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The_Gootch
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Kneel Before Me Sons of HC!!
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posted August 29, 2008 12:17 AM |
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South Dakota Ho!
My friend Setitetart runs something of a daycare service out of her home. This may come as a surprise to some of you, seeing as she gives the impression that kids are worthy of sacrificing to dark and ominous gods and not much else. But run a daycare she does, and I daresay the house is a little brighter, a little more happy because of it.
John and I decided on a whim to visit her and her husband(my platonic soulmate of 23 years). Amidst all the compulsory complaints about how much kids eat, how irresponsible parents are about paying in a timely fashion, misbehaving, the noise, the fears about them running in traffic, the concerns about them being cruel to animals and whatnot and doing naughty things with each other, I could still detect a gleam of happiness in Seitetart's eyes when she talk about the daily grind of herding cats.
Children are amazing, of that there is no question. I love watching them, feeling their energy, watching their antics, observing their play and constant attempts to establish who the boss is, and wistfully remembering what it was like to be that young.
For the establishing part of who the boss is, boys are simple. They muscle each other, threaten and cajole, and you can usually tell who the top dog is because they're the one playing the X Box while the others are whining about when their turn is going to be. For the girls, that's trickier. Girls are bossy. They want to direct and they have such a keen eye for detail that anything out of place is enough to distress them. Now there are passive girls to be sure, and that makes for a happier, healthier daycaring environment. But when you have multiple girls telling each other where to sit, whether or not they can sit cross legged or with bended knees, what to wear when they play dress up, who can play with what stuffed animal, threatening to tattle on each other, well, that certainly can disrupt the Feng Shui of the home. Boys ostracize tattlers. Girls ostracize for anything else.
And this is where I became reacquainted with Setitetart's daughter, her best friend(for the moment of course) Annalisa, and their doe-eyed neighbor Emmeline. It was close to 3 o' clock when we sat down for ham sandwiches and yogurt cups. Thankfully I've outgrown the need to have the offical Trix cereal yogurt and politely declined the cup that was offered. I sat on an inside corner of the table. Emmeline was sitting next to me, with Annalisa right across from me and Macayle catty corner to me.
"I love you [Gootch]!" professed Annalisa. I made the mistake of paying attention to her previously and now the dance we shared in the living room was coming back to haunt me.
"That's my uncle ding dong!" exclaimed Macayle. "No. I love him!"
"I want to marry you [Gootch]." said Annalisa, dismissing her friend.
"That's sweet." I said, somewhat bemused. "Come talk to me in 10 years." I thought for a moment about the prospect of dating an 18 year old. "On second thought, better make it 15."
"I'm going to marry him!" cried Macayle. I found this strange because Macayle had been upset with me for about two years when I scolded her for opening up a box of Spearmint Tic Tacs at a gas station. The girl can hold a grudge.
"I really do love you and want to marry you." said Annalisa. "Do you love me?"
And what a slippery slope that is. I too remember being madly in love with a girl 10 years older than me when I was 6. I even went so far as to do the old tell her I had to tell her a secret trick and once she sat down, planted one right on her. Then she got pregnant and I never saw her again.
I wanted to put this one down gently, and I scrolled my rolodex of movie snippets that would help me through this. I settled on Timothy Hutton's conversation with Natalie Portman in the greatly underappreciated Beautiful Girls where he talked about Christopher Robin and Winnie the Pooh. I figured I'd paraphrase it with a different subject.
"Do you know the song about Puff the Magic Dragon and Little Jackie Paper?" I asked Annalisa.
"Yes." she said. For all I knew though, she could've been telling me what she thought I wanted to hear.
"Well, there's the important passage with the last verse of the song. You see, Jackie grew up. And when he did, he outgrew his friend Puff. And so, when you grow up and find boys your age to date, you'll outgrow me too."
"I want to have your babies." she sang.
"I should not be having this conversation with an 8 year old." I said to myself.
"Nyuh-uh!" exclaimed Macayle, frustrated that yet again she'd been outmaneuvered in the love profession department. "I want his babies!"
"I'm going to have them!"
"No! I'm going to have them!"
Setiteart, who'd been in the kitchen all this time doing motherly busy work, said, "You know you can't use logic with kids."
"It was a worth a shot." I said.
Before I could react, Emmeline decided to settle the argument by planting a kiss on my cheek, thus ensuring who I was going to marry and have babies with.
"I just kissed him." she told the other two. "He's mine."
At this point Macayle lost it. She pushed out her chair and tried to get to me, ostensibly to kiss me and challenge Emmeline's supremacy. Emmeline blocked her of course, telling her no, she couldn't have me. So Macayle punched her, which prompted some tears. Tay sent Macayle to her room and grabbed her husband to deal with it.
Annalisa took this opportunity to crawl under the table and come up to where I was(path of least resistance, she's a sharp one), and stake her own claim to my heart. Silly girls. I'm The_Gootch. I don't have a heart.
And things quieted down for a few minutes. Then my buddy stormed into the kitchen and said, "Hey you! I want to talk to you!"
"Me?" I asked. "What did I do? I didn't do anything!"
"Don't try to play innocent with me! I know you. I talked to Macayle and she told me everything. Why don't you go and be charming with women your own age. Yeah, how about that Cassanova?"
"Because women my age are onto me? Seriously, I didn't do anything. I even tried to talk them down."
"He did try to talk them down [husband]." said Setitetart.
"Don't take his side!" he yelled.
"Don't yell." she said.
"I'm not yelling!" he yelled.
"You're yelling." I said.
"No I'm not!"
"I'm gonna stick you you're not yelling. Let's go play some hackey sack."
And with that we continued on with what turned about to be one of the best visits I've had with them since I've come home from the corps.
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del_diablo
Legendary Hero
Manifest
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posted August 29, 2008 11:30 AM |
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You just got to love small kids  It tends to be allways enjoyable.
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Lexxan
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Unimpressed by your logic
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posted August 29, 2008 11:53 AM |
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Lol. Small kids can be quite some Stalkers... as a matter of fact, I still am one ^^
Good post Gootch 
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Coincidence? I think not!!!!
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antipaladin
Promising
Legendary Hero
of Ooohs and Aaahs
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posted August 29, 2008 10:55 PM |
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I think its the first conffesion you make gootch. How is setitard?
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types in obscure english
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violent_flower
Promising
Supreme Hero
Almost there.
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posted August 30, 2008 01:22 AM |
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What makes this story so damn funny is that when Gootch states “this girl can hold a grudge”, he is not exaggerating in the least. I was there, at that moment, when she so slyly took the box of Tic Tacs in the store and proceeded to open and eat them. He and I were both appalled that she would do this and he immediately took action. Sergeant Ding Dong to the rescue, he seen the challenge and arose to the occasion. Grant it she took a liking to me more as he can come off harsh and scary at times, plus I’m more likeable. He told her after we paid for them that she could not have them because she took them and she did not ask and if memory serves me correct I believe he threw them out in the trash can outside the establishment.
She shot devil eyes and steam began to roll from her little ears as it was now a stare off. She sat in the middle of the seat in the back with her sticky hands and whininess as she glared at the back of his head. You could have sworn that a hole was being burned in the back of his head with that glare. I could not help it as every attempt he made to makeup with her she just got worse and more stubborn, I got giddier. He could not even look at her; she would begin this grudge match with him. She would say no don’t look at me I want auntie Shelly not Uncle Ding Dong, LMAO. First time I have really ever seen him challenged that way, I think he was slightly intimidated by this, LOL.
Mind you this did not just go on for the trip she held a grudge on him for a long time, how long I don’t remember as you would have to ask him. So to hear this dialog, this duality if you will is damn funny, I thought that a diaper would be in order after reading this…Great post..Glad to hear this visit went so well…
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Learn how to duck and weave because I will throw truth at you all day!
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setitetart
Known Hero
Reality check....
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posted August 30, 2008 06:34 AM |
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I can't believe you wrote this...OMG.
*laughs*
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"Do you think we should drive a stake through his heart, just in case?"
~ Peter Lorre to Vincent Price at Bela Lugosi's funeral
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violent_flower
Promising
Supreme Hero
Almost there.
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posted September 02, 2008 08:23 PM |
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Well missy she is a charmer...
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Learn how to duck and weave because I will throw truth at you all day!
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Peacemaker
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Peacemaker = double entendre
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posted September 08, 2009 07:31 PM |
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Gootch, your prose just gets better and better.
Haven't heard from you in a while and think of you often. I'm so glad I came across this piece! Have you graduated? What's up?
Nick is getting into NWN (home computer, not on the web). He asked about you the other day. He's getting to be a kick-butt trap player -- you should hear him. Junking out constantly on Ozzie at the current time.
Please drop me a line sometime, Sweet.
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I have menopause and a handgun. Any questions?
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Consis
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Of Ruby
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posted September 11, 2009 03:38 PM |
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It's the People Who Live There
South Dakota Rules!
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Roses Are Red And So Am I
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