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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted January 13, 2007 10:17 AM |
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Quote:
I just experienced a mood swing from comfortable to depressed within the last ten minutes. It's a mix of many factors, most of which I won't talk about openly. It feels like I'm trapped in a box, feeling empty and wondering what to do. I hate this feeling. Very little can comfort me. I'm just planning to live/sleep this off and hopefully I'll feel better later or tomorrow.
I know what you mean, well I know one of the reasons why you are this way, but I could help you, well try to atleast.
I could also prevent the thing from happening aswell, you know what I am talking about.
I just hope you get better soon, and all that.
Take care.
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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Guitarguy
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Rockoon.
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posted January 16, 2007 12:20 AM |
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My mom just came home from the hospital and she's really dizzy and nauseous from the experience. I would hate to be in her place, but still, I wish she didn't have to suffer like that. She's going into her room to rest, but her recovery might take five days or so. I hope she'll be okay.
-Guitarguy
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Aculias
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
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posted February 22, 2007 11:24 PM |
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You might want to look for something new & find yourself maybe.
It dont seem like you found your true self yet.
____________
Dreaming of a Better World
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TitaniumAlloy
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Professional
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posted February 25, 2007 12:50 PM |
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think of what you've got and build up from there 
Don't get caught up in complicated things which worry you and it'll all pan out 
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John says to live above hell.
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antipaladin
Promising
Legendary Hero
of Ooohs and Aaahs
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posted February 26, 2007 02:19 PM |
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Quote:
School situation: Cruddy
Friends situation: Distant
Family situation: Turbulent
Girlfriend situation: Stagnant
Religious situation: Frozen
Where do I go from here?
-Guitarguy
Have sex. It'll help
something i learned,a female touch is always GREAT after doenst-metter-how-bad-of-a-day.
____________
types in obscure english
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TitaniumAlloy
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Professional
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posted February 27, 2007 12:08 PM |
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depends who the female is i guess 
____________
John says to live above hell.
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted February 27, 2007 12:14 PM |
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Quote:
Quote:
School situation: Cruddy
Friends situation: Distant
Family situation: Turbulent
Girlfriend situation: Stagnant
Religious situation: Frozen
Where do I go from here?
-Guitarguy
Have sex. It'll help
something i learned,a female touch is always GREAT after doenst-metter-how-bad-of-a-day.
I don't think Sex is the right thing to do, well for some people it might, but I know Guitarguy, and he wouldn't want to do that.
That could be an alternative, perhaps if he gets a girlfriend or something, but since his name is Guitarguy, perhaps he can do things like playing the guitar, going down to the mall (we do not say mall down here ), perhaps meeeting some friends, going to the movies or any of that stuff, and just having fun, perhaps taking your mind off of some of these things that might make your life just a tad difficult at times.
Enjoy life, and do not focus on the difficult things, instead have fun, relax and just enjoy life Guitarguy, it will be worth it.
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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TitaniumAlloy
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Professional
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posted February 27, 2007 12:33 PM |
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will read his post buddy
Quote:
School situation: Cruddy
Friends situation: Distant
Family situation: Turbulent
Girlfriend situation: Stagnant
Religious situation: Frozen
____________
John says to live above hell.
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted February 27, 2007 12:34 PM |
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Well he could do some of the other things that I suggested, possible guitar playing, or perhaps going to the movies, perhaps not with friends but maybe with his family.
Or he could just come on here, and get online friends of RL friends are starting to get Distant.
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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Guitarguy
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Rockoon.
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posted March 17, 2007 04:11 AM |
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Rant
Things have just been downright crappy at home. My grandma's been calling all these people to work on the plumbing and structural fixes, so we've been getting plenty annoying knocks on the front door and plenty annoying phonecalls. Then two neighbor's houses are up for sale, and people coming left and right to ask my grandparents questions about such and such. All this has created such a bothersome atmosphere that it's driving us (and particularly my mom) up the freaking wall.
The house is a mess; you know that adds to the frustration. All of our past clean-up projects have ended with the big question of where the hell are we going to put all this crap? We obviously give away what we can, but the valuable keepers make the process much more difficult. Then we have the task ahead of us to move my grandparents' room downstairs and me upstairs, which is just too depressing to explain. The enormity of the mountain we're up against just shatters my family's spirits.
My mom suffers a lot from these pressures. She has to go to work where most of her colleagues don't know what they're doing. She has to patch up the holes that they stupidly make and deal with whatever crap they throw her way when she turns her back. Then she comes home, tired and in need of some quiet, and then she has to face all this garbage at home. It's so bad that just a little bit of agitation will set her off these days.
Today was particularly bad. The plumber had to come over and two people stopped by to ask about the housing prices next door. Along with that, my grandma had gathered eight or so huge bags to give away to a local charity, who were supposed to come by today and pick them up. They called this morning and said the truck driver was hospitalized and they'd have to come back next Friday. Another conflict right there, as my grandparents have a doctor's appointment and the rest of us will either be at school or work. So now we had eight huge bags clogging up space around the backdoor, which is a real inconvenience. My mom yelled at my dad for not clearing out the car trunk days ago so that the bags could be put in there. She also yelled at him for other stupid things he did, which I will refrain from specifying here. So he finally got the trunk cleared and we gathered around the back to take everything out. All the while, my grandpa was complaining about how he pulled a muscle in is right shoulder and was looking for ointment. Stressed and overly agitated, my mom broke away from what she was doing to find the bottle and stop my grandpa's whining. At that point, she had been driven nuts by so much strife in her day thus far. It was horrible watching her fume as she did. She said she wished she could take her own life. I kind of wished the same for myself.
The dust has settled, but the road ahead is bound to hold similar bumps. We've gotten over many in the past, but I have to say, this time it was probably far more stressful than ever before. It's times like these when my family's lack of happiness and harmony truly becomes clear. An outsider would probably say we should take action to fix this and get along with each other, but I will not buy that anymore. I can't fathom the idea that the wounds of my family could or will be able to heal. The damage has been done, and it will continue to add many deep cracks in the very foundation of our semblance of home. I'm leaving out quite a bit of details, since I've neither the time nor the motivation to lay down those words in front of me. All I can say is that these things will haunt me day after day. Little can take my mind off this hell as long as I am around home. I can go out somewhere, but I can't stay there forever. I can dig into my music collection for soothing melodies, but even those will be rendered useless once something starts happening in the next room. Very little that I have easy access to can effectively take me away from this. Perhaps I should be looking elsewhere for this peace that's hard to find.
-Guitarguy
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Aculias
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
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posted March 17, 2007 01:30 PM |
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Sounds like alot of peoples problems.
Why share a problem that alot of people have all the time.
SOmetimes you got to deal with it.
It happens.
____________
Dreaming of a Better World
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Guitarguy
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Rockoon.
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posted March 17, 2007 04:51 PM |
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You know, if all these problems affected me and only me, I wouldn't feel this bad. But since my whole family is affected, that's a lot of strain on each individual and adds much tension between them. Whereas I can try to do something to make myself feel better (i.e. soothing music, guitar, etc), I'm helpless to making everyone else feel similarly. I try to lend a hand in things when I can, and I'm sure that relieves some of the overall strain, but that doesn't take away from the tension that has solidified between certain members of my family. My mom and dad, for example, are living out a very shaky relationship that clearly denotes a failed marriage. It's not the scenario where my dad's abusive or there's substance abuse going on. It's simply that my mom cannot put up with my dad's negative characteristics and his frequent lack of common sense. Moreover, his roughness in speaking and dealing with my grandparents (on my mom's side) does well to fuel her flames. Why can't my dad change for the better? He told me himself while we were out driving that some things cannot be changed inside him. Just great. Even though there's some truth to what he said, I think he lacks enough sincerity in his attempts to please my mom. He does an awful lot for her and the rest of us; a freaking lot to be exact. If we need something bought from the store, he'll go out and get it. If someone needs a ride somewhere, he'll be obliged. But despite all this, their relationship is still in a mess. And that's not to say that there's a bloody war raging between them 24/7. Really, not so. And yet, even during peaceful days and weeks, that tension remains subtle and hidden. It pops up from time to time to let out a tiny spark, but it's when things really heat up that all hell breaks loose. The reality of it all is that there's no physical abuse or fighting going on in those times; just my mom's shouting, tears, and all the uneasy baggage that goes along with it. It's far from Hell, but no less, it's hell.
-Guitarguy
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted March 31, 2007 08:55 AM |
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Edited by william at 09:18, 31 Mar 2007.
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OK, well here I go with my update.
My recent life, has been going, in one word, crap.
I have gotten suspended recently, for 2 days I was suspended, for supposedly acting very "angrily", and swearing at a teacher.
My home life hasn't been too good either.
Fights with basically my whole family, and I just feel as if they didn't want me as a son, like I have failed them, and I am basically being ganged up on by all 3 of them, or so it feels like anyway.
That is honestly what I feel, and I want to show them that I am a good son, and that I can change my ways at both school and home, but I just feel as if I am failing them, and also failing myself.
I come onto the internet nowadays to seek refuge from what is happening in my Real Life.
I constantly talk to people on msn, search forums, especially this forum, and check out posts, and talking to people via HCM, just because I feel that if I do one little thing wrong, that everything will go bad, and yet again everything will be my fault, especially if I cause a fight, which I usually do.
I feel as if my parents think of me as a failure, and that they do not want me as a son.
My sister, well I do not know really, sometimes she sticks up for me, defends me in some situations, but in other situations, where I am in a fight with my mum, she defends her, and not me, and it just confuses me.
Sure, people should defend their mums, but she is just really confusing.
She defends me when I get hit by my dad or whatever, but she doesn't defend me when I am in a fight with my mum, not a physical fight, but a verbal one.
Yes, I swear at my mum, and I know it is wrong, but I really cannot find anything else to do.
Every other thing I say, she basically ignores or she doesn't care, and that just makes me feel really bad inside, because I feel like I have done something wrong, even if I haven't done anything wrong at all.
At school, my work has been going alright, not too good though.
I just feel as if the actual school system is pretty unfair.
Sure, the teachers might be trying to help me and all that, but suspending me for something which I actually didn't do anything wrong with, is, in my eyes, pretty unfair.
Sometimes the fights at home are started because of what happens at school.
Usually I hide what is happening at home, when I am at school, but deep down, I just feel like letting it all out, like crying, for a long time, because of all the things that have happened in my life.
I feel like I am useless, both as a person and as a son of my mum and dad.
I just do not know what to do anymore.
I try and block out what is happening, by creating music, but even then, that might cause a fight, because the music that I am creating might be too loud, and a fight might happen if I am actually recording and they just burst into my room and tell me to turn it down, that really annoys me because it is a real inconvenience to me, basically because they didn't knock, and because they just ruined a potentially great song.
I really hate that, and it irritates the hell out of me.
So, the only thing I can really do, is just come onto the internet, or play my Xbox.
Some days my dad is nice to me, and some other days he treats me like crap, and says stuff like he doesn't want me to be his son, etc etc.
That really hurts me, sure it isn't physical pain, but it is pain inside, and I do not think any father should ever say that to a son, it just makes me want to cry.
But even then, some people on the internet will treat me like crap, and that will just make things worse.
I do have friends on the internet, which can help me, but it is really much better if they were to help me, when face to face.
I do not really know what to do in the world, and sometimes I just think it would be better if I wasn't alive.
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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Consis
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Of Ruby
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posted March 31, 2007 03:55 PM |
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William,
I think you're a really nice guy. You have problem with internet addiction but then I also understand nobody is perfect. I understand why you use the internet for sanctuary. I am very sorry for all the things that are going on in your life. You have friends here. I hope you learn to beat the addiction and survive your childhood. I believe that you can. Stay strong William. We love you.
____________
Roses Are Red And So Am I
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frostwolf
Famous Hero
livin' in a bottle of vodka
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posted March 31, 2007 04:06 PM |
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Quote:
School situation: Cruddy
Friends situation: Distant
Family situation: Turbulent
Girlfriend situation: Stagnant
Religious situation: Frozen
Where do I go from here?
-Guitarguy
Start drinking. I mean it. You don't have to go over the edge, but a glass or two once in a while might help.
____________
What can you expect from a world where everybody lives because they're too afraid to commit suicide?
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Guitarguy
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Rockoon.
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posted March 31, 2007 04:45 PM |
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Quote:
Start drinking. I mean it. You don't have to go over the edge, but a glass or two once in a while might help.
First of all, I'm not yet of legal age in my region to drink. Secondly, I don't think drinking does much to solve people's problems in the long run. The relief it brings is only temporary, and you'll be faced with the exact same problems once you sober up. Most of the bothersome issues I'm up against are deep, long-term problems that aren't easily resolved or even in my control. Thus, the usage of various substances would be a futile means of escape. People try it all the time and it might work for them, but from my perspective, it would be counterproductive.
I'm feeling more secure now than I was a few weeks ago. I suppose you can say the storm has calmed somewhat. No matter. I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that I'll continue to be frustrated by various familial and misc issues that I have little or no control over. It's a given that things will come my way every now and then. The best thing now, I believe, is for me to change my attitude concerning the state of things and harden myself for the struggles up ahead. In the past, I'd always feel crushed since it didn't turn out to be a smooth ride. Nowadays, I'm going to have to expect it. Only then will I get through in one piece.
I'll have to see how this goes.
-Guitarguy
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Spectrum
Famous Hero
Plan B
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posted March 31, 2007 09:14 PM |
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It makes me sad to think that the way for you to survive your problems is just to get used to the idea that life just isn't nice... But I suppose that's the way it is. Not for everybody, ofcourse. But I dare say that there is no one whose life is just perfect. Still, I'm not saying that your problems are in any way minor. Far from it. I feel very sorry for you and I wish I could help...
As you said, drinking isn't the solution. I'd suggest trying to find someone (Not online) to talk to, to share your issues. If you try to get through this all alone it's going to be very hard for you.
As Consis said to William, we're here for you
____________
Aculias is like the male nipple of HC, TNT being the other one -Baklava
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted April 11, 2007 12:38 PM |
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Thanks Consis for your words, and thanks to you Spectrum.
Things have been going pretty good as of late, my mum is talking to me again, my dad is also talking with me, and not being so angry with me all the time, and my sister spends some time with me as well, perhaps with watching a movie or playing the Xbox, or playing the Computer.
I am glad that I have some people here that will help me through hard times in my life.
Thanks
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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Homer171
Promising
Supreme Hero
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posted April 11, 2007 02:25 PM |
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Hang in there William I know it's hard sometimes but you must be strong.
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Guitarguy
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Rockoon.
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posted April 19, 2007 02:45 PM |
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In loving memory
Meet my old high school buddy, Kevin. As I wrote several pages ago, he and I became good friends years ago. He never brought lunch to school, so I felt sorry for him and brought an extra sandwich for him every day. We remained friendly with each other until the day he suddenly stopped showing at school.
That was Spring 2003. The next time I ever heard of him was when his newspaper obituary turned up in 2005. Today, the 19th, marks the second anniversary of his death and I'm taking some time to reflect on it.
I'm still very upset at myself for not being a better friend while he was still around. If only I had cared enough to search for his missing email address. I could've written to him before it was too late. Sadly enough, I found it shortly after learning about his passing. I wonder if he ever thought that I'd forgotten about him.
He was a good guy and perhaps the bravest soul I've ever met. He longed to serve his country in Iraq, and he died pursuing his greatest dream. I doubt I'll ever meet another person quite like him. I'm hoping with all my heart that I'll see him again someday.
Rest in peace, friend.
-Guitarguy
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