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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted January 10, 2012 04:13 AM |
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1) Do you still consider yourself her friend?
yes
2) Do you still care about her?
yes
3) Does she still listen to you or seem to care about what you think?
I think she doesn't
4) Does she still talk to you voluntarily?
most of the time it seems she doesn't want to talk. does it still counts as a yes?
5) Would you be sad if she did something to herself?
if she dies, yes.
6) Can you back off?
doesn't it depend on her as well?
7) Did you talk to her today or yesterday?
just asked an answer which she didn't answer. we talked a bit last week.
8) Do you feel in any way responsible for her?
what do you mean by responsible? I decided to not try to help her in any way because that's what she wants.
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gnomes2169
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Duke of the Glade
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posted January 10, 2012 04:34 AM |
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That gives me a nice picture, but spawned a few questions/ responses as well... As of right now, I can tell you that if she is willing to talk to you, at all, then she doesn't want to let you go completely just yet. Answers to these next questions might give self-realization and at the very least should give me a pic in 20/20 HD...
Quote:
most of the time it seems she doesn't want to talk. does it still counts as a yes?
If she does talk, then yes. If she wants space, give it to her for a few days. If you were as close as you said, then she will begin to miss talking with you...
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doesn't it depend on her as well?
I was asking if you were willing to give her space. You, personally. Are you willing to do that? (I'm assuming yes...) If yes, then don't push her so hard, give her time to respond for herself. Let her ask you questions if she wants, and if she seems uncomfortable then don't push her any farther (you should be able to tell be tone, word choice, etc...).
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what do you mean by responsible? I decided to not try to help her in any way because that's what she wants.
By "responsible," I mean do you feel like you can do something to change her or her life. If something bad happens and your answer is yes then, and trust me on this (personal experience), you will feel like a failure. You will feel like scum for not being able to do something, and it does, to put it bluntly, suck.
What she wants is to be in control (which she wasn't in her (abusive?) relationship), not left alone. If you don't give her this, then she will pull away from you. You cannot tell her how to run her life, but you can be there to see that when she stumbles and makes mistakes she gets back up. Offer her suggestions, not commands. Don't let the tone of your voice sound like you have authority in every situation (few, or none, if you can help it). For a while she might be wondering what kind of hippy drugs you are on, but she will eventually come to enjoy your help. At least, that's one way to do it... Maybe she just needs to be left alone for a while.
My last question for you is, what did you ask? If you don't want to post it publicly, then shoot me an HCM. What I need to know is the wording (as close as possible), the tone and what you said immediately before hand, otherwise I can't tell you where you are or what to do.
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Yeah in the 18th century, two inventions suggested a method of measurement. One won and the other stayed in America.
-Ghost destroying Fred
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Aculias
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
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posted January 10, 2012 06:28 AM |
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I have not read the other replies for ya Fauch, but i hear ya. I been there & I understand only too well.
Those who knew me from the past knows what i went through.
Yea something def happened to cause that change.
Maybe something happened in her real life.
Basically if she is pushing you away, then that may be a lost cause.
People change when they get older, even just a year from now.
Whatever has changed her behavior, she is pushing you away.
It may be something sad & she dont want you to get hurt.
Many women push men away who dont want them to see what they are going through.
It may not be that she is cheating, unless you know for a fact she is.
It sounds like something happened & she is sad.
Maybe she did something she is not proud of.
Point is she is pushing you away & being only online, it is alot more tougher.
Basically, you dont know the person until ya actually meet them.
You got to give her time buddy & hope she opens up.
Sometimes it may take years, depending on what has happened to her life.
Be patient.
Unfortunately if she does not open up, then there is nothing much ya can do. Except pray things get better for her.
Good Luck.
Now i will go read what others said!
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Dreaming of a Better World
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Aculias
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
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posted January 10, 2012 06:40 AM |
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After briefly reading yours & the other replies, I can reply better.
It is good that she has gotten better working. i dont know what her X hubby has done, but it can lead mental scars which hurts 7 burns deeper then any physical scars can ever do.
There is nothing more ya can do but be patient.
She is trying to work on her problem & probably just wants close real life friends & family right now.
Until she works out her problem, you just c=got to carry on with your own life.
Let her come to ya.
Or ya can mention if something new has happened with your life.
Let her talk about her own problem. She is very sensitive & vulnerable right now.
I hope all works well
As to Kooka I agree to most that people really dont want to die.
Unfortunately i think some do.
One of my brothers. One of my best friends died in 2001.
His pain I felt.
He felt his family hated him, his friends turned on him. he was severly depressed. His step brother & sister turned on him & never wanted to talk to him because he was not as fortunate as them.
I dont know what happened the early morning after his birthday when he visited his foster parents.
I know they loved him like their own child.
They showed the love differently.
He felt no one loved him. He felt no one was there for him. I was living in the other side of the bay so i did not see him as much.
My other brother best friend had his own life going etc.
I understand why he did it. STILL NO REASON TO DO IT.
Unfortunately I understand that pain.
If someone believes that & he thinks no one will care if they die. I feel sad thinking about it.
Even worst that kitten Angel took my memorial card of him when she left my apartment.
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Dreaming of a Better World
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted January 10, 2012 04:30 PM |
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Edited by Fauch at 16:36, 10 Jan 2012.
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Quote:
If she does talk, then yes. If she wants space, give it to her for a few days. If you were as close as you said, then she will begin to miss talking with you...
I'm able to give her a few days. that's not enough. the problem is I don't know how much time she needs. could be months, years...
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By "responsible," I mean do you feel like you can do something to change her or her life.
I can not change her, she has to do it herself. I've tried to help her understand what might be the problem, but she feels I'm too intrusive.
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What she wants is to be in control (which she wasn't in her (abusive?) relationship), not left alone.
I thought so too. we used to talk through mails and everything was fine. I think she lost control when she decided to invite me on her social network.
her husband wasn't abusive I think, she said she loved him. she did something he considered as cheating and he immediately decided to divorce.
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My last question for you is, what did you ask? If you don't want to post it publicly, then shoot me an HCM. What I need to know is the wording (as close as possible), the tone and what you said immediately before hand, otherwise I can't tell you where you are or what to do
lots of things. I think I will have to look at our messages...
Quote:
She is trying to work on her problem & probably just wants close real life friends & family right now.
I think she wants to be alone. she moved like 1000-1500 km away for work, and I doubt it is because there was no better work opportunities elsewhere.
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted January 10, 2012 05:55 PM |
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no confrontation, she wants to be alone. or at least she wants me to leave her alone, even if she said that she wants that everyone leaves her alone.
there is nothing good I can do, there is nothing to do.
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted January 11, 2012 03:00 PM |
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I've just found that :
http://www.narcissismcured.com/3_things_that_destroy_your_marriage.html
I've been guilty of n°2, obviously. I understood I should not do that, but it took 2 months...
I've shown constant attention, so I might be guilty of n°3 too, though I was not particularly trying to make her appreciate me, I guess she understood it that way.
but I don't think I tried to make her change. or maybe unconsciously.
but I'm still not sure how to act right. we don't really have any common interest, even though we managed to talk for almost 2 years, I don't even know how.
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Aculias
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
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posted January 11, 2012 04:46 PM |
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You know in some ways you may want answers. I got a feeling you are already answering your own questions as you reply everytime.
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Dreaming of a Better World
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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted January 11, 2012 06:34 PM |
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Fauch, I didn't have time to read through everything, and I think the situation isn't exactly on the level I used to be when meeting people over the internet, but let me give you some of my insight (may be a little off
1. Remember, when you are still "just internet buddies", the other person should try to INTEREST you with his/her life. If he/she doesn't, why would you insist on that?
2. You're not a therapist. Don't try to be one if someone doesn't want it.
3. Don't be fooled by "we tried to meet but there was always something in the way". I dated a lot of women met in the internet. The first general rule is that if she can meet but "something makes it impossible", it means she doesn't want to, making the whole "relationship" a waste of time.
4. Do not let people lash at you. If she mistreats you, confront her about it. If she continues to do so, drop the relationship. It is NOT worth it to be "somebody's emotional slave". There's a lot of people out there who will treat you with respect. If someone is just plain nasty to you when you try to be a friend, tell him/her to scram if it persists. If everybody did it that way, nasty people that try to lash out on friends would think twice before acting mean - or be out of friends real soon (and maybe that would teach them something).
5. Don't make excuses for someone's misbehavior. it's not in YOUR interest to do so. if someone i.e. ignores you writing to her and doesn't apologize (and it persists), he most likely doesn't give a damn about your opinion. Find someone who does, and leave this woman alone, as she wishes to be.
I read only your first posts. Got to go, maybe I'll edit this out if it's not exactly your situation 
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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DagothGares
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
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posted January 11, 2012 08:20 PM |
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I agree with DoomForge.
HC, I am so lonely...
I only have enemies and friends that are too busy or live in another city...
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If you have any more questions, go to Dagoth Cares.
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted January 11, 2012 08:48 PM |
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Edited by Fauch at 20:52, 11 Jan 2012.
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well, actually I told her I was sick trying to figure how to behave correctly with her, and told her that I would do as I want.
she replied that she very well understands me.
but actually I had figured it out.
when people start ranting, there is often not much you can do except to go their way and rant with them.
the difference between friends and non-friends : you can never find time to spend with any of them, but the difference is you are actually happy that your friends live their own life. (or more exactly that's what you tell them, even though you secretely hate them for never having time for you)
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Seraphim
Supreme Hero
Knowledge Reaper
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posted January 11, 2012 10:28 PM |
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Quote:
I agree with DoomForge.
HC, I am so lonely...
I only have enemies and friends that are too busy or live in another city...
hey,welcome to the club.
You are not the only one. Me and probably thousands of others face the same condition.
Other than that,I am rather pessimistic and dont see a relationship as something beneficial at all.
Well,if you live in Europe you might enter a club or so and do some sports.At least European countries offer something you can do in free time.
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"Science is not fun without cyanide"
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gnomes2169
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Duke of the Glade
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posted January 11, 2012 11:58 PM |
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What a lonely life you must lead...
DG, my only suggestion to you (since apparently everyone is your enemy) is to go to a pub, drink a bit, and then a bit more, and then buy everyone and their dog a drink, and then you will stumble on home and have the mother of all hangovers in the morning. Repeat until the enemies become friends, since you bought them so much beer. 
Seriously though, stay in contact with your friends and try to make new ones. It makes life so much easier and so much more interesting.
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Yeah in the 18th century, two inventions suggested a method of measurement. One won and the other stayed in America.
-Ghost destroying Fred
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted January 12, 2012 01:35 AM |
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Edited by Fauch at 01:37, 12 Jan 2012.
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yeah, but they are going to be busy as well.
though you are still at school?
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Berubo
Tavern Dweller
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posted January 12, 2012 11:47 AM |
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I'm 17 and I wonder whats it like to have a relationship with a girlfriend. I have a wide circle of friends but I don't know why they always ask me for relationship advice. But for some reason they always compliment me for how great my advice was. And they always say that I'm lucky that I'm single. Now I'm really curious. So hows it like having a relationship with a girlfriend/boyfriend
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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted January 12, 2012 12:01 PM |
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Quote:
HC, I am so lonely...
I only have enemies and friends that are too busy or live in another city...
Well, it's "that age". You know, highschool ends, and along with high school, most friendships of teen age. Things should get better in a couple years, but expect the same at the end of college. That's how life is, sadly - unless you have a really good friend outside a certain field (like, school, club, dojo), it's very likely you'll get forgotten as soon as you leave the school, club, dojo or whatever.
I myself am at such a place. My college is slowly ending, and I have no delusion - as soon as the school ends, my buds and me, we'll never meet again and probably never even speak over the web again. it's pitiful, but I sorta came to a conclusion that life is just that.
Fortunately I still have two good friends that are with me for years... I had four but two just ceased to talk to me one day. Yeah, just like that: bam, I don't talk to you. Lol.
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I'm 17 and I wonder whats it like to have a relationship with a girlfriend. I have a wide circle of friends but I don't know why they always ask me for relationship advice. But for some reason they always compliment me for how great my advice was. And they always say that I'm lucky that I'm single. Now I'm really curious. So hows it like having a relationship with a girlfriend/boyfriend
In your age it's the best feeling in the world. Honestly, stop being single, you'll have plenty of time for that once you're older. Get a GF asap. it's not worth to miss out that feeling when it's at its finest.
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted January 12, 2012 02:16 PM |
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Edited by Fauch at 14:59, 12 Jan 2012.
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I was wondering about the link I posted. I can see how pushing your partner to share her emotions can annoy her, but what if she keeps them inside until the explosion?
actually you can lose friends for about anything. often it is because their life leads them on a different path than yours. often studies / work is a priority over friends. sometimes it may even be that you don't play the same video game anymore. (for example if you made friends on an online game)
in another hand, with my internet friend, we have no common ground for discussing, and she isn't gone yet.
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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted January 12, 2012 04:04 PM |
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Quote:
actually you can lose friends for about anything. often it is because their life leads them on a different path than yours. often studies / work is a priority over friends. sometimes it may even be that you don't play the same video game anymore. (for example if you made friends on an online game)
Those are not friends. Merely buddies to play a game or chat with.
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted January 12, 2012 08:57 PM |
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Quote:
I'm 17 and I wonder whats it like to have a relationship with a girlfriend. I have a wide circle of friends but I don't know why they always ask me for relationship advice. But for some reason they always compliment me for how great my advice was. And they always say that I'm lucky that I'm single. Now I'm really curious. So hows it like having a relationship with a girlfriend/boyfriend
I was single when I was 17. Don't worry about it. And whatever you do, don't purposely look for a girlfriend. I disagree with DF's advice completely. There is nothing wrong with being single, and it's better than being in a relationship with someone with whom you are incompatible.
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Eccentric Opinion
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OmegaDestroyer
Hero of Order
Fox or Chicken?
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posted January 12, 2012 08:59 PM |
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Better to be alone than in bad company.
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The giant has awakened
You drink my blood and drown
Wrath and raving I will not stop
You'll never take me down
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