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Guitarguy
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Rockoon.
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posted January 06, 2007 05:02 AM |
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William, I don't ask you to do much of anything for me, except to let me be during my periods of sadness, depression, and/or stress. You keep telling me that talking with you on MSN is the key to me feeling better, but I'm sorry, some things don't get patched up that way. I told you time and again that I'm not into MSN chatting, yet you didn't really take that to heart. You weren't entirely accomodating.
I appreciate everything you do to help me, whether it's encouraging words, your own testimony here in Downhill Times, or simply your offers to talk it over. But there's a side of you that makes things difficult for me. I'm stuck in a position of trying to be your friend, yet I must put up with your demanding side.
If I calmly turn down your invitations to chat on MSN, you sometimes get stirred up and give me a hard time. Perhaps this episode is similar. You're dying to show me that instrument of yours, but I told you at least three times that I'm not ready. It's true that the contents of HCMs should stay private between us, but I've been doing that for a freaking long time! I let you get away with murder for who knows how long. The seams are bursting! So now, when I'm hurting over something, you tell me that there isn't much at stake in my life and that I shouldn't talk about it. What am I to do then? Just join you on MSN to make you happy and not bother about my own needs?
Perhaps this ordeal has stretched me beyond my normal limits, but I'm totally for defending myself. I hate making stuff like this so public, William, but I'm often thinking that you take too much of me for granted. If I treat you with an MSN chat on Christmas Day, you start to ask me on a regular basis. You're a good person on the inside William; you've proved it to me many times and I hold it to be true. But please, learn to work with me during times like this. I hate being confrontational and I hate to fume about everything, but it really needed to come out.
-Guitarguy
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Aculias
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
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posted January 06, 2007 05:17 AM |
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Ok you know what i am tired of hearing this crap.
People who write thier problems in public usually do so they can shed some wisdom.
Get some good advice & some help from us.
Why the heck are you making it public then Guitardude.
Then you go around getting on peoples cases because they try to help.
Why dont you make it private to your friends.
DOnt talk about your problems in public if all you are going to do is mope around telling people to leave you alone then start cocking a bad attitude.
Not only does it make no sense at all.
You also dont listen & you must want us to feel sorry for you.
If I am wrong then tell me but it does not make sense at all.
I am sure you are agood guy etc.
Man this is totally rediculas.
{Convince me & I will delete this reply.}
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Dreaming of a Better World
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted January 06, 2007 05:23 AM |
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Quote:
William, I don't ask you to do much of anything for me, except to let me be during my periods of sadness, depression, and/or stress. You keep telling me that talking with you on MSN is the key to me feeling better, but I'm sorry, some things don't get patched up that way. I told you time and again that I'm not into MSN chatting, yet you didn't really take that to heart. You weren't entirely accomodating.
WEll everytime I let you alone, like I mean don't talk to you when you are in your periods of sadness, depression and/or stress, that is when you, in my opinion, need some help.
Not bad help, I mean help as in someone to talk to.
If you are feeling depressed, or sad or stressed or all 3 of them, then go talk to your parents about it, I am sure they would understand.
I don't think I have ever once told you that MSN is the key to making you feel better, I ask you to come on MSN because it is easier to talk then with HCM, and if we send this amount of HCM's to eachother, then why not talk on a messenger program.
Talking about it with someone, is in my opinion, better then just letting it get the better of you, and then something bad could happen.
Quote:
I appreciate everything you do to help me, whether it's encouraging words, your own testimony here in Downhill Times, or simply your offers to talk it over. But there's a side of you that makes things difficult for me. I'm stuck in a position of trying to be your friend, yet I must put up with your demanding side.
A side of me that makes things difficult for you.
Well I try my best to keep everyone happy, but sometimes that seems to just fail.
I try and make you happy by giving you encouragement, offering to do things like make music together, and other things like maybe play a game together of Diablo 2 or something else, I do try my best and I don't think you know how hard I try to make things right.
Quote:
If I calmly turn down your invitations to chat on MSN, you sometimes get stirred up and give me a hard time. Perhaps this episode is similar. You're dying to show me that instrument of yours, but I told you at least three times that I'm not ready. It's true that the contents of HCMs should stay private between us, but I've been doing that for a freaking long time! I let you get away with murder for who knows how long. The seams are bursting! So now, when I'm hurting over something, you tell me that there isn't much at stake in my life and that I shouldn't talk about it. What am I to do then? Just join you on MSN to make you happy and not bother about my own needs?
Ofcourse I am dying to show you that instrument, and I perhaps figured a way which does not include MSN, well I could show some other people aswell, cos I recorded it, although I really suck at instruments (real life), and I cannot play musical notes, that is my downfall, but yes perhaps I do get a little carried away and get highly enthusiastic about showing you something, because that is obviously what is annoying you, atleast I think so.
Now when did I ever say this:
There is much at stake in your life, and you shouldn't talk about it?
THATS WHAT I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO DO WITH YOU, BUT YOU DON'T SEEM TO NOTICE!!!
That's what I always try and do.
Quote:
Perhaps this ordeal has stretched me beyond my normal limits, but I'm totally for defending myself. I hate making stuff like this so public, William, but I'm often thinking that you take too much of me for granted. If I treat you with an MSN chat on Christmas Day, you start to ask me on a regular basis. You're a good person on the inside William; you've proved it to me many times and I hold it to be true. But please, learn to work with me during times like this. I hate being confrontational and I hate to fume about everything, but it really needed to come out.
Well I am totally for defending myself aswell, and that is probably what got me into trouble in the past.
I don't take you for granted.
Well I don't see how I am a good person, basically everything I do get's ignored, take Consis for example, I clearly apologized to him in thatthread of his, but what did he do?
He simply ignored it, he didnt even bother to say "thanks william for your apology" or something like that.
Do you know how that makes me feel?
All I try and do is to make myself better, perhaps so that people will not dislike me as much, and that I can get along with all you people, because all of you are awesome.
So I do not see how I am a good person, I see myself as a piece of ****, quite frankly, and yes I censored that, I don't wanna get in trouble again, but that is how I see myself at times, and I question on a regular basis, why am I alive?
I can never find the answer, because I don't see any point in me being here, if all I do is bad in the world.
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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Aculias
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
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posted January 06, 2007 05:25 AM |
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See men do have that time of the month also 
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Dreaming of a Better World
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pandora
Honorable
Legendary Hero
The Chosen One
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posted January 06, 2007 05:32 AM |
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It's probably best for everyone to step away from the computers, take a deep breath - and maybe talk again tomorrow.
I don't see much good coming of continuing this right now.
Just my two cents.
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"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted January 06, 2007 05:34 AM |
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Well I am currently doing 3 things here:
1. Trying to make peace with Guitarguy
2.Talking to people on MSN
3.Testing out the Roland JX3P Synthesizer Keyboard, and I am having a blast with it.
I am chilled out, I am completely calm, and I was calm when I wrote all that stuff, maybe a little sad that it had to come to this.
Anyway Guitarguy, I am sorry.
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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VaRuAs
Famous Hero
Only The Chosen Will Survive
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posted January 06, 2007 05:58 AM |
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Holy cow guitarguy i didn't you were walking on a hard time buddy  , well i am not so good putting words at this kind of time, ....world is heartless GG,....
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Aculias
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
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posted January 06, 2007 06:17 AM |
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Ban me then but you should know me by now.
When i see someone getting smashed for trying to help them then I am the type to back them up.
Yea i know how ANNOYING William can be because he dont know what the word NO means.
He just keeps going on & on & on & on until you FLIP OUT.
I am not stupid I know Guitar got furious because Willian can be EXTREMELY annoying.
I dont like how Guitar came at him.
IM a Mod to make him stop then.
If he dont then he can get silenced like before.
Not that hard to calmly say
"No for the second time William, if you keep IM me & not leaving me alone then I will take action with the mods".
No he decided to take the wrong approach.
Thier both wrong.
William needs to respect the person when they dont want his help & no what the word NO means.
Guitar dude needs to mellow out which I think he is doing.
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Dreaming of a Better World
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Guitarguy
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Rockoon.
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posted January 06, 2007 06:23 AM |
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My final thoughts...
@Aculias: You only state your opinions according to what you see, and that is far from the full picture. However, you mean well and therefore I will not hold that against you. William also meant well in his HCM to me, but his choice of words conveyed a double meaning that lit my fuse and caused me to be very offended. Your inclination that William was only trying to help was correct, as I've just been corrected for my misreading of his message. In that case, I will gladly take responsibility for this incident and put my foot in my mouth. Do not delete that post, Acu, because it wasn't without purpose.
@William: I apologize for this whole thing. My innermost concerns and troubles have made me very edgy and defiant, making such an episode evolve as badly as it did. Secondly, I apologize (as per my growing realization) that I have been a rather crappy friend to you. I've been criticizing you about not being a very good friend, while I myself am guilty of the exact same thing. MSN, not playing with you online anymore; those can all be attributed to my increasingly moody nature. As long as you remain reasonable I will more likely take some time to chat on MSN with you. But please remember that I'm still very uncomfortable with that video chat thing, as I'm not as open as you are in utilizing it. As far as your love for electronic music is concerned, I'm only sorry that I don't share as much interest in it as you do. As much as I don't mind discussing music with you, there's this gap between our major interests that sets us apart. I hope I can find a way to peacefully bridge that gap somehow. This past year has not been very kind to me, and I'm sorry that I let those negative energies color my dealings with you here and outside of HC. The least I could've done in all of these instances is acted my age. After reflecting on those times right now, it's clear to me that I haven't done an impressive job at it. So I owe you more of an apology than the other way around. If you visit Hawaii in the future, I will make a point to welcome you as a true RL friend.
@everyone: This was an unfortunate experience and I'm sorry to have started it. I will deal with my troubles maturely and hopefully not let it get out of hand again. As you all have seen, I struggle with many things and I'm constantly in need of learning new ways of dealing with them. These are my closing thoughts on this matter, but if you have another bone to pick with me or would like to express your own comments, send me an HCM. I'm willing to expand on anything applicable and right whatever wrongs that need attention.
-Guitarguy
EDIT-by-Lith: i was asked to give this post a QP. I didn't. while such behaviour is commendable, it should be expected, from a Responsible member of HC
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Aculias
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
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posted January 06, 2007 06:29 AM |
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Were human & we all got our burning point.
Even the calmest of the all Guitar guy lol.
No sweat.
Dont take what i say harsh.
If i didnt care i would just laugh at yall like Stiven
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Dreaming of a Better World
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted January 06, 2007 06:40 AM |
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Quote:
@William: I apologize for this whole thing. My innermost concerns and troubles have made me very edgy and defiant, making such an episode evolve as badly as it did. Secondly, I apologize (as per my growing realization) that I have been a rather crappy friend to you. I've been criticizing you about not being a very good friend, while I myself am guilty of the exact same thing. MSN, not playing with you online anymore; those can all be attributed to my increasingly moody nature. As long as you remain reasonable I will more likely take some time to chat on MSN with you. But please remember that I'm still very uncomfortable with that video chat thing, as I'm not as open as you are in utilizing it. As far as your love for electronic music is concerned, I'm only sorry that I don't share as much interest in it as you do. As much as I don't mind discussing music with you, there's this gap between our major interests that sets us apart. I hope I can find a way to peacefully bridge that gap somehow. This past year has not been very kind to me, and I'm sorry that I let those negative energies color my dealings with you here and outside of HC. The least I could've done in all of these instances is acted my age. After reflecting on those times right now, it's clear to me that I haven't done an impressive job at it. So I owe you more of an apology than the other way around. If you visit Hawaii in the future, I will make a point to welcome you as a true RL friend.
Although I am not very emotional, your post made me pretty sad, and I am not afriad to admit that.
I don't really know what to say to it.
I guess that I have treated you badly over the last couple of months, I have cursed at you (don't like cuss, it's a silly word imo ), I have treated you badly, and I have continously annoyed you.
I understand why you got angry, and I am kinda confused and amazed at how much you kept your anger inside you at times, even when I was at the maximum annoyance level.
I am not always the best friend, as I have done many bad things to some of my friends, including you.
I consider you as a friend, yes, we both share similar interest's in some kinds of music, we both have a love for online games like Diablo 2, and all that stuff.
What makes us different is that you keep your anger inside you, and manage to keep it inside of you until it goes away.
I on the other hand, do 2 things:
I explode in an instant with alot of anger.
OR
I keep my anger inside me, and then let it keep growing and growing, until I unleashe it and then all hell breaks loose.
You are a sensitve guy, I know that and I am sure other's also know that aswell, so if anyone is to blame for you getting angry at times and for making you annoyed or whatever, it is me.
You are a good guy Guitarguy (kinda rhymed ), and I hope to see you in Real Life someday.
Thanks for your post, and apology 
A very sad William talking
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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TnT_Addict
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Beautiful Liar
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posted January 06, 2007 06:53 AM |
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I think you all should join Guitarguy at the boyscouts and go camping to a far away secluded forest, set up a small tent and work out your problems there with a nice dim fire going and some quiet violin music.
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Please
click and help me out!! Thanks!!
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Aculias
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
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posted January 06, 2007 06:55 AM |
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Only if you can serve the dinner for us TNT
You know what kind of French Dessert i like
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Dreaming of a Better World
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Guitarguy
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Rockoon.
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posted January 06, 2007 07:02 AM |
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Thank you for the replies.
I've never been very efficient at undergoing positive changes, mostly because I've always tried to maintain a positive image both in RL and online. I always hoped to appear the straight character with good morals and a lot of patience. That image is false in reality, though, and I'm slowly coming to terms with it. Ever since last Fall, I've seen things within me that make me cringe with disappointment. I thought myself a terrible Christian, and with ample reasons. I saw myself as being insufficient in many aspects of social life due to my personal flaws, and that's been an ongoing battle.
I'm not here to suck-up or present a half-hearted drama. I can reaffirm that despite his occasionally troublesome quirks, William is a good person inside. Through our many talks, I've found him to be generally upright in his thinking (although I disagree with his opinions about emos). He still has his darker side, but this thread has enough proof that I have my own, as well.
So the new chapter begins here.
-Guitarguy
@TnT: Uh oh.
-Guitarguy
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted January 06, 2007 07:06 AM |
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Edited by william at 07:11, 06 Jan 2007.
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Everyone has their Dark Sides, and yes mine are pretty damn dark
And not everyone can agree with one's opinion, like you said, you disagree with my opinions about Emos, and I respect that.
I try not to make troublesome quirks, but I sometimes cannot help it.
I think I will need improving, further improving, both as a poster and as a person, quite obviously I havent tried enough and this whole thing kinda proves it.
Sorry everyone for all this trouble, and I am not trying to make people feel sorry for me, I am just apologizing in a normal way.
EDIT
 Guitarguy, you changed your custom status, you are no longer a tosser level!!!
What will I do now?
EDIT #2:
I also do not think you can change that quickly though, for me to become a better poster here at HC, it took some time.
Remember when I first came, I spammed the Library, and then about halfway through my stay here, I started getting a little "pissed" off at some of the member's and mods, Pandora being one of them (hope that's all good now).
And then I got silenced for 3 days, Valeriy thought it right, and although I didn't appriciate it at the time, I later discoevered that it helped in the long run, cos I had 3 days to think over my actions and think why I got silenced and how I could prevent that from happening again.
So I made my change, slowly but surely I did it, and I hope people think that I am a better poster then I was before, but that is not why I changed (to make people think I am a better poster).
I changed because I didn't like what I was becoming here, and I wanted to make a positive contribution to this place, instead of making a negative one, because that had gotten me in trouble quite a few times.
Nowadays I seem much more relaxed, because that was a couple of months worth of change.
I once had -2 QP, I now have +4, why do I have them?
Quite obviously I have improved, and for the better aswell.
Changes are not instantaneous, they take some time.
If you want, I can help you through the way, but I amquite sure that you wanna change at your own pace without any help.
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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pandora
Honorable
Legendary Hero
The Chosen One
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posted January 06, 2007 05:35 PM |
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Edited by pandora at 17:39, 06 Jan 2007.
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So here's mine... since I haven't been here much lately, a lot of people have been asking me what's up, am I quitting blah blah blah.
No, I'm not quitting, I'm still here it's just been a rough time at home. My mother in law had been living with us for several years (I know what you're thinking, that should be downhill times worthy in itself ) and her health has been bad for ages. No need for details, but at 61 she looked to be in her 80's or so - she won two fights with cancer but the battles took their toll.
Just before the start of Christmas holidays, she had been complaining of a flu - feeling tired and sick - she insisted she didn't need a doctor. Since such ailments were common with her, we figured this would pass like it always did.
One morning, I found her sitting on my son's bed, muttering to herself - so I called the ambulance. They told us at the hospital that she had a blocked bile duct that had become infected and they were giving her antibiotics. They told my husband and his sister to go home, she would just be sleeping. That night she had a series of heart attacks, resulting in no blood pressure which means no blood to the brain. They told us that she wouldn't survive without machines, and she wouldn't regain consciousness - the family had to make the decision to end life support.
They made that decision on December 20th, my birthday.
For me, this whole time all I've been thinking about is how everyone else is doing. This has been absolutely crushing for my two kids - and obviously for my husband. I haven't really even considered how I feel about it, because right now I don't get to be sad - I have to take care of everyone else and deal with all the 'stuff' that arises after someone passes.
That said, even though it's been crappy and utterly exhausting I know that now she's not suffering, and that the right decision was made. I know that things will get better.
That should be the message for everyone in this thread, maybe it's 'downhill times' - but there are always 'uphill times' on the way. So look up
____________
"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
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Nidhgrin
Honorable
Famous Hero
baking cookies from stardust
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posted January 06, 2007 09:16 PM |
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Edited by Nidhgrin at 21:18, 06 Jan 2007.
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Damn, speaking of rough times...
I can imagine it's particularly devastating for the kids, having lost my grandmother at a young age myself. I hope you and your hubby find the courage to help them through this, despite your own grief and doubts. Dark events like this may change the world view of children forever, and without parental or other help, it might take them a long time to get over.
It's good to hear you're taking care of your loved ones, as well as the more morbid practical sides to someone passing. Just realize that if you run your own batteries down, who's gonna take care of who next? So take your time to mourn as well, you have the right to be sad... Unless caring for others is your way of dealing with this.
Take care. And you're right, there are always 'uphill times' on the way
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Binabik
Responsible
Legendary Hero
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posted January 06, 2007 09:35 PM |
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I've been through the death of both my parents in the last 4-5 years. So I know that all the words of sympathy are nothing more than words to fill the silence during an awkward moment. But somehow they are still welcome. Like someone wishes they could help even though there is little they can do.
You said this happened on your birthday. We went through this over the holidays with Dad, and he died on New Years Day. I was concerned it would ruin future holidays, but that didn't happen.
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pandora
Honorable
Legendary Hero
The Chosen One
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posted January 10, 2007 06:26 PM |
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Edited by pandora at 18:31, 10 Jan 2007.
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Thanks for that guys
Niddy, you're spot on in thinking that taking care of other people is my way of dealing with things, that and obsessive housecleaning have always been my therapies of choice
Binabik, you're right too - words can't really "help" but they are still a comfort just knowing that people care and would like to help.
I'm not too worried about future Christmases and Birthdays, we make a point of celebrating the good - Jerry's (Jerry is my hubby btw) Dad passed away in December of 2000 - so we're not new to the shadow over the holidays. What made it awful this year though, was getting the Happy Birthday calls from family and friends and having to spend the whole day explaining what happened. that was so exhausting.
But anyways, life returns to normal in its own time, we'll be okay
Anyways - enough about me Guitarguy wrote:
Quote:
I've never been very efficient at undergoing positive changes, mostly because I've always tried to maintain a positive image both in RL and online. I always hoped to appear the straight character with good morals and a lot of patience. That image is false in reality, though, and I'm slowly coming to terms with it.
The part I bolded there is hugely important GG, and you should feel really proud of yourself that you're coming around to doing that. People aren't all sunshine and lollipops - if they were the world would be a creepy scary place. Everyone has many different sides to them, and its the sum of all those characteristics that make us real people. Thats what makes us unique, and interesting. Don't hate your bad qualities, learn to accept them and be aware of them - you'll find it easier to control - and the weight of feeling guilty for being human will finally leave you.
____________
"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
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Guitarguy
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Rockoon.
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posted January 13, 2007 10:12 AM |
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Quote:
Don't hate your bad qualities, learn to accept them and be aware of them - you'll find it easier to control - and the weight of feeling guilty for being human will finally leave you.
Yeah, I know. It's just that so many things are going on daily that get me worrying or aggrivated, in RL and occasionally online. But the stuff in RL hits the hardest, I suppose, since the physical world is essentially the truest state of being (if that makes any sense). I've many bad qualities to be ashamed of, and if you knew me as a friend outside the family, you probably wouldn't know of more than one. I conceal these things really well (or at least I try to), but they continue to fester within me. Issues within my family drag me down in frequent subtle ways. I believe I said this before; I can't love my parents and grandparents the way I want to, for various reasons. It's a huge jumbled mess of relationships gone awkward, attempting to make it to the end despite the structural faults. I'm ashamed of my ways of dealing with it very much.
I got pissed at my grandpa today. One of our parakeets accidently broke free and flew into the bathroom towards the window. The window is one of those paneled ones that collapse like closed blinds when you pull down the lever. The parakeet was clinging to the screen just inside of the panels, and I couldn't easily reach her. My grandpa saw me struggling and was about to lend a hand by closing the bottom half of the window panels. I called out to him to stop (he's very hard of hearing) and tried to explain that the parakeet might get crushed if he did so. After about twelve seconds of the two of us protesting each other, he swore and went away grumbling (as he always does). I threw down something I was holding and cried "Well, damn it then!" After several minutes, I managed to startle the bird out of the window area and back into the main room. Now back to my grandpa. I know only too well that he doesn't reason very well when it comes to doing many practical things, so I knew I couldn't trust him rushing in to do what he thought should be done. I was incredibly annoyed when he refused to accept what I was telling him. I did it for the parakeet's safety, not to get him upset. But I know he gets upset really easily; after all, my mom got her firecracker temper from him.
This and other family issues resurface on occasion. I try my best to act maturely, but sometimes it feels impossible. Sometimes I'm so filled with disgust at the state of things that I could walk around in circles and not know what to do anymore. My life isn't hell, but it isn't a comfortable mental joyride either. The question of when things will be better is almost ever-present. Not only while pondering the family situation, but basically everything else that gives me a hard time.
I just experienced a mood swing from comfortable to depressed within the last ten minutes. It's a mix of many factors, most of which I won't talk about openly. It feels like I'm trapped in a box, feeling empty and wondering what to do. I hate this feeling. Very little can comfort me. I'm just planning to live/sleep this off and hopefully I'll feel better later or tomorrow.
-Guitarguy
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This thread is pages long: 
