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Heroes Community > Other Side of the Monitor > Thread: What is Love?
Thread: What is Love? This Popular Thread is 225 pages long: 1 30 60 ... 86 87 88 89 90 ... 120 150 180 210 225 · «PREV / NEXT»
blizzardboy
blizzardboy


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Nerf Herder
posted August 03, 2009 05:00 PM
Edited by blizzardboy at 17:02, 03 Aug 2009.

Quote:

I don't know why all these guys think a marriage proposal has to be popped onto their girlfriends like a surprise birthday party.  If you can't talk to her openly now about a big life issue, what makes you think your marriage will ever work in the long run?



*blinks*

I feel like I just got pulled out of a spell.

Why the hell is proposing meant to be some sort of surprise?

!!!

I blame Hollywood propaganda.

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lucky_dwarf
lucky_dwarf


Promising
Supreme Hero
Visiting
posted August 03, 2009 05:25 PM

i blame myspace and mtv for selling images

(i also blame chuck norris for allowing myspace and mtv to live)
____________
So much has changed in my absence.

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Corribus
Corribus

Hero of Order
The Abyss Staring Back at You
posted August 03, 2009 05:27 PM
Edited by Corribus at 17:33, 03 Aug 2009.

I think it's fine to make the actual act of proposing something special and to have an element of secrecy about how you're going to do it - there's definitely a tradition there and it's fun and exciting as well.  

On the other hand, I think a lot of guys just assume that the secrecy has to extend to the actual dialogue of marriage as well.  It's almost as if it's a carry-over from Hollywood-inspired versions of high school Prom, where the women sit around wondering if their secret love is going to ask them to the dance, and the men sit around wondering if they should bother, under the assumption that the women are going to turn them down.

Probably one of the major reasons so many marriages fail is that most people don't really take it seriously.  Nobody really talks about it (I mean, really talks about marriage beyond the wedding) before the proposal has been made.  People spend more time researching a future television purchase than they do a future marriage, and, worse, they turn it into a solitary effort.    

Not to pick on Might Mage, but since he brought it up, let me ask him a question: MM, don't you think it a bit odd that you come here, an internet forum, and ask a bunch of people you don't really know whether you should be getting married?  Don't you think you should ask, you know, your potential wife?  Related question: when you say that "maybe I need to think about this more", do you say it because you don't know if you are ready yet, or because you don't know if you are ready it?  [And no, there's no typo there.]  Remember, there's more to it than just "do we want to spend the rest of our lives together?" and "what kind of dress should I wear?" - there are other questions you should be asking as well: what do you want in life? is it the same thing that I want? where would you like to live? how will you balance your careers? children? money? religion? etc.  Yes that takes a little of the spontaneity out of it all, but knowing a little bit about what your potential spouse wants out of life and marriage can save you (both) from entering into a contract (yes, a contract) that you both might not really want or be ready for, and which is a real pain in the ass (emotionally, financially) to get yourself out of later on.  It's also very easy to get caught up in the thrill and excitement of weddings, particularly when your friends are getting married (it seems to be more of a problem with women than men - sorry ladies), and your significant other may thus be "dropping you hints" about getting married without actually thinking about what getting married means.  That's why you shouldn't just be relying on hints.  That's why you need to talk. Communication is the foundation of every single healthy relationship out there, so why start a marriage without it?

My feeling is that if you are not sure whether you are ready, then you are not ready.  And you will never be sure you're ready until you talk about it, because until you do, you'll never know how your significant other really feels.  And then, once you know you're both ready, and you both know marriage is the right thing, you can plan your big surprise.

Well, that's my two cents.  

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MightyMage
MightyMage


Honorable
Legendary Hero
of INSANITY and DELICIOUSNESS
posted August 03, 2009 07:07 PM

Good question Corribus.  I'm actually not asking anyone's advice.  If anything, I've simply been using this thread as a means to post updates about my love life since that's sort of what I created it for to begin with.  I honestly never thought it would grow past two or three pages and kind of figured it would find its way to The Wastelands but since it lives on, I continue to post.

No offense to anyone here but I would never rely on the insane ramblings of internet forum goers to decide on something as big as marriage.

As far as putting more thought into it, I'm ready and not ready at the same time.  I'm ready to be married to this girl because I love her more then words could describe but financially I'm not ready.  One of my friends told me I shouldn't let money get in the way and that if I'm ready I should just ask her.  I don't think the same way though.  I feel that if I'm going to ask her to spend the rest of her life with me then I should be financially stable (ie: steady job, house to live in, etc.).  That's what I meant by I needed to think this through.  Yes, I'm fully aware that I'll no longer be living the carefree life of Mighty Mage the Man-snow and I'm cool with that.  I honestly feel I'm ready to devote myself entirely to her.  I just don't have all the makings of your average adult which is part of the reason why I'm joining the military.  Once I'm done with basic training I'm guaranteed a job within the army.  If I enlist full time then I'll be given housing on base which would be fine with me as well.

So thank you to everyone who was trying to point me in all different directions but I'm more then capable of making up my own mind in this matter.
 
____________
Though I must still bow
in awe for the awesomeness that is
MightyMage.  For he is all I could ever
want to be!
- OhforfSake

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Doomforge
Doomforge


Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
posted August 03, 2009 07:13 PM

Umm, MM? As long as you don't plan children yet, why bother about financial status - like, what will marriage change in your life? You don't have to live together if you can't afford it yet, you don't have to pay for her life either (since she probably has a nice job of her own, doesn't she?).. If you want it, why not. At first I thought you're just not sure but if you're really that way, don't let money stand in your way

Oh and..

How long are you together? I would personally wait till the magical "three years" barrier, even if I felt the most fascination-intoxicated person on the world... but that's just me.

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lucky_dwarf
lucky_dwarf


Promising
Supreme Hero
Visiting
posted August 03, 2009 07:22 PM

a marriage is spawned by the woman, honestly, they want people to know when something big is happening, they're show offs really.

Do a small inexpensive marriage with 10-20 guests and a drunk priest.

If you would really love each other, you shouldn't care how big the statement is.

particularly in the current economy.

think about her, Would she want a big wedding? Would it mean that much to her? If shes an artistic person, does she want to plan the wedding and make it reflect her or your life style?
____________
So much has changed in my absence.

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Doomforge
Doomforge


Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
posted August 03, 2009 07:29 PM

They are not always show offs. Sometimes, they just want an epic event to remember for the rest of their lives, not to actually make the crowd jealous because of the size of their wedding.
____________
We reached to the stars and everything is now ours

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Corribus
Corribus

Hero of Order
The Abyss Staring Back at You
posted August 03, 2009 07:32 PM

@MM

Sorry, I didn't mean to imply that you were using HC as a therapist or advice column or anything.  I was sort of using your post as a way to speak generally.  I think anonymous people can be a good source of advice, but advice (anonymous or otherwise) is worthless if you don't know all the facts, and you can't know all the facts unless you talk about them with your significant other.

With respect to not being financially ready, I'm not entirely sure what you mean by that.  But, when you talk to your significant other about what is making you hesitate, you'll be surprised at how much more ready you can feel when nothing has really changed about your situation - other than knowing each other's minds.  The important thing is that both of you understand what you're getting into and you're getting into it united, not that you've met some arbitrary threshold for wealth, or time spent together, or whatever.

@Doomforge

Quite the contrary, finances are a huge part of it even if you don't have a child.  Aside from the fact that you're entering into a binding, legal economic contract with another human being, how the two members of a marriage view money is a huge part of whether a marriage will be succussful or not.  Many marriages fail not because of love, but because of disagreements over money.  A lot of people think that love is sufficient, and for a couple years it probably is, but they ignore all the other potential issues by not talking about them and that can lead to disaster.  

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blizzardboy
blizzardboy


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Nerf Herder
posted August 03, 2009 07:38 PM

Marry her or ur gay!
____________
"Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us."

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Doomforge
Doomforge


Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
posted August 03, 2009 09:25 PM

...Must...stop...dating...

Damn, I see more dates incoming. :X
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours

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Darkshadow
Darkshadow


Legendary Hero
Cerise Princess
posted August 03, 2009 09:29 PM

Quote:
...Must...stop...dating...

Damn, I see more dates incoming. :X


Is that a bad thing?
____________

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Doomforge
Doomforge


Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
posted August 03, 2009 09:47 PM

Yeah because there is no effect and I feel like puking before and after most of them @_@
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours

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Fauch
Fauch


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
posted August 04, 2009 12:28 AM

Quote:
Ok I failed again.

I'm so tired. I think it's time to give up my search for a while.

Once you're out of high school, meeting people is such a pain. Wish I knew that when I was in that goddamn HS. I would not waste time..



why do you fail each time?

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JollyJoker
JollyJoker


Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
posted August 04, 2009 07:11 AM

Let me clarify Corribus' thoughts a bit:

It should be clear that BEFORE the actual, formal, official proposition (both of) you should probe the terrain and check whether a marriage would be the right thing and so on. Then, IF and WHEN you both agree that would both be very happy to embark on that kind of adventure, you can, if you like Hollywood and romatics, start to think about if, when, and how to make a formal proposition, which may or may not include her parents the old-fashioned way, and whether to make it a surprise with a present and so on.

Another thing: I personally don't like rings for some reason, and I know a couple of women who don't like them either. Therefore, my wife and me have wedding EARrings: we share a pair of nice creoles, one each. In case you do not currently wear earrings, a wedding piercing is a possibility as is a wedding tattoo.

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MightyMage
MightyMage


Honorable
Legendary Hero
of INSANITY and DELICIOUSNESS
posted August 04, 2009 03:24 PM

I don't think a ring would be a problem.  She likes rings.
____________
Though I must still bow
in awe for the awesomeness that is
MightyMage.  For he is all I could ever
want to be!
- OhforfSake

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TheDeath
TheDeath


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
with serious business
posted August 04, 2009 05:18 PM

Quote:
Another thing: I personally don't like rings for some reason, and I know a couple of women who don't like them either. Therefore, my wife and me have wedding EARrings: we share a pair of nice creoles, one each. In case you do not currently wear earrings, a wedding piercing is a possibility as is a wedding tattoo.

Wait, you wear earrings? Talk about being weird.
____________
The above post is subject to SIRIOUSness.
No jokes were harmed during the making of this signature.

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Doomforge
Doomforge


Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
posted August 04, 2009 05:44 PM

My father also wore earrings. It was popular back then.. don't forget JJ's 51yo.


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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours

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TheDeath
TheDeath


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
with serious business
posted August 04, 2009 05:57 PM

I don't know if it was popular (my parents don't, especially not my dad), but I didn't expect it to be popular when you are old. It just looks weird.

Earrings still are popular among men...


...rappers
____________
The above post is subject to SIRIOUSness.
No jokes were harmed during the making of this signature.

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emilsn
emilsn


Legendary Hero
posted August 04, 2009 10:07 PM

La la la <3
____________
Don't walk behind me; I may not
lead. Don't walk in front of me;
I may not follow. Just walk
beside me and be my friend.

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Doomforge
Doomforge


Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
posted August 04, 2009 10:15 PM

The hell is wrong with you?
____________
We reached to the stars and everything is now ours

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