following:
Quote:
Tell your friend that her death ticket is already reserved. She does not have to die earlier because of that and that the important thing is to do something in life,she should try to achieve something for herself.
If she feels depressed,tell her that her emotions are doing that to her.
Tell her that making actions based on emotions is wrong,tell her that she should do things without being emotional.
Anything along these lines are about the the verbal equivalents of spitting in her face, especially that first line.
Instead, be there for her. You have to give this girl her space when she wants it, but make yourself available for her. In few weeks, try asking the question, "Do you want to get together?" If she asks why, make sure you tell her that you just want to meet her and talk. If she asks if this is some kind of attempt to get in a relationship with her, stress that you just want to talk and meet her. Do not mention her boyfriend, and if she does say that her boy can come if he wants, but that it won't be the reason for you coming.
No matter what happens, do not say anything that will drive her away. If she does not want to meet, then do not push her. If she doesn't want to talk, then don't force her to. But make sure that she does know that you are there for her, and that, if she asks or mentions, she is no burden and would never be one. When in doubt on those spur of the moment emotional changes, then trust your instincts.
At least, that's what I did with my girl when she was depressed, and she still seems fine. We did break up when it was obvious that it wasn't going to work, but we are still friends and she still talks to me when she has her own problems.
Most of all, be yourself and don't say anything that reminds you of Blizz stupid.
____________
Yeah in the 18th century, two inventions suggested a method of measurement. One won and the other stayed in America.
-Ghost destroying Fred
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted January 10, 2012 02:28 AM |
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Edited by Fauch at 02:35, 10 Jan 2012.
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no, as I said we have been unable to meet because of bad luck it seems. or more exactly because it looks like her life is a mess.
well, but anyway, lots of young people seem to be on rush, trying to experiment as much as possible, find a work, a house and found a family as soon as possible, as if you had to cease living after 25 years.
a problem with her is that she expresses her feelings through random citations found on the internet, so it's probably easy to misinterpret.
but overall she appears as really desperate to find a husband and found a family. and in another hand, she refuses sex before marriage. well, I guess that reduces the chances to choose a wrong one.
she knows I'm here for her, but I've sometimes pushed her a bit too much, and that was also because I wanted her to relieve me, which she was not really able to do, or maybe didn't understand, as when you have problems, you sometimes tend to forget that other people too may feel bad. well, anyway, I'm probably not the best person for her to talk to, even if I used to be.
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gnomes2169
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Duke of the Glade
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posted January 10, 2012 02:43 AM |
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Quote:
well, anyway, I'm probably not the best person for her to talk to, even if I used to be.
Let me just ask a few yes/no questions here...
1) Do you still consider yourself her friend?
2) Do you still care about her?
3) Does she still listen to you or seem to care about what you think?
4) Does she still talk to you voluntarily?
5) Would you be sad if she did something to herself?
6) Can you back off?
7) Did you talk to her today or yesterday?
8) Do you feel in any way responsible for her?
I will wait for your response before telling you what I think. Make sure the questions are yes or no, not anything even remotely close to "Maybe" or "I'm not sure." If you have a doubt, than think about it. If it continues for a while, the answer is probably yes.
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Yeah in the 18th century, two inventions suggested a method of measurement. One won and the other stayed in America.
-Ghost destroying Fred
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