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TheDeath
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
with serious business
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posted June 16, 2008 06:27 PM |
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Edited by TheDeath at 18:28, 16 Jun 2008.
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LOL this thread makes me laugh so Goddamn hard  
ok now some politics jokes:
A politician made his speech at an electoral meeting: "My opponent has been stealing you for 4 years... How about you give me a chance as well?"
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At a press meeting with the President, a guy in the back talks to the one in front of him:
Guy: "Man, can you please go sideway a bit, so I can see?"
Other one: "Sure"
after 5 minutes:
Guy: "Can you get your peaked cap off? I can't see the president..."
Other one: "Would you like binoculars instead?"
Guy: "No thanks, I already have a scope at my rifle"
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One day the president and the prime minister were walking on an alley, when suddenly a gypsy comes and steals the certificate of the prime minister. The prime minister grabs his gun, starts to aim, when the president slowly stops him calmly and says: "Leave him be, we both once started too right?"
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TheDeath
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
with serious business
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posted June 17, 2008 05:50 PM |
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Some more jokes:
What's faster, light or sound?
Well, the sound obviously, since when I turn on my TV, first I hear the sound, then I see the image...
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Why does the first elephant fall from the tree?
Because he's dead.
Why does the second elephant fall from the tree?
Because he was tied to the first one.
Why does the third elephant fall from the tree?
Because he thought it was some kind of game.
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A kid comes home complaining to his dad: "Daddy, the kids have been calling me a mobster at school!"
Dad: "Don't worry, I'll handle this tomorrow"
Kid: "Sure daddy, but be sure to make it look like an accident..."
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Asheera
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Elite Assassin
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posted June 17, 2008 06:14 PM |
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ROFL Good jokes Galev, Death, and DagothGares
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watcher83
Supreme Hero
Child of Malassa
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posted June 18, 2008 09:59 AM |
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Two guys are working in the desert. At a certain time one of them gets stung by a scorpion (his willy got stung)
Desperate, he says to the other guy: Call an ambulance fast. The other guy gets his mobile and calls the ambulance.
"Hello this is an emergency, my friend got stung by a scorpion in the desert, come quick"
" I'm sorry we can't do that because it's too far, it will be too late by the time we get there; but I'll intruct you by phone on what you have to do"
"What is she saying?" asked the other guy.
"It's allright she's telling me how to fix you"
and then says to the woman " ok, now tell me what do I have to do"
" make an incision where he was stung and suck the blood out"
At this point the guy hangs the phone very upset.
The other guy asks: "Well, what did she say?"
" She said that you're going to die."
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Galev
Famous Hero
Galiv :D
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posted June 18, 2008 12:27 PM |
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Quote:
ROFL Good jokes Galev, Death, and DagothGares
The best thing ever been told to me :-)
Elephantal jokes
Why is the elephant pink?
-So it can hide on the cherry-tree.
Did you ever see a pink elephant on the cherry tree?
-No? Now you know how good they are at hiding.
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The elephant and the mouse are wlaking on the bridge. The mose notes:
"Do you hear how loud we are?"
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Two ants meet an elephant in the desert:
"You trip him, I will strangle him!"
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Now, more aggressive piggin for you (from vicclap.hu):
The aggressive piggin is walking on the street:
"Damn street, damn stupid people. If only it all wanished in fog... Damn fog!
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The aggressive piggin is walking in the forest. He meets an ant:
"What are you doing, ant?"
"I'm going home."
The piggin steps on the ant:
"You were going."
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Aggressive piggin at the doctor's
"What's the problem?"
"A camel kicked me."
"Where did it kick you?"
"At the desert, you @rse!"
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Aggressive piggin on thr bus:
"I want a ticket."
"All right, but where do you want it?" asks the driver
"Where on earth would I want it?! Right here in my hand!"
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His mother is waking the aggressive piggin:
"Wake up, piggin, it's be eight."
"It ISN'T!"
Have fun!
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Incidence? I think it's cummulative!
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TheDeath
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
with serious business
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posted June 18, 2008 12:41 PM |
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[The following joke sounds better in romanian but nevertheless here it is]
An englishman needed some sleep, so he decided to go to the only motel around: "Hello, do you have any free rooms?"
"I'm sorry sir, none!"
"Not even one?? I only need one to sleep for the night."
"Ok, there's one but they say it's haunted..."
"No problem, I don't believe in ghosts!"
So the englishman got the room, and somewhere at full moon, a ghost appears: "I'm the ghost at twelve o'clock! I'm the ghost at twelve o'clock!!"
The englishman was so frightened he jumped out of the window and broke his neck.
Next day, a gypsy comes at the same motel asking for a free room. After a short discussion he persuaded the administrator and got the haunted room. At night, the ghost appeared again: "I'm the ghost at twelve o'clock! I'm the ghost at twelve o'clock!!"
To which the gypsy replies: "Shut the snow up, it's not even past eleven!"
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Galev
Famous Hero
Galiv :D
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posted June 18, 2008 12:57 PM |
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I don't really get it, TheDeath, but it reminds me of an other motel-joke: ...
unfortunately, I can't find out how the saint how killed the dragon is called in English... I need his name, if you can help me out, because without it, the joke is a bit pointless (but it's not the main point, so it won't spoil)
Thanks
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Incidence? I think it's cummulative!
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TheDeath
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
with serious business
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posted June 18, 2008 01:08 PM |
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Quote:
I don't really get it, TheDeath, but it reminds me of an other motel-joke: ...
Well, make the difference between the englishman and the gypsy (which didn't jump out the window, but rather 'corrected' the ghost). I know, I'm lame at explaining jokes, and it doesn't sound that good in english, but I tried 
Quote:
unfortunately, I can't find out how the saint how killed the dragon is called in English...
I think it was Saint George, but I could be wrong
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DagothGares
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
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posted June 18, 2008 01:10 PM |
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In dutch it's st. Joris... Joris - George...Yup, pronunciation sounds about right. So you can go for george.
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If you have any more questions, go to Dagoth Cares.
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Galev
Famous Hero
Galiv :D
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posted June 18, 2008 01:21 PM |
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Great, thank you (I suspected George as well, so: )
So the knight is tired after all the adventuring and travelling. He finds a small rest-house at the edge of the forest called: "Saint George and the Dragon"
He knocs on the door. It's swung open by a nervous-looking older lady. She asks unpatiently:
"What d'ya want?"
"I would like to rest..." He haven't even ened the sntence, the lady bang the door, saying:
"No free rooms."
He knocks again. The same lady with even less patient open it:
"What again?"
"Then may I have some food..."
"No!" the door closed even less gentle.
The knight knock once more. The same lady shows up once more, quite angry.
"Could I drink some ..."
"No." but before she could bang the door again the knight asks:
"Excuse-me, could I talk to George instead, then?"
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Incidence? I think it's cummulative!
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TheDeath
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
with serious business
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posted June 18, 2008 01:23 PM |
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Hehe 
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Asheera
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Elite Assassin
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posted June 18, 2008 07:43 PM |
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Quote:
The aggressive piggin is walking in the forest. He meets an ant:
"What are you doing, ant?"
"I'm going home."
The piggin steps on the ant:
"You were going."
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Aggressive piggin on thr bus:
"I want a ticket."
"All right, but where do you want it?" asks the driver
"Where on earth would I want it?! Right here in my hand!"
My favorites from the list
I know this is old and common but still:
Two hunters were going for a hunt when one of them suddenly faints. The other calls 911 for help.
Operator: "Hello, what is your problem?"
Hunter: "My buddy just dropped to the ground. I think he's dead. What shall I do?"
Operator: "Slow down there... first make sure that he really is dead."
There's a 2 second silence and then a gunshot is heard.
Hunter: "Now what else?"
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JoonasTo
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
What if Elvin was female?
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posted June 18, 2008 07:48 PM |
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Mamgaeater
Legendary Hero
Shroud, Flying, Trample, Haste
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posted June 19, 2008 12:44 AM |
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lol heard it in a different form before though
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Protection From Everything.
dota
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Galev
Famous Hero
Galiv :D
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posted June 19, 2008 08:55 AM |
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I'm happy that you like Aggressive Piggin, Ashera. I don't know, how famous he is in other countries...
Okay, let's move on to Telephone:
Tha phone rings, and little Joe answers:
-Hallo?
-Joe, is that you?
-Yes.
-I'm Daddy. Where is Mum?
*some seconds later*
-She is in the bed with a man.
-Right, son, listen: In my room, on the top of the bookcase, there is a box. In the box, there's a gun. Take it.
*some time later*
-Ok, Dad, I have the gun.
-Now, go to the bedroom and shoot that b*tch and that @rse!
*BUMM! BUMM!*
-Now, Daddy?
-Now, throw them in the swimmingpool.
-But Daddy, we do not have a swimming pool...
-What? Not Smith's?
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-Hallo? Is it 22-222-2222?
-Yes it is.
-Then please call the ambulance: my finger got nipped.
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-Hallo? Is it 33-333-333?
-No it's 333-33-333.
-Oh, sorry then.
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Incidence? I think it's cummulative!
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carcity
Supreme Hero
Blind Sage
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posted June 19, 2008 03:40 PM |
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why does norwegians allways work in pairs of 3 on construction sites?
one can use the screwdriver. the second one can use the hammer and the thir one just wants to work with smart people.
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Why can't you save anybody?
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Galev
Famous Hero
Galiv :D
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posted June 19, 2008 04:24 PM |
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Huh...
How many policemen are needed to change the light bulb?
Three: one holds the bulb, the other two walks round and round with the chair he is standing on
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With how many moves can you put an elephant in the fridge?
three: you open the fridge, you put in the elephant, you close the fridge.
How many moves are needed to put the giraffe in the fridge?
Four: You open the fridge, you take out the elephant, you put in the giraffe, you close the fridge.
Oh, and a blondy one:
What's it, a long, well-lit, straight corridor, with white walls, with one door on each end?
A labirinth for blonde women.
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Incidence? I think it's cummulative!
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Lexxan
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Unimpressed by your logic
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posted June 19, 2008 04:35 PM |
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This joke comes from "Humour, Puns and Stand-up Comedy"
here is a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere where the following people are stranded:
* 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
* 2 French men and 1 French woman
* 2 German men and 1 German woman
* 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
* 2 English men and 1 English woman
* 2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman
* 2 Swedish men and 1 Swedish woman
* 2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman
One month later on this beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere:
The Italian men killed each other for the Italian woman.
The 2 French men and the French woman are living happily together in a "menage a trois".
The 2 German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German woman.
The 2 Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
The 2 English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
The Bulgarian men took one look at the endless ocean, one look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming.
The two Swedish men are contemplating the virtues of suicide while the woman keeps on *****ing about her body being her own and the true nature of feminism. But at least it's not snowing and the taxes are low.
The Irish began by dividing their island Northside-Southside and setting up a distillery. They don't remember if sex is in the picture, cause it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut-whiskey, but at least they know the English aren't getting any.
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Coincidence? I think not!!!!
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TheDeath
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
with serious business
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posted June 19, 2008 04:40 PM |
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Quote:
With how many moves can you put an elephant in the fridge?
three: you open the fridge, you put in the elephant, you close the fridge.
How many moves are needed to put the giraffe in the fridge?
Four: You open the fridge, you take out the elephant, you put in the giraffe, you close the fridge.
A brunette and a blonde were walking in a park.
Brunette: "Look! A dead bird!"
Blonde (looking at the sky): "Where?!? Where?"
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Why are blondes smiling when there's a lightning [from a storm]?
Because they think it's the flash from a camera...
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A cop was walking in citizen clothes (not cop uniform) around a shepherd.
Cop: "If I tell you how many sheep you have, will you let me have one?"
Shepherd: "Eh, yeah!"
Cop: "233 sheep!"
Shepherd: "Wow, impressive.. take one."
After the Cop takes one...
Shepherd: "Hey, if I guess what job you have, can I have it back?"
Cop: "Ok"
Shepherd: "You're a cop!"
Cop: "Yeah, how did you know?"
Shepherd: "Because you took my dog..."
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted June 19, 2008 04:48 PM |
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A guy on a bus is telling a joke, "Why do cops always travel in twos? One can read and the other can write!" A pair of cops walks up to him. "Hey, that's disrespectful," one of them says, "Your documents, please. OK, write him up, Fred."
Another variation: why do cops always travel in threes? One can read, one can write, and one keeps an eye on the dangerous intellectuals.
A cowboy is riding across the plains when suddenly he is surrounded by a tribe of violent Indians. "I'm in trouble! What do I do?" he thinks to himself in panic. "Oh, it's nothing. Just shoot the one with the big feathers, the chief," his inner voice tells him. The cowboy does so. The voice continues, "Now you are in trouble."
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Eccentric Opinion
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