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Galev
Famous Hero
Galiv :D
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posted June 19, 2008 04:49 PM |
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Hee-hee
On the matter of islands:
Only a young woman and a sister (nun) survived the plane crash. The wild inhabitants catch them. They say to the women:
-Ugee-bugee or die. -the young women says:
-Well, death is not that good, so I think it will be Ugee-bugee. -the whole tribe "goes through" her, but then she can leave.
-And you? -the tribesmen ask the sister.
-I'd sooner die!!!
-OK, but first let's do some Ugee-bugee. -responds the tribesman.
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Incidence? I think it's cummulative!
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carcity
Supreme Hero
Blind Sage
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posted June 19, 2008 06:35 PM |
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some jokes about norwegians:
how long time does it take for a norwegian to clean a basement window? 3 hours and 15 minutes. 15 minutes to clean the window. 3 hours to dig down the ladder.
it was a big power failure on Oslo one day. 2000 norwegians got stuck in the escalator for hours.
why does the norwegians always bring a cardoor to the desert?
to pull down the window if it gets to hot.
why dos they always bring 2 cardooors into the desert?
for it to become a draft.
why does norwegians bring sandpaper into the desert?
It's a map.
that was all for now. see you guys later.
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Why can't you save anybody?
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watcher83
Supreme Hero
Child of Malassa
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posted June 20, 2008 08:42 AM |
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A sheperd, becuase of staying for too long up in the mountains, he get's lonely and wants to "feel the touch of a woman". And so, he takes a bag full of money made from selling cheese and heads out towards the city. He arrives at a tram station and asks a man.
"Excuse me, I really need to be with a woman, and I've got all this cash, can you tell what to do?"
"Sure, get on the next tram, go for 5 stations and than get off, and go at the first house on the left."
"Thanks, I'll do that."
The sheperd does as he was instructed and gets on the next tram, but on the way he forgets abouts the number of stations he had to go before coming off, and so he gets off at the end of the line. There he sees a house and decides to ring. A woman answers, and when he shows her the money, she accepts, so he comes in and they get "busy".
After a while someone rings at the door. The woman says:
"It's my husband, get dressed and go near the phone and pretend that you repair it."
Than she goes to open the door. The husband walks in and the woman says:
"hi darling, how was work? By the way, the phone was down so I called somebody to come fix it."
The husband takes a closer look at the sheperd and says:
"This is not the station I told you to get off at."
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Lord_of_Chaos
Known Hero
Chaotic Entity
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posted June 21, 2008 09:39 PM |
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A friend told me this one yesturday. It's a little nasty  .
Two guys are traveling in a desert. They had been going for quite a while and one of them had to pee, so he went over beside a rock while the other waited. All of a sudden the guy behing the rock screams out in pain "a snake bit my d***!". The other guy saw that snake slither off and recongized it as being poisonous and said that he would go to the nomad's camp they saw earlier and ask for a doctor or someone who knew what to do. So thats what he did and when he got there he found a man who knew about snake bites. "Help, my friend has been bitten by a poisonous snake! what do I do?". The doctor said "you must suck the poison out or he will surely die".
The man returned to his friend's side. The poisoned man asked "so? what did the doctor say?". The man's friend said "You're going to die."
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My artwork Here
Wii friend code: 5851-5127-4914-1820
Brawl friend code: 0173-0991-0556
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Galev
Famous Hero
Galiv :D
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posted June 21, 2008 10:59 PM |
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The Americain turist goes to Hungary. He just drives past fields when sudenly a man makes a triple salto in the air. The tourist amazed goes to have a closer look, hoping to make a great shot with his camera. He founds the man, a peasant.
-Sir, could you please do that salto once more?
-No.
-Of course. I pay... I give you 100dollars if you do it again so I can make a photo.
-Sorry, no.
-All right, 200 dollars.
-I said: no.
-500 dolars, my last offer.
-See mate, there's no price you can pay me to hit my d*** with the scythe again.
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watcher83
Supreme Hero
Child of Malassa
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posted June 23, 2008 09:48 AM |
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Quote:
A friend told me this one yesturday. It's a little nasty .
Two guys are traveling in a desert. They had been going for quite a while and one of them had to pee, so he went over beside a rock while the other waited. All of a sudden the guy behing the rock screams out in pain "a snake bit my d***!". The other guy saw that snake slither off and recongized it as being poisonous and said that he would go to the nomad's camp they saw earlier and ask for a doctor or someone who knew what to do. So thats what he did and when he got there he found a man who knew about snake bites. "Help, my friend has been bitten by a poisonous snake! what do I do?". The doctor said "you must suck the poison out or he will surely die".
The man returned to his friend's side. The poisoned man asked "so? what did the doctor say?". The man's friend said "You're going to die."
check the previous page
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Lord_of_Chaos
Known Hero
Chaotic Entity
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posted June 24, 2008 12:34 AM |
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Quote:
check the previous page
Lol, wow what a coincidence. Guess I should have checked the other pages huh .
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My artwork Here
Wii friend code: 5851-5127-4914-1820
Brawl friend code: 0173-0991-0556
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watcher83
Supreme Hero
Child of Malassa
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posted June 24, 2008 09:53 AM |
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Quote:
Quote:
check the previous page
Lol, wow what a coincidence. Guess I should have checked the other pages huh .
yup
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Galev
Famous Hero
Galiv :D
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posted June 24, 2008 12:25 PM |
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Quote:
Guess I should have checked the other pages huh .
You should. They say it worths it 
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TheDeath
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
with serious business
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posted June 25, 2008 02:47 PM |
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Edited by TheDeath at 15:03, 25 Jun 2008.
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Teacher asks: "Bob, where does your dad work?"
Bob: "At the government"
Teacher: "Get in the first desk!"
Teacher asks again: "Smith, where does your dad work?"
Smith: "At the Senate"
Teacher: "Get in the first desk!"
Teacher asks again: "Joe, where does your dad work?"
Joe: "At the police"
Teacher: "Where exactly at the police?"
Joe: "I don't know, they arrested him today..."
----
Daddy was looking through the kid's grades at home: "I smell a beating is in order..."
Kid: "Sure daddy, do you want the teacher's address?"
----
The phone rang and Joe answered: Bill: "Hi Joe, can you give me your dad, I need to speak with him"
Joe whispers: "No, he's talking to the police right now"
Bill: "What about your mom, can you get her to the phone?"
Joe whispers: "I can't, she's talking to the paramedics"
Bill: "Can you give me your grandma then?"
Joe whispers: "She's also talking to the firemen"
Bill: "What's happening there anyway?"
Joe whispers: "They're looking for me!"
----
Mom asks Joe: "Joe can you please go to Mr. Anderson, see if he has some chicken legs, I need them for dinner."
after Joe gets back: Mom: "Well?"
Joe: "I couldn't see because he wasn't barefoot!"
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Galev
Famous Hero
Galiv :D
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posted June 26, 2008 03:52 PM |
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Quote:
Mom asks Joe: "Joe can you please go to Mr. Anderson, see if he has some chicken legs, I need them for dinner."
after Joe gets back: Mom: "Well?"
Joe: "I couldn't see because he wasn't barefoot!"
This one hurts! I love it!  *still laughing*
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Dragon_Slayer
Honorable
Supreme Hero
toss toss toss
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posted June 26, 2008 04:50 PM |
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Two blondes walk into a bar... you think one of them would have seen it
A horse walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "Why the long face"
Three people crash land on an island inhabited by cannibals. The cannibal leader tells them they will be set free if they pass a task. The task is to go out and find 10 pieces of the same fruit.
So the three guys go out to find 10 pieces of the same fruit. The first guy comes back with apples. The cannibal leader tells him he has to shove all 10 pieces up his ass without any facial expression, then he can live. He gets one apple up and cries out in pain. They kill him
The second guy comes back with berries. He hears the task and thinks it will be easy. 1..2..3..4..5..6..7..8..9 berries and he burst out in laughter. The cannibals kill him.
The first and second guy meet in heaven. The first guy says, "why did you laugh, you almost made it!" The second guy replies, "I couldnt help it, i saw the third guy comming with pinapples!"
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted June 26, 2008 05:08 PM |
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A priest, a rabbi, and a lawyer walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"
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Eccentric Opinion
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TheDeath
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
with serious business
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posted June 27, 2008 02:22 PM |
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Computer joke
Rumors said the first vocal-recognition computer was developed. At the conference, the developers were so enthusiastic they brought the prototype with them.
After an introductory speech, one of the developers asks: "To make this more interesting, we'll provide a test for one of you. Someone please give the computer a vocal command to see it in action"
Person #1: "Format C:\"
Person #2: "Enter"
Computer: "Cannot find the drive C:\"
Developer: "Seriously I was expecting more from you than to format the entire work, fortunately it didn't work. You should've said Format E:\ [ENTER] instead"
Computer: "Formatting E... please wait"
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Keksimaton
Promising
Supreme Hero
Talk to the hand
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posted June 29, 2008 08:19 PM |
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There was a man who had found a magic lamp and freed the genie inside it. The grateful genie said: "Thank you for freeing me. As a reward I shall grant you a wish." The man thought for a while and then said: "I wish for a highway across the Atlantic Ocean so I can drive past it since I am too afraid to go by plane and boat rides make me sick." The genie answered: "That is too tiresome to build a road across the ocean. Please try thinking of something else to wish." the man pondered for a while and then said: "I wish I could understand women and their thinking." The genie answered quickly: "How wide would you like that highway?"
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Noone shall pass, but no one besides him shall pass.
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TheDeath
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
with serious business
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posted June 29, 2008 08:25 PM |
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This was copied from another thread (made by Asheera):
Asheera and Geny encounter a polar bear. Asheera prepares to run when Geny says: "You will not run faster than this bear!". Asheera replies: "It doesn't matter, it's important to run faster than YOU!"
Sorry to copy it, I couldn't resist
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Asheera
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Elite Assassin
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posted June 30, 2008 06:11 PM |
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Quote:
Sorry to copy it, I couldn't resist
Ah no problem
Some more jokes:
A merciful woman tells a blind beggar: "Ok, but last week you were deaf and dumb!"
Beggar: "So you see how fast some get from a tragedy to another..."
Johnson, a model-employee, that always arrives first at work, once came an hour late of schedule. His glasses were broken and his face scratched.
Boss: "What happened to you?"
Johnson: "I fell down the stairs!"
Boss: "And this took you an hour?!"
Husband: "Hey neighbor, your dog bit my wife three times!"
Neighbor: "Oh, I'm so sorry for that! This dog is so annoying, I don't know what to do with him!"
Husband: "Sell him to me!"
Guy 1: "Why did you leave your job?"
Guy 2: "My boss told me something I didn't like."
Guy 1: "And what's that?"
Guy 2: "You're fired!"
A blonde woman boils eggs for breakfast. Her husband asks her: "Why are these eggs so screwed? How much did you boil them?"
Blonde Woman: "Well, 15 minutes..."
Husband: "Why 15? I thought I was clear when I said you should boil them for only 3 minutes!"
Blonde Woman: "But there were 5 eggs!"
A teacher asks a kid: "2 + 2 = ?".
Kid: "22!"
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MightyMage
Honorable
Legendary Hero
of INSANITY and DELICIOUSNESS
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posted June 30, 2008 06:26 PM |
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Here's one that I heard a couple of years ago and still makes me laugh:
A class of five-year old schoolchildren return to the classroom after playing in the playground during their break time.
The teacher says to the first child 'Hello Becky, what have you been doing this Playtime?'
Becky replies 'I have been playing in the sand box.'
'Very good,' says the teacher 'if you can spell 'sand' on the
blackboard, I will give you a cookie.'
Becky duly goes and writes 's a n d' on the blackboard.
'Very good,' says the teacher and gives Becky a cookie.
The teacher then says, 'Freddie, what have you been doing in your playtime?'
Freddie replies, 'Playing with Becky in the sand box.'
'Very good,' says the teacher, 'if you can spell 'box' on the blackboard, I will also give you a cookie.'
Freddie duly goes and writes 'b o x' on the blackboard.
'Very good,' says the teacher and gives Freddie a cookie.
The teacher then says, 'Hello Mohammed, have you been playing in the sand box with Becky and Freddie?'
'No,' replies Mohammed, 'I wanted to, but they would not let me. Every time I went near them they started throwing sand at me, calling me nasty names and asking to see under my jacket in case I had explosives.'
'Oh dear,' says the teacher, 'that sounds like blatant racial discrimination to me - I'll tell you what, if you can spell 'blatant racial discrimination' I will give you a cookie.'
____________
Though I must still bow
in awe for the awesomeness that is
MightyMage. For he is all I could ever
want to be! - OhforfSake
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TheDeath
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
with serious business
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posted June 30, 2008 06:50 PM |
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Edited by TheDeath at 13:28, 01 Jul 2008.
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Politics joke
Some time ago, when my son was on the 3rd grade, the teacher gave the children a test on common culture. One of the questions was like this: "Write the name of two representative animals for the wilderness in your state". My son wrote: "The Governor and the President of the City Council"
NOTE: this joke is not real obviously, and just because it talks in first person perspective doesn't mean it's about me. For example, I don't even have a son.
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted June 30, 2008 07:01 PM |
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Why were the Twin Towers angry?
Because they ordered two pepperoni pizzas and got two planes.
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Eccentric Opinion
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This thread is pages long: 
