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Heroes Community > Other Side of the Monitor > Thread: Addiction
Thread: Addiction This thread is 8 pages long: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 · «PREV / NEXT»
Doomforge
Doomforge


Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
posted May 09, 2011 05:55 PM

Tbh I think I'm merely fooling myself.
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours

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ohforfsake
ohforfsake


Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
posted May 09, 2011 06:07 PM

Quote:
Tbh I think I'm merely fooling myself.


I think so too, but that's based on bad experiences doing the same on my part (trying to get "completeness", a sense of finishing). Though one day something just happens to work and there might not even be any good reason for it.

Have you tried to construct your "perfect/optimal" day, btw.?

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Warmonger
Warmonger


Promising
Legendary Hero
fallen artist
posted May 09, 2011 06:40 PM
Edited by Warmonger at 18:42, 09 May 2011.

I just figured out that I'm addicted to computer. Today it crashed and i couldn't do much without it. Sure, i launched laptop with some music and internet, but still that's a little difference. All my activity, communication, education and work depends from this gear.
Even though now I feel more alive than anytime before, having getting a work and a girlfriend, both of which are perfect. But hard to handle and even harder to keep

Luckily I fixed it, hopefully permanently. Still, it took two hours of my life. What if it didn't work at all?
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The future of Heroes 3 is here!

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ohforfsake
ohforfsake


Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
posted May 09, 2011 06:42 PM

Maybe it's time to get an extra computer. You know, just as a backup?

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william
william


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
posted May 09, 2011 07:17 PM bonus applied by Corribus on 25 Aug 2013.
Edited by william at 19:23, 09 May 2011.

Well I guess it's time for me to make a post here seeing as how I've got such an addictive personality.

Back when I was young, I've always had the problem of being into one thing for too long. If a movie comes out and I love it, I'll watch it 50 times and never get bored of it. I could listen to a song 1000 times and never get bored of it and listen to it every single day. A new game could come out and I'd be playing it non stop for the next few months. It's just the way that I am and how I will always be.

I used to do many things back when I was younger. I was quite active playing a variety of sports such as Soccer, Swimming, Indoor Soccer, Indoor Hockey, Hockey etc. The one thing that I always came back to when those activities finished was my computer and the games that were on it. This was about 1995 or so. We had Internet but I wasn't allowed to use it until much later when I was nearing High School and I think that was a wise move on my Dad's part, but I'll get back to that later. When I had finished a Soccer match or Swimming practice or something else, I'd always come home and be straight on the computer and play games until I was told to go to bed. When I was in Year 3 at Primary School, I played a certain game so much and was sitting in front of the computer for so long  that I actually had a Migraine because of it and actually had to go to Hospital for 3 or so days until it went away. The sad thing is, that didn't get me to stop at all. When I came back home, I started playing games again and didn't stop. I got headaches but they didn't stop me from playing.

When I got my Nintendo 64, it became sort of worse as I had two avenues now. If I got bored of the computer, I could just play a console game and vice versa. This meant that on many weekends I used to just sit in front of either the TV or the computer, mindlessly playing games. I used to do this when I came home from school and didn't do any homework that I was given and would often get pulled up for that. It didn't matter to me as I was just too absorbed in gaming. I did have friends come over every once in a while but we'd usually play games so that didn't really help. If I went outside with friends, I'd often be itching to go home and play some games. Some times when my parents were asleep, I often used to go into the Study and just go on the Nintendo 64 and play games. I was out of control really. When I look back on it now, I wish I could have gone out more and all as that would have made me a bit more socially interactive, something which I sort of lacked for many years.

When I got into Year 6, my dad bought me a laptop. This proved to be even worse for my gaming as I often used to stay up until stupid hours of the morning just playing games and as I was in my room, nobody would know if I'm asleep or not so I could often play until 4 or 5 am in the morning. I would then have to get up about 2 or 3 hours later and go to school. This was so unhealthy of me yet I kept on doing it regardless of the consequences it had on me. I was usually always tired and just wanted to get home and play games games and more games. When I got into High School, the situation didn't really get any better. I wasn't able to use Internet at home at this stage (the year 2003) so I'd often go to the Library at High School and just browse the Internet a lot until I'd have to go to class. I'd keep repeating this until I got Internet that  I would be able to use at home which was in late 2005.

When I got the Internet, my computer addiction had got even worse. I was browsing the Internet every single day and doing nothing but that. By this stage, I'd long quit any kind of sport so I'd usually just always go home and go on the computer and that was it. Every single day and night would be the same. I had never got bored though but I found that I was often shy in front of people and not very talkative but I put that half down to the medication I was on for my ADHD. I won't get into that now, though. Eventually, I asked my Dad if I was able to move the computer to my room and he said yes and that's when my addiction really started to spiral out of control. My laptop had since bitten the dust so with the computer with Internet access in my room, I could stay up all night if I wanted to and usually that's what I did, only having about 2 hours of sleep before I went to School in the morning. At this stage as well, I had joined HC in early March 2006 and I was spending more and more time on there. The Internet I had was Dialup so I wasn't able to really do much but it kept me on the computer for hours and hours on end.

When I eventually got Broadband in late 2006, I often had no trouble doing whatever I wanted, browsing whatever page I wanted with no restrictions and all. I was on the computer every single day on the forum, playing games or talking to people. This was my life. My life was absorbed by a computer. When I had gotten a job in November 2008, it proved to help very little as I used to do just the same thing as I did back in School. I'd finish the job, go home and go on the computer. When I got to TAFE in early 2009, things sort of started to change. I met some new friends. Some of them were into gaming and computers and all, which was to be expected especially given that I was in a Multimedia course. A lot of them, though, had the partying lifestyle and all. Drinking and smoking and all that. I didn't start smoking until much later in 2009 which I'll get to shortly. I did go out with people a little more and off the computer a bit more to go out drinking with some mates or whatever. When that was finished, I'd have only one thing waiting for me at home. My computer. It sort of changed a bit in August, very early August when I asked a girl out and she said yes. My computer time declined a lot as I was usually seeing her. I did have the odd time of being on the computer and all for a day or more if I wasn't seeing her but most times I was at her house or seeing friends. When she broke up with me just two months later, it got worse. I was on the computer all the time again. As this was the first girlfriend I have had, it affected me a lot so I was on the computer for days. I didn't go out until a week later but that wasn't for very long and I just came straight back to the computer. Shortly after she broke up with me, one of my friends got me to smoke cigarettes and I did that for a while. The weird thing of it all, given my addictive personality and all, I never once got addicted to cigarettes. I could smoke a lot but I quit numerous times and only do it rarely nowadays just if I'm out with mates or something or if I get extremely stressed.

When it all sort of went a bit more positive was in early 2010 when I met this girl on a site called Last.fm, a music website where you meet people who have similar tastes in music as yourself. I had added her a month after my girlfriend broke up with me in 2009, but I started talking to her a lot in early 2010. March proved to be when this girl would then be my girlfriend. I did spend a lot of time on the computer but only because she lived in England and I wasn't able to just go down the road and see her. I had to Skype with her nearly every day and all. I don't regret that and I saw that as healthy as opposed to spending all day on the computer playing games or browsing the Internet doing nothing. I had tried to make the big step in trying to see her in July 2010 but that proved to be very problematic due to me getting sent back by the British Immigration, so I went back to Skyping with her until New Years Day, this year. I had bought her tickets late last year and gave her a lot of money so she wouldn't be sent back. I had bought her a Visa which allowed her to stay in Australia for 3 months and that's exactly what she did. She left here on March 28th and I'm back to Skyping with her again. It's difficult seeing her on the screen but I know that it'll be worth it in September when I go to see her for 2 years.

Throughout all the years and all, I only find 2010 and 2011 to be positive with the way in which I use the computer. I'm doing it to specifically communicate with somebody that I love and want to spend the rest of my life with. I see that so much more beneficial then just going on the computer to play games and browse the Internet all the time. I'll admit that I do browse the Internet a lot now and haven't stopped coming to this place but I think my computer time, as a whole, is a lot more positive. I have had to make some changes to my life in that I sleep in the day as opposed to the night otherwise I'd never be able to speak to my girlfriend and all, so that gives me a lot of time where I feel lonely whenever she is out with friends or at work but I'm not complaining too much as the times I do get to talk to her are very much worth it. I still have a job which is only 4 hours a night about 2 to 4 days a week so that's still alright but I do spend a bit of time on the computer now but I hardly play games anymore. I specifically use it for Internet and chatting to my girlfriend or camming with her.

I look back on earlier years and wish I could have done things differently. Not only was it a waste of time, even though I did have a lot of fun, but it impeded my growth socially a little, I've found. When I went to TAFE and had a girlfriend, I found that I was a lot more sociable and had more things to talk about when I wasn't spending as much time in front of the computer screen. My life is good now, now that I can actually talk to people about things and not be so socially inept and all. I did have a lot of friends back in Primary and High School but I often found I didn't know what to really talk about because all I did was go on the computer when I got home. I didn't listen to much music back when I was heavily involved with gaming and all but now that I listen to a lot more music and all, I find it a good social tool and all. I also watch a lot more movies now so that also helps and I keep in touch with specific news and all. I also watch a lot more sports now so with my male friends that's definitely something I can talk about. I just wish I could have done things differently when I was younger but I know that I can't do much about the past and I am only looking forward to the future as I know that when I'm in England with my girlfriend, I won't be spending as much time as I have on the computer, just like I didn't when she was here for 3 months. I look forward to those times greatly.

Even with all that said, my addictive personality is still as strong as ever. I'm addicted to a specific sport nowadays called AFL and usually find myself talking about it nonstop with people that don't really care, specifically my girlfriend and certain people at work. I'm still addicted to music, more than ever really, and talk about that nonstop but the good thing is that people usually don't see a problem with that as it's music and most people like music. I do find myself getting addicted to certain songs and listening to them 100 times and never getting sick of it but that's not too much of a problem really. Just the way that I am.

Sometimes it's a struggle, going through every day being addicted to something and not being able to stop but I'm trying my best. I think having a girlfriend really changes things or having friends that invite you out everywhere all the time (I don't really have that but it'd help to a point). It'll never stop and I know that but I am trying my best to not let it get too bad and that's all I could ever do, try. Because if I don't then I'm just letting it win.

Sorry if this is a rather longish post by me (rare nowadays I know lol), but I just felt that given my battle with addiction and all over the years, I felt I had to post in this topic.
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~

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Doomforge
Doomforge


Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
posted May 09, 2011 08:46 PM

Interesting read, William... thanks for sharing

I decided that after finally finishing super-modded BGT (and Witcher 2, I'm too curious about the story), I'm going to quit gaming completely until Diablo 3 is done. Finishing those two games will give me a sense of completion that will be pretty much necessary for breaking the addiction and once D3 is around, I'm hoping to be "cured" enough not to relapse totally. I like gaming and see no point in quitting it totally but I'd love to be able to spend like 2-3 hours MAX on said Diablo3 once it's released unlike 15-16 hours per free day.

I have this ridiculous concept of quitting time eating games altogether and sticking to one title. If Diablo3 is as good as I hope, I will be practically devoted only to 1 game, making it much easier to manage time and prevent addiction.

I hope this ain't wishful thinking. But cmon, games are for humans, not for robots. I just need a bit of restrictions, getting a game-free summer may really help.

It's a shame that this stupid presentation, along with exams, is in the way. I sort of wish I did this a year ago. But I was too absorbed in my relationship to think about major changes in my life. Now's a good time.
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ohforfsake
ohforfsake


Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
posted May 09, 2011 08:50 PM
Edited by ohforfsake at 20:56, 09 May 2011.

Incredible post Will. I'd certainly not mind if that got a qp! A quick question first. Is TAFE a school?

I am glad that you seem to conquering your demons and am really sorry to see what you've went through.

Now I know I am not you. So what I write may be way wrong and I accept that from the start.
I noticed though you wrote this:
Quote:
having friends that invite you out everywhere all the time

I had such a "friend" and it didn't help me at all. Really it made me feel set back, forced and caged.
Secondly. I might be mistaken, but it seems like for both you and doom all there is to life are girls, computer(TV) and sports? I imagine I probably just got the wrong picture, but these seems like the events that takes up most the days for both of you. Is that correct?
If you could, what elements would you say an actual typical day consists of and what further elements could be added, which you'd find interesting to do?

I can tell you one of my perseonal theories, but please take it for what it is.
I find it likely that people who're easily addicted are the same people who easily learn. At least if they find a way to focus their addiction on to a given target.

Imagine you want to learn a different language? How do you proceed? Well, one component is most certainly hard work. Who have the easiest time of working to a degree where most people would have quit long ago due to it being boring? People who're addicted to the stuff. I'm as such quite convinced that addiction and learning ability go hand in hand, but there's one vital difference. For those who can't control their addiction very well, you need to make the material speak to them.
Imagine if you've two awesome computer games, but one is by far better than the other. Most of the times I'm certain you'll play the better game. (Or it wouldn't be the better game). Now that's the kind of competition important stuff to learn are up against! It's a battle for your time and whoever wins, gets your complete focus, where others would shift their focus, because they could not stay concentrated in one task as long as you (I imagine, from reading how you could spend so many hours with games).

Imagine if reading about stuff you want to learn, doing stuff you'd like to be good at, was just as interesting. I am most certain it can be, it's a question of creativity, but sadly, there are no one to hold us in the hand and lead us to the right path here, except for ourselves.

There are of course more to this, like efficiency, etc. In any case, it's really great that you apparently are at a much better state of your life! Too bad there's really not a lot of recognition for these kinds of problems, as far as I know, in modern society, which means some individuals ends up wasting large amount of their life and get told it's their own problem, where other people with similar troubles get the help they need. I imagine it's mostly because of computers used for computer games in the average home, now followed with the internet, is still relatively new.

Edit: One thing more. You say it'll never go away. Do you remember as a baby when you got milk from your mom or the bottle? I remember some of it and I remember when I had to stop. Let me tell you this, I was truely addicted to it! A lot of time passed and I missed it. But the years went by and it went away. I have personally have many addictions in my life. I have even been so stupid to go back to those addictions to see if I'm truely still addicted. I was addicted to junk food when I was around 13-14 and I only stopped because of a pain in my chest, which I never told anyone about. I had a little of that same food a year later, it was served to a party some years later and I resisted, and some months ago I decided to see if I still addicted, because I still had the memory of the wonderfulness of it. I'll admit right now, it was stupid of me to try and taste it again, but guess what, eventhough it still tasted good, I was in no way addicted. I tasted it that day, and I haven't eaten it since then and now I have absolutely no desire for eating it, not even the memories of the wonders it once was. Because despite the wonder being just as good, somehow my life is so much more now, somehow, that wonder doesn't take up so much room.
I of course don't know the mechanics really, I can only say, sure it still tastes awesome, but I have other food habits now, I don't feel a desire to eat again.
I'd guess similar stuff goes again throughout everything we do in our life that's based on habits.

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william
william


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
posted May 09, 2011 09:08 PM

Thanks Forf. Yes, TAFE is a school. Like a University of Sorts.

Now, to address the rest of what you wrote:

Perhaps it depends on the friend then because my TAFE friends really got me to go out a bit more, make something more of my life rather than coming home after TAFE and going straight on the computer. Sure, there were the odd days that that happened but for the most part, I did enjoy time with friends. I still have friends from High School but the problem with them was that they themselves were gamers so it was a no win situation for me whereas friends from TAFE liked doing other things like going out and all so that was much better for me considering everything. I guess you were just unfortunate enough to have one of those friends that, like you said, set you back and all.

For me, there's a lot to life. I love my country, I love people, I like going to places, I enjoy socialising, I enjoy music (considering I even make it), I enjoy sports and I enjoy girls (just the one girl for me now ). I like traveling and do want to travel the world one day and also make a name for myself within the music industry. For the situation that I have, the computer is, unfortunately (or forunately however you look at it), necessary as my girlfriend is on the other side of the world. So, that being said, the computer is definitely needed for me for now. It won't be when I make my way over there or she comes here. I am very big on Sports but that's just one of the many things I'm interested in. I don't really see it as a be all and end all thing.

I think socialising with people is what an actual day would usually consist of, which I do when I go to work or if I was with my girlfriend and all. It'd just be not on the computer much, being outside (depending on weather) and generally having a good time. If I could, I wouldn't really even go on the computer much. I'd be spending my days outside, enjoying life. I do like going outside a lot but because of my situation, I can't do it as much as I'd like and because of my addiction to computers and games (games back in the day), I didn't do it even though I wanted to. So yeah, I'd definitely spend more time outside, socialising with people.

I can't really say anything on your own personal theory as that's your own and I can't really argue it as it's an opinion. I did read it and I respect it.
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~

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ohforfsake
ohforfsake


Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
posted May 09, 2011 09:15 PM

Quote:
I guess you were just unfortunate enough to have one of those friends that, like you said, set you back and all.

Well the very same guy was the main person who made every day of my life at school miserable, and if I'd refuse playing with him, it'd just get even worse, so I suppose you're right there!

I am glad to see that you do have interests and ideas of what to do, for the day when you no longer are really dependent on the computer. I should of course have  figured out music was one of them, silly me.  
Quote:
I did read it and I respect it.

Thanks!

So if I got it right, you need the computer right now to communicate with your girlfriend, otherwise you would not even have any reason to trun it on right? I personally imagine, if you've no reason to turn it on when you're finally with your girlfriend, then nothing will keep you to the addiction.

Though I imagine that means, we're also gonna see you less at HC? Of course it's your life that matter here, and you should not feel pressured to come by and only come by, if you truely wants to!

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Fauch
Fauch


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
posted May 09, 2011 10:37 PM
Edited by Fauch at 22:44, 09 May 2011.

I went further and further from my few friends as we went down different paths. you know, they go in different schools, they make new friends and start spending more time with them than with you. and since they are getting more adults, they feel they have more responsibilities, and can spend less and less time with you. you know, when you are a child, you see your friends almost every day. when you are adult, settled and with a job, hardly once a month. and at that time it is very hard to make new friends, since you always meet the same people.

Quote:
I think socialising with people is what an actual day would usually consist of, which I do when I go to work or if I was with my girlfriend and all.

I'm not sure there is that much socialisation in work. of course, people expect you to be nice, but they over all expect you to get the job done. in the end, what matters to them is that they get paid for their job, and not for doing yours.
you can make friends at work, but how much? 1 or 2 maybe?
and for the rest of them, all you can do is adapt to their stupid behaviour or die trying?

well, I'll admit it's not my own experience, I usually work alone, that's just based on things I hear.

for example, there is my mother who works as a cleaner in a team, and regurlarly, there are stupid dramas. they just can't act as a team. when there is a problem, they can't take their responsibility as a team, they need to backstab each others. and the rest of the time, they act as if they are kinda friends.

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william
william


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
posted May 09, 2011 11:10 PM

Well that might be the case with you but I've actually made several friends from work. They expect me to do my job but don't have a problem if I can talk and do my work at the same time, hence how I'm able to gain friends and all.
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~

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Fauch
Fauch


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
posted May 10, 2011 06:05 PM

maybe it's just my state of mind. for example, school, I always viewed it as a place where I had to go to work. never felt very easy there, so I could hardly make friends. in school, at work, there is always something expected from you, and you can't let go of yourself

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william
william


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
posted May 10, 2011 06:26 PM

Ah I see. I've never been like that. I didn't care too much about school as I was able to teach myself better than the teachers and actually teach myself things that are necessary for me and that I want to know instead of learning heaps of crap and very little that I actually need. So in saying that, I was able to make friends that way. While not that most sociable guy back then when I was in school, I managed to make friends because I didn't really go there for the main purpose of learning.
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~

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Doomforge
Doomforge


Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
posted May 11, 2011 08:18 PM

Meanwhile, I purged my massive drives again. All according to plan. The last game remaining for me to complete is BGT. From there, Witcher2, which hopefully will be the last game before a nice abstinence period until Diablo 3.

Wish me luck, I'm gonna need it.
____________
We reached to the stars and everything is now ours

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william
william


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
posted May 11, 2011 08:20 PM

Good luck mate. I'm sure you'll do it.
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~

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OhforfSake
OhforfSake


Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
posted May 11, 2011 08:46 PM

The best of luck to you! I'm certain you'll eventually break through. Too bad we don't live forever, then the time wasted wouldn't matter.

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Doomforge
Doomforge


Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
posted May 11, 2011 08:49 PM

Quote:
Too bad we don't live forever, then the time wasted wouldn't matter.


My thoughts exactly. I'm almost 24 and I'm starting to feel a little bit claustrophobic with my addiction, more and more. I just don't have the time anymore.


Thanks guys.
____________
We reached to the stars and everything is now ours

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Salamandre
Salamandre


Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Wog refugee
posted August 25, 2013 01:45 AM

Since I moved for vacancy in some very isolated area without access to market or anything I decided to get rid of a 20 yo addiction. And no little, but 30 cigarettes a day, every day.

First day was piece of cake. Second day, every hour or so I had this reflex to pull hands for the package, left/right, again and again. From third day, couldn't anymore sleep, I had some glow-lamp like tattooed on my brain and every oxygen breath was like fire. Fourth day, digestive troubles started and spent the whole day crooked. Fifth day, all the previous effects doubled in intensity and started to act randomly and chaotically.

20 days remaining and can't move out. Will have fun.
____________
Era II mods and utilities

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Corribus
Corribus

Hero of Order
The Abyss Staring Back at You
posted August 25, 2013 02:08 AM

Maybe cold turkey wasn't the best idea, Sal.
____________
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later. -Mitch Hedberg

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artu
artu


Promising
Undefeatable Hero
My BS sensor is tingling again
posted August 25, 2013 02:35 AM
Edited by artu at 02:37, 25 Aug 2013.

Salamandre said:
Since I moved for vacancy in some very isolated area without access to market or anything I decided to get rid of a 20 yo addiction. And no little, but 30 cigarettes a day, every day.

First day was piece of cake. Second day, every hour or so I had this reflex to pull hands for the package, left/right, again and again. From third day, couldn't anymore sleep, I had some glow-lamp like tattooed on my brain and every oxygen breath was like fire. Fourth day, digestive troubles started and spent the whole day crooked. Fifth day, all the previous effects doubled in intensity and started to act randomly and chaotically.

20 days remaining and can't move out. Will have fun.


I really feel weird reading such stories about smoking, you know, like it's heroin or something... In my twenties I used to smoke at least two packs a day, (that would be 40 cigarettes btw), and then one day I just decided to smoke only while drinking. To test if I could manage I haven't drank or smoked for 2 weeks as a head start. And I was shocked to see how easy it was... No cold turkey, no hand trembling, no nervous attacks... And for the last 5 or 6 years I still only smoke when I drink, which is like once or twice a week. The other days I don't miss it at all, let alone crave for it. So all these nicotine addiction stories seem psychological to me. If you really put your mind to it, there's nothing hard about to quit smoking and trust me, if you don't condition yourself into it, most of the time you won't even feel the difference.

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