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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted March 26, 2014 07:01 AM |
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As a footnote to the quoted discussion, it's probably worth mentioning that I'm the one who convinced her of polyamory, so it's definitely not a compromise or something she's imposing on me.
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Eccentric Opinion
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OhforfSake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted March 26, 2014 07:37 AM |
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mvassilev said:
As a footnote to the quoted discussion, it's probably worth mentioning that I'm the one who convinced her of polyamory, so it's definitely not a compromise or something she's imposing on me.
That's what they always believe 
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Living time backwards
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Humanoid
Bad-mannered
Known Hero
Rest in Peace Juvia (48-499)
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posted March 26, 2014 08:09 AM |
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I stil dont think love can be good...
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meroe
Supreme Hero
Basically Smurfette
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posted March 26, 2014 04:03 PM |
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Edited by meroe at 16:07, 26 Mar 2014.
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Are people still talking about Mvass's Polyamory Utopia? 
Its far too early for anyone to be making assumptions regarding Mvass and his 'friends with benefits' ... oh pardon me, ahem polyamorous relationship.
And while Mvass can continue to delude himself into believing that he suggested the polyamorous set up with his 'primary' partner *retch*. The truth of the matter is that she was obviously open to it or even dropped hints about it in the first place. Mvass can believe this was all his 'enlightened' idea for as long as he likes. I mean in most relationships, if one partner mentioned a polyamorous set up to the other, it would be "WTF!!!!", and all hell would break loose. But we all know that you guys are often the last ones to pick up on hints and messages within a relationship. We women are so adept at leading you to the outcome that we want and making it appear to be your idea, its almost stereotypical.
"Yes darling, I love you. I love you so much, because you truly understand me. We are soul mates. And because we love each other so much and there is so much trust between us, I know that you will understand that I need to bang Charles, Mick, Austen and Trevor occasionally because its just sex. Its not the real thing, like what we have together. No sweetie, its just a primal urge. And we are so enlightened we can understand that. We are just so much better than everyone else.
And if you want to go and have sex with one of our friends, I don't mind either sweetie. I want us to be completely open with each other. Because we can. We are so much more evolved emotionally and spiritually than most people, aren't we darling".
Basically equates to "Aren't I clever. I can have all the sex I want with whoever I want and sad sap won't kick up a stink". Or maybe in some cases its more along the lines of, "I really like this guy/girl, intellectually we synch, but sexually and romantically I want more". That is basically a friend FYI.
We had all these so-called 'progressive' movements during the 70's. All the hippy communes and free love. Yeah, they all turned out fantastic didn't they. Not to mention how well-balanced and sane their kids ended up.
So what Mvass is experiencing isn't anything new or really progressive. Its just an excuse for people who either cannot mentally let themselves commit fully in a relationship; are too busy for relationships, yet still desire sex and companionship; or have no desire or inclination to attempt to be faithful within a relationship. And yet they want to try and normalize what they are doing because they think others will judge them badly because of it.
The truth is most of us really don't care how other's pursue a relationship (within legal boundaries obviously ), what really creams our corn is when people have to lie about it or try to turn into something it isn't.
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Meroe is definetely out, sweet
as she sounds sometimes, she'd
definetely castrate you with a
rusted razror and forcefeed
your genitals to you in a
blink of an eye - Kipshasz
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artu
Promising
Undefeatable Hero
My BS sensor is tingling again
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posted March 26, 2014 04:14 PM |
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How about cultures where monogamy isn't/wasn't the norm Meroe, was everybody incapable of commitment or love in those societies? Do you really think social norms have nothing to do with it at all?
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted March 26, 2014 04:36 PM |
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meroe said:
And while Mvass can continue to delude himself into believing that he suggested the polyamorous set up with his 'primary' partner *retch*. The truth of the matter is that she was obviously open to it or even dropped hints about it in the first place. Mvass can believe this was all his 'enlightened' idea for as long as he likes. I mean in most relationships, if one partner mentioned a polyamorous set up to the other, it would be "WTF!!!!", and all hell would break loose. But we all know that you guys are often the last ones to pick up on hints and messages within a relationship. We women are so adept at leading you to the outcome that we want and making it appear to be your idea, its almost stereotypical.
lol
I was strongly tempted to leave it at that and just say "lol", but since this is the OSM and that would be spam, I'll add a little more. Yes, polyamory is a relatively uncommon arrangement. A lot of people would unfortunately react poorly to it even being suggested, because monogamy is very much the norm (and too many of them don't trust their partners. But among people who approach relationships rationally, communicate well with their partners and listen to each other instead of going "WTF!!!!", and, perhaps most importantly, trust each other, just talking about polyamory is unlikely to have negative consequences. That doesn't mean that polyamory is guaranteed just because one of the partners is interested in it, but it does mean that at least talking about it would be safe.
Now, regarding who convinced whom. First, my girlfriend and I communicate openly and honestly. I can't think of a way I can prove this to you, so if you can't take my word for it, there's not much to discuss. If she wanted to be polyamorous before I thought of it, she'd talk to me abut it, not drop hints. Dropping hints is generally a bad way to communicate in a relationship, especially about something as important as this. Second, if she wanted polyamory all along and was secretly manipulating me (which is nonsense), she wouldn't have been reluctant when I first suggested it.
To interpret what you said in the most charitable way, while she didn't drop hints that she wanted to be polyamorous, she was more likely than average to be open to it, just judging from the way she normally behaves. She likes being close to people as friends, as well, and has liked that for a very long time. She's physically affectionate (as I wrote about previously), and enjoys hugging and cuddling with her friends even if she's not interested in them (which she isn't, the vast majority of the time). I don't mind this one bit, because if it makes her happy, it makes me happy too, and it's not like I'm missing out on anything from her doing that. Polyamory is sort of just the next step up from that.
But I can tell you this, though: I'm fully committed to her, and she is fully committed to me. We want to get married, have a child, and spend the rest of our lives together. Polyamory in no way inhibits that.
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Eccentric Opinion
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OhforfSake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted March 26, 2014 04:46 PM |
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Gotta agree with Meroe on this one, Polygamy rocks I don't know why the rest of you have so little faith in Mvass. We all know he's not the average sort of guy in many ways, then why'd his girlfriend be?
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Living time backwards
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted March 26, 2014 04:55 PM |
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Edited by Fauch at 16:59, 26 Mar 2014.
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she is obviously manipulating you in making you think that what makes her happy makes you happy.
also, she is clearly an illuminati.
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fred79
Disgraceful
Undefeatable Hero
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posted March 26, 2014 05:03 PM |
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lol(yeah, me too, meroe). while i agree with most of what you say, remember that there are always exceptions to "the rules".
like, for instance, that you seemingly speaking for all women is inherently wrong. from your personal female perspective, maybe. but not from all women. women are like flowers: there are many different kinds. some of them smell good; some of them stink and can give you a headache; and some of them have thorns. though most of them are soft and tender, just how i like them. 
there, that's from my male perspective.
also from my male perspective, all men are not dumbasses who are inable to read their lovers. some of them don't care to hear a woman speak, because to those guys, they say retarded things all the time. some of them don't listen, because it's always the same thing coming out of the women's mouths, whatever it is. some of them get sick of all the nagging, *****ing, and obvious manipulating, so that they no longer respect the opinions of women, which leads to them not caring what is said enough to acknowledge it, OR any mannerisms the woman will use to non-verbally communicate. some of them will just nod and say, "yes honey" because they are worn the **** out from the constant yammering(from their p.o.v.). and of course, some men ARE dumbasses, just like some of them are too self-centered to see past their own noses. those two non-exclusive groups are the ones you are referring to, i think.
what is it, that you think, helps serial killers get their female victims? is that "woman's intuition" going wrong? do you think ted bundy had a problem reading women? do you think ONLY guys who murder gals can read women? that would be sad, if you really think so.
i can tell you from my personal experiences, meroe, that i can read a woman as easily as a man. not 100% of the time, but, i'd say, 98% of the time. for BOTH sexes. for the most part, people are easy to read, and to figure out. they don't really need manuals.
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted March 26, 2014 05:35 PM |
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they manipulated you well
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fred79
Disgraceful
Undefeatable Hero
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posted March 26, 2014 06:01 PM |
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Fauch said:
they manipulated you well
lol, my mother was the only one i didn't see coming. i caught on to her in my early teens. we joke about it now.
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meroe
Supreme Hero
Basically Smurfette
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posted March 26, 2014 06:50 PM |
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LOL Fred, you are played more than you will ever know. And when I talk about this manipulation, I'm not talking about the obvious, whiny, stupid snow that most girls get up to. I am talking about the incredibly delicate way that women play their men. It isn't always done just to benefit women either. Its just the way men and women are with each other. Men have the brawn, women have to use guile. And most of the time it is done without the man ever having known he was led. And to be honest there is very little wrong with it. I am not saying that men are dumb for it (although that is always the joke) what I really mean is that women have had no choice but to find ways of influencing men. Even in cultures today, there are women with almost no say and no rights. So inconceivably subtle influence is a necessity and it is grasped by females very early on.
However, I have digressed. I also wish to make it understood that I am in no way try to 'hate' on Mvass. I just think he is being very naive, which is borne from his desire to be logical all the time. The truth is I wish him the best. Even though myself and Mvass don't actually agree on anything at all, I still wouldn't wish ill or unhappiness on him. And I think its natural to become a little concerned for someone when you hear that they may be putting themselves in what you view as an awkward situation.
If, for now, this arrangement is working for him, then I say fine - great. Its early days. And maybe it will be a short lived thing. Maybe the polyamorous thing is a passing life style choice that suits them both at the moment while they find their feet emotionally and when they eventually settle down together, things may change. However, if Mvass is seriously considering children, he will want to re-evaluate his polyamorous lifestyle in order to fully protect his children and not raise them with a rather skewed and impersonal view on sex and relationships with others.
What may be 'workable' as adults can have a seriously negative impact upon the children brought up in situations like this. And I say with considerable knowledge of the fact.
So I apologize now, because I know I come across as a bull-busting harridan 
____________
Meroe is definetely out, sweet
as she sounds sometimes, she'd
definetely castrate you with a
rusted razror and forcefeed
your genitals to you in a
blink of an eye - Kipshasz
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted March 26, 2014 06:53 PM |
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meroe said:
I am talking about the incredibly delicate way that women play their men. It isn't always done just to benefit women either. Its just the way men and women are with each other.
Yeah, this is nonsense.
As for children, they're harmed by bad parenting, not by polyamory. My view of relationships is hardly impersonal, I don't know why you think it is, but I'm guessing because you think people can't be open and honest with each other all the time. I feel sorry for you.
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Eccentric Opinion
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seraphim
Supreme Hero
Knowledge Reaper
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posted March 26, 2014 07:19 PM |
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted March 26, 2014 07:26 PM |
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Enjoy being alone forever (unless you're gay/bi) and forgoing a lot of potential positive interaction with a sex that's half the population of the Earth.
This kind of cynical sexism is really dumb and harmful.
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Eccentric Opinion
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seraphim
Supreme Hero
Knowledge Reaper
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posted March 26, 2014 07:34 PM |
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mvassilev said:
Enjoy being alone forever (unless you're gay/bi) and forgoing a lot of potential positive interaction with a sex that's half the population of the Earth.
This kind of cynical sexism is really dumb and harmful.
You misunderstood me. I did not mean that you should stay away from women, what I meant is that someone should not trust a women, especially in young or unusual relationships.
I have had the experience of witnessing some impressive cunning and manipulative behavior from my last relationship.
There is a quote:
"Trust is okay, control is better"
However, as I get older, I find the idea of a relationship less and less attractive.
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted March 26, 2014 07:37 PM |
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If you can't trust someone, you shouldn't be in a relationship with them. That's one of the most important things to know about relationships.
As for control, the better quote about that is "A leash is only a rope with a noose on both ends".
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Eccentric Opinion
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Ghost
Undefeatable Hero
Therefore I am
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posted March 26, 2014 08:15 PM |
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You can not beat me! (you do not win me) 1-0. You did quite right, good! Time to eat! You did good and delicacy. Your role!. Ok I'll do the dishes  Now the sofa! I hear what you're saying.. (come here) Guess what? You beat me to the game
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted March 26, 2014 08:22 PM |
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seraphim says to only go in relationships with people you don't trust
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meroe
Supreme Hero
Basically Smurfette
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posted March 26, 2014 08:25 PM |
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Edited by meroe at 20:28, 26 Mar 2014.
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mvassilev said:
meroe said:
I am talking about the incredibly delicate way that women play their men. It isn't always done just to benefit women either. Its just the way men and women are with each other.
Yeah, this is nonsense.
As for children, they're harmed by bad parenting, not by polyamory. My view of relationships is hardly impersonal, I don't know why you think it is, but I'm guessing because you think people can't be open and honest with each other all the time. I feel sorry for you.
The more you say Mvass, the more I realize you have had very limited relationship experience. And you haven't been in love. I feel sorry for you.
Of course people can be open and honest with each other, however I am not fooled by the polyamory lie. You see I wouldn't be surprised at all if you chose this lifestyle because you fell for the whole 'aren't we clever' hubris. That somehow polyamorists are more emotionally mature and evolved than us monogamists lol.
Polyamory doesn't benefit children either. They have to grow up with the stigma of their parents lifestyle. Not to mention the real threat of what type of people you are bringing into your family unit. We are not talking about a Kibbutz here. But don't believe me Mvass. You continue to forge ahead. I just hope that when you do have children, you at least consider the impact your lifestyle will have on them emotionally, mentally and sexually. Anyone who hasn't honestly considered and thought about that really are foolish.
Oh but on another note regarding children. If you are living a polyamorous lifestyle, how will you be certain the children are even your's?? This is a serious question I am asking. Do you stop sleeping with others for the duration of trying to get pregnant? Or just bring up the kids regardless, as one big happy rainbow family - because that is the more 'advanced' way?
____________
Meroe is definetely out, sweet
as she sounds sometimes, she'd
definetely castrate you with a
rusted razror and forcefeed
your genitals to you in a
blink of an eye - Kipshasz
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