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OmegaDestroyer
Hero of Order
Fox or Chicken?
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posted January 13, 2012 04:41 PM |
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Can't say I've ever heard of butt testosterone before.
____________
The giant has awakened
You drink my blood and drown
Wrath and raving I will not stop
You'll never take me down
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JollyJoker
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
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posted January 13, 2012 04:51 PM |
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meroe
Supreme Hero
Basically Smurfette
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posted January 13, 2012 06:37 PM |
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Quote:
butttt testosterone levels fall rapidly as you get older 
I wouldn't worry yourself about that just yet DF. By the time that happens, you would have lost interest anyway, that or have Alzheimer's!!!
____________
Meroe is definetely out, sweet
as she sounds sometimes, she'd
definetely castrate you with a
rusted razror and forcefeed
your genitals to you in a
blink of an eye - Kipshasz
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted January 14, 2012 07:52 AM |
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Quote:
Why? The younger you are, the more powerful the amazement is from pretty much anything.
Only because everything between the periods of amazement relatively sucks. Think about when you were a little kid. You could only get a computer game for your birthday or Christmas, and so of course you looked forward to those times for months, and enjoyed those games greatly upon getting them. But now that you can get any game whenever you want (and if you don't care about doing it the legal way, you can get it for free), so you don't have these "periods of amazement" any more (except before some new releases) because your life is more enjoyable on average (at least in that respect). At least, it's true for me, and not just as far as gaming goes. Unlike when I was younger, I don't look forward to anything for months, but I'm much happier day-to-day than I used to be.
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Eccentric Opinion
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted January 15, 2012 06:52 PM |
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Quote:
There is more of a chance that she will chase you if you are out meeting new people and doing fun things with your life
actually, that's probably the least of her worries. she has many such friends. obviously she wants something else.
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted January 20, 2012 03:03 PM |
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Edited by Fauch at 22:32, 20 Jan 2012.
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ok, finally got a clear answer. I just told her I didn't like her anymore and she was relieved. it isn't clear yet if we stay friends, but I think not. nothing in her attitude makes me think that she is my friend.
wait, she said a bit more. I attacked her on purpose and was harsher than usual, thinking she wouldn't get hurt, since she seemed to not care about me anymore.
I noticed that lately, she will only answer me if I provocate her, and only to defend herself, sometimes ridiculising me (note that I can't talk to her in private, that means, everyone can read what we say)
so, since I pushed her more than usual, I expected some badass retaliation, but instead, she confirmed what I said about her.
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Tsar-Ivor
Promising
Legendary Hero
Scourge of God
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posted January 20, 2012 11:09 PM |
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Quote:
ok, finally got a clear answer. I just told her I didn't like her anymore and she was relieved. it isn't clear yet if we stay friends, but I think not. nothing in her attitude makes me think that she is my friend.
wait, she said a bit more. I attacked her on purpose and was harsher than usual, thinking she wouldn't get hurt, since she seemed to not care about me anymore.
I noticed that lately, she will only answer me if I provocate her, and only to defend herself, sometimes ridiculising me (note that I can't talk to her in private, that means, everyone can read what we say)
so, since I pushed her more than usual, I expected some badass retaliation, but instead, she confirmed what I said about her.
You've certainly managed to prove that you're a total ***. Now I can clearly see with whom lies the fault. I've lost all my respect for you  .
Quote:
for what exactly? being honest?
Edit: You weren't honest you were manipulating her to see the way she would react (not to mention by provocating her) this alone would be bad enough, but judging by her emotional stability this action was out of order. By doing this you've certainly proven to me how much she actually means to you.
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"No laughs were had. There is only shame and sadness." Jenny
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted January 20, 2012 11:50 PM |
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Edited by Fauch at 01:54, 06 Feb 2012.
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for what exactly? being honest?
by provocating, I didn't mean insulting her btw. I just see that if I try to impose myself more, she is more likely to answer.
I learnt many things from her best friend.
good news, she actually never tried to suicide. bad news, she lied to me and I don't know how often. she didn't bother telling me that she returned with her boyfriend. apparently they constantly break and get together again. and it seems that each time they break, she goes on the internet crying about how lonely she is, which is almost every day, thus I thought that she was alone.
oh and it is actually just a boyfriend, they never were married, but she always called him her husband.
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William
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted September 16, 2013 06:51 AM |
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I've hit one of those walls and I don't seem to ever be able to get out of it, or so it seems at the moment.
I have hope that some day soon I will be okay but ever since getting back from England, I have been in a constant state of frustration and even feeling incredibly down about everything. It's not the fact that it was all new to me and was such a different way of living as opposed to what I was used to in Australia for 21 years of my life. It's the mere fact that I made friends over there. Friends who actually cared about me. Friends who never wanted me to leave. Friends who would always be there for me and I would be there for them. It's been the hardest thing having to try and accept the fact that I may never see them ever again.
The reason why I had moved to England which everybody must know by now, was because of a woman. I moved over to England to be with somebody that I met online. It worked for a while, for about a year and a couple of months before it finally broke down. That was fine I suppose. It's all a learning curve and the shaping of somebody. It's not exactly a horrible experience but at that moment it did feel as if my whole world had come crushing down because at that stage I was content with the way my life was going. I always knew, in the back of my mind, of the inevitability that I was eventually going to have to go back to Australia.
Alas, I did try everything I could to extend my visa but it just wasn't possible. That, at the time, was hard to swallow but I tried my best and tried to get on with it. I was working 50 hours a week, sometimes more, and it was fantastic because I had all of my mates at work. It wasn't like those types of people that you may meet at University or School that may, as you get older, drift away and do their own separate things. No, these were people that I had gotten to take the time to know, the time to actually spend time with. They were all different to me but they all appreciated me as a person and accepted me no matter how weird I may have acted, no matter if I lost my temper or no matter how down I was about things.
I had a select few though that were always there for me. The ones that were there when my ex broke up with me. They could all tell how miserable I was when I came into work, especially a day after it happened. I wasn't able to work well at all and even though my boss and team leader were frustrated at the time at my lack of work, they understood because of what happened. She was the reason, after all, why I was in the country. Still, I had to move on and move on I did. My friends always took the time to try and hang out with me or just make my time enjoyable and I tried to do the same.
Now, I am the kind of guy that loves to work and loves to be with my friends. Saying that I do like my own time but who doesn't? I went from having it all, to being independent, having a full time job, being able to see my friends whenever I could to having nothing. I have essentially taken massive steps back in my life and it's incredibly hard to take. Not that I don't appreciate being with my family as I was home sick for quite a long time, but the fact that I did lose my independence will always get to me until I can get it again.
I know I eventually will get out of this hole that I seem to be in, but it's so hard at the moment. I love my country and I love the friends that I do have here back in Australia but I just feel completely lost. At the moment I am trying my hardest to find a job but it's just not forthcoming and it's incredibly frustrating as all I seem to be doing is sitting at home most of the time and replaying in my mind who great England was and then start to think about all my friends and start to miss them all over again.
Some days it seems as if I am getting better and slowly moving on but days like this I just seem to think about everything and it is getting me down. I try to go for walks or see my mates and it helps but it's only a temporary fix. I suppose even though home is where the heart is and my heart is here, I just miss all my friends as a lot of my best mates are in England. It's just incredibly tough at the moment and I am finding each day harder and harder to take. I just miss it all especially my best mate. She helped me through a lot of tough times and it's getting harder to talk to her because of how much I miss her. Skype and Facebook are fine I suppose but there's nothing like the physical aspect of conversing with somebody. That's the part I miss the most.
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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JollyJoker
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
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posted September 16, 2013 09:26 AM |
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Couldn't you simply apply for permanent residence in the UK?
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William
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted September 16, 2013 10:08 AM |
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If I could do that I would have already done that by now. It's a complex procedure trying to get permanent residency for the UK. I'd have to have been there 5 years or have a relative that has UK ancestry but not going back too far. I think the furthest they go back is Grand parents. It's ridiculous because I used to work my arse off, used to pay taxes. I didn't rely on the state for any welfare money, I did my hard yards and I was one of the better workers they had in the place that I worked in yet they let people come in who offer nothing and rely solely on government money. It's unfair and ridiculous but that's just the reality of the situation.
It bothers me to this day and I tried everything to seeing if there was another Visa to seeing if my work could sponsor me but they couldn't.
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted September 16, 2013 12:56 PM |
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I guess what you need is time, William.. to accept and move on.
I know this may sound out of place but the friends you have won't disappear, and there's always a chance to find new ones back in Australia.
Besides... it's Australia, mate !  Arguably the most beautiful place to live and conveniently it also scores 1st place when it comes to standards of living as well. Just for that, I'd burn all the bridges.
I know that it's a poor way to cheer you up, but think how blue you'd feel if you got shipped back from England to Poorland Now THAT would suck some major cohones.
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted September 17, 2013 12:45 AM |
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it kinda sucks to make friends abroad. unless there is love involved, it is unlikely they will ever travel to you or you will ever travel to them.
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seraphim
Supreme Hero
Knowledge Reaper
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posted September 17, 2013 04:19 AM |
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Doomforge said:
I know that it's a poor way to cheer you up, but think how blue you'd feel if you got shipped back from England to Poorland Now THAT would suck some major cohones.
Poland cant be that bad. At least you can visit germany and work there.
Now it would really suck to return to mexico, or any other crapy country.
William, iam sorry for you but you really did not have to do that journey. But anyway, look in thebright way, you are living in a beautiful place and you got a degree.
Love is a trivial matter.
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OhforfSake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted September 21, 2013 06:00 PM |
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I'm sorry to hear that Will. 
Just like you a mate of mine went to England and worked there. He was there for a year, and really liked it. Took him some time to get adjusted to life in his own country again, but time heal all wounds, I guess. He also shortly after found a girlfriend who he lives together with now. (He really just wanted to flee in the first place due to tragic in his family, which I'm not comfortable writing about).
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William
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted July 30, 2015 06:59 PM |
bonus applied by Corribus on 05 Aug 2015. |
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These past few months, or most of this year to be fair, have been an extreme roller coaster in terms of my emotions and me as a person. Let me start from the beginning, as that's always the best place to start.
Last time I posted in here I was talking about how I had moved back to Australia from England after 2 years over there and feeling a sense of frustration with how crap my life had become as it felt there was no purpose. Simply put, I felt I didn't belong after 2 years away and having seen such a better way of life.
After about a month or so living back home, I moved to Victoria on my own and decided to make a life for myself over here. I was doing quite well. One thing that was always at the back of my mind was that I was lonely, that nobody was particularly interested in me in the romantic sense. I had a lot of friends and that has never been a problem for me regardless of where I go to to so I knew it wasn't that it was a problem with a belonging, it was just that I was trying or hoping to find a girl for me when I saw everybody around me was always so happy with their girlfriends or whatever. Regardless of that, it never really made me feel too down and I was always in a great mood day in day out.
Fast forward to February of this year and I met someone who would change my life. Finally, I had found someone ever since the breakup of my ex in England in December of 2012. It was a long time coming but with this girl that I had met there was that instant attraction which was evident from both parties. We hit it off and started being together about a week or two later. Life was finally perfect. I was settled, living with friends, had a decent job and finally had a girlfriend. What more could I really ask for? In May, she broke up with me. Not because there was anything wrong with the relationship but because she was going through personal and family troubles. I was crushed, to say the very least, because it felt that she couldn't trust me enough, in a sense, to have kept dating me because it might have interfered rather than having seen it as someone is there that will love and support her through a bad time. I was crushed. I didn't know I had a problem until the next day when I started thinking suicidal thoughts. It might seem like an exaggerated response to a relationship that was such a short time, but I'll get to that.
I had a talk with her about a week later and she agreed to give it a go providing I do give her the space and time that she needed, which was my idea anyway and I was happy to go along with it. So from the span of a week I went from horribly crushed, heartbroken, to feeling elated again. Happy to be back with a girl I loved. A week and 3 days later she broke up with me again. This time was worse on me because I was literally about 30 seconds away from taking these heavy painkillers and overdosing on them. I knew I had to seek help because everybody around me was worried when they found out. I checked myself in at the hospital the very next day and saw a psychologist. Basically what they told me was that there are no in betweens with me, it's either I'm feeling extremely happy or I'm down, very very badly down. I see bad things as a catastrophe. It could be anything, not just a relationship. I've had it happen before when it wasn't regarding a relationship so I know that I do have a problem and want to seek help.
I gave my tablets to one of my good friends and started getting on the mend. When I am okay now, I know that suicide is a ridiculous notion and is one of the most selfish things you could ever do because it's essentially handing your problems over to others to clean up. You solve your problem by killing yourself while friends and family are left grieving for a very long time and that is ridiculous and something I'd never want to inflict upon them. It hurts even to be writing this considering I was that close.
Right now, I don't know how I feel. I'm certainly not down, I'm in a good mood but there's always that thought in the back of my mind about what I could have done better, what I could have done to have potentially kept it going. I do know that there was nothing wrong with us and I am willing to wait until everything is sorted because when everything was fine with her, it was a great relationship and we compliment each other as people exceptionally well. My biggest fear is that I'll potentially get hurt again. With the help I am getting, I don't think I'll react in that way again but I can never predict my own behaviour so I can never say for certain.
The ways I have been distracting myself is to have just kept making music. I released one album on bandcamp not long ago and have another one on the way. It's quite possibly some of my best work yet. I joke with friends that maybe more bad stuff has to happen to me so that my music keeps improving and getting better as every time something bad happens, my music just turns up a notch in terms of ideas, quality and emotion. Looking back on the things I have created is nice but brings back bad memories. I'm very proud of some of the stuff that I have made but get reminded that I made that throughout one of the worst times I have been through.
I suppose the best thing I could have done was to have talked to people about it. As soon as I started feeling crap, I let all my close mates know just in case I did do something stupid that I would regret. I thought they deserved that, especially my housemate. Talking definitely helps and if anybody else feels crap and needs to talk, I am always here or you can add me on facebook. I may not have been through some tough times as some others have but I can definitely offer advice because I've been through some rough experiences and have always come out the other side a hell of a lot stronger.
Just remember that when the going gets tough, there are ALWAYS people around you to support and help you. I learnt that from this latest experience and am forever grateful for the people around me. Without them, I'd probably be dead by now and that is not a good thought at all.
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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OmegaDestroyer
Hero of Order
Fox or Chicken?
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posted July 30, 2015 09:19 PM |
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Thank you for sharing, William. I am glad to hear that you were able to get a handle on your situation.
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William
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted July 31, 2015 06:44 AM |
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Anytime mate. I suppose that's one of the big reasons as to why I haven't really been too active over the past few months or so. It definitely took a toll on me. My problem is is that when I get in a relationship I give it my absolute all and if it goes badly then I react in the worst way possible because of how crushed I get. Talking about it now it is all a bit silly but when it happens, I don't know how else to react. With help, talking about it and distracting myself, I will gradually learn to overcome anything that comes my way. I mean, I've done alright in my life considering the things that have come my way. I know that I will always come out the other side a hell of a lot stronger and it's always been the case. Regardless of what happens in this current situation with her, whether she wants to give it another go or not, I know that I will be alright in the end.
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted July 31, 2015 08:57 AM |
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Will, from my experience you need a couple screwups in relationships to finally get one right. There are of course lucky people who make it work in the first try, but it's super rare.
The only hard thing is to keep the fire within you and give your best every time. Most people get burned out, or become scared of getting hurt and thus become emotionally withdrawn. But you are a very lively person, and you always give 100%, don't you?  So this shouldn't be of any concern.
It took me 8 years to set things straight on the path of relationships. Things will straigten out for you as well, just give it some time.
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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Corribus
Hero of Order
The Abyss Staring Back at You
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posted August 05, 2015 04:25 PM |
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Great post, William. Thanks for sharing. +QP awarded.
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I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later. -Mitch Hedberg
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