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Heroes Community > Turban Tribunal > Thread: Why do we become bitter?
Thread: Why do we become bitter? [ This thread is 3 pages long: (1) 2 3 ]
GenieLord
GenieLord


Honorable
Legendary Hero
Geny is Kapara
posted May 30, 2008 08:35 AM
Edited by pandora at 09:13, 30 May 2008.

Why do we become bitter?

I have a question. I've asked it a few members, but nobody has managed to find an answer. However, I haven't asked the people that this refers to them.

What is the thing that makes some old HC members so bitter?

You must have noticed that some HC members, which used to be friendly when they joined, have become really bitter with the time, less friendly and more offensive towards others. And the weird thing, that it comes when they are more experienced. I would excpet their experience to tell them how to make people to like them more in the forum, and that's supposed to turn them to more friendly and nice.

On the other hand...
Experience may give people a lot of confidence, which can make them... arrogant? Snobish?
I've been to many forums. I've seen those things happening to people, but not like it happens in HC. Sometimes people become a bit more arrogant, but only here members change from friendly to bitter, such an extreme change? What in HC makes those giantic character changes?

I also thought of another reason: hating HC.
Yes, I believe that there are members who stay here although they hate HC. Maybe after some conflicts they had started hating the "system" (the mods, the way that things work), but they still stayed. Maybe because they are so used to be here or they can't find a thing to take the community's place in their lives. So they stayed, and have become more bitter, and eventually less friendly towards people. Maybe hating the "system" made them to hate the members, too.

And my most irritating question is "Who's next?"
I don't want to become bitter. I want to be nice towards people... I try to be. I just can't be so sure that in a few month, a year, or even many years in HC I won't become bitter.

{edit by pandora ~ thread title altered as per GenieLord's request}

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mvassilev
mvassilev


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
posted May 30, 2008 08:39 AM

I hope that I'm not one of the people you're talking about. I mean, I like to debate, but I'm not bitter. And my occasional complaining about the state of HC should not be taken 100% seriously.
____________
Eccentric Opinion

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GenieLord
GenieLord


Honorable
Legendary Hero
Geny is Kapara
posted May 30, 2008 08:43 AM
Edited by GenieLord at 08:58, 30 May 2008.

It's for you to judge if this has happened to you.
I think that when I joined, I was more friendly towards people than I am now. I was also less mature, but more nice.

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Geny
Geny


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
The Blue Lady liaison
posted May 30, 2008 09:01 AM

I don't think I really agree with what you're saying. It's true that as time passes by members get more confident and some of them tend to look at noobs from above until they "prove" themselves as "worthy" members (I myself maybe one of those members). But that doesn't mean they're bitter or angry or anything, it's just a natural proccess of the more experienced people looking down on the less experienced ones. Happens everywhere really.
____________
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GenieLord
GenieLord


Honorable
Legendary Hero
Geny is Kapara
posted May 30, 2008 09:10 AM
Edited by GenieLord at 09:10, 30 May 2008.

Quote:
I don't think I really agree with what you're saying. It's true that as time passes by members get more confident and some of them tend to look at noobs from above until they "prove" themselves as "worthy" members (I myself maybe one of those members). But that doesn't mean they're bitter or angry or anything, it's just a natural proccess of the more experienced people looking down on the less experienced ones. Happens everywhere really.

But I'm not talking about experienced members who treat this way to new members. I'm talking about experienced members who treats this way to everyone (or almost everyone), including members which are much more experienced than him/her.

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Azagal
Azagal


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Smooth Snake
posted May 30, 2008 09:22 AM
Edited by Azagal at 09:25, 30 May 2008.

Well GL I guess I know what you are talking about but I wouldn't describe the the end of the process with "bitter" and "unfriendly".

Actually I don't think we have unpolite or unfriendly older members (with which I don't want to say that the younger ones are but GL is concerned about the seniors here) admittingly I have only been here for a bit less than a year now so I may not know how people were before. Nevertheless the longer you are here on HC the better the people get to know you and the more you don't have to hold back any aspect of your personality.

A newcomer to HC would for example never (or atleast in 99.9% of the cases) not make a thread such as Acu did when we had a fight (The "Hey Azagal" thingy in case anyone remembers). I wouldn't consider that as bitter nor as unpolite it just shows how "natural" (wrong word I know) he have become here.
When you're new of course you are shy and hold back a bit in order not to say the wrong things as you are still the new guy but those things will lose themselves as time passes and in the end of the process we have members who speak their mind because they know (and perhaps in somecases exspect) that HC will understand them as they (to a certain degree) have come to know his personality. So I would be careful with the "unfriendly" and "bitter" comments as I don't think they describe the situation correctly.

And about being harsh to new guys (or other seniors for the matter)... It has nothing to do with being a HC senior, it's entirely depending on the members personality. Personally I don't look down on new members but I don't care much for people who have "famous" written under their Avatar within a 2 weeks. But this has nothing to do with me being on this board for almost a year even if I'd be new I wouldn't care much for those people until I would get something to read from them which I personally find atleast a bit serious or reasonable (of course meaning no offence to annyone who did become famous in two weeks/less/more time).

So no GL people aren't bitter nor are they unfriendly they are just being themselves (the way I see it). And I'm very happy about that.
____________
"The superior man is modest in
his speech but exceeds in his
actions." Confucius

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GenieLord
GenieLord


Honorable
Legendary Hero
Geny is Kapara
posted May 30, 2008 09:28 AM

Quote:
So no GL people aren't bitter nor are they unfriendly they are just being themselves (the way I see it). And I'm very happy about that.

I can see your point. It's just that... "Being themselves" is different as people spend more time here. And I'm really afraid that the effect on people's personality is exactly what turns them to what I define as "unfriendly" and "bitter".
Ofcourse it's dependent on the person, and the way he takes inside what happens to him/her at the community, but still...

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Elvin
Elvin

Hero of Order
Stillness within Movement
posted May 30, 2008 09:47 AM

I'm pretty sure you overreact Genielord. Things you consider that way I'd skip without a second thought, as for not seeing a situation like here then you have not looked around much
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Cry havoc and let slip the goats of war!

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william
william


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
posted May 30, 2008 09:57 AM

Actually Elvin, he isn't overreacting. I agree with him actually. i have seen that some members who were around when I first joined, aren't as fun anymore as they once were.

I guess I could put myself into the "bitter" category too.
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~

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Azagal
Azagal


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Smooth Snake
posted May 30, 2008 10:00 AM
Edited by Azagal at 10:01, 30 May 2008.

Quote:
It's just that "Being themselves" is different as people spend more time here.

No it's not. People just become more and more like themselves the longer they stay here and in some cases if they get positive feedback from their behaviour.
Quote:
And I'm really afraid that the effect on people's personality is exactly what turns them to what I define as "unfriendly" and "bitter".


I am absolutely sure that HC does not have a negative effect on people. It does not.

Excuse me for thinking I can correct you but I'm pretty sure you do not understand the situation. It isn't HC that makes people unfriendly or bitter it's just that they appear more bitter and unfriendly to you when they start speaking their mind (atleast so it seems to me).

If I may use an example to underline what I'm saying: The_Gootch. I'm absolutely sure you must be refering to him with your bitter unfriendly phrasing. Now I'm most certainly not able to speak for him and I most certainly won't but he sure as he'll isn't being intentionally unfriendly/bitter/hurtful to anyone he is just being himself. And here's the misunderstanding (the way I see it): you perceive him as bitter and unfriendly while I see a person that simply speaks his mind.

Quote:
Things you consider that way I'd skip without a second thought
Exactly. And this is not a sign of us being just as spoiled as the other "bitter/unfriendly" people.
____________
"The superior man is modest in
his speech but exceeds in his
actions." Confucius

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Elvin
Elvin

Hero of Order
Stillness within Movement
posted May 30, 2008 10:12 AM

People eventually grow bored to continue being diplomatically polite and just speak their mind. Also that's pretty subjective, he might have been cold to some people, he has not been to me.

People's lives hold enough irritation, especially for adults that can get pissed more easily - that's just natural. You may argue that this is not always true nor should it be but that's a moot point. If I was in such a mood one afternoon I would not care about the philosophical aspects of it.
____________
Cry havoc and let slip the goats of war!

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TNT_Addict
TNT_Addict


Honorable
Supreme Hero
Beautiful Liar
posted May 30, 2008 10:25 AM

I have no idea what you're talking about, I was arrogant and rude from the start but with time I got even worse
____________

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Radar
Radar


Responsible
Legendary Hero
Castle/Haven player
posted May 30, 2008 11:12 AM

Oh no Tina, even you have gone through heynoharm emoticons season.
____________

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Lexxan
Lexxan


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Unimpressed by your logic
posted May 30, 2008 11:14 AM

I'd like a pint o' bitter please.

What member's are you exactly talking about, GL ?

I don't think that Tina, Aculias or Elvin are what you would call bitter. Not even Geny (he's what you would call 'sour' or 'salty') is bitter.
____________
Coincidence? I think not!!!!

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Elvin
Elvin

Hero of Order
Stillness within Movement
posted May 30, 2008 11:23 AM

To call someone bitter you must be sure you know his true colours in the first place, there's always that period where we are kind and helpful to others till our image is established Since Lexxan brought it up how many do you consider cranky, is it a big percentage?
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JoonasTo
JoonasTo


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
What if Elvin was female?
posted May 30, 2008 01:09 PM
Edited by JoonasTo at 14:50, 30 May 2008.

Quote:
I have no idea what you're talking about, I was arrogant and rude from the start but with time I got even worse


Bah!

I've never seen you rude only arrogant, "I'm the gods gift to ladies!"-type.

Nowadays you're just a silent wuss lurking around.

Of course after you fell in love with Dragon_slayer it's complete understandable.

EDIT: editing because of the 20 post limit.

Lexxan you forgot umami, the strange taste that doesn't taste almost nothing alone but when mixed with something it makes that taste much more delicious.

Hoy mods!
A QP for Lexxan is in order here.
____________

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TNT_Addict
TNT_Addict


Honorable
Supreme Hero
Beautiful Liar
posted May 30, 2008 01:58 PM

How very bitter of you! You made me feel unwelcomed

What can I say, I am a one girl/female looking person, oldfashioned guy
____________

Please
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Lexxan
Lexxan


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Unimpressed by your logic
posted May 30, 2008 02:28 PM
Edited by Lexxan at 16:11, 30 May 2008.

What's your Flavour ?

Analysis by Lexxan

To which flavour do we belong most to ? Sweetness, Salyness, Bitterness, or Sourness ? See what fits you most.
I'm not a psychologist, but I did my best...

Sweet: Empathy with others is the key to the poplarity these people wish to get. And, to their satisfaction, they get it rather easily. Most sweet people earn this by being nice to other, helping them and/or respecting them. They fee the urge to help others because of their own feeling of self-loathing. Indeed, sweet people are mentally less stable than others, mainly because of thier lack of self-confidence and rather naïve nature. Their ups are mountain-high, while their down are bottomlessly deep. Due to their complexes, the Sweets are a bit obsessed by themselves, they are ego-centrical. If they have problems themselves the don't see (or just refuse) that others have worse problems than they do. Also they sometimes fail to accept the reason of thier problems (mostly because they themselves are the cause)

Best traits: Popular, Sympathetic, Benevolent
Worst traits: Insstable, selfish, naïve
RL: Candy, Watermelons, Vanilla Icecream.
Example: La_Ultima_Hora



Sour: Sours are the opposite of the sweets. They are down-to-earth, selfless and realistic. Mostly because of proper analysis of their enviroment they think they understand it more tha anyone else. Sours are Einzelgängers. Unlike the sweets, who love and seek attention, the sours feel the best on their own. Being extremely Melancholic and Cynical, Sours don't make friends easliy. Yet, they are able to see through lies and cheating more often and quicker than others due to thier suspicious and hesitant nature. Despte having fewer friend than others, they are by far the most loyal. Never will they abandon thier friens, not even when they murder, rape of bertay...  

Best traits: Loyal, Wise, Realistic
Worst traits: Pessimistic, Asocial, introvert.
RL: Lemon, Lime, Vinegar
Example: Geny


Salty: As cousins of the Sweets, Salty people are the kings and queens of fun. Almost as popular as sweets, Salties get their popularity from their thoughts and sayings, rather than their acts or deeds. 'Fun fun fun !' is their motto, and indeed, salties are the most social and carefree persons in the "flava-spectrum." However Salites have difficulties growing up. Not being naïve, but rather childish, salty people can get demotivated and foul-tempered rather easy. Like the Sweets thier moods are rather shifty, but unlike the Sweets, Salties always are happy with their situations. As optimists to the last degree, no one can stop their incessant flow of childish energy they have all day...

Best traits: Energetic, Humouristic, Optimistc
Worst traits: Childish, Shifty feelings, Lacking seriousness.
RL: French fries, Fish, Peanuts
Example: Elvin


Bitter: As Sweets and Sours are opposites, the Salties and Bitters are opposites. The greatest difference between Salites and bitter is their feeling about care; as Salties find Bitters boring and dry, the Bitters portray the Salties as irresponible. Bitters always see problems and defects in other people and always worry about small and petty things. The almost nag constantly about their problems (which are more grave than the sweets) and the ineptity of others. Being crafty and responsible however, Bitters make excellent people whom you can trust. they will never tell your secrets to anyone, unles they don't have any other choice. However Bitters are very arid and pessimistic (as if they forgot how Children think), not that they are bad parents, (in most cases) Bitters are the best parents, but Bitters usually fail to understand a child's mind. Also, they don't become upset quickly (but they do get annoyed very fastly), but if they do, hell will break loose. When annoyed, they usually ignore tact. All is said about the bitters, except maybe their everlasting patience they seem to have...

Best traits: Patient, Responsible, Trustwothy
Worst traits: Tactless, Dry, Over-Mature
RL: Coffee, Pure Choclate, Cinnamon
Example: The_Gootch

EDIT: Of ocurse no one can be 100% Salt, Sweet, Sour or Bitter. The caracters I just decribed are the steriotype of these. LUH isn't 100% sweet and Geny isn't 100% sour (and this of course applies to Gootch and Elvin too). Those are just the flavours that fit them the most (the have the most in common IMO)

I'll also add this: People who have some kind of Equilibrum  (or almost have it) are called Unami. They don't belong to any of the former as they combine the caracteristics from one group with one from the other. Take Pan for example. Pan has caracteristics from Sour (Loyalty, especially to the liaison), Bitter (Maturity), Sweet (Sympathy) and Salt (Humour). But where to place her ? None of the flavours seem to fit her more than the other! So what do we do: we place her in Unami, the flavour that has elements from all other flavours and comebines them in their own unique way
Best treats: Can be anything
Worst treats: can be anything
RL: Seaweed , oysters, Liquorice.
Example: Pandora, the Blue Lady of Geny


So tell me:
What is your Flava?

____________
Coincidence? I think not!!!!

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PhoenixReborn
PhoenixReborn


Promising
Legendary Hero
Unicorn
posted May 30, 2008 02:40 PM

I know I'm less inclined to help newcomers now that I've seen so many of them.

Sometimes I attack someone when I perceive them to be overly negative for example a minor dispute I had with Okrane (who is gone now?).

But this would work better if Genielord gave an example.

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TNT_Addict
TNT_Addict


Honorable
Supreme Hero
Beautiful Liar
posted May 30, 2008 02:49 PM

I got Craig David Roll'd
____________

Please
click and help me out!! Thanks!!

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