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antipaladin
Promising
Legendary Hero
of Ooohs and Aaahs
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posted October 16, 2007 12:07 AM |
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a seazore
few days ago i got a really strong impact on the head that coused me to lose breathing for some time..it took me 30 min to regain myself.
today it happen again out of the blue,probbly becouse i effroted to much or something,but i try to explain the seazore i lose ability to breathe,strong chest pains,when i sofficate tears come from my eyes,and i choke->vommit.that maybe the 3'rd time it happens during my life time.
i 17 years old. i smoked 2 packs per day,i droped it to 1.5->1 pack per day. im trying to lower i also came from strong mustang reds to lights,or even next light.
my frindes scared of what happend took and hide my smokes,afride of my health.
now im thinking what to do about it.my 2 best lady frindes made me promise i'd see a doc first thingi n the morning. i will consult with my mom about it. 1 of them things i might need to see a doc at this moment,and i might die during the sleep.
what do you think might have happend to me?
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types in obscure english
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Mytical
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Chaos seeking Harmony
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posted October 20, 2007 10:44 AM |
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About six years ago I had a long stretch of bad news/bad things happening all at once. If you believe in luck, mine was probably as bad as you could get. Sorry it was 8 (1999), keep loosing track of the years, my how they fly.
The first bad news was I had developed Non-Alcoholic Streto Hepatitis. A non-communable rare type of the disease witch is usually only passed down from ancestors. It is super rare, and even if you develop it there is a good chance there will never be any symptoms (I was not so lucky).
The following day I got into a serious accident which trashed my back and also did some damage to my head. Pressure was put on a part of my brain which is thought to control moods, I was diagnosed with Chronic Depression, and it also seems to affect my ability to focus. I was bed ridden for 6 months, there was serious doubts if I would ever walk again. Now I wish I could say it was some sort of miricle story, but it was a whole bunch of pain and stubborness that got me back on my feet.
Everybody in my family wanted me to get on disability. When I first got out of the hospital I couldn't even wear heavy clothes without being in pain. But I did not want to give up so easily. The following 6 months were no picnic. Car broke down, got evicted (no money coming in at the time), and had to move back in with parents. I went to the shrink for my depression, but learned something valuable. We tried dozens of different type of anti-depressants but though they did help my depression they made me like a rabid wolverine. I was a horrible horrible person while on the medicine.
Physically assulting people, yelling at people for saying hi, throwing things at people. It was not pretty. So I have to deal with the depression my own way. I would not be that person. I'd rather be sad then another name for a female dog. They said it was impulse control issues when taking anti-depressants.
My life was at it's darkest. I almost gave up, several times. Many times I considered ending it all. The one thing that kept me going was my brother. He would not let me give up. If not for him, I am not sure I would be here today. I swear the guy has the patience of a saint. Anyhow, that's my sob story. Peace.
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Message received.
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Aculias
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
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posted November 01, 2007 12:25 AM |
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Well Anti it may be best to see a doctor.
Seems a little dif from Siezures but i am not sure.
You may want to see what is wrong with you so you can take the best action for yourself.
It sounds pretty serious.
Trust me i hate seeing Doctors & the Dentists but it has to be done.
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Dreaming of a Better World
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Guitarguy
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Rockoon.
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posted March 15, 2008 06:52 AM |
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Sigh...
I'm not in the mood to write a whole lot at the moment, but I've gotta get this outta me. One of my good friends from high school just left me a comment asking how I'm doing. He said he was doing okay, and that he's going to graduate from college soon. When I read that, I felt happy for him and crushed at the same time.
It's been dawning on me that I should expect to fall behind a lot of my peers in the area of academic completion. I've always been a part-time student, taking less than 12 credits every semester. I'm easily overwhelmed by the college workload, so I often find myself signing up for fewer courses or withdrawing from the most burdensome ones. Obviously, the main drawback of this process is that I earn credits slower than most people. I know college isn't a race, but it has a distinctively psychological effect on me. I really hate being the guy who lags behind. Soon enough, all of my old classmates will have graduated, and I'll still be at the university struggling with 300 or 400 level classes. Lord knows what my GPA will look like a few years from now.
Then there's the uncertainty surrounding my goals. Last year, I was almost fully convinced that I couldn't major in history. It seemed like a dead end goal, given all the messy higher-end courses I'd need to pass. A 300 level course on my favorite history subject almost murdered me. That's why I felt like I needed to change majors. But now, after evaluating my remaining options, I'm realizing that history might be the safest route after all. I'm continually stung by my own academic inflexibility. I'm going to continue my trek, albeit with a slow, uncertain stride.
Most significantly, though, I've gotta contend with a host of in-class stomach problems. As if my slow momentum and indecision weren't enough. If it wasn't for bowel irritability, I'd more willingly hurl myself into the oncoming quagmire of speech and foreign language courses (which I've always dreaded with a passion). For now, though, I'm probably going to see a doctor about my health issue. I'm sick of it already.
With all these things in mind, I replied to my friend's comment. I said he was very fortunate to be graduating soon, and wished him well. But with that over with, I was left feeling bitter about myself. I simply hate living with my shortcomings. Surely, if I ever finish college, no diploma or academic accolades would justify my experience.
Oh look, I wrote a lot more than I intended to. Guess I was impassioned to ramble a bit.
-Guitarguy
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Aculias
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
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posted March 15, 2008 07:36 AM |
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Sometimes you need to see that it dont matter how long it takes to complete your own trials.
This world is no competition.
You set your own goals.
If you want to major in history. Feel what you read.
Understand what people felt in those days.
Understand the value of history.
Sometimes it takes longer for some people then others.
It dont make them dumber or slower. Sometimes it takes people a bit longer is all.
It really gets annoying hearing you being negative evertime i read this thread when you write.
Everytime i see your name in this thread I am saying to myself "WTF now"
Basically quit worrying so much.
I wish I had the time like you had without being over pressured & people expecting way more then I could possibly do.
I am proud of what I did.
Maybe one day you will too when you get to be my age.
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Dreaming of a Better World
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted March 15, 2008 09:01 AM |
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Edited by william at 23:44, 15 Mar 2008.
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I know I am not Guitarguy but I felt I needed to say something...
Quote:
Sometimes you need to see that it dont matter how long it takes to complete your own trials.
This world is no competition.
You set your own goals.
If you want to major in history. Feel what you read.
Understand what people felt in those days.
Understand the value of history.
I think Guitarguy knows that this is not a competition, but as he said, he hates being behind in things. He just feels he needs to keep up with everyone else. He doesn't just do it for the hell of it, that is what he feels he needs to do.
Quote:
It really gets annoying hearing you being negative everytime i read this thread when you write.
That is a bit harsh isn't it? Hey everyone can't be positive all the time. This thread is called Downhill Times FOR A REASON. People know what this thread is about, and Guitarguy just posts things that are going wrong in his life. If you are getting annoyed by his negativity because of things that are happening in his life that are affecting him in bad ways, then just don't respond or even read the thread.
He isn't asking for your advice, or mine, or anyone else's. He just posts what is happening in his life. You don't need to respond to these things. If you are getting annoyed by his complaining or whatever you might want to call it, then just leave him be, don't respond.
Quote:
Basically quit worrying so much.
That might be what you think. But have you been in similar situations as to what he has been/going through? His situations have probably differed a lot from your own, so basically give him a break and try to think what it might be like for him.
He can't help worrying because these things could quite possibly affect his future in bad ways.
I am not trying to be negative towards you. 
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Aculias
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
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posted March 15, 2008 06:46 PM |
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He has it easy as far as I am concerned.
I did not have half them oppurtunities he had.
Like I said some people take longer to complete tasks.
As long as it gets done, does it really matter how far behind you get?
Just doing what he is doing is a nice accomplishment, but to actually complete it is great.
So no I dont think it's harsh because everything he worries about is negative.
He should be proud to even have oppurtunities like he has.
Not many people his age out here in AMerica can have those oppurtunities.
It seems he needs to quit worrying about others & concentrate about his own pace.
Some of the smartest people in the world from past to present took longer then some of the other people.
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Dreaming of a Better World
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted March 16, 2008 02:08 AM |
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Quote:
He has it easy as far as I am concerned.
I did not have half them oppurtunities he had.
Yes, that might be what it is for you, but not for him. This isn't easy for him because he has not really been in these situations before.
When you had your situations going on in the past, I bet you wouldn't have thought it to be easy for you, right?
Both you and Guitarguy have both had different situations in life. You might have faced harder situations in your life and thus you may think that Guitarguy has it easy, but think of it in his perspective. It isn't easy for him.
Quote:
As long as it gets done, does it really matter how far behind you get?
Just doing what he is doing is a nice accomplishment, but to actually complete it is great.
It matters to him. It matters that he gets behind. He doesn't like getting behind. Sure, you might say that it doesn't really matter as long as he gets it done, but that is not the way he thinks or deals with things.
For him, I think that accomplishing these goals of not getting far behind and keeping up with everyone and doing good in College would be a great accomplishment, but for him to do that, he has to not get far behind. Which is a part of why he made that post above.
Quote:
So no I dont think it's harsh because everything he worries about is negative.
I was referring to my post being harsh. Sometimes it is hard to say things to people because they may take it the wrong way. I am glad you didn't (or did you?  ).
Well isn't worrying about something usually negative? Sure it might have a good outcome, but things before it might be negative. This thread was made for downhill times. That is exactly why he is posting here.
Sure, you might think it is negative all the time, but the thread is about downhill times, negative times or things that are happening in your life. So what he is saying is in the right spot. If you don't want to read his negative posts, then just don't. You said before that his whining or negative posts in here are kinda annoying, so you have a choice to not read them.
Quote:
He should be proud to even have oppurtunities like he has.
Not many people his age out here in AMerica can have those oppurtunities.
It seems he needs to quit worrying about others & concentrate about his own pace.
I bet he is a bit proud to have some of the opportunities he has, but you are saying this from YOUR perspective, and you are not really looking at it from his point of view.
Mostly what you are saying in these points comes from your experience, but your experience differs quite a bit from Guitarguy's, so some of what you are saying wouldn't actually do Guitarguy any good because you both have been in different situations.
He can't really help not worrying about others. Guitarguy likes to be with people, and not lagging behind them, like he said in his post. This is one of the things that is worrying him, and he can't help but to think like that. That is just the way he feels about things.
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TitaniumAlloy
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Professional
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posted March 16, 2008 04:33 AM |
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Quote:
This world is no competition.
The education system is nothing but a competition.
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John says to live above hell.
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Aculias
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
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posted March 16, 2008 04:34 AM |
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I meant with yourself.
I am just saying follow the course you are comfortable with.
Since I am wrong then i wont say anything else with the matter.
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Dreaming of a Better World
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TitaniumAlloy
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Professional
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posted March 19, 2008 12:20 PM |
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hate life
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John says to live above hell.
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TitaniumAlloy
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Professional
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posted April 11, 2008 02:25 PM |
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Quote:
hate life
QFT
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John says to live above hell.
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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted April 16, 2008 12:24 PM |
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Geez, I'm so royally screwed in my life now.
It is stupid that you must decide what course your life will take when you're young and stupid..
EVERYTHING I chose was WRONG
F*CK IT.
If I had more brains or knowledge, I would never stay in this pitiful excuse for a country. I'd try hard to improve my english to proficiency level and get the hell out of here.
I would pick something profitable and interesting to study, instead of doing a series of pathetic choices. ESPECIALLY not biology.
I wouldn't attend to Warsaw Tech, which is the best Tech in this country.. too bad it's not even in the first 500 best colleges of the world.
I would try hard and go straight for MiT. Or something equally good.
But I didn't, and I have to follow the old ridiculous soviet schooling, NEVER changed since my country got rid of communism. It was 21 years ago, damnit! I have to learn total IDIOCY in my school, like the process of stamping, WHAT FOR? Am I supposed to go to a factory and work as an ordinary laborer? I could do that without that stupid school. Bah, I wouldn't even need high school to do it.
I have to learn things irrevelant, meant to be learnt, passed and FORGOTTEN asap, because they serve completely NO purpose in life/work/anything you can imagine.
And after YEARS wasted on those idiotic things, the damned rat race starts, where people work their butts off just to satisfy their dumb boss.. what for.. 500 euro?
Argh. Somebody give me a clue what to do now. 
It seems too late to make any major change. My english isn't sufficient to be able to comprehend the technical language of universities. I know simple english. I can't do it now.
It's too late. I'm screwed.
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Elvin
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Endless Revival
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posted April 16, 2008 12:53 PM |
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Edited by pandora at 17:55, 17 Apr 2008.
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I feel you.. I've wasted a few years of my life in mine that is exactly what you said, learn, pass exam, forget. And yes it's ridiculous but I feel I've learnt a few things even if it's (almost)nothing practical.
It introduced to to a new way of thought, in the end what you are taught serves no other purpose than that. Theory is forgotten or usually not applicable in the jobs we choose, it's when you start the job that you begin to learn.
English? Big deal, terms can be learnt.
My father came back from America after a big depression with my mother and me still unborn. He had almost nothing and passed through every kind of ****** job but in the end he ended up having his own company. It's personality and luck, you are a resourceful guy that can think in practical situations - that is easy to see. That's worth a lot more than education.
No I won't tell you that it's easy nor that you are destined for greatness or whatever. But if you keep your eyes open and judge situations right your time will come.
____________
H5 is still alive and kicking, join us in the Duel Map discord server!
Map also hosted on Moddb
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Aculias
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
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posted April 16, 2008 03:43 PM |
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Your only 21 yrs old. More choices will come to you.
Plus more oppurtunities will pop up before too long when you least expect it.
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Dreaming of a Better World
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Guitarguy
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Rockoon.
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posted April 16, 2008 03:44 PM |
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Don't worry, Doomforge. You're not alone in feeling insecure. It seems like most people encounter difficulties somewhere along the line, although everybody's situation is different.
In my case, university education started as an easy-going adventure but grew really bothersome as time passed. Just looking at the grad requirements made me feel sick. In addition to standard credit hours, they want me to study a boatload of subjects that I absolutely abhor. Those are mostly 20-seat classroom courses that either deal with ethical studies I'd rather avoid, physical science, foreign language, or speech (which I REALLY dread). I was doing fine as a relatively unknown student in large 300-person lecture halls, but small classes have always been a major pain in the behind. Sadly, most of the classes I'm required to take are small ones, so I cannot remain safely hidden forever.
With all this on my mind, I couldn't help but feel bitter towards the university for helping to make my life miserable. Forcing students to study loads of academia crap that's entirely irrelevant to their chosen majors...they call that an education??? I have several learning disabilities and I've been working with their service center for two years, but that doesn't eliminate many problems. They're not going to award me exemptions just because I learn at a slower rate than others. No way! Life being the way it is, I've no option except to go ahead with it. As a department advisor once told me (with more than a hint of pleasure on her smug face), "Sorry, you know that's university policy".
I was a complete mess about a month ago. With ongoing inter-family problems and occasional paranoia making me sick, I slumped back to my old ways of thinking. I hated my life and saw no point in hoping for a better future. I avoided seeing a psychologist because I figured their pep talk wasn't going to change anything. Suicide crossed my mind as the key to freedom; release from a world where everybody (my parents, friends, university, etc) couldn't remotely understand what I was going through.
Turns out I didn't kill myself. Whether it's because of faith or whatnot, I'm not sure. Whether or not it was just a passing phase, I cannot say right now. Most of my ugly feelings have subsided, but the battle for survival continues with each passing day. As bleak as life seems, I still get boosts of precious strength from various people and things that inspire me. I just applied for new classes, in hopes of overcoming some of the obstacles I'm facing. I'm also using my recent experiences as inspiration for new songs. A lot of my problems are beyond my control, but I'm seeking ways to deal with them whilst remaining positive about life.
I offer you my story, Doomforge, not at all for comparative purposes or sympathy, but as encouragement for your current situation. I regret I cannot offer you more useful advice, but just know that I sympathize with your plight. As Elvin said, maybe you can turn this thing around and pave a better future for yourself. Just don't slide into the same pit I found myself in.
Best wishes,
-Guitarguy
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executor
Famous Hero
Otherworldly Ambassador
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posted April 16, 2008 04:37 PM |
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Quote:
the process of stamping
Now that really has let me down...
What did you need it for? Probably nothing, you know better...
I have to admit there are some idiocies on polish universities, but I did meet only a few personally. Yet my best friend studies at a tech in Cracow, and it seems he has similar problems. That is very sad, but from what I know, we have the best situation among post-soviet countries, maybe save Slovenia, when it comes to univrsity-level education...
I am deeply sorry for you that your choices turned out to be a waste of time...
I wish you that you overcome this problems and everything turns out good... in Poland .
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Understanding is a three-edged sword.
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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted April 16, 2008 05:50 PM |
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executor: I do not know what's good in learning the process of stamping, either.. I wasted a whole day trying to make a report.. and I'm not done yet, still have to draw a couple of schematics in autocad to make it complete.. :/
I'd rather stay in Poland, too, but if the situation turns dire, who know what will I be forced to do.
Quote:
In my case, university education started as an easy-going adventure but grew really bothersome as time passed. Just looking at the grad requirements made me feel sick. In addition to standard credit hours, they want me to study a boatload of subjects that I absolutely abhor.
I know this feeling very well. It was totally overwhelming when I was studying biology.. to a point where I simply HAD to give up. I couldn't handle doing all those things anymore.
Quote:
Those are mostly 20-seat classroom courses that either deal with ethical studies I'd rather avoid, physical science, foreign language, or speech (which I REALLY dread). I was doing fine as a relatively unknown student in large 300-person lecture halls, but small classes have always been a major pain in the behind. Sadly, most of the classes I'm required to take are small ones, so I cannot remain safely hidden forever.
That's true as well. Since I was always the best one when it came to English, in every school I attended to(sorry if I sound puffed up ;p), foreign language wasn't really a problem, but doing physics exercise on the board in front of my whole class was something I utterly hated. Who likes to get humiliated every time in front of all those people?
Quote:
With all this on my mind, I couldn't help but feel bitter towards the university for helping to make my life miserable. Forcing students to study loads of academia crap that's entirely irrelevant to their chosen majors...they call that an education???
I'm surprised that it works that way in US, too. But I don't think it's as bad as in Poland. After all we have most likely the most useless and overloaded teaching in the world. A lot of guys admit that. And our Education Ministry doesn't want to do a damn thing about it.
Thank you for the story. I appreciate it.
The bad thing is.. I'm seriously afraid that I will end up as another unemployed holder of university degree. Or maybe I will work for some petty amount of cash that will barely be enough to live a mediocre life. Another 400 euro per month fool that has wasted his youth learning useless things.
And what's worse.. I'm afraid that I won't find a job I'll like. That it will bore me to oblivion. I have many hobbies and passions. If I wanted to pick some reasonable job, I'd love to become a warship designer, for example, cause I love everything that is related to warships. But it ain't gonna happen - I suck in physics and mechanics and it's too late to search for an appropriate specialization now. I'm too advanced in my studies to change them now. Or perhaps I don't have the guts to do it. Anyway, starting everything anew now seems rather uninteresting.
Logistics ain't that bad, but in my country, it's rather hard to find a job related to what you've studied. Because we don't really know a thing about working. We're only full of theory that is completely worthless. People don't want to employ such people. They want people with experience. That know how to do things. That don't need to be taught everything.
And, you'll obviously never earn as much in logistics as in computer science in Poland, for example.. It almost feels as if I picked an inferior path.
bah, speaking about inferior paths.. People like professionals musicians, football players and such do what they love in their lives, and they get like 100x more cash than ordinary people hating their jobs. Damn, if I only had such talents. But right now, I'm too old to do a career in sports, even if I suddenly discovered a talent in myself. And I'm not exactly the best musician. Shame.
I really wonder how certain people got their jobs. Like the guys who make documentary films for animal planet, for instance. A life of adventure and no routine at all. I'm sure they earn lots of money for it, too. Was it luck, skills, nepotism? I wish I knew.
Aculias: You're right, I'm only 21, but for some reason, I feel old. And I keep wishing I was 15 again. Life is so simple when you're just a kid. And there are no bad choices you have to regret for the rest of your life. Yet.
Whew, that was a lot of mumbling. I feel better already. Too bad I have to spend the night with Statgraphics, AutoCad and Delphi 
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executor
Famous Hero
Otherworldly Ambassador
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posted April 16, 2008 09:04 PM |
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Quote:
Whew, that was a lot of mumbling. I feel better already. Too bad I have to spend the night with Statgraphics, AutoCad and Delphi
Well, at lest we know what has driven you that mad  .
After reading you I realized how good it is to like what you study.
I remember preparing a 'basic overview of polish budget in 1997-2006' for my macroeconomics classes last April. It took me 3 nights, I was completely sucked out after(and returned straight to bed as I delivered the paper), but kind of happy that I've reviewed public finance policy of my country myself .
Work in logistics is quite feasible to get, cheer up, maybe your studies won't be a waste of time .
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Understanding is a three-edged sword.
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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted April 17, 2008 12:50 AM |
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That's what I hope for too. Geez, it's late, my eyes are burning and I'm damn tired, but no, can't go to bed, gotta work 
I really hope it will be worth it someday. I know a few poor suckers who worked tirelessly & hard throughout their whole studies, and now work as some minor clerical workers for some small amount of cash. Boring, repetitive work. I may sound a bit paranoid but I'm damn scared I'll end up just like them It haunts me since I finished high school
Oh well. Gotta try to think positive.. or at least fool myself that I'm trying.
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This thread is pages long: 
