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Heroes Community > Newcomers Inn > Thread: You're New? Come here first!
Thread: You're New? Come here first! This Popular Thread is 154 pages long: 1 2 3 4 5 ... 30 60 90 120 ... 150 151 152 153 154 · «PREV / NEXT»
CountBezuhoff
CountBezuhoff


Adventuring Hero
Master of the merchants' guild
posted May 11, 2019 01:32 PM
Edited by CountBezuhoff at 13:37, 11 May 2019.

Greetings, fellow HCers!

Of course, you should all be aware by now of the many reasons one would decide to join this wonderful community, so I'd rather not waste any more of your precious time by addressing each and every one of them.

However, before I proceed to some other thread, I wish to express my deepest regret for not joining you earlier. Many obstacles prevented me from doing so, most notably the impossible intelligence test, which I failed again and again, but, at last, this most disgusting and dangerous foe no longer stood in my way and I was able to successfully register.

My title proved to be another minor hindrance for "a username shall not be longer than 14 characters" and, apparently, "ViscountBezuhoff" is 15 characters in length. I was faced with a conundrum I could not solve. Either my title or my name had to be shortened, but that would be a show of poor grammar and, as everyone knows, "Caesar non supra grammaticos". Fortunately, a solution revealed itself in due time. My father, may he rest in peace, conveniently fell off a tower had a most terrible accident and I, being his only successor, achieved his rank.

I look forward to having pleasant discussions with you.

Sincerely,
His Lordship, the Count

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NoobX
NoobX


Promising
Legendary Hero
My Pattern Emerges
posted May 11, 2019 02:03 PM


____________

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CountBezuhoff
CountBezuhoff


Adventuring Hero
Master of the merchants' guild
posted May 11, 2019 04:53 PM
Edited by CountBezuhoff at 01:10, 12 May 2019.

NoobX audaciously said:



Dear sir,

As a token of goodwill and in hope of a healthy future relationship with this site's community, I shall not undertake any punitive action against your most unkindly remark. After all, every creature, be  it a wild beast or a cultured man, spoiled royalty or hard-working peasantry, must have heard of the infamous VisCount and His wondrous adventures and unmatched achievements.

Alas, on the off-chance that you and other fellow HCers have truly never been privy to the tales of my most ingenious exploits and as required by good manners, I shall fulfill your request.

I am Onuphrius Franz Xavier Marie C. Vasilievich-Bezuhoff, Count of the Hartlands, Master of the Great merchants' guild of the East, commander in chief of the Dreadful Cavalier Legion of His Majesty King Ferret the Magnificent of Nardia's Holy army, Destoyer of the vodyanoi, Phoenixslayer, Victor at Friers' fields, Glory incarnate, the richest man in the world™. You may now procede to gaze speechless in awe at my person, for I have just revealed you but a fraction of my splendor.

Sincerely,
His Lordship, the Count

PS: In your crude slang I believe am best classified as a "n00b"

____________
"...Mr Hack... I don't feel so good..."
"Obvious alternate account is obvious"- Fred

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fred79
fred79


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
posted May 11, 2019 06:13 PM

Obvious alternate account is obvious. Good day, sir.

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NoobX
NoobX


Promising
Legendary Hero
My Pattern Emerges
posted May 11, 2019 07:54 PM

Yeah, but I can't really put my finger on who he really is.  Maybe Thunder Tits?
____________

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CountBezuhoff
CountBezuhoff


Adventuring Hero
Master of the merchants' guild
posted May 12, 2019 02:20 AM

NoobX said:
Yeah, but I can't really put my finger on who he really is.  Maybe Thunder Tits?


Sir!!!

Such indecent comments could earn you an ill reputation among the ladies! What's more, in view of the current climate of baseless sexual assault accusations, you might soon find yourself unable to secure a living. Even I, the Count, a role model for every true gentleman, was recently falsly charged with 1st degree sexual misconduct. Fortunately, I had many "acquaintances" in the jury and the judge happened to be an "old friend", so I easily "persuaded" them in my innocence. Shortly thereafter the supposed "victim", who so blatantly and shamelessly accused me of violating her, without taking into consideration how such lies may be harmful to my legacy and my social standing, was burried alive in a crypt disappeared without a trace, further proving that the whole scandal was a hoax, an attempt to lay a hand on my vast wealth.

fred79 said:
Obvious alternate account is obvious. Good day, sir.


Fake news.

Sincerely,
His Lordship, the Count
____________
"...Mr Hack... I don't feel so good..."
"Obvious alternate account is obvious"- Fred

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fred79
fred79


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
posted May 12, 2019 02:32 AM

My guess is noobx or blizz. Could be elvin, though.

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verriker
verriker


Honorable
Legendary Hero
The 'tightest 'ship of 'eroes
posted May 12, 2019 03:16 AM

CountBezuhoff said:
Greetings, fellow HCers!

Of course, you should all be aware by now of the many reasons one would decide to join this wonderful community, so I'd rather not waste any more of your precious time by addressing each and every one of them.

However, before I proceed to some other thread, I wish to express my deepest regret for not joining you earlier. Many obstacles prevented me from doing so, most notably the impossible intelligence test, which I failed again and again, but, at last, this most disgusting and dangerous foe no longer stood in my way and I was able to successfully register.

My title proved to be another minor hindrance for "a username shall not be longer than 14 characters" and, apparently, "ViscountBezuhoff" is 15 characters in length. I was faced with a conundrum I could not solve. Either my title or my name had to be shortened, but that would be a show of poor grammar and, as everyone knows, "Caesar non supra grammaticos". Fortunately, a solution revealed itself in due time. My father, may he rest in peace, conveniently fell off a tower had a most terrible accident and I, being his only successor, achieved his rank.

I look forward to having pleasant discussions with you.

Sincerely,
His Lordship, the Count


alright there Drakon Deus what's up with the second account cheers lol
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Oddball13579
Oddball13579


Famous Hero
posted May 12, 2019 04:15 AM

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that the distinguished Count is fakey fakey fake fake. Or a method actor.
____________
"Oddball is Fred in disguise" - NoobX

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Drakon-Deus
Drakon-Deus


Legendary Hero
Quién Sabe?
posted May 12, 2019 04:19 AM

@verriker

Not me. First of all I would not call myself Count. Something like Prince would go better lol.


But it's cool with me if you want to joke about him.



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CountBezuhoff
CountBezuhoff


Adventuring Hero
Master of the merchants' guild
posted May 12, 2019 04:30 AM

He is obviously a mod.

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NoobX
NoobX


Promising
Legendary Hero
My Pattern Emerges
posted May 12, 2019 09:27 AM

Blizz seems most likely.  No, wait, Stevie!  It's gotta be Stevie!
____________

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Stevie
Stevie


Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
posted May 12, 2019 09:43 AM

Prone to such mischief as I may be, I don't think I can handle a 4th account.
____________
Guide to a Great Heroes Game
The Young Traveler

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NoobX
NoobX


Promising
Legendary Hero
My Pattern Emerges
posted May 12, 2019 10:32 AM

Stevie said:
Prone to such mischief as I may be, I don't think I can handle a 4th account.


That's exactly what a person with 4 different accounts would say!
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Oddball13579
Oddball13579


Famous Hero
posted May 12, 2019 08:10 PM

Well we know it's not fred.

But I think we shouldn't rule out NoobX as a viable candidate. But Blizz would also be my second guess.
____________
"Oddball is Fred in disguise" - NoobX

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Drakon-Deus
Drakon-Deus


Legendary Hero
Quién Sabe?
posted May 12, 2019 08:19 PM

Hey, Oddy, do you think we should place bets on who the Count really is?

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CountBezuhoff
CountBezuhoff


Adventuring Hero
Master of the merchants' guild
posted May 12, 2019 08:25 PM
Edited by Galaad at 00:53, 14 May 2019.

A witch hunt, I see.

One of my favourite free time activities as a matter of fact. Still remember my first one.

My parents, being preoccupied with important matters of state, like hunting gnolls for their pelts in the nearby marshlands of Throg and hosting massive org**s, left my upbringing to the cleric, Sanya. Now, she had this natural gift you see. She was a quick learner and was able to learn a spell just by seeing someone else cast it. My parents believed that this ability would prove most useful, when fighting off our countless enemies.

So, just about when I had come of age, a concerned baron came to the conclusion that our vast riches had become a nuisance to us and kindly offered to liberate my father of this heavy burden. My father didn't take the offer quite well and sent me with 300 men to the baron , so as to ascertain whether he was merely jesting or he was just deeply concerned with our wellbeing.

The baron wasn't really apalled by the army which faced him and threatened me to "stuff my anus with molten iron". His apparent lack of respect forced me to engage him in my first battle.

As my men readied, I revised the battleplan Sanya had prepared for me in advance, in case the negotiations degraded. I hadn't had the chance to do so until then, since I was preoccupied fondling with a young maiden from the nearby village. Consequently, I was caught with my pants down. Sanya's advice read:" Surround yourself with troops. Wait for him to cast a spell. If you didn't learn it on your first try, wait for him to cast it again. Eventually, you'll get it. After you've succeeded, hit him with his own medicine."

After the baron casted his tenth Armageddon, he finally ran out of mana. Because of my poor leadership, my shooters had ended up engulfing my own cavalry in a sea of arrows, my heavy duty crusaders had been pitted against a highly mobile griffin unit and my own griffins had decided that fighting was not their thing and cheerfully flew for a quick snack to a farm not too far off. In the end, I barely managed to survive, let alone learn a spell, by hiding under gigantic mounds of human BBQ. The baron had such a good time, observing the ****show, that he let me go.

That turned out to be a poor move since after I had some training with an actual general I and 20 000 champions payed him a visit. Suffice to say, seeing him beg for mercy, while molten iron was being poured into his anal cavity was well worth my troubles.

As for Sanya,... well... my parents were very unhappy with her for having taught their heir naught about the art of war and filling his young head with nothing but useless knowledge about her damn specialty, Eagle eye. Soon a rumour emerged that Sanya was part of a global conspiracy of witches, plotting to take over the world by teaching all the talented young heroes bull**** abilities and , thus, with no heroes with any practical skills whatsoever around, they would easily take over most kingdoms.

It is common knowledge that a witch burns. And what also burns? Wood! And what quality do wood and all other flammable materials possess? That's right, they float! Therefore, witches float! So, to prove her guilt without a shadow of a doubt before her public execution, as required by the "fair trial law",  Sanya was tied up and thrown into a river.

In doing we fell right into her trap. The b**** never resurfaced! She undoubtedly escaped, most certainly by using a disdainful trick she'd learned through that accursed skill of hers, Eagle eye.

After this incident it was officially declared illegal for a witch suspect to sit trial and the enforcement of the "Anti-witchcraft law" was left to the sole discretion of a special anti-magic unit.

Hope you enjoyed the privelige of being privy to a tale from the times in which I was still just a young inexperienced hothead.

Sincerely,
His Lordship, the Count
____________
"...Mr Hack... I don't feel so good..."
"Obvious alternate account is obvious"- Fred

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Oddball13579
Oddball13579


Famous Hero
posted May 12, 2019 08:32 PM

CountBezuhoff said:
.....
Yeah I didn't even bother to read all that.

@Drakon Sure I'm down. I think the Count is either Blizz or a mod that is bored.
____________
"Oddball is Fred in disguise" - NoobX

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Drakon-Deus
Drakon-Deus


Legendary Hero
Quién Sabe?
posted May 12, 2019 08:52 PM

Oddball13579 said:
CountBezuhoff said:
.....
Yeah I didn't even bother to read all that.

@Drakon Sure I'm down. I think the Count is either Blizz or a mod that is bored.


I'll go with Elvin.

Any other bidders ?


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verriker
verriker


Honorable
Legendary Hero
The 'tightest 'ship of 'eroes
posted May 12, 2019 08:55 PM

Drakon-Deus said:
I'll go with Elvin.

Any other bidders ?


it is for sure not Elvin because the Steven Berkoff there actually uses ellipses correctly cheers lol
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